A Tale of Two Idiots
by Her Sweetness
Summary: Sequel to A Tale of Two Kings. When Yami and Yugi recieve brain damage and take over the planet, Marik and Malik have to step up and save the world. But... can they really handle it? Or were we all just doomed from the start? COMPLETE!
1. Recreational Sports

Her Sweetness: Oh, hi there! I see you made it to my next fic, right? That's good. Well, I just have a few things to tell you, before we begin. 

First, this fic is not like the one I just finished. This one would be very difficult for me to update everyday. Why? Because I'm still knee-deep in a plot for it. But don't worry! I'll come up with something…

Another thing is the winner of my last contest. Eh heh heh heh! Proud to introduce Miss Heidi as one of my new OCs. Of course, her role will come later in our story. So, let's all give it up to her for a moment! (claps)

Alright, enough of me. Let's get the party started.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots 

Chapter 1:

It was a bright and sunny day. The first day of spring to be exact and after a long winter of Christmas presents, happy new years and an ample amount of snowmen and getting wasted with eggnog, the people of Domino City were ready to get out into the sun.

In the park in the center of town, there were two siblings enjoying their new found sun and freedom the best way they knew how.

"Okay, Joey, are you ready?" Serenity called out to her brother. She was wearing a white T-shirt and shorts with her favorite baseball mitt on and waving over her head.

Joey grinned, and swung the wooden bat he was holding, "Yeah, c'mon, Serenity! I gotta get all the practice I can before baseball tryouts on Monday. So, just throw it already!"

"Alright, here it comes!" She winded up and threw her famous heater (which really wasn't all that famous). Joey waited for a moment before swinging and totally missing the ball. It went all the way behind him into the bushes and hit a dog. He howled and went running in the opposite direction.

"Oops…" Serenity muttered, blushing.

Joey groaned, "Aw, Serenity! That's, what, the fifth ball today? How am I going to hit the ball if you throw it over and under me?"

"I-I'm sorry, big brother…! I guess I'm not any help after all…"

"No, you're not. But you'll have to do since Tristan is at Otogi's ice-skating competition and Yugi and Yami are helping Gramps pick out his new dentures."

"…" Serenity held back a sob.

He got back into position and motioned for his sister to try again. She nodded and picked up one of the spare balls she had stationed behind her. There were about ten at the beginning of their practice session, in case of emergencies, but after so many misses and redirected balls, there was only one left. Serenity aimed and threw it, hoping she wouldn't hit anything but Joey's bat.

The blonde took a giant swing, not really looking at what he was doing, and he actually hit it this time. The ball hit the bat full force and went flying back over Serenity and a few picnicker's heads. Joey watched it go.

"Wow! You see that!"

"I sure did, Joey, that was amazing!"

He watched the dot of a ball fly away and disappear from his sight, "It must've gone to Australia! Coach Lugs is sure to pick me this year, right? Look at those skills!"

"Oh yeah!" Her smile was full of adoration and hope. But quickly it faded and she sweatdropped, "Uh… big brother?"

"Not now, Serenity, I'm basking in my coolness." He said, checking himself out through his pocket mirror. "Whose the coolest guy in Domino? You are… you are…!"

"But, Joey!"

"Two minutes oh meness left, sis."

Two minutes passed…

"… _Now_, Joey?"

Joey put away his mirror and smirked, "Sure, what is it?"

"That was our last ball."

"…" He scratched his head and frowned, "Damn."

* * *

Across town, the Kaiba Corp building was having it's windows rewashed. There had been lots of snow this past winter season and when it all melted, it left streaks and weird, yellow stains on the windows. Apparently, a few teenagers thought it would be a good joke to sneak in the building at night and pee on the windows, thus leaving said yellowness in the snow. 

The president of Kaiba Corp, being the stiff and intolerant man he was, did not approve and had every person he could find get out there and do all of the windows.

"Stupid kids… Who do they think they are? I swear, when I find out who did this, I'm going to make sure they never pee in this town again!" Seto had been ranting in his office for the past ten minutes. At first he held random employees hostage in his office until he was done, but they all ran away and now he was just annoying his younger brother, who really didn't have time for this.

"Uh… Seto, the windows will be fine in less than an hour." Mokuba sighed, turning back to his crossword puzzle. He was completing the New York Times crossword in ink. (A/N: You have to be smart to try something like that! … And get it right…)

Kaiba turned and tapped his finger against the large, glass window behind his desk. He saw the people with squeegees taking a little break and talking and laughing. "Hey! I SAID I want these windows done before the Microsoft representatives show up!"

The man called through the glass, "Mr. Kaiba, we're going as fast as we can. We've been going at it all morning, and we need to catch our breath…!"

"I don't pay you to breathe!"

"…" He sighed and continued to squeegee.

It was about five seconds later and Kaiba hadn't stopped yelling at the men. They would've thrown down the squeegees and left, but they were about fifty stories in the air. Suddenly, something came falling out of the sky and hit the man on the head with quiet a lot of force. His head was knocked in to the window and broke it. Shattered into little pieces, he and the shards fell on the floor of Kaiba's office.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" Mokuba came running to the man's aid. He was bleeding rather heavily on the head and a pretty large shard of glass was lodged in his back.

"Ah… ah…" He panted, his eyes beginning to dilate, "I-I don't think I'm gonna make it…!"

"Hold on, you'll be okay!"

"Dammit!" Kaiba shouted, "Look what you did, you idiot! My carpet! All this blood will take weeks to steam out! And look at my window!"

"Seto, call an ambulance!" Mokuba tied his shirt around the man's torso. Although he looked quiet dead already.

Kaiba did no such thing and looked on the floor next to the bleeding corpse. A small baseball, brandished with a bit of blood lay down by his feet. Kaiba sneered at the rouge plaything, figuring this is what was the cause of his ruined window. He picked it up and threw it out the shattered window and into the blue sky, not caring where it landed.

"I-I think he's dead, Seto!"

"Pheh…" He growled at his brother, "Tell someone who doesn't have their carpet and windows ruined."

* * *

Outside of the Domino Ice-skating Rink, two boys were walking down the street, trying desperately to get away from that so-called awful building. Of course, the two only felt that way because of the loss they suffered there. Otogi was still in his sparkly blue skating outfit. The one a friend had made for him, with the white pantyhose and the lace trim. (A/N: Those of you who read my other fics, I'll give you one guess who made it.) 

He had finished crying his eyes out about five minutes ago, but now he was flooded with a whole new river of tears.

"Oh…" He sobbed, "Damn that girl for her triple-sow-cow! How'd she pull that off without falling flat on her face?"

Tristan sighed and patted his friend on the back for the umpteenth time, "Otogi, I told you to end your routine with an ice spray. She just made her presentation better at the ending."

"S-So what…! I looked prettier than she did!"

"Uh… Well, yeah, but… you see… Ugh. Never mind. We should get home and then I'll show you how to bring your spins down with elegance."

Tristan had been secretly coaching Otogi in the arts of ice skating for months now. All through the winter they'd been training in Tristan's basement. When his mother went out to her knitting club, he'd hose the basement's floor and open the windows so the icy air would come in. By the middle of December, the place looked like Canada.

He was so sure that Otogi would be ready for this competition by this spring, but apparently, he hadn't been paying that close attention.

"Just show me now, 'kay? I won't have time later." Otogi stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk.

"What? Now?"

"Yes, now."

"I-I can't…" He fidgeted, noticing the people walking and driving by.

Otogi rolled his eyes and put his hand on his hip, "C'mon, no one's gonna care. You need to pack up your touch guy routine and tell the world how you really feel."

"Eh… Alright, real quick, then." His voice was hushed as he looked from side to side. It seemed to be clear. He held out his arms and began to twirl on his left foot. His legs kicking higher and higher on every spin. Just as Tristan was about to flip back and land on one foot, he lifted one leg into the air and it hit with something that just fell out of the sky.

"OUCH!" Tristan yelped and grabbed his ankle, hopping on one foot. "M-My ankle…! Something hit my ankle!"

Otogi blinked. Whatever had hit Tristan had landed next to his foot. He bent down and picked up what seemed to be a baseball. "Oh. Hey, Tristan, it was just a baseball."

"Just?" He grabbed the ball with his free hand, "My ankle is swelling like a balloon! Look at this! How am I supposed to coach you?"

"Ah! Oh no!" Otogi began to sob once again. He wondered why it was that everything he wanted had to get dashed into small pieces by an even smaller piece of sports equipment.

In a blitz of fury, the raven haired boy took the ball and chucked it as far as the eye could see. And when it came to his eyes, that wasn't very far due to the fact that they were clouded with tears.

He helped Tristan hobble home as they both cursed that dreadful rouge baseball.

* * *

About two blocks down, there were two boys that walked on the sidewalk along with their elderly guardian. They had just come from their family dentist, hoping that the old man could get new dentures. His older ones had been chipped, due to recent events and corn that wasn't creamed. 

Yugi looked over at his grandfather, smiling, "I'm glad you got better teeth, Grandpa! Those other ones were horrible."

"Oh, yes! They weren't going to last much longer. These are great, they shine and everything!" The old man replied, happily. Starring and marveling at the new set of pearly whites.

Yami cleared his throat and whispered to his other half, "Um… Yugi, I may be stuck in Ancient Egypt, but isn't he supposed to put those in his mouth?"

"Eh heh. Yeah, I know, Yami. But he likes to look at them, so who are we to force the teeth in his mouth?"

"…" The Pharaoh swallowed hard. The toothlessness of the old man was beginning to scare him. He changed positions with Yugi in order to get further away.

Without warning, a baseball came down from the blue sky and beaned Yami right on the back of his head. It knocked him down and he met the pavement with his face. Yugi gasped and hovered right over his yami. The ball came down again, in reaction to bouncing off Yami's head and it hit Yugi in the same place. Just as his other half did, Yugi fell down onto the ground in a unconscious heap.

"Oh my goodness!" Grandpa tore himself away from the shininess of his teeth and ran to his grandson and Yami. "Hey! C-Can you hear me? Are you two okay?" He asked while shaking them by the shoulders.

"Ugh…" Yami's eyes fluttered, his large, purple orbs coming into view.

Grandpa patted him on the head, still trying to get Yugi up, "Yami, are you okay? That baseball hit you in the head! Yugi, c'mon, wake up!"

Finally, Yugi opened his eyes and starred at the old man before him. "…"

"Thank god… You two are okay, aren't you?"

Yami grinned, his eyes narrowing, "Yeah, I'm fine." He punctuated his sentence with a kick to the old man's groin.

"…!" Grandpa saw stars and fell back, saying something inaudible.

Yugi was giggling madly and finished his yami's job by head bashing his Grandfather in the head, "Ah he he he he!"

Grandpa looked at them in disbelief and surprise, as did a few bystanders who happened to be looking on in disgust. How could someone treat the elderly like that? One of the women began to discipline the two teens by scolding them and ordering them to apologize to Grandpa who was still on the floor.

"That was extremely rude, young men and I suggest you-"

Yami yawned and simply gave her one of his signature mind crushes. She slumped onto the floor, gurgling with her eyes blank.

"Ooh, that was fun!" Yugi smiled and rocked back and forth on his feet.

"Yeah…" Yami scratched his head, "I had no idea that hurting people gave this kind of pleasure and satisfaction…!"

"I guess the old man was right about trying everything at least once."

"Well, I think we should try this more than once, Yugi."

"Oh, I agree, I agree!" He chuckled and held out his hand. Yami took it, eagerly and they skipped merrily down the street, randomly sending people to the Shadow Realm.

Little did the world know… that this was just the beginning.


	2. That's The Way It Is

Her Sweetness: Aloha! S'up? I'm kind of in a good mood right now because… Well, I'm not sure. But I've gotten a plot, you guys! Yes, I did. 

Heh heh. That's right, I wasn't even thinking about it, but a bunch of things came to me. So, yeah, I'm good. Tee hee!

Anyhoo, thanks for the nice reviews. I hope to make this a good fic, just for you!

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 2:

One week had passed since the baseball hit both Yami and Yugi in the head. And in that week, their personalities changed drastically. They became mean and spiteful. And towards everyone, not just strangers but their friends as well. Joey was pushed down a sewer and was fished out on accident by Tristan and Otogi on their fishing trip. Sending them to the Shadow Realm was always an option, to Yami and Yugi, but terrorizing them in person was just so much fun.

And of course, they were confronted by people for their resent, destructive behavior. But the towns people's reasoning were wasted on deaf ears. It was on the following day that they decided to take their evil-making to the next step. And after hitting people, pillaging old folk's homes, and starting fires in outhouses, their friends wondered just what they meant by the 'next step'.

They answered with a quest for world domination.

And it wasn't hard for the two spike-heads, either. Seeing as how they already had the millennium puzzles, all they needed to do was utilize them in a slightly darker way. And that's what they did.

The sky grew dark, the streets cracked under the low haze of the sun, and a new era rose to meet their evil purposes. Everyone in Domino was going out of their minds with fear and hatred towards the boys. But there was nothing they could do, for the world was taking on a new leader. Or, should I say 'leaders'.

For boys who had done nothing but good all their lives, they were deliciously good at being bad. It was like everything came naturally. The oppression, the depression, the random hangings because there was nothing good on television. The world had not seen these kinds of horrors since… Well, since the 'grab and run' tactic was used by Marik and Malik.

And no one even remembered it.

As Yami and Yugi's rule reached further around the globe, it was getting harder and harder to hear and see everything they felt they needed to. So, in order to maintain control, they had other people govern different countries while they stayed in Domino. Yami and Yugi just couldn't leave this town. So much had happened and there was so much fun to be had here. They believed that the citizens of Domino were the most fun to terrorize. And no matter how many you killed, more grew back. It was like their garden of evil and that was something that could not be forsaken.

Being so that they couldn't bear to leave, they created a barrier around their castle and the inner part of the city. Like Marik and Malik had before them, they too had a castle that overlooked the city. But, being the smart ones that they were, they used the inner city as the castle's grounds. The people that lived there were less than comfortable, but at least they were protected by the castle walls from thieves in the Outer Limits. The people that used to live in the suburbs that were now the Outer Limits were miserable. Their houses were broken, rabid squirrels ran the streets and no one did anything at all.

Their Pharaohs had cast them aside like yesterday's weather report.

One the eighth day, Yami and Yugi had just woken up and already were having trouble with their plans to take over Germany and France. Two of the more 'stubborn' countries.

"I swear, those Germans!" Yami growled, tapping his finger on his hikari's head, "Why can't they just roll over and play dead like the Swedish…? Is it really so hard to let me take their country and make it into a bagel shop?"

Yugi rolled his eyes, "…"

"Well? IS IT?"

"I don't like bagels, Yami. I told you, I want Germany to be a giant ice cream shop! Bagels suck…"

"I told you that you could have France and do what you want with that. But Germany is mine." He sent a glare to his other half that ended the conversation and sat on the divan that was at the foot of his bed.

Their bedroom was draped in the finest silks from India and dream catchers of all colors that Yugi had made by young children, working all day in sweat shops. It was no loss to him if children wasted their lives away in factories just to make him extra sheets.

Yami looked down at his millennium puzzle, tracing the lines with his fingers, "… And that reminds me. Have we recovered the last of the millennium items, yet?"

"Eh, I don't think so, Yami." Yugi thought for a moment before screaming something towards their open door. In a flash, a young girl appeared, dressed in an gray and yellow uniform. The new colors for servants of the castle.

"Y-Yes, my Pharaoh?" She panted, bowing before them.

Yugi answered with a question of his own, "How many of the millennium items have we found today?"

"Ah… None, my Pharaoh. W-We haven't been able to get the rings or rods. B-But we do have the rest…!"

"Oh, how nice." Yami's voice dripped in sarcasm, "We have the rest. You really are doing such a good job."

She beamed. "Thank you, my Phara-"

"STOP!" Yami raged, throwing a apricot at her head. It hit her dead on and she fell back onto the floor, squeaking. "I was joking, you idiot! I want the rings and the rods by the end of the week!"

"But, Pharaoh Yami, we have no idea where the holders of the rings are! No one has seen them since Tuesday. And the rods… why, they could be anywhere!"

Yami nodded, "They _could_ be anywhere. And by the end of the week, I want them in my hand or yours is coming off!"

"M-My hand…?" She gasped and looked at her palms, "My Pharaoh, I scratch with these!"

Yugi yawned, stretching out his arms and looking out the window, "I suppose your butt will have to itch, then. You heard my yami so go do it!"

She held in a pained sob, turning and briskly walking out. The door was shut behind her and Yugi stole a glance at Yami, asking, "Why is it so important that we have them all, anyway? We have the puzzles and they're the only real power that matters. Who cares where Ryou and Bakura have gone to?"

"We should. Do you remember when Marik and Malik actually succeeded in world domination?"

His Light shuddered.

"That noted, do you now remember how they lost control? They left loose ends. They thought 'who cares' about some very important people and left it to chance. We're not going to follow in their footsteps. We need everyone under our thumb. That's why we must find the rest of those goofy ex-friends of ours. And that's why we didn't leave the Kaiba brothers out in the open. Everything has to be on lock-down."

"And once they are…?"

"And once they are, we will be in complete control of the planet. Not just the western or southern hemisphere, either."

"Hmm…" Yugi nodded, grinning. "I wonder if Marik and Malik even care that we're ruling the world…"

* * *

In the Outer Limits, just outside the walls of the palace, was a picture of despair. The Pharaohs' soldiers roamed freely, harassing the people for pure amusement. The houses were raided by bunches of thieves and rouges. Nothing was really safe here.

From down the street came a small bus. Bopping along, puttering and almost not making it to the desired stop. When it came to it's halt, however, two blonde boys jumped out and onto the sidewalk.

"Ah! I'm so glad to be back in Domino…" Malik sighed, holding his hands behind his back. He watched his yami get off after him and they both turned around at the same time.

"Oh my Ra…!" The boys gasped.

The house that they had left about a week ago was not there any longer but replaced with something old and ugly. A home that looked about a hundred years old. Their grass was a dingy brown and their lawn gnomes were covered in moss and rust.

Marik blinked, tilting his head to see the rest of the street. Much to his surprise, every other house was like that, as far as the eye could see.

"What the hell happened?"

"I dunno." Marik shrugged, walking for the door, "Maybe it's an April Fool's Day thing."

Malik sweatdropped, "We haven't been gone that long…! And why would people play a prank on every house in the neighborhood?"

His question went unanswered as Marik opened the door and found, to even more of their surprise, a house with people in it. And of course, it would be one thing if hobos happened to inhabit their home, but these were people they knew and therefore this was an outrage. In what used to be their living room now resided a blonde, a dice duelist, and a boy with an odd haircut.

"Eh heh heh. Hey guys!" Joey waved to them, using what he thought was his cutest and most undeniable grin, "How you doin?"

Marik scowled, tapping his foot on the floor, "Get out of our house."

"Aw, c'mon!" They shouted.

"Now!" Marik stomped his foot. Which scared the boys into hiding behind the tattered sofa.

Malik raised an eyebrow now, just noticing how awful the inside of the house looked. Everything was ripped and torn. "Oh Ra, did you guys do this…? This house took me forever to decorate! Do you know how many stores I had to go to for the right curtains to match the carpet?"

"Uh…" Otogi scratched his head, "Five?"

"Ten! And I still didn't get the material I wanted! I had to special order! From Nepal! And don't even get me started on the couch covers!"

"Malik, will you calm down?" Marik rolled his eyes.

"And you know that woman at the Pier 1 store? Yeah, she's jealous that I got the last maroon table cloth. She wanted it. But you know, I dove for it and she just slid down the aisle, so I won. Ha."

"…"

"But now look at this place! Where am I going to find another maroon table cloth in this fashion disaster of a town? You all suck big time."

Marik blinked, "… Anyway. I shouldn't even be dealing with this. I'm tired, so you guys get out and maybe I'll forget to send you to the Shadow Realm later."

"Ugh, wait a minute!" Tristan waved his arms, "We can't go out there! We're wanted men!"

Otogi pointed an accusing finger, "And so are you! How'd you get in the house without the Spike Patrol seeing you?"

"… Spike Patrol?" Marik and Malik looked at each other.

"Yami and Yugi's army!"

"…" There was a moment of silence before Marik and Malik broke out in hysteric laughter, "Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Joey frowned, "It ain't funny, you guys really need to tell us how you weren't taken away! They've been looking for you guys like nobody's business! And of course, they've been looking for Ryou and Bakura, too."

When they continued to laugh, Otogi asked, "What's wrong with you? This is serious! Where have you been hiding the last week?"

Marik wiped a tear from his eye, "Ah ha… We haven't been hiding anywhere. We were in Aruba to do some research on peanut butter. It's our next world domination idea."

Tristan wanted to ask them something, but he was afraid he might actually get an answer. So, instead, he decided to catch them up on everything that's happened in the past week. He guessed that Yami and Yugi's reign hadn't reached Aruba yet. When he explained about how the boys' had somehow become different and evil, Marik almost could not believe his ears. Malik was fixated on the fact that Yami forced everyone in his palace to wear yellow and gray.

"Those do not go together. What's Yami thinking?" Malik mused to himself.

"Not now!" His yami growled, "So, lemme get this straight… Yami and Yugi aren't their disgustingly good selves and they've taken over the world, using millennium magic? And now they're looking for the other items?"

"Maybe yellow and a metallic… That might look nice."

Joey ignored Malik's comments and turned to Marik, "Yeah, that's right. They've been looking for you two since Wednesday and you were gone. And then Ryou and Bakura disappeared."

"You'd think with all that leather Yami wears, he'd have a better since of style."

"Well, I'm not standing for this!" Marik stood up, "What the hell is that boy's problem? I'm the only one allowed to take over the world! I'm the only one who disserves it!"

"It might be some sort of torture, I suppose-"

"Malik, shut up!"

"Meep…"

Marik turned to the window, now seeing the large golden walls protecting the inner city and the palace itself. He huffed, "No way, Yami. He's not moving in on my territory!"

"That's right!" Tristan shook his fist, "We've gotta get them back to normal! Whatever happened, we've gotta get them back! They're our friends, we owe them at least that much."

"Pheh." Marik grabbed his hikari's wrist and headed for the door, "No way. You fools can stay here. This is something me and Malik need to handle."

"What? But-"

"Marik, I don't want to do anything…!" Malik whined, "I wanna fix my house!"

"And I want a pony, but we can't all have everything. Let's go, Malik." That was the end of that for the moment as the hikari was dragged out the door.

"What's he thinking?" Otogi cried out in disbelief, "He'll be killed if the Spike Patrol see them!"

Tristan shrugged, "You're right. It's like suicide. I guess we should go and stop them…"

Both Joey and Otogi nodded.

"But, first, let's party!" Tristan pulled out a bottle of Sherry, "Whoo-hoo!"

"WHOO-HOO!"


	3. Get Out of My Pants

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. 

Her Sweetness: Hallo, there! My shoulders are kind of sore right now. But that's okay. The reviews I've been getting from you guys are awesome, I'm so happy!

I even have more people going to read the prequel before they read this and that's just great!

I was having computer trouble up until now, but I think we've got it down now. So, here we go, once again.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 3:

When they had first stepped off the bus, nothing about the condition of the entire neighborhood really registered with the boys. But now that they were heading for the giant eyesore Yami and Yugi called a palace, they noticed that nothing was really the same anymore.

As Marik and Malik made their way past their street, they began to notice different billboards and posters on everything. Advertising this and that, things that normally no one would care about. But apparently, Yami and Yugi did.

Malik stopped and turned to a gigantic board above two houses, it had Yami's face on it and in a speech bubble coming out of his mouth, it said, 'Soap. Use it.'

"Wow… Hey, look at that." Malik pointed.

Marik lifted an eyebrow, "What the…? Soap? That's so stupid! Who doesn't use soap?"

His hikari shuffled his feet and blushed, "Actually, Marik, there was this one time where I couldn't-"

"Oh, I don't wanna hear it!" He began to walk away, Malik in tow, "And I don't believe this stuff anyway… Yami and Yugi ruling the world… Have you ever heard such a thing? It's ridiculous!"

"Well… yeah, it is. But wouldn't this explain the way Domino looks?"

"This could be anyone's work! I-I mean, Saddam or Osama could've come over here and blown everything sky-high! And I don't care if Tristan thinks they've suffered a concussion or whatever. I'm telling you, there's just no way-"

"Eek! Ah! Marik, help!"

Marik turned around, confused at what was probably Malik yelling for assistance. He thought that maybe it was something silly, like that time Malik was being groped by a bunch of confused, old men. But when he saw his hikari on the floor, flopping around, his mouth sort of dropped.

"… W-What are you doing, you idiot? Get off the ground!"

"Aahhh! Oh Ra, get it off! Get it off!" Malik squealed, swatting at something unseen.

Marik squinted, seeing a flash of brown on Malik's head and then going into his shirt. "Oh… Hey, is that a squirrel?"

"Yes! Eh, Marik get it out!" Malik began to cry now, feeling the squirrel dig into the sanctity of his trousers. "OW! Marik, it bit me!"

"Alright, alright, hold still!" Marik had pinned his light down to the cracked pavement and was trying to grab the squirrel, but it darted around on the boy's body. After two minutes of Malik flailing, Marik struggling and the squirrel actually snickering at them, Marik gave up.

"Ugh! Stupid squirrel… Malik, I can't get it out. You'll just have to live with it."

"No…!" Marik was sobbing. And he had good reason now that the squirrel had bitten the lower half of his body and his ears. He fidgeted, getting up and felt the squirrel burrow into his pants again.

"GET OUT OF MY PANTS!" He howled.

Marik's eyes went wide as he shushed the boy, "You idiot, don't scream that out loud! What will people think?"

"…" Malik blinked, "That someone is in my pants?"

"Grr! Come here!"

Malik was dragged from the ground and pulled up. Of course, as they walked down the street and Malik felt the squirrel make himself at home, Marik spotted three men in yellow and gray uniforms on the street corner. What was odd about this was their hair. They each had what Marik supposed were wigs, look-alikes of Yami and Yugi's hair. Red, yellow and black spikes going everywhere.

"Oh my Ra, look at that!" Marik whispered, "Sideshow freaks!"

Malik blinked and cringed, "Jeez… Okay, Marik, don't be insensitive. Don't call them 'sideshow freaks', either… How would you like it people called you that?"

He fluffed his hair, "I don't look like that."

They continued to walk and tried with all their might not to look at the spiky-haired people. Although they saw that style on Yami and Yugi all the time, it looked totally different on grown men with beer bellies.

When the boys passed by the men, they stopped their conversations and strolled over to the hikari and yami pair.

"Excuse me, young men." Said one of them, clearing his voice. "Where are you off to?"

Marik held in his laughter. Seeing them up close made them look twice as ridiculous, "Heh… Ah, we're going to that big castle over there. We're going to straighten this out."

"… Straighten what out?"

"This whole… Yami and Yugi ruling the world thing." Marik made strange hand gestures in the air, "It's stupid… And speaking of which, why did you steal their hairstyle?"

Malik muttered, "It's so last week…"

"Ahem! First of all, you never refer to our Pharaohs in that context. And second, nothing needs to be rectified. And third, this is part of our uniform, for we are the SPIKE PATROL!"

Marik and Malik jumped back for he had yelled 'spike patrol' and struck a rather odd pose. When he assumed his standing position again, Malik blinked, "Y-You mean there really is a… Spike Patrol?"

"That's right." The three men nodded solemnly, "For we are the SPIKE PATROL!"

"Jeez! W-Will ya cut that out?" Marik shouted at them, Malik now in his arms and shuddering from fear. Marik quickly dropped him on his butt and the squirrel came flying out of his pants, squeaking and carrying on.

"Oh!" The Spike Patrol hid behind Marik as Malik took of his pants in order to let the squirrel go free. He scampered up into a tree and peered down at the people below, seemingly scowling at them.

"Ah…" Malik sighed, wiping his brow, "Thank Ra… He was making me itch…"

Marik cleared his throat and pointed to his hikari's pants which were in a buddle on the pavement. Malik gasped, hurrying to put them back on.

"Eh heh heh heh!" He smiled and scratched the back of his head. When his pants were buckled, he turned back to his yami and Yami's soldiers. "'Kay, Marik, are we leaving?"

"Yep. See ya, Spikes."

One of the men blinked as the two Egyptians walked off, "Hey, hey! Hold on there!"

They stopped in their tracks and turned slightly, "Ugh… Yeah?"

"Was that a squirrel that you were harboring in your pants, young man?"

"Uh… Well, yeah. But, you see-"

He held up a scroll of paper that fell out to be about five feet. A pair of reading glasses were placed upon his face as he cleared his voice, "Section 2, Paragraph 5 of the Outer Limits Street Protocol clearly states that it is illegal to smuggle the rabid squirrels out of the area. They are an endangered species, sirs and I'm afraid there will be repercussions for these thoughtless acts of juvenile delinquency."

"…" Both boys starred at them.

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you'll have to come with us."

"WHA…? No! Wait, wait! You don't understand, I didn't want that squirrel! It came into my pants!" Malik shouted, halfway in shock that something so stupid as a rule telling people not to steal squirrels could exist.

"Yeah!" Marik added, "Why in hell's name would anyone want a rabid squirrel in their pants?"

The man narrowed his eyes at Malik, "I don't know. Maybe some kind of wacky, new pleasure? You never know what these crazy teens will do these days."

Malik blinked, "…That's gross, dude."

No more was said from the Spike Patrol as they placed Marik and Malik in metal handcuffs. Though they did have a bit of trouble at first, but since there were three of them, they succeeded in arresting the boys and heading off towards the Inner City's gate. The walk took about an hour. It probably would've taken a bit less time, but then you had to account for Marik's struggling and Malik crying. And although most people would cry because of the fact that they had been captured, Malik was bawling simply because their dirty hands were messing up a shirt that had cost him $65.

"Ah. New prisoners?"

When they arrived at the large, golden gate, a few men were keeping watch at the doors. They were wearing the same thing that Marik and Malik's captures were and they supposed that they too were part of Yami's beloved army.

"Well, we don't know yet." The man holding Malik answered, "That's for our Pharaoh's to decide. We caught them out there trying to smuggle the squirrels, so, you know."

"Damn. Well, go ahead in." He gave the men a salute, "For we are the SPIKE PATROL!"

"For we are the SPIKE PATROL!"

The large gates began to open slowly and they ventured inside. Marik and Malik were surprised at how the inside of the gates looked so much like the Domino they had left about a week ago. Nothing too bad was going on. It was the usual… beating up the old people, throwing shoes on the power lines and spray painting sides of buildings.

"Oh, wow!" Malik exclaimed as they got closer to the palace in the center of everything. It was about the size of their old castle, but it looked different and it had people walking throughout the rooms and in and out of balconies.

"Pheh." Marik rolled his eyes, "Ours was better…"

They were brought inside and Malik marveled at how clean it was.

"I wonder if they use Pinesol or Mr. Clean…"

"Malik, will you cut that out?"

"Alright both of you, be silent. We will soon be in the presence of our Pharaohs!" The men scolded them and they shut up, only because they wanted to see where this charade was going.

"You may enter." A girl was standing in front of two large doors. She, much like everyone else, was dressed in yellow and gray and frowned when she spoke. She moved away from the doors and they seemed to open on their own. She followed them inside.

When they fully opened, Marik growled at the sight of both Yami and Yugi, dressed in ancient Egyptian robes and gold. Yami, with his golden crown, eye and all. And Yugi with a gold-colored teddy bear in his arms that had a red ribbon on it. Bearing the words 'I'm King of the World'.

"MARIK? MALIK?" Yami stood up, gaping.

Yugi blinked, "I can't believe it!"

"What the hell is all of this?" Marik shouted, shaking his fist at everything that surrounded them.

"I think it's their new palace." Malik informed him.

"…" He blinked, "Sometimes, I can't believe you."

Yami sat back down, smirking at the young lady who had followed them into the throne room, "Heh. Well, well… Heidi, I'm guessing that threat I gave you really put your work ethic into over drive. I never expected to find the rods this quickly."

She beamed over at him, "T-Thank you, my Pharaoh!"

He starred seriously at her, "But your hands are still in danger if we don't get those rings!"

"Meep!"

"Hey! Answer me, Yami!" Marik growled, "Why are you and your hikari ruling the world? You're supposed to be sickeningly good! And now you're sitting in a throne having your weirdo Spike Patrollers arrest people for putting squirrels in their pants!"

"I knew something stupid like that would get you." Yugi nodded to himself.

Malik sneered, "And why are you making your slaves wear such… horrible clothes? This is worst than anything we could've done!"

It was then that Marik smacked him.

Yugi hugged his bear, "I'll have you know that I ordered these clothes for them! What, you have a problem with them or something?"

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do!"

"Alright, stop!" Yami yelled. When the two scowled at each other and turned the other way, Yami motioned to his guards and the men went over to Marik and Malik and tackled them, brutally. After the small fight was over the spike-heads emerged, scuffled and bloody. But. They did get what their Pharaoh wanted.

They held up the millennium rods that had been wrestled from the boys' back pockets.

"Ah, hey!" Malik whined, "Give it back, that's mine!"

Marik sat up on the floor and shouted, "Yami! What are you doing?"

"Heh heh. Sorry, Marik, but I can't take any chances. Unlike you two, we plan to make no mistakes."

"Mistakes? I'll show you a mistake! Come over here so I can-"

His mouth was quickly covered by a nearby guard and they were both retained yet again. Over in the corner, Heidi asked if Yami and Yugi would like it if the boys were placed in separate cells.

"… No." Yami answered, playing with a tassel on his boot. "We can't take that chance. They might get out… Correction, I _know_ they'll get out. And I don't want them so close to me anyway. Their loserness might rub off."

Marik blew a raspberry.

Just then,a light bulb went off in Yugi's mind, "I got it! Hey, Yami, why don't we send them to Happy Chicken in Cairo? Then, they'd be far away. And they might not live out the month, if I remember the kind of man that's in charge there."

Yami grinned, "There's an idea!"

"Fine! But just give us our rods back!"

"Nope. Heidi, arrange a flight Cairo for these two. Immediately. The transfer papers will be sent to Happy Chicken by me, personally."

"Yes, my Pharaohs." She bowed and walked, briskly out of the room. The guards and Marik and Malik following, screaming and shouting.


	4. Bazoomas

Her Sweetness: Hi there! I'm listening to the radio and the thunder! It's really loud, but is that gonna stop me from writing this chapter? Hell no! 

… Well, probably. You see, I'm lazy. But that's okay! Cause we're gonna rock the night away!

… Sorry about that. I'm in party mode! I feel the need to get on the roof and sing golden oldies! Let's party like it's 1965!

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots 

Chapter 4:

As per Pharaoh Yami's instructions, there was a helicopter that arrived on the castle's roof about ten minutes later. Since the other pilots were on break, Heidi was ordered to fly them over. She mildly disagreed, but then her hands were threatened yet again and she put on her gear. With the guards still holding onto Marik and Malik, tightly, they hopped onto the aircraft.

"Damn it, let go of me!" Marik shouted over the buzz of the copter's propeller. They were on the roof and their pilot had already gotten in. She was just waiting for the fifteen guards to get enough control over Marik and Malik to put them in the cargo space.

"Oomph!" Finally they tied the boys up and threw them in along side a large cart of clucking chickens.

Heidi sat in the pilot's seat, strapped on her seatbelt and started the copter, raising it off the ground and saluting to the guards watching down below. They stuck their tongues out at her. Obviously upset that their Pharaoh would trust her with such a mission and not them.

In the cargo space, Marik was already thinking of a plan to get off the helicopter and get back into the castle.

"Okay, all we have to do is get these ropes off, ambush the pilot and turn this thing around!" Marik said, fidgeting with the ropes that bound him to his hikari.

Malik rolled his eyes, "Yeah, one problem. We don't know how to fly a helicopter."

"… Isn't it a bit early in the day for your negativity, Malik?"

"I can see it now. We kick that lady out of the helicopter, she falls to her death and we stay here for about a minute until we fall to our death."

Marik thought for a minute, "I like that plan. Oh, except the last part. Let's do it."

"…" Malik blinked, "… Yeah, okay."

Even though the boys thought the Spike Patrol were just a bunch of bumbling cops, their knot proved to be harder to get out of. It was only when Marik fished a house key out of his hikari's back pocket did they manage to cut most of the rope.

Malik was brushing the last of the broken bondage off of his torso as Marik got up and looked towards the front of the copter, at the lady who was singly softly to herself.

"Marik, we're going to have to use tact when we… Oh, never mind." Malik sweat dropped when he noticed his yami tiptoeing over to the pilot, arms outstretched and about to strangle her.

Of course, being not any older than Marik and Malik, Heidi seemed completely unaware, "You'll take the high road and I'll take the low road and I'll slaughter helpless sheep before ye…"

"HIYA!" Marik yelled in mid-karate chop.

She blinked and, in one move, dug in a pocket of her coat, pulled out a stun gun and delivered a high voltage shock to Marik's arm. He shrieked and fell into a heap on the floor, his arms twitching by itself.

"Ra… That's not fair…" He whined.

"I told you to use tact. Not scream 'hiya' at the top of your lungs and announce your presence. But am I listened to around here? Nope. Not Malik."

He winced, "Malik, if the right half of my body wasn't in shock, I'd smack you."

"Nya nya."

"Alright, now both of you cut it out!" Heidi yelled, putting the helicopter on autopilot. She stood up and pointed an accusing finger at Malik, "I want you to sit down. I'm annoyed right now."

"If you're so annoyed, drop us off here and we'll leave you alone."

"I can't! Can't you see that's why I'm annoyed? My very ability to scratch myself is being threatened by two pintsized spikes that enslaved the earth."

Marik looked up from his resting place on the floor, "You mean you hate Yami and Yugi, too?"

"Yes…!" She groaned, "Oh, Lord… I hate them more than I hate Oprah! More than I hate the fungus that grows under my toenails! More than I hate the flies that congregate around my bathtub! Do you know what I mean?"

"…" Malik rubbed the back of his head, "Uh… Yeah, I-I do… Ahem. Anyway, if you hate them so much, why don't you let us go and beat them up?"

"Because! Since they've taken over, anyone who denies their wants or needs gets another group of people seriously hurt. And I don't want anyone to suffer because of the fact that I can't stand them." She sighed and sat back down at the controls, taking it out of autopilot and continuing to fly west.

"Guh… Well, this sucks!" Marik exclaimed, trying to shake his arms, though they thumped back onto the ground, "And just where are we going!"

"Happy Chicken."

He blinked, "… Oh, that helps! What the hell is a Happy Chicken?"

"… I'm sorry, but you'll just have to find out when you get there." She nodded to herself. There was little to no conversation for the next four hours. By the time that Heidi announced they would be going over Cairo in a matter of minutes, the effect that the stun gun was worn off and Marik was able to move around once again. Although he didn't try to attack Heidi again, for fear of her using that again.

"Well, here we are, boys."

Marik and Malik looked out of the window, below them was an entire ocean of sand, sand and… sand. No trees, no water or cities. Malik felt really at home and Marik felt bored.

"Oh wow! I haven't seen this much sand since… Well, since I was like twelve! Ah, such memories…"

"Eh… I don't get it." Marik shook his head, "Where's the Happy Chicken…?"

"I can't drop you off there. The location is a secret. You wait here and in a few minutes, Cody will come pick you up. Of course, you'll have to be blindfolded." She winked and gave them a salute, "See ya."

"But we-"

Before Marik could finish his statement, Heidi opened the hatch and both boys fell about thirty feet only to land, face first, in hard sand.

"Pah! Pfff…" Marik sat up, wiping the sand out of his mouth and spitting. He shook his head and stood, shaking his fist up at Heidi who had the helicopter still hovering above them, "You witch! You could've at least lowered the damn thing! If Malik, here, hadn't broken my fall, I could've died!"

"Eh… Y-You're welcome…" Malik mumbled and coughed. He was pinned to the sandy floor and was unable to move seeing as how his yami was standing on his stomach, "Marik…!"

"Hmm? Oh, sorry." He stepped off and Malik took in a fresh breath of air.

"Hey, you guys!" Heidi called.

Marik looked up, "What!"

"Make sure Cody gets this, okay! I can't stay to give it to him, myself!" She opened the hatch yet again and was pushing that large crate of chickens out. Marik saw what she was doing and scrambled out of the way. Malik, however, was not as aware of this and the crate fell on him.

"Ack!" Was the only thing audible from under the loud birds.

"Malik!"

Heidi gasped, "Dammit, I'm sorry! Is he okay?"

"Get out of here, you demon!" Marik shouted at her. She smiled apologetically and turned the controls, flying into the sun and was soon out of sight. Marik worked hard to get that large box off of his hikari and he almost gave up, but Malik kept complaining that the chickens were pecking him through the holes.

"Oh Ra…!" Malik breathed in and sat up hurriedly before anything else could fall on him. "That's what you call pain…"

"Well, let's go." Marik said, motioning for the boy to follow him.

"Go? Go where? Marik, we don't know where we are! We're in the Sahara; trapped in thousands of miles of sand!"

He turned on his heel, hands on hips, "Then what would you have us do? Wait here for Cody?"

"… Who's Cody?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Marik roared, scaring Malik half to death, "And I don't want to meet him, either!"

"He could be a nice, good person!"

"Anyone associated with a place called 'Happy Chicken' is not a 'nice' or 'good' person! And, think about it, if they're with Yami and Yugi, why would we want anything to do with them?"

"… When you think about it, Happy Chicken doesn't sound so bad. It sounds like it could be the next hottest hairstyle."

"…" Marik scowled, "Say one more thing about chickens or happiness and I'll cut off your arm."

Before Malik could respond to that, a sound came from the north. Out of the quietness of the desert, this particular hum got louder and louder until, over the horizon, a figure came bounding at full speed at the two Egyptians. As it got closer, Marik recognized the thing as a jeep and once it was parked right in front of them, they noticed a shaggy, silly looking man driving. He waved at them with the wine bottle he had in his hand and got out.

"Hey there, fellas!" He staggered over to Malik, patting him on the back, "You two the new transfers? Eh… Marik and Malik, right?"

Malik winced and coughed, removing the man's hand from his back, "Transfer? Well, I-"

"No." Marik said, shifty-eyed, "We're not Marik and Malik, we've never heard of them. I'm George and that's Patty."

"PATTY?" Malik shouted, teary-eyed. "B-But wait a minute!"

"C'mon, Patty. We're leaving. See ya." He grabbed Malik's wrist and they began to walk away.

The man scratched his head and then smiled, holding onto Malik's other wrist, "Uh… Ha ha! Hold on! Ya can't pull the wool over my eyes! I may be drunk, but I've got twenty-twenty vision, even with beer goggles on!"

"Ugh…" Marik groaned.

Malik pulled his arms away from both men's grasp, pouting and mumbling, "I am not a Patty."

"I'm Cody!" The man wiped his hand on his blue and white stripped shirt. He extended it to Marik and although Marik refused to shake hands, it was forced, "I'm assistant to the warden over at Happy Chicken! I tell ya, it wasn't no easy thing getting that position either! I had ta whack off a few people! Ha ha!"

Malik cringed, "Jeez…"

Marik blinked, "Awesome."

"So, c'mon, get in! We gots ta put sand behind us!"

"Ah… Oh, wait." Malik pointed to the crate of chickens that was still sitting behind them, "That lady who dropped us off here said you needed these."

"Hmm? Lady? Was she about this tall? Brownish, reddish hair? Lopsided smile?"

"Yeah." Marik and Malik nodded.

Cody's eyes widened and he pulled on his ragged, gray hair, "_Heidi_? Aw, dammit! You two should of made her stay until I got here! Drat…"

Malik tilted his head, "How come?"

"I been tryin ta get with her since Wednesday! Under all those heavy jackets, I heard she's got a pair of bazoomas that would make a _cow_ jealous!" He grinned, "And I'm not doin to badly, myself."

Mental images flashed in Malik's mind and he retched.

"… Guh… Too much info." Marik shuddered. "Well, she was in a hurry, we couldn't do anything about it. How are we going to take these birds in a little jeep, anyway?"

"Eh, leave em here. I'll pick em up later. C'mon, then." He hopped into the driver's seat and, slowly but surely, Marik and Malik wandered over into the vehicle. Marik had the backseat to himself and Malik assumed the passenger's position.

"To Happy Chicken it is!" Cody winked and took a swig of what was left in the wine bottle before putting the key into the ignition and zooming off.


	5. He Likes His Chicken

Her Sweetness: Hi there! I'm writing another chapter. And today, I was thinking about the plot for this thing. And, man, I have a bunch of great ideas! But, I'm afraid that if I use all of them, this fic will be… 

1.) Too long.

2.) Confusing and not good.

But I wanna use them so bad! So, either I'll have to pick and choose or I wing it and hope you all won't hate me. Decisions…

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 5:

They had spent about ten minutes, driving along the sandy ground, their shadows cast on the floor as they sped by. In the first minute or so, Cody had showed the boys his special stash of red wine that he hid under the back seat. During the first five minutes, he consumed about three bottles and by now was swerving the car from side to side and laughing uncontrollably.

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ooh, boy, that's a good one! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I bet this one is a riot at parties, am I right? Right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Malik blinked and whispered to his yami, "Um… All I did was sneeze…"

"Pay no attention to him, he's a wino." Marik rolled his eyes, "… Hey, wait a minute. I thought the Happy Chicken location was a secret!"

"Ah yup yup!" Cody nodded.

"Well, that woman… Eh, Heidi, said we were supposed to be blindfolded."

After taking another swig of the wine and throwing it over the side of the car door, he grinned and wagged his finger in Marik's face, "Heh heh…! I know, I know, but I'm gonna let you look. I won't tell if you won't!"

"Cool."

"But are you allowed to do that?" Malik asked, not wanting Cody to get into trouble.

"Nope! But I'm a rebel! No one at Happy Chicken is as dare devilish as me!" He hiccupped and nodded solemnly, "Why, just last week, I ran over a camel! And I didn't stop to say sorry, either. Ah ha ha ha ha!"

"Yeah… Hey, Cody, do you want me to drive? No offense or anything, but you're a drunken sot and you'll get us killed." Marik informed him.

"Marik!"

"Oh, shut up, you know it's true."

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Ah ha! Heres we are! Yup yup!" Cody yelled, bringing the jeep to a slow halt and both boys looked forward, their jaws dropping when they laid eyes on the large building in front of them.

It seemed about ten stories high, but it might've been more. The glare from the sun almost blinded them as they looked at the metal the building was made of. On the structure was approximately thirty windows, each was fortified with bars of steal. Two large doors were stationed at the front, guarded by two burly looking men. Surrounding the back was a fifty-foot brick gate that was lined with barbed wire. And on the roof was a huge white and red sign with a chicken's head on it and the words in lights, saying, 'Happy Chicken'.

Malik blinked, "… This? This is supposed to be a secret?"

"Look at the size of this thing! How're people not supposed to find out about something like this?" Marik hopped out of the backseat and took a few steps close to the large building. But before he was even five feet closer to it, his feet were shot at about ten times within the second and he scrambled back into the jeep.

"For crap's sake!" They exclaimed, hiding under the car seats.

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha!" Cody had a hardy laugh at their expense and staggered towards the building, "You two's a riot and a half!"

"Cody? That you?" One of the burly men looked at the drunk older fellow and saluted, smiling, "We didn't think you'd be back till sundown, the way you take care of business. You got the new transfers?"

"Oh, yup! C'mon, you two! Can't waste time now can we? Ah ha ha ha!" The doors were opened for Cody and as he walked through, he threw his half empty wine bottle to one of the gaurds and asked him to hold it until he came back.

He waved back for Marik and Malik to follow. But, of course, they were afraid they might be shot at. So, just for a test, Marik threw Malik out of the car and towards the building. When his hikari emerged unshot, Marik stepped out and they followed Cody into the heart of the structure.

It was dark in there, but only in the places where the lights weren't working. And the floor was littered with feathers. Walking past them were other gaurds, escorting groups of people in odd uniforms. Whole bodysuits with black and green polka dots.

"Oh, Ra!" Malik gasped, "L-Look at these clothes! It's… Gah, it's awful! Oh, the horror!"

"Get off of me!" Marik shouted after Malik jumped on his back to get away from a uniformed group of men. He turned back to Cody who led them down a corridor and past a few more security guards. "Hey, where are we going?"

"Every new transfer has ta meet with the warden! He lays down the rules and regulations!"

"Um… okay. So, who is this warden guy anyway?"

"Well, his real name is unknown to everyone here, and he refuses to tell us. Says it's weird and embarrassing. So, he accepts being called Happy Chicken Man."

"…" Marik and Malik looked at each other, "Happy… Chicken Man?"

"Yup yup!"

"… Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" It took a little while for Cody to calm the two down to where they could breathe again, but after that, they fell back into another laughing spell.

They met their destination in less than a minute. When they arrived, Cody knocked on a regular sized door with the engraving 'H.C.M.' on it. A husky voice on the other side ordered them to come in and that's what they did.

As they stepped in, Marik and Malik saw that this was apparently the warden's office. And although this was the head guy's room, the windows still had the steal bars on them. Inside was a lone desk and a large chair, facing the other way.

"Sir! I'm back with the new transfers! Marik and Patty."

"I'm not a Patty!"

"Oops! Heh heh. Meant Malik. Yup yup. Marik and Malik Ishtar, just like Pharaoh Yami said." Cody smiled.

The large chair turned slowly and revealed a rather heavyset man in a business suit. He was balding and pasty with a scar across his nose that was all too noticeable. "Very good, Cody. You may wait outside until I'm through with these two hooligans."

"Hooligans?" They echoed.

"Gotcha. See you twos in a minute!" Cody waved and slammed the door behind himself.

"Now, listen here-"

"No, you listen." Marik scowled, "The only reason I allowed that weirdo out there to drag us this far was so I could find out who was in charge of this… thing! This is insane and if you don't let us do back to Domino this second, I'm gonna-"

A stun gun made itself known by shocking Marik's torso and giving him a few thousand bolts of pure electricity. He fell to the floor, flopping around like a fish out of water.

"… Smooth." Malik commented, watching his yami writhe in pain and agony.

"As I was saying." The man continued, pocketing the stun gun and turning, calmly, towards Malik, "This is Happy Chicken. And here, we take order very seriously. Pharaoh Yami has informed us about you two and your past escapades. Take extreme care, for these two will try anything and everything to get out. Those were his exact words. And I do not intend to let my Pharaoh down."

"Yap yap yap, that's all I'm hearing." Marik said from the floor, "Why are we here?"

"This facility is Pharaoh Yami's brain child. When he was forming his and Pharaoh Yugi's new world order, they we deciding where to get their needed resources…

**Flashback:**

Inside the Inner City, Yami and Yugi were bantering back and forth about things that must be decided before they could have complete control over what they desired… the world. They held court with five of their most trusted underlings in the castle's great hall.

"Alright, so it's decided." Yugi nodded to himself looking down at the long list of items they had to cover, "Australia will be used as the world's waste dump. We'll have all the garbage moved there immediately. Next order of business-"

"W-Wait a minute!" The general stood from her seat beside Yami. She had been quiet for the entire meeting but she could not hold her tongue any longer, "You can't just dump everything filthy in the world on Australia! That's horrible!"

Yugi sent her an agitated glance, "Heidi, I'm aware that you have strong feelings for this country, but we're trying to solve the contamination problem. We have to sacrifice something."

"But a whole country? For crap's sake, that's my home!"

"General Heidi!" Yami snapped at her, "If you do not wish to be demoted, you will shut your trap until we come to you."

She winced, but sat down and lowered her head, "… Forgive me, my Pharaoh. It was not my place."

Yugi nodded, continuing, "Anyway. Next is the fast food ordeal. I think we have too much. McDonalds this and Burger King that… Taco Bell and Pizza Hut… There's too much! We need to choose one food and stick with it."

"Agreed. I say we go with chicken."

Everyone in the room looked their Pharaoh and blinked, "… Chicken?"

"Yes." Yami tapped his finger on his knee, "Does anyone have a problem with that?"

Immediately all the heads in the room went from side to side.

"But, Yami… Why chicken?"

"I likes my chicken." He answered simply, resulting in a sweatdrop from his hikari. Yami turned to the man sitting on Yugi's other side and addressed him, "Admiral Flyswatter. Can you handle this new assignment?"

"Huh! Ah…" He hurriedly put away the dirty magazine he was reading under the table. "Assignment? Right! Pharaoh Yami, I will do your bidding, whatever that may be."

Heidi glared at him, mumbling, "Suck up."

"Good man." Yugi crossed this topic off the list, "Admiral Flyswatter, you have, as of now, been demoted to warden of the new worldwide establishment, Happy Chicken. You will set to work on this straight away."

"… Wha…? Demoted! M-My Pharaoh, wait!"

**End Flashback.**

"I spent the rest of the hour trying to convince those idiotic spikes that I didn't want this damned position! But did they listen to me? NO! They spent the rest of the day gelling their hair!"

By this time, the shock from the stun gun had worn off and Marik was leaning on the side of the desk, rubbing the back of his neck, "Ah… Okay. So, this is a chicken restaurant?"

"No." He took in a deep breath, "This is the world's largest supplier of chicken and chicken byproducts. This also serves as punishment for those who are not loyal to our Pharaohs… I.e. you."

"But we didn't do anything!" Malik protested, "It was that damn Spike Patrol that dragged us in and then Yami and Yugi took away our rods!"

"Ah, yes, they informed me that you were the ex-holders of the millennium rods. Impressive that you managed to hold onto them for so long. But here is not the place for praise. You will be expected to work like everyone else. And here…" Happy Chicken Man fumbled around in the drawer of his desk and fished out two black and green striped uniforms. He threw them to the boys, "These will be your clothes. You must wash them yourselves if you even want to. We have a mud puddle out back that you can use."

Malik was beginning to hyperventilate.

Marik rolled his eyes, catching his hikari before he fell to the ground, "Yeah, he's kind of sensitive when it comes to cleanliness and… girl stuff."

"Hmm. Well, there are no girls here. Oddly enough, no women ever step out of line…. CODY!"

"Yeah, boss?" Cody's head popped in.

"Take these two to their cells and await the next chicken dumping." He ordered and sat back in his chair, facing toward the barred window.

"Yes, sir!" He motioned for the two to follow him and Cody shut the door as they left.


	6. Rod Man and Lick In Da House

Her Sweetness: Hallo there! Okay, so listen, I've given it some thought and I've decided to put in as much as possible without killing this thing. 

I mean, how badly can I mess this up, anyway?

… C'mon, don't look at me like that! I'm trying my hardest! Jeez… Can't get no satisfaction.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 6:

Back in Domino, the helicopter that had previously dropped off both Marik and Malik was landing back on the roof of the Pharaohs' palace. Heidi stepped out and was greeted by a castle that seemed to be in a mad frenzy. But over what, she did not know.

"General Heidi, ma'am." She was saluted by one of the Spike Patrol, "Pharaoh Yami has been looking for you and his orders were to have you come to him right away."

"Oh, damn! A-Am I in trouble? What did he say? Did he seem mad?"

The guard looked taken aback, "I… couldn't tell. He always has that constipated look on his face, lately, I can't-"

He was interrupted by Heidi's giggles. "Too true!"

"I-I'm sorry! Don't tell our Pharaoh I said that!"

"Relax…" She smiled and began to walk away. Finding people in this gigantic place was never an easy task but Yami and Yugi usually hung out in either their throne room, or the cells below where they threw coconuts at the prisoners.

After five minutes of going down stairs, and taking an elevator the rest of the way, Heidi, much to her surprise, found Yami and Yugi in the courtyard out front. They were surrounded by men in orange, working suits and a few guards stood on the sidelines.

In the center of the courtyard where there used to be just a small water fountain, now there stood a fifty foot tall, golden statue. One of those peeing angel things, only the angel was replaced by Yami.

"… M-My Pharaoh?" Heidi blinked, starring up at the obstruction.

"Oh. There you are Heidi, what took you? No matter, I have something I wish to discuss with you." Yami looked at her briefly, noting her reaction to the statue, "But, before I do, what do you think of my statue?"

"…" She blinked again and shook her head, trying to come up with an answer that wouldn't get her hands chopped off, "I-I… Well, I mean, it's… W-What's it doing here, my Pharaoh?"

Yugi folded his arms, sending his yami an agitated look, "It's not fair. My statue should've gone in front."

"Where is yours, Pharaoh Yugi?" Heidi asked.

"In the back of the castle, and it's being used as a clothesline!" He shouted.

Yami rolled his eyes, "Hikari, I've told you, there's only room for one out here. And besides that, the backyard needed a little sprucing up and I think your likeness did it justice."

"… Thank you, Yami." Yugi coughed and blushed, lightly.

"Okay…" Heidi said, not to sure of what was going on. She turned to Yami and pointed at the top of the golden monument, "This… ahem, is very… interesting my Pharaoh. But why is it here? It's very… large and obstructs the view of your lovely palace."

"I'm aware. You see, Heidi, we have reached phase two of our plan."

"Phase two, my Pharaoh?"

He nodded, "We have just about the entire planet under our control, you know. Save a few countries… like those damned Germans! … Ahem. The physical side is taken care of, anyway. I want the emotional side of Earth to be with me, as well, the… spiritual side."

"I-I'm sorry, I don't-"

"We are building a religion."

"S'right." Yugi chimed in, "Not only are we going to be Kings of this planet, but we plan to be Gods, too. Our planet, our rules, our beliefs. No more Christianity, no more Buddhism… no other religion will be allowed."

Heidi had stopped walking with the two boys about five steps back. They turned around and took note of her unhinged jaw and wide eyes.

Yami eyed her before saying, "What do you think, General Heidi?"

"… T-Think? I THINK this is a very bad idea! No disrespect, my Pharaohs, not at all, but I think this will be a mistake! You… You can't take away the people's choices! That's inhuman-"

Both boys scowled at her, but said nothing.

She got the hint and cleared her throat, "Pharaohs, how do you plan to put such a plan into action? Surely, this will be too much of a hassle."

"Not at all." Yami gave her a genuine smile and turned around, "You see, we are in the process of publishing our version of… the bible."

"…" Heidi blinked, "You must be joking."

Yugi had been talking to a foreman and had just come back into the conversation. He had a small note in his hand and handed it to his other half, who scanned it and grinned at both Yugi and Heidi, "General, are you up for a minor task?"

"Task? I-I mean, yes, your Highness!" She bowed slightly, thinking, 'Anything to get away from all this changing religion nonsense…'

"You are to go with regiment 6 to every major city under our control and erect these statues." He pointed to the one behind him, "And when you're finished, report back here. I expect you back by the next full moon."

"… Gah! M-My Pharaoh, surely you are showing your sense of humor? The next full moon is in one week! We must have at least thirty cities to go to! There's just no way that can be done."

He grinned and took her hands in his, tracing her sleek veins, "You know, Heidi… It really would be a shame to get rid of such wonderfully soft hands…"

She swallowed hard, pushing her hands quickly into her pockets and as she walked away, called back, "I will return, my Pharaoh."

* * *

In the semi-busy hallways of Happy Chicken, two blonde Egyptians were walking behind a semi-drunk older gentleman, by the name of Cody. They'd been walking down the corridor only for a few minutes and Cody was explaining things to them that Happy Chicken Man had conveniently left out.

"So, there are NO other clothes I could get?" Malik whined, looking down at the black and green polka dotted uniform he held in his arms.

"Nope. All the prisoners have to wear em!" Cody said, matter-of-factly, "They're special! Pharaoh Yugi designed them just for this and that's why we wear em!"

"Yugi? He designed these? Ugh!" Malik turned up his nose in disgust, "How tacky…"

Marik rolled his eyes and whispered to Cody, "Forgive him. You really can't expect much from a guy who idolizes Martha Stuart."

At first, he only blinked and then asked who Martha Stuart was. Marik sweatdropped and didn't want to try and explain. It was only another moment until they reached their supposed destination.

"And here we are, folks! Block 2, this is where you're gonna be stayin. So, I'll see yas soon, ah, yup yup."

Cody opened a door of iron bars. Inside was a group of about five terrifying looking men, tattooed and rugged. Unshaved, for what looked like weeks, and they were all starring at Malik. A few were eyeing Marik, but he gave them the finger and they quickly turned their attention to the slightly smaller one.

The cell, itself, was less than welfare conditions. The walls were gray, devoid of color and there was a hole in the ground in the corner. Flies buzzed around it and Marik and Malik figured out what that was supposed to be.

Malik looked a bit faint, "C-Cody… This is a joke, right? Please, tell me this is a joke!"

But Cody was already walking down the hallway, whistling to himself. The cell had been locked and they were now officially trapped and imprisoned.

"Well, this sucks." Marik blinked, looking around.

"Eek!" Malik lifted his right foot in order to let a cockroach pass, "Has this place even been cleaned, lately?"

"Malik, I think you're missing the purpose of being in a place like this. Happy Chicken does not exist so that we can marvel at it's cleanliness."

"Oh, I'm so sure-"

Before his statement was finished, one of the men that was stationed in the other corner made his way over to Malik, who meeped and scooted close to his yami. Who, in turn, pushed him away and muttered, "Sissy…"

"Yo, what chu in fo, mac?" He said, gruffly, leaning toward Marik and nodding his head.

Marik blinked, "Ah. Yami and Yugi took our millennium rods and condemned us to this awful chicken bucket."

"Whoa! You da rod holders, man?"

"Were. But we're going to get them back! … Um, just as soon as we get out of here, you know."

"Hate ta break it to ya, but ain't no one gettin out a here. We tried dat afore and wes got shot." He admitted, pointing to a bullet hole going through his arm.

Marik shrugged, "I've gotten shot before and I'm going to keep trying. Chances are, I'll probably get shot again, but I'll still be out there."

"Heh heh! Hey, I like you, rod man. Whas your name?"

"Marik."

"I be Hott Dawg."

At this, Malik busted out laughing, coming out from behind his other half and having himself a good old laugh at the burly man's expense. "O-Oh my gosh…! Is that really your name?"

Hott Dawg scowled, "You think my name is funny?"

"It's priceless…!" He continued to laughed and say the name out loud over and over again.

Whilst he did that, Hott Dawg turned to Marik and whispered, "Dat your boy?"

"What! No, no… Um, that's my friend. Who happens to be going crazy at the moment. Eh, his name is Malik, pay no mind to him."

"S'alright, man, bunch a guys in here gone crazy. Lemme introduce ya." He motioned to the five guys over in the corner to come over and he introduced them one by one, "Dat's Corn, Twirls, Peeps, BoxxBaby and der be Ron. He new. Yo, guys, dis be Rod Man."

"Yo." They nodded to him.

Hott Dawg pointed to Malik, "And dat der be Lick. He wit Rod Man. Dey cool."

"It's Malik. Ma." Malik winced. "Ma-lik."

"Like I said. Lick."

Marik raised an eyebrow at being called 'Rod Man' , but decided to let it go. When you thought about it, having a nickname given to you by prison thugs wasn't so bad. As long as it wasn't anything like 'TippyToes', he could live with it. By this time, Malik had over come his laughing spell and was now leaning on Marik's shoulder.

"So, this is like a jail, right?" He asked, "Sure does look like one."

"Hey!" A light bulb flashed over Marik's head, "You remember how people were saying that the millennium rings hadn't been found?"

Malik nodded.

"Well, maybe Ryou and Bakura are here. In one of the cells somewhere and they've hidden their millennium items, so they wouldn't be taken away." Marik turned to Hott Dawg and the rest of his crew, "You guys ever seen two boys with white and pink hair? Pale skin, odd accents?"

"Nah, man. Ain't seen no pink hair here. 'Cept Twirls. But his pink hair ain't on his head…" Hott Dawg rolled his eyes.

Malik sighed, "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. Can you imagine what Ryou's life would be like if the other inmates found out about his love to dance?"

_Ring Ring Ring!_

A siren sounded off throughout the cells. Everyone sighed except Marik and Malik who peeked around and asked, "What? Is that a fire drill or something?"

"Oh ha ha ha!" Ron was the first of many to bust out laughing. "Nah, man. That's just the boss-man signaling that it's time for the chicken dumping."

"… Chicken dumping?" Malik blinked.

Before anyone filled him in, Cody was coming down the hallway, swinging a ring of keys in his hand and opening different cells. When he came to Block 2, he opened it and let the men out.

"Ah, yup yup! You guys know that drill! S'go!" He smiled and chauffeured both Marik and Malik out as they were the last ones to exit the cell.

They, along with just about the entire cell base of Happy Chicken, were led out into the compound. Which was surrounded by a fifty-foot, brick gate and lined with barbed wire. The whole yard was filled with a bad smell and feathers lay on the ground in assorted piles. There was a ramp on the side that led all the was up to a part of the gate that wasn't armed with the wire.

A large, white truck came up it and then the back opened, slowly, dumping out about five thousand chickens. They came falling down and finally landed on the ground, running around and clucking and carrying on.

Malik gasped, "Oh my gosh, look at all these chickens! What's going on?"

"Here ya go, fellas! Hurry up and get ta work! You know Happy Chicken Man doesn't like it when ya laze around!" Cody ran around, cheerfully handing out axes to the prisoners. When he gave one to Malik, he fell down under the weight of it.

"Eek!" He shouted from the floor. "I-It's so heavy…!"

Hott Dawg was holding his ax on his shoulder with ease as were the other guys along with Marik. He looked down that the squealing hikari and whispered to Marik, "Is he for real?"

"Scary, isn't it?"

"Hell yeah... Well, les go ta work, den." Hott Dawg lifted his ax above his head and chased a particular chicken around, when he caught up to it, he brung the ax down on it's neck and the head went flying off somewhere as the other inmates did the same thing.

"…" Marik blinked, "This is what we do?"

"Yeah, man." Corn answered, picking up his bloody weapon again, "We come out here about twice a day and kill the birds. Then the other side of da joint comes and picks em up."

Malik had finally gotten his balance and looked on in horror as the carnage took place, "M-Marik…! We're not _really_ going to take place in this are we?"

He looked up and out of the window, saw Happy Chicken Man's sour face and scarred nose. "Hmm. We will until we get out of here, Malik." That said, he raced of to tackle an unsuspecting bird.


	7. The Dating Game

Her Sweetness: Aloha! Guess what? I went swimming yesterday! Yup, yup. In my pretty blue and white tie-die bathing suit! Don't wanna brag or anything, but I looked spiffy! 

So, that's why this chapter wasn't out when it should've been.

… Well, excuse me for having a life! Jeez! … Oh, I'm so sorry…!

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 7:

"Yami! You idiot, come down here and let me out! You're out of your mind!"

In the bottom of the large palace in the Inner City lay the cells. These were reserved for people who hadn't really done any wrong, but were in the wrong place at the wrong time or just people that the Pharaohs' didn't like. Either way, they were trapped down there, forbidden to see the light of day.

On moonbeams stayed down into the dingy prisons from the bars that were positioned at the top of the cell, ground level with the rest of the world. Down there, it wasn't as nearly populated as when two other blondes were ruling over the earth. About ten people, tops, but the person who was making the most noise could've been counted as twenty.

"YAMI!" Kaiba called out through the bars he was shaking. "Damn you!"

"Seto, calm down." A small voice sighed slightly in annoyance at his older brother who was making a nuisance of himself.

Kaiba growled, sliding down to the floor, "Mokuba, this is ridiculous! We've been in here for twelve days! I can't take it anymore!"

Mokuba blinked, then turned back to his knitting, "I'm sure we'll get out soon, big brother. You might want to take a tranquilizer or something. Screaming wont really do anything, ya know."

"I can't take this!" He howled, "I won't take this! Someone call my lawyer! I'm suing the leather pants off those spiky-headed freaks!"

"Seto-"

"And stop being so calm, Mokuba! Yell, shout, do something! I don't want you knitting, either!" The brunette leaned over quickly and took the knitting needles and yarn away from his baby brother, who pouted in return, "And don't give me those eyes. You're a Kaiba, you're supposed to be in command of the situation at all times. You're not supposed to panic!"

"… I'm not panicking, Seto, you are."

"…" He blinked, "I don't want to be a Kaiba anymore!"

Mokuba rolled his eyes and patted his brother on the back, soothingly, "There there, Seto. It's going to be okay."

"I HATE _EVERYONE_!" Kaiba yelled between sobs.

"I know you do. Here you go." The young boy held up his needles and a ball of yellow yarn, "Help me make a scarf, 'kay?"

"… A-Alright…"

"Knit one, pearl two…"

* * *

Back at Happy Chicken, the chicken dumping took about five hours total. The inmates got through it like true chicken-killing troopers, but Marik and Malik weren't as efficient in the art of decapitating animals. Marik kept getting attacked by them and Malik kind of stayed in a corner, shivering. That is, until a chicken came by and jumped on his head, thereby ruining his hairdo. He then went buck wild on all the birds in sight and ended up killing, in total, 2,301 chickens.

"Did you see me, Marik? I was like boom and boom! Then that big chicken came over and I was like BOOM!" Malik was hopping around his darker half, giddy as a teenage girl with concert tickets.

"Yes, Malik, I saw you… for the umpteenth time!" He yelled, obviously annoyed.

Hott Dawg was on the opposite side of the boys and he was blinking, a bit confused at the young hikari's enthusiasm, "Yo, man, he okay?"

"He's fine." Marik said, glancing at Malik who was making explosion noises and floating around random guys, "… He's just stupid as hell."

The men were waiting in the hallway for about five minutes before Cody came out of the compound and stood in front of the group of men. He smiled at Marik and Malik first before calling out, "Okays you bunches of people! Time to eat, ah, yup yup. If I was yas, I'd hurry up in the Mess Hall afore the foods gets cold!"

Immediately, the inmates began to migrate down the hallway towards the supposed Mess Hall.

As they went walking and Malik continued to behave childishly, Marik asked Ron, the closest to him, "Um… Just what is it that you eat here? I'm actually surprised that they even feed us, here."

"Oh ha ha ha!" He held his stomach while he laughed, "Yah, man, I know what ya mean. But, of course, they feed us. Not by choice, y'know, but they need a way to get rid of all the chicken heads that are on the ground after every dumping."

"… Huh?"

"Ooh, here we are! C'mon, Rod Man, I'm starving!"

They all entered two blue double doors at the same time, some people trying to trample over others to get in line first. The Mess Hall, itself, was pretty large but not clean-looking at all. Rats came from under the tables in the center of the room, running towards the exit. Some didn't even make it that far, seeing as how some of the prisoners were picking them up and stuffing them in the pockets of their uniforms, a snack for later.

Hott Dawg pulled his new friends into the line behind him before they got trampled as well. They got their trays and when they came to the lady in the hairnet, she dumped two heaping piles of bloody chicken heads on their trays, the eyes starring up at the blondes.

"Oh Ra…!" Malik held his mouth, to keep himself from barfing.

Marik winced, "That's foul."

"D-Don't you have anything less… nasty?"

The burly woman shook her head and scooted them along the line. The only other thing they got on their plates was a week-old orange that was starting to grow fur.

They sat down at a table that Hott Dawg and his crew had been occupying for the last two weeks, ever since they came to Happy Chicken.

"Oh, wow, you've been at Happy Chicken that long?" Malik asked, amazed at how anyone could stand it.

Hott Dawg nodded, "Eva since da Pharaohs been in powa. Wes was livin in da Inna City and there was a raid. Da only person I really knew was Twirls and he was da paper boy. But he got taken, too."

Twirls sighed, fingering his chicken head, "It's just so unfair. Just because they have some stupid puzzle around their necks, doesn't mean they should be aloud to rule over us like this…"

They nodded solemnly, but just then Ron spoke up, "Ooh, you know what I heard, yesterday, though? Seems that Yami's been havin a bit of trouble finding the ring holders. Says they're somewhere in Egypt, but no one knows where."

"Ryou?"

"Bakura?"

Marik and Malik looked at each other and smiled, "They could be right around here! We've gotta get out of here and find them."

"Rod Man, I hate ta be da bearer of bad news, but ain't no gettin outta here. Thought I tol you dat? Naw, man, dere be guards everywhere! Da front is completely covered."

Malik blinked, "Well… what about the compound?"

"Huh?"

"Couldn't we go out that way?"

"Two words, Lick, and dey be 'barbed' and 'wire'. Dat ting hurts, man." Hott Dawg motioned to the bullet hole in his arm that they saw earlier, "An on da other side be more guards. You'd have ta run real fast to get by all dem. Dey like snipers."

Marik's hikari sighed, and lay his head down eye-level with the chicken head on his plate, "Marik, we can't just stay here…! We've gotta get out before Yami does something that we can't correct even if we take the millennium puzzles!"

"I know… Ugh, I'll think of something."

Hott Dawg patted Malik on the back, rather forcefully, "Dun worry, lil' Lick, it's not so bad. Wes gets a movie night! Twirls, here, is gonna try an get a date for da next un."

Twirls grinned and winked at Malik.

"…"

* * *

Halfway around the world in London, General Heidi was watching her men erect yet another of Pharaoh Yami's peeing statues. They were very large and so you can imagine how much water it took for Yami to keep peeing so that all of London could admire his urinary tract.

"Ah…" She sighed. This will be the second one today and she still had about twenty-eight more major cities to visit. How she was going to complete this task before the next full moon was beyond her, "There's just no way…"

Ring Ring Ring!

Heidi blinked and fumbled with the ringing cell phone in her pocket, "H-Hello?" She stuttered, hoping with everything she had that it wasn't Pharaoh Yami or Yugi.

"Ah, hey there, Heidikins! How's ya?"

"Oh… Cody." The general sighed, halfway relieved and halfway annoyed that he would disturb her when she was on an important mission. "What is it that you want? And don't ever call me Heidikins again."

"Aye, aye, general!" He laughed, a bit of mock in his voice, "I was just callin ya to see if maybe you wanted to go to Happy Chicken's movie night with me, eh eh? I'm a good date, yeah! Buy ya a corsage and everything!"

"… No."

"Aw, come on! You're single, yup yup?"

"Ah… yup… But, you see, I'm not interested in going out with someone old enough to be my dad."

Cody frowned, but smiled once again, "Dad, eh? Yeah, yeah! I'll be ya suga daddy! But ya gotta come with me."

"Ugh…" Heidi held the phone away from her ear. Cody did this every so often. Call her up and ask her out to something absolutely ridiculous. Something that she'd never go to in a million years. And the only way to get him to hang up would be to be so terribly cruel to him that he got depressed and hung up. But he'd be back on his feet in less than a day and ready to have another go at it.

"Listen, Cody-"

"C'mon, everyone's gonna try and get a date this time! I heard one of the boys in Block 2 is gone after Patty…. Err, Malik!"

"…Malik?"

"You know, Marik and Malik? They two that the Pharaohs hate?"

"Yeah, I know. Ah, how are they, anyway?" She seemed semi-interested, seeing as how she had caused the boys an estimated amount of pain. "They are okay, right?"

"Ah, yup yup! S'ya wanna go with me? Eh eh?"

"… Ooh! NO!" Heidi slammed the top of the phone down and growled, finally screaming and scarring half the workers into hiding under the large, peeing statue.

* * *

In the Outer City of Domino, among all the Spike Patrollers running around and the squirrels terrorizing people, Marik and Malik's house stood in the middle of it all. Inside, lay three guys who had partied hardy for the past 26 hours. They were now in a weird afterglow.

"Aw, man…!" Joey fell backwards onto the couch. "I don't know where you got all that… alcohol, Tristan, but… that felt good."

Otogi looked over at the boy laying down on the sofa, "You know, Joey… I think you could've won that ice-skating competition… Y-You're legs looked so well formed… And the hair on them is arranged so nicely…" He hiccupped.

Tristan blinked, along with Joey who was getting a little freaked out. "Ah… Yeah… Otogi, no more for you, kay?"

"Thank you, milk man!" He howled, rolling over.

"… Uh huh."

"Alright, everybody up!" Suddenly, three men busted in through the front door. They wore blonde, red and black spiked wigs atop their heads and had gray and yellow uniforms on. Joey and Tristan recognized them immediately, except for Otogi who was in his own little world.

"Peek-a-boo!" The raven haired teen yelled at the guards.

"… Riiight. Well, you're all under arrest, by order of our Pharaohs!"

"What! No way!" Tristan tried to run away, but he tripped over Joey who was on the floor, crawling away. "Ouch. Damn you, Joey!"

"Not my fault…!" He whined as one of the Spike Patrollers came over and picked him up without much resistance.

Another man held Tristan hostage as well and as they dragged both boys out the front door, Tristan noticed two green eyes peeking out from under the couch. He slapped his forehead and waved his arms, signaling, he hoped, for Otogi to do something productive.

The door shut behind them and Otogi was left in the house alone.

"… I wish I had some feet."


	8. Fickle

Her Sweetness: Ugh. You know, I was having a good day yesterday. Because I got a new box in my room that lets me have over 500 channels. I was so happy and still am. But today, I woke up with a crook in my neck due to awkward sleeping positions. 

And, for some reason, I feel out of it. And I know this chapter needs writing.

Here's hoping that this chapter wont suck as bad as the last one.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 8:

It was not fifteen minutes later when the newly recovered prisoners and their captors, the Spike Patrol, returned to the Pharaohs' palace. Fifteen minutes was a short time for such a distance, but the Spike Patrollers were just given automobiles and so they could kidnap people more efficiently.

The Pharaohs, themselves, were much too busy with the out coming of their new religious book to bother with the new boys and so they were thrown into the cells as soon as they entered the palace.

Coincidently, they were placed in the exact same one as…

"Mutt, what are you doing here?"

"Stop it, Kaiba!" Joey huffed, a bit red in the face. Though it was not from his anger towards the brunette, but he was still a little tipsy and it was showing in the way he walked. Almost in a swerving motion. He sighed as the cell door was looked right after Tristan was kicked inside. "Ah, dammit! Not again!"

"This sucks!" Tristan exclaimed, scratching the back of his head, "Yami and Yugi have gone nuts… we've gotta get out of here and do some damage control!"

Kaiba shook his head, "You can't just get out of here. Mokuba and I have been here for almost thirteen days now."

"… Thirteen days? What, do you count or something?"

"Yes, Joey," The boy rolled his eyes, voice dripping in sarcasm, "I've been marking off the days on my Big Ships of the Navy calendar."

"… Cool."

"Idiot…"

"What'd you call me?" Joey shouted.

"Nothing you're not used to."

Mokuba looked up at the two teens who looked like they were about to duke it out. "Hey, c'mon, you guys! This is no time to fight."

Joey sighed, looking over at the young boy, "Yeah, but… Hey, Mokuba, I didn't know you knitted."

"Not many people do…" Kaiba stated, under his breath.

"Ah… Hey, wait a minute! How did you guys avoid Yami and Yugi's guards for so long? We thought that maybe, either you'd been whacked off or maybe you skipped town, but I never thought you'd end up here." Mokuba looked at them, curiously.

Tristan nodded, "Yeah, we were hiding out in Marik and Malik's house. We were doing okay until they came back from… Uh, Aruba. Then, when we told Marik about Yami and Yugi ruling the world, he didn't believe it. He dragged Malik out of the house and they went here, I'm guessing."

"Haven't heard from them, since." Joey added. "They been down here?"

"Nope. Haven't seen anyone we know… except you two. Where's Otogi?"

"He got away. When the Spike Patrol came, he hid under the couch."

"What? Wow, it seems our fortunes are improving." Kaiba stood, a smirk curving his lips, "Surely, he'll know to get down here and free us."

"Ah ha… Yeah, we wish." The boys sweatdropped.

Mokuba and his brother looked at each other before asking, "What do you mean?"

"He's as drunk as a skunk. I don't even know if he remembers his own name. At best, we can only hope that he falls asleep, wakes up with only a mild hangover and remembers we've been dragged off." Tristan shrugged.

Kaiba took in a deep breath and let it out, slowly, "I'm going to be tempted to kill if something good doesn't happen soon."

"Don't worry about it, big brother," Mokuba said, cheerfully, continuing to knit the yarn that he had sitting next to him, "I have an idea."

* * *

The next day it was close to evening at Happy Chicken. The sun was setting over the sandy horizon and the camels were getting ready to go to sleep. This night, even more guards than usual lined the outside and inside of the compound and prison. Only because, on movie nights, things began to get a little out of hand. Last week, there was a terrible riot due to a misunderstanding at the concession stand and a few well-aimed lawn darts.

Tonight's movie was due to start at eight o' clock on the dot. It was now fifteen minutes till and everyone was really just waiting in their cells to be released into the Mess Hall, which was where the movie would be shown.

"Does anyone know which movie this is?" Marik asked, leaning by the broken mirror on the wall in their cell. He really wasn't addressing anyone particularly, but the whole crew looked at him and answered.

"Eh… I think it's Titanic, director's cut."

"What? We'll be watching it all night!"

Suddenly, Marik was assaulted by a slightly smaller him. He recognized the frail boy as Malik who had buried his head in Marik's shirt, whining and mumbling something.

"M-Malik…! What's wrong with you?"

He looked up and before he could say anything, Twirls came flittering over and looked over Marik's shoulder to the shuddering hikari, "Hey, Lick, there you are!"

"My name is Malik!" The boy growled.

"Yeah, but I like Lick… Anyhoo! Why did you run from me? I have something to ask you…! 'Kay, so, the movie starts in like ten minutes, and I heard that even Cody's hooking up with some chick from the Pharaohs' palace…"

Marik raised an eyebrow and looked down at Malik, who had some deranged look of fear in his eyes, "Um… Just what is it you want to ask him?"

"Lick, would you-"

"No! I don't even want to hear it!" Malik gagged, "Uh-uh! My answer is a big, fat, disgusting no! Non! Nix! Nada! If I could say no in any other way, I would… Ugh, NO!"

"…" Everyone in the cell starred at him.

Hott Dawg turned to Marik, "Now, dat's what ya call rejection."

"Too true."

Twirls blinked, "Jeez, Lick, I was just going to ask you to buy me some popcorn when the movie started. You look like you're loaded, so I thought it would be no big deal."

Marik was the first of many to burst out laughing while Malik sweat dropped and sugarcoated everything he said to Twirls to make up for his folly. "Uh… Wow. I-I'm so sorry! I thought, you know, you winked at me yesterday and everything and then I-"

"S'okay." Twirls said, thoughtfully, then smiled, "So… does this mean I have a chance with you, now?"

Smack.

"Ouch! Jeez, okay, okay…" He rubbed the side of his face and went off in the corner of the cell to sulk whilst every other man in Block 2 sniggered and tee-heed at his misfortune. "Ah, young love." Marik nodded to himself.

"Oh, shut up."

"Heys all you fellas! Ya ready?" Cody seemed to pop out of midair as he unlocked their cell door and began to let everyone out. He was all spiffy-looking, dressed up in a black tuxedo that was a tad tight around the middle due to his small beer belly. As Marik and Malik passed him, both boys in their green and black polka dotted attire, they blinked once then twice.

Malik giggled and waved to the middle-aged man, "Hey, Cody? What's up with the tux?"

"Yeah, it looks… a bit too formal for a prison movie, don't you think?" Marik added, rolling his eyes.

"Oh! Ah, yup yup! But I gots a date!"

Everyone tilted their heads a bit to the right and asked in unison, "… Who?"

"I called and asked General Heidi to be my date, tonight!"

"Heidi? And she actually said yes?" Marik had the most surprised look on his face. Sure, he didn't know the general all that well. As a matter of fact, all he knew was that she was one of Yami's lackeys. But, from the way she looked, he kind of figured that Cody was beneath her.

"Ah ha…" Cody scratched the back of his head, giving an impish grin, "Well, I figured that somewhere deep inside that 'no' was a maybe! Ya know how fickle women-folk are!"

Malik raised an eyebrow, "Cody… You know, I really don't think she's going to come. I-I mean, no offense or anything… but you look like you're old enough to be her dad."

"That's what she said! I figured, ya know, might be some type of love teasin."

"… It's more likely to be hate teasing." Marik informed him.

"Aw, man…!"

Patting the poor man on the back, most of the inmates went through the threshold of the Mess Hall and took their seats behind the projector that stood in front of a rather large screen. It seemed that they were all ready to go, and the only three people that were still in the hallway were Marik, Malik and Cody, who were about to go in, themselves.

Suddenly, a few guards came into the hallway as the boys were about to enter. Their hair was, of course, a complete copy of Yami and Yugi's famous multi-colored locks. And they figured they were members of the Spike Patrol.

Malik blinked, "What are those guys doing all the way out here?"

"I dunno, maybe they- Heidi!"

Following the Patrollers inside was the general of Yami and Yugi's army, a dignified pout on her lips and wearing her gray and yellow uniform. Her hat was tilted slightly over her eyes, masking half of her expression.

"I knews it!" Cody shouted, jumping for joy, "These fellas said you wouldn't come and that you didn't like meh, but I knew it, Heidikins!"

She put her hands on her hips and walked past the older man, making her way into the Mess Hall, Cody following like a dependent puppy, "Alright, let's get the rules straight. No kissing, no touching, no romantic gestures. I'm here because I heard they were playing Titanic this week and since our Pharaohs shut down all the Blockbusters and Hollywood Video stores, I can't see it anywhere else."

"Got it, Heidikins!" He smiled, happily sitting down next to her.

"And Cody? Don't call me Heidikins." Heidi was finally situated after much shifting in her seat, trying to get away from Cody's groping hands.

Marik and Malik looked at each other and shrugged, walking inside and the doors closed and locked behind them. Apparently the guards and Happy Chicken Man didn't want anyone getting in or out.

They had seats right next to both Heidi and Cody. It was about twenty minutes into the movie and Marik was entirely bored. He hated this movie in every since of the word and it seemed like he was the only one. When he looked around, every other inmate, including the guards that were stationed at every exit, had their eyes glued to that screen.

He guessed that they were all waiting for the scene when Rose poses naked. They hadn't seen anyone naked but themselves for the past thirteen days and it seemed they were ready to explode. Kaboom.

Heidi yawned, cracking her neck, audibly.

"I thought you said you wanted to see this movie." Marik whispered out of the corner of his mouth, noting the sleepy expression on the girl's face.

She glanced at him for a second before answering, "I guess I'd forgotten how boring the first two hours is… I'm almost tempted to leave, but I'm sure Cody would have a fit and cause a scene."

"… Why are you here, anyway? Don't Yami and Yugi have you doing something?"

"Yeah, but Cairo is a city I was supposed to erect one of their statues in, anyway, so I decided to drop in. I'm almost surprised you're here. I thought our Pharaohs said you two were masters of escape?"

"I'm working on it…" He snorted, "… Wait, statues?"

Heidi blinked, then blushed, "I shouldn't have said anything. This is classified."

"But now that you have, spill."

"…" She sighed, looking away and lowering her voice even further, "Well, Yami and Yugi have informed me that they're building a new religion. One in which the world will follow. They say they're remaking the bible and everything…"

"WHAT?" Marik stood up and was immediately shushed by everyone in the room. He growled and sat back down, "Those copy-cats…! They're just using my ideas! It was my idea to have a new religion and they're milking it for all it's worth!"

"… What do you mean?"

He let out an aggravated sigh. Of course she didn't know what he was talking about. They'd all been brainwashed into believing Marik and Malik's rule was a weird dream, not even that. So, he decided to let it go, but his hikari overheard them talking and was now in the conversation.

"They're making a new religion, huh? Wouldn't that be a killer if they called it the Yamble?"

"If they do, I'll strangle them!" Marik rubbed his forehead, "Alright, I can't take this. There's no way we're letting them carry out what we started, Malik."

"Well, what can we do about it?"

"… We're getting out of here. Tonight."

"What?" Heidi and Malik echoed.

"Hott Dawg." Marik whispered, harshly to the man in front of him. Once he obtained his attention, he whispered again, "We're breaking out of here, tonight, we have to leave."

"Yo, wha? Man, I told you-"

"I don't care, we have to get out. I think I have an idea, but you have to be willing to help me, okay?"

He seemed to think about it for a moment, even looking at that bullet hole going through his arm before answering, "… Fo sho, Rod Man."


	9. BREAK Part 1

Her Sweetness: Hallo, there! I was looking over my reviews for this story and I think people are liking it so far. Of course, some people might just be hoping I'll get better over time! Ha ha! 

… Ahem. Well, no worries, cause I will. That's evolution, you know? Like, at the start of a story, you'll be a 'so-so' writer. And by the end you could be a 'uber hilarious' writer! Anyone ever had a fic like that? I did!

… I think I might've had a few… But, I dunno. Maybe it was just my imagination.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 9:

It was now about an hour into the movie and the only people who weren't entranced in the movie were the people in the second and third row. Including the two Egyptians, a few inmates, an irritated general and the silly assistant manager of Happy Chicken.

"Marik, will you get serious." Malik twisted his mouth, his whisper a bit harsh, "I mean, just look at this place…! Guards are everywhere, there's no way we can get out of this room, unnoticed."

"… You are such a negativity spreader." His yami shot back, "Why can't you be positive?"

"Why can't you be sane?"

Marik's eye twitched.

"A-And, on top of that, you've just said we're going to break out in front of two people who are on Yami's side!" Malik motioned towards Heidi, who was watching them and Cody who was watching Heidi.

"Me?" Heidi's high-pitched squeal was music to the swooning Cody's ears, "You think I'm on the Pharaohs' side? They want to cut off my hands!"

Malik blinked, "But, you're their general, right? Shouldn't you show some kind of allegiance?"

"I hate to think of what kind of backstabbing went on when we were ruling." Marik said in his hikari's ear.

"Well…" Heidi bit her lip, looking down for a moment, "This… this is a bit unorthodox, I'll admit. Um, no one's… I mean… Oh, Cody, what do you think about this? I mean, we could get in big trouble for not saying anything."

Upon hearing her voice, Cody blinked, coming out of his provocative daydream. He looked at Heidi and although he didn't hear what she said, his answer was simple, "… Oh! Whatever you say, Heidikins, ah yup yup!"

She growled, but turned her attention back to the boys, "Ah… my lips are sealed, but don't tell anyone that I knew! Don't you ever." Heidi jerked her thumb in Cody's face, "And I don't care what you say about him."

Cody grinned, "Ya say that cause ya want me."

Heidi turned away in disgust.

"Aight, den, whas da plan, Rod Man?" Hott Dawg turned his attention to the slightly taller blonde.

"Okay, first we just need to get out of this room. Uh, Corn, I need you and Twirls to start a distraction in here, to hold these guards' attention. Then me, Malik, Hot Dawg, Boxxbaby, Peeps and Ron will sneak out."

"But there's more than likely to be more guards out there." Malik informed him. "And what happens if we get caught or something?"

"You know, you worry too much. We'll just play it by ear."

* * *

Back in the city of Domino, under the Pharaohs' palace in the jail cells, the boys that sat in the third cell were waiting patiently for Mokuba to finish what he was doing. But, of course, some were being more patient than others.

"I'm tired of holding this, Mokuba." Kaiba shot his brother a look. He, along with Joey and Tristan had been sitting in a line for almost an hour, now, holding their hands out as the yarn unraveled and Mokuba knitted it into a long scarf.

He smirked and continued his knitting, calmly, "Oh, Seto, c'mon. Just relax, I'm almost done."

"Yeah, well, this is sissy stuff." Joey pouted, "Why can't we do something manly… like eat doughnuts or make people touch our underwear?"

Kaiba raised an eyebrow and decided not to ask.

Tristan shook his head, "Joey, you're still doing that crap?"

"Eh he he he…!" Joey giggled, immaturely, "Well, there was this one old lady last month who asked if she could-"

"Oh, I don't want to hear it!" Kaiba shouted.

"Ah, shut up, money bags. You're just jealous cause no old ladies ask to touch your underwear."

Before a reply could be voiced, Mokuba held up his multi-colored scarf and smiled, "Okay, all finished!"

All three teens looked at it. It was about ten feet long and very dapper looking. The boy grinned and turned the opposite way, facing towards the barred window that faced out of the palace, eye level with the ground. He whipped it around his head, three times and threw it between two of the bars. When it came down the other way, he grabbed it and tied it around the half that he had in his hand. When it was pulled tight, he looked back at the other boys who had their heads tilted in the same direction.

"What are you doing, Mokuba?" Tristan was the first of three to ask that question.

"Ha ha!" He grinned, "I figure if we all pull on the scarf really hard when it's tied to the bars, they'll break and we can squeeze out! Wanna give it a try?"

"Hey! You are a genius!"

"Yeah, like your peanut head brother." Joey giggled under his breath.

Kaiba heard it all too clearly, but decided that it wasn't worth saying anything to. He grabbed hold of part of the scarf and scowled back at the other two teens, "Well? Are you going to help or not?"

"Oh…! Yeah!" They said and grabbed a hold behind Kaiba.

"Okay, everyone ready? Heave!"

They pulled.

"Ho!"

They pulled again.

"Heave!"

Again.

"Ho!"

Finally, it was one more 'heave' until they yanked it extremely hard and two bars fell out of the four-barred window. They fell to the ground and the four boys cheered in victory.

"Alright, guys, let's go!" Mokuba showed off his famous cutie-pie grin and proceeded to climb atop his brother's shoulders to reach the window. Just barely squeezing through, he plopped out onto the soft grass surrounding the palace. He looked around and saw lights coming from one side and complete darkness, the other.

He stood up and looked back down into the cell window, "Come on, we can't wait… too… long…? What are you doing?"

All three teens were trying to climb over each other and none could get out. Mokuba now doubted they could get out even without trying to kill each other. The hole was much too small and he realized that now.

"Ouch! Kaiba, move your fat head!"

"Who're you calling fat, mutt? Dare you to try and pinch an inch!"

"Grr… Alright, alright, you three cut it out." Mokuba whispered, harshly, "Look, this isn't going to work. I'm going to go see if I can finagle a key from one of the guards, come back and let you out that way. Wait here and be silent."

As he disappeared into the darkness, Kaiba folded his arms, pouting, "Where does that runt get off telling me what to do?"

* * *

"Ready?" Marik whispered to Corn and Twirls who were both sitting at attention in their chairs. They had switched places with Ron, Hott Dawg, Boxxbaby and Peeps so that they could be in the back and ready to leave with Marik and Malik if his plan worked.

"Readah, Rod Man!" Corn whispered back. Marik nodded, and thus began the distraction.

Suddenly, Twirls stood up, looked directly at Corn and yelled out, "Hey! You no-good pig! That's MY popcorn! And you can't have it!"

Corn hid his grin, standing up as well, "Well, what are ya gonna do about it?"

"I-I'm gonna…" Twirls looked down at the palm of his hand to remember the line that Marik wrote for him, "Oh, yeah! … I'm gonna ring your neck, you corn-sucking armadillo!"

"Bring it on!"

Before anyone knew it, they both were involved in a fist-to-fist fight on the ground, wriggling around in a spilt bag of popcorn from the concession stand. Everyone gasped and hooted 'Fight! Fight! Fight!'. The guards rushed from their posts by the door and tried to break it up.

"It actually worked?" Malik asked, eyes wide.

Marik grinned, "See? Eat your heart out, Malik Ishtar."

The hikari sighed as he along with the other guys followed his yami out of the side door, they were careful not to be noticed but it wouldn't be a problem anyway. The fight was very convincing and held the people's attention. Before the door closed shut, Malik caught a glimpse of Heidi and Cody who were waving as they left. He smiled and waved back.

They made their way down the hallway and stood up.

"Okay," Marik nodded to Hott Dawg, "You've gotta lead us to the compound door. We haven't been here long enough to now exactly where it is."

"Yeh, man, right throu here." He began to walk down the corridor and the rest followed.

Malik swallowed hard and tapped his yami on the shoulder, "Marik, I don't want to go back to that chicken death compound. It's nasty and gross and awful!"

"C'mon… Last time you were there, you were all 'boom' and 'boom'. So, lighten up and with our luck this'll be the last time we have to go there."

"Yeah… You're forgetting, our luck is often tainted with failure-"

Just as the boy was finishing his negative sentence, Marik clamped his hand over his hikari's mouth. They hid in the shadow of the wall as two guards went running down the hallway, shouting, "There's a prison break in progress! Someone get the warden!"

When they passed by, Hott Dawg cursed under his breath, "Damn it… I knew dey catch on. C'mon, den. We betta hurry afore dey get Happy Chicken Man. Dis way!"

They all ran towards the compounds door, throwing it open and rushing out.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the top office of Happy Chicken, the warden was in his office entranced in a book that he was eagerly reading. Suddenly, a forceful knock pounded on the door and the man almost dropped his porno magazine. He hurriedly put it away into the bottom drawer and shouted, "Ah, come in! But it better be good!"

"S-Sir, sir!" A guard came in, a worried look on his face, "We have a problem. There was a fight in the Mess Hall-"

"Oh, come on. There are fights every week. What was it, another popcorn fiasco? You interrupt me for this?"

"But, Happy Chicken Man, Marik and Malik are missing! We have reason to believe that they, along with a few other inmates, are escaping and going through the compound!"

"WHAT?" He stood up and slammed his fist down on the intercom button. A loud ring echoed through the hallways as well as outside the building. He shouted into the speaker, "ATTENTION, WE HAVE A JAIL BREAK IN PROGRESS! LOCK ALL DOORS AND KEEP WATCH OVER THE COMPOUND!"

Happy Chicken Man turned to the guard that was shivering in his boots, "Hurry and release our secret weapon!"

"What? B-But, sir, we c-"

"DO IT!"

"Yes, sir! Right away, sir!" He nodded and stuttered, fumbling out of the room and down to the compound security room.


	10. BREAK Part 2

Her Sweetness: Hi there! I'm high on life and listening to some techno music which happens to be my inspiration to everything I've ever written! Marik and Malik muses are excluded… 

So anyway, sorry the last chapter was kind of short and lacked detail, but I was tired.

Let's try and make up for that, shall we?

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots 

Chapter 10:

Outside the night air was crisp and there was not a cloud in the sky. Stars were out, but their brilliance and glow was being temporarily masked by the search lights that were waving all around from the roof of Happy Chicken. Sirens filled the surrounding area and everyone was in a tizzy, looking for the escapees.

Coming out of the hallway door into the large compound was two boys and their inmate friends. They were all crouched down, their knees almost touching the ground as they peeked out of the window at the door. The search lights were going around the ground in circles and, by the announcement they'd heard over the P.A system, they knew they were being looked for.

"Do you think we can outrun those lights and make it to the other side of the wall?" Malik asked, blinking.

"'Course." Hott Dawg answered, "Da hard part will be avoidin the guards on da other side of da wall…"

Marik nodded, "Well, we've gotten this far. We can't stop now, so let's go."

Everyone nodded bravely. Except for Malik who whined and got a smack on the head by his yami who was tired of his bellyaching. Slowly, Ron opened the door and the six men went out on almost all fours, hiding in the shadows of the building. They kept to the wall as close as they could, not wanting to be spotted.

It was not two minutes later when Marik growled, hugging the wall's curve. "This is taking too long! Someone's going to see us, light or no."

"Tch! Well, what? You want us to run across to the other side?" Malik rolled his eyes, still sliding by the wall.

"Exactly."

He blinked, "… You're out of your mind! We'll be shot!"

"Why do you always think of the worst possible things that could happen, huh?"

"Because those things always happen. And if you think anyone's going to listen to your insane plotting, you're even crazier than I thought. Right, guys? … Um, guys?"

When there was no response, Malik turned his head and saw the four convicts running across the lot trying to dodge the lights. Malik's jaw dropped in disbelief as he turned to his yami who was smirking, evilly.

"In your face."

"… Oh, shut up."

Marik smiled and raced off, pushing himself from the wall with a great amount of force and zooming after the men, hopping around, trying not to be spotted. Malik sighed and ran off as well, not really caring if he was seen. In his opinion, they were all as good as dead.

Up in the tower that looked over the compound, the guard that had previously warned Happy Chicken Man about the escape was now in keeping a vigil eye over every movement that went on. He used a joystick to control one of the lights above the compound and went round and round with it, but saw nothing.

"Damn it…" He muttered to himself, squinting.

Suddenly, a flash of blonde hair and tanned skin went quickly through a beam of light from the beacon. He blinked and quickly followed the direction of what he saw. Without much effort, he caught up to a few people all dressed in Happy Chicken clothes, looking like they were running from their life.

"Got 'em!" He grinned, pressing a red button on the control panel. Down, under the tower in the compound, a large automatic door slid up and released something that wasn't used very often…

Back down in the compound Malik halted in his tracks, "…"

Marik noticed this and so did the rest of their escape crew. He turned to his hikari and whispered, "What's wrong with you?"

"I… I thought I heard something…" He whispered back, holding a hand to his ear.

"We're not more than forty yards away from hoping the wall, can't your conspiracies wait until we get out of here?"

Suddenly, before Malik said anything back, a sound rung in Marik's ears. Then the rest of the guys as well. It was soft at first, then got louder; more of a screech than just a yell. Malik began to back up and then broke out into a full out sprint when he saw just what was making that sound. A stampede of large and crazed-looking chickens were coming at full speed towards the boys.

"Oh my gosh!" Malik screamed, hands in the air and waving them around his head as he continued to run in circles, not aware that he wasn't advancing towards the wall, "They're going to attack us!"

"Come here, you nut!" Marik grabbed Malik's wrist and ran with him, towards the wall.

Hott Dawg and the others were panting, trying to get to the wall as fast as possible, "Damn! I didn't know dat dey had live chickens! Dis place be high-tech, yo!"

Although the boys and men were running at top speed due to fear, the chickens were on their heels every step of the way. One jumped on Peeps who screamed and tried to get it off, but the deranged chicken was scratching his eyes out. Boxxbaby turned around with much hesitation and tried to help him, but was attacked by two others.

Hott Dawg turned around, "Ey, yo, man! You okay?"

"That's alright, keep goin!" Ron assured him as he ran back to help out his fallen friends, "I'll help them out!"

Marik and Malik looked at each other for a moment, then when the rest of the blood-thirsty chickens came after them, they made a run for it. Though, leaving their three friends wasn't easy. They could still hear their terrified yells, "Help! It's got my eye! It's got my eye!"

It sounded painful.

They were now at the ramp. The only part of the fortified wall that didn't have any barbed wire protecting it. As they climbed up and were almost to the top, Malik was panting, "I-I can't believe we got here…! I thought we'd surely die!"

"Ha ha! Well, that's what happens when you doubt my awesomeness, Malik. All your hopes and dreams are dashed."

"I wasn't hoping to die!"

"Ah… Yo, fellas?" Hott Dawg cut into their arguing.

"What?"

"I tink we gots a problem…" He pointed down into the other side of the wall and Marik and Malik looked down. Below stood about fifty guards with scowls on their faces and rather large and powerful looking guns all pointed at the three men at the top of the ramp.

Happy Chicken Man was down there with a megaphone in his hand. He smirked, looking up and yelling at the boys, "Heh heh! You thought you could escape? Hate ta break it to you, Marik and Malik… but NOBODY escapes from Happy Chicken!"

"Oh yeah!" Marik shouted, "Well, we happen to be nobodies!"

Malik sweatdropped, "My sentiments, exactly."

The fat man grinned, "So, why don't you just give up? It's better than getting shot, right? Come on down here quietly and we wont shoot!"

Hott Dawg turned to Marik, "I tol ya…"

"No, lemme think for a moment… Ah… I got it!" He grinned, turning back to his prison-clad friend, "Hott Dawg, you've been shot before right?"

"Fo sho. But wha dat gotta do wit-"

"Did it hurt?" Marik inquired.

Malik's eyes widened, "What do you mean? Of course, it hurt-"

"Not too much… Ya gets used ta it."

"Would you be willing to do it, again?"

Hott Dawg thought for a moment and scratched his head, "Ah… I s'pose… Why?"

Marik grinned and whispered something in the man's ear, low, so that his hikari could not hear. After he was done, Hott Dawg gave an impish grin and nodded, "Yo, okay."

"W-What are you guys talking about?" Malik pouted.

"Never you mind, Malik, we've got work to do." Marik began the descent down the ramp along with Hott Dawg and Malik soon followed, not getting what they were doing. Marik called out to Happy Chicken Man, who was tapping his foot impatiently as the boys came down to him, "Alright, Chicken Man! We're coming, you win."

He smirked, "I always do."

They stepped off the ramp and the guards lowered their guns and moved forward to cuff the near-escapees. As they came closer, Marik grabbed his hikari's arm and zoomed off, past the guards, Hott Dawg following but going a bit slower on purpose.

"HEY! Come back here!" Happy Chicken Man shouted in disbelief, "What are you waiting for? Shoot them!"

The guards opened fire and Hott Dawg turned around, leaving Marik and Malik to run away into the desert. The bullets hit only one of their targets and although Hott Dawg was being shot five times out of ten rounds, he could dodge pretty well.

About fifty feet away now, Malik was still being dragged by his yami, "M-Marik! What are we doing! He's getting shot just so we can escape?"

"He agreed to it!" Marik called back with a smiled, "So, relax and hope he holds their attention!"

"You're so wrong!"

Marik grinned, "I know! Don't ya just love it?"

* * *

About thirty minutes later, back at the Pharaoh's palace, a young shadow was wondering around the side. He was masked by the darkness and whenever he heard someone approaching, he'd duck in a bush our try to make like he was a lawn gnome. And it worked. 

When the coast was clear once again, he got out and looked up. One of the windows on the third floor was open and light shown down onto his face, revealing him as the younger of the Kaiba brothers.

He had been looking for a key for the cell his friends were in, but so far no luck. All the guards were heavily armed and it would be ludicrous to try and steal a key from them. He wanted to now try a find a way into the castle and get one from one of the inside Spike Patrol. Word had it that they were much lazier and it'd be easier to overpower them, even with his small size.

Mokuba noticed a drainpipe going up the side of the castle, right next to him. He smiled and grabbed onto it, shimmying his way up, one step at a time. It wasn't five minutes before he got up to the lit window on the third floor. He expected to find maybe an empty room with a maid or a lone guard occupying it. But instead, he happened upon Yami and Yugi's throne room.

He gasped and wrapped his legs around the pipe even tighter while he leaned close to the open window and listened in.

Inside the room, both Yami and his hikari were on their thrones and looking down at a guard who was knelt before them, baring news for his Pharaohs.

"What is it that you wanted?" Yami asked, yawning. He'd been receiving calls and questions about everything he had going on from all his subordinates all day long and it was close to eleven o' clock. He was ready for bed.

The man nodded and stood, "Pharaoh Yami, I have both good and upsetting news for you, y-your grace."

Yugi groaned, switching his teddy bear from one arm to the other, "I hate it when there's good and bad news! Well, I don't want to hear the bad!"

He blinked, "Um… B-But, Pharaoh Yugi-"

"Ignore him." Yami said, rubbing his temples, "Continue."

"Yes. Uh, I-I shall tell you the good news first! Well, we've received ten thousand units of your new religious books and another twenty thousand units have been shipped to every corner of the earth." He nodded and held up a blue book. It was rather thick-looking, around one thousand pages or so.

Both Pharaohs squealed with delight, "Oh my Ra!"

Yami was the first to run down from the stairs leading to his throne and grabbed the book away from his servant. On the cover was the title that both Yami and Yugi had to think about for a long period of time. _Monkey Love_.

"This is wonderful! A job well done." He congratulated the man in front of him, who smiled brighter than anyone ever did.

"T-Thank you, my Pharaoh!"

"Now…" Yugi raised an eyebrow at him, "What's the bad news?"

"Oh. Well, my Pharaohs, I… I mean, we had a call just a moment ago from Happy Chicken, in Cairo." He braced himself for the rage that was sure to follow his next sentence, "And… and they have reported that inmates 2340 and 2341... Marik and Malik Ishtar have escaped!"

Yami dropped the book he was holding and Yugi dropped his teddy bear.

"… WWWHHHAAATTT!"

The joint screeched reached all the way out of the window to a small boy's fragile ears. He had to let go of the window sill to cover them, for fear of his eardrums bleeding. Suddenly, the drainpipe was being shaken and he looked down, hurriedly. A teenager with sparkling green eyes and jet black hair, much like his own, was shaking him. A goofy smile on his lips and his cheeks a rosy pink.

Mokuba whispered harshly, "O-Otogi…! Cut it out, you're going to make me- AAHH!"

He shouted, his legs unraveling themselves from the pipe and his body freefalling down to earth, landing on Otogi who really didn't seem to mind at all. In less than a moment, they both say up and Mokuba glared daggers at the teen, "You buffoon! Do you know how much noise that made? We could be-"

"Hey, you hear that?"

"Yeah, c'mon."

Two voices came from the other side of the palace wall. Before Mokuba could make any attempt to hide himself or Otogi, two of the Spike Patrol came out and starred at the boys laying in the bushes.

"Hey, you! What're you doing back here?"

Otogi grinned and fell back, "We're peeing on the Pharaohs…! Ha ha…!"

Mokuba grimaced, "Oh no…"

"You're doing what?" One guard turned to the other, "There's gotta be some rule against that, somewhere."

He nodded and looked back at Mokuba, "Hey… Yeah, I've seen you before. You're one of the Kaiba brothers, aren't you? How'd you get out of your cell? Oh well… C'mon, let's take him back." He grabbed Mokuba and the other Patroller grabbed Otogi.

"And you're coming too."

Before they knew it, they were both back in the cell Mokuba shared with his brother, Tristan and Joey. They looked surprised to see him and all asked the same question.

"What happened?"

"He happened!" Mokuba pointed to Otogi who was bouncing around the cell, giggling, "This weirdo shook me off a drainpipe and I fell, then the guards heard and arrested us!"

Everyone turned to Otogi, "… You idiot."

"Sorry…!" He smiled, continuing to bounce.

Joey sighed, "So, I'm guessing you didn't find anyway to get us out of here, right?"

"Nah… But, before this guy knocked me down, I found out straight from the horses' mouth that Marik and Malik are alive and well!"

"What?"

"Yeah," He nodded, almost smiling, "It seems they had them holed up in some facility in Cairo, but they escaped. No doubt that they'll be coming here to get the puzzles away from Yami and Yugi."

Kaiba rolled his eyes, "You seem happy…"

Mokuba nodded, "I am! Marik and Malik may be the bad guys, but right now they're the heroes that we need. I just wish there was a way we could help them…"


	11. Because We're Beautiful

Her Sweetness: Hello, there. I'm just typing another chapter and stuff. I'm distracted though… I'm watching TV right now and can't tear my eyes away from this marathon… 

Okay, well I'm pretty sure I should change the channel…

1, 2, 3... Click! Ah. I didn't do it. 1, 2, 3... Click! I DID IT!

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 11:

From the time they heard the upsetting news to the next morning, Yami and Yugi were in a rage. At first, their anger was directed at each other. Blaming each other for something they didn't do. And then, once they realized this senseless arguing would get them no where, they turned to the guard who delivered the bad news and had two of his fingers chopped off before sending him to the shadow realm.

And then about ten more random guards suffered before dawn came and looking at the new sun gave the Pharaohs their senses back. They then proceeded to get a hold of everyone in the surrounding area and ask - no, demand that they explain what happened.

"P-Pharaoh Yami, we now have Happy Chicken Man on hold, would you like to-"

"Gimme that, you fool!" Yami immediately snatched the phone out of the guard's shaking hands and pushed it to his ear whilst shooing the man out of his bedroom. When the door closed and he and his hikari were the only living souls in the room, he cleared his voice, "Flyswatter. Care to explain what happened last night?"

"I-I… Um, I mean… Y-You see…"

"Spit it out!"

"Ah! Yes! Um, during the weekly movie, it seems there was a fight between two of the inmates-"

"Between Marik and Malik?"

"N-No, it was…" Ruffling could be heard in the background, "Inmates number 1265 and 2635. I believe their more common names are Corn and Twirls. Ahem. When they began to cause a seen the guards in the room rushed over to stop it, and I think that's when the boys along with a few other inmates escaped."

Yami sneered, "You mean to tell me more prisoners escaped?"

"Uh, no, sir. You see, they tried, but three of them we eaten by our attack chickens and another took approximately fifty-two bullets on Marik and Malik's account. He's lucky to be alive."

"… Riiight…" Yami scratched the back of his head, "… I wasn't aware we had attack chickens, Flyswatter."

"Oh, well we needed something to help out the guards take down escapees."

"Ah."

"My Pharaoh, I can assure you this was a one time thing. I-I mean, nobody has ever escaped from this facility before. I don't understand how they could've…"

"Let me informed you, Flyswatter, that Marik and Malik are nobodies."

Yugi nodded in the background, "Too true."

Yami switched the phone to his other ear and examined his nails while saying, "Well, now that I'm aware of the circumstances, I think I'm a bit calmer now."

A large sigh was blowing through the line, "Oh thank you, Pharaoh Yami! I assure you, we did everything in our power to keep them here, but they seem to be good at getting away."

"Mmm-hmm… And now that it's cleared up, I'm scheduling your execution for Tuesday."

"… WHAT? But, my Pharaoh! It wasn't my fault, your grace! PLEASE! Reconsider! We had a lot to cover that night, they were just lucky! We had so many things to do! And we had a drop in surprise, we had no idea the general would be attending a-and…!"

"Hold." Yami stood up from his seat, glaring into the receiver of the phone, "General Heidi was at Happy Chicken that night? Was she watching the movie?"

"Uh, yes!" A bit of ruffling was heard, "I-It says in the report I was given that she was sitting next to Marik and Malik… It seems she was Cody's date, your leadership. Come to think of it… she would've been able to see or hear any conspiracies that went on that night, wouldn't she?"

"…" Yami's eyes widened and he threw the phone across the room, it hit the wall and smashed into about twenty small pieces. Yugi's eyes were a bit wider than normal as he tilted his head, unaware of why his yami has just broken his favorite Dark Magician phone.

"Grr… HEIDI!"

* * *

Somewhere in the Sahara Desert, about ten miles from the Happy Chicken prison camp were two tanned bodies. The sun beat down on them as the morning moved into early afternoon and by now Marik and Malik had been walking for almost eight hours. For the first few hours after their escape, Marik said they couldn't stop running because they might come after them. But after the first two hours and no sign of any artillery or anything of that nature, they slowed down a bit, though still kept on.

Malik wasn't a fan of the way his yami got them out of that last jam. But, he couldn't argue that Marik's methods got results. They were out of Happy Chicken, and that was the goal. And, of course, Malik had to admit that place was wearing on his last nerve. Having to stay in a stinky cell with big burly men was one thing. And even the hole in the ground for a toilet was something he could handle. But the green and black polka dotted jumpsuit was a different story…

"Marik!" Malik whined, trekking through the sand behind his yami, "I don't want to wear this… this damned Yugi-suit!"

"…"

"It's so ugly! And I'm hot in it! And not in the good way, either, I'd forgotten how the sun could drive a man crazy, out here…!"

Marik growled, mumbling, "That's not all that can drive a man crazy…"

"I heard that, you know… And anyway, it's hot!"

"I'm aware."

"Yeah," Malik sighed wiping the sweat from his brow, "And, you know, the thing that's making it a lot hotter are these awful suits. I want to take mine off, now, Marik. It's hot and I'm sweating and I'm unfashionable!"

"Malik! Cut it out! I know you're hot! I am, too!" Marik turned on his heel and glared at his light side, "But what would you like me to do about it? This is all we have to wear! Our other clothes were thrown away."

His hikari sighed and looked around. All he saw was sand and sun, sun and sand. Not much else. Except for the occasional rock or two. He looked back to his yami, smiling, "There's no one around. We can go in our birthday suits."

"…" Marik tilted his head, pondering that for a moment. He'd forgotten exactly what a birthday suit was until he then remembered, "NO!"

"Aw, c'mon… What, are you embarrassed or something?"

"I am NOT embarrassed!" He shouted, cheeks flushed, "It's just absolutely ridiculous! What if someone passes by?"

Malik frowned, "Well, you do what ya want. But, even naked, I'd look more stylish than in this."

"Oh, I'm so sure."

Without warning, Malik ripped off his green and black jumpsuit and revealed himself for all the world to see. Marik groaned and turned his back, walking in a bit of a faster pace. When Malik was done fixing his hair and the old clothes were smothered in sand, he trotted to catch up with his yami.

It took Marik about five minutes to get used to his hikari's new… attire. Which consisted of shoes, socks and a bunch of raw, tanned skin. But soon, he was treating Malik much like he always had and the absence of cloth on his body was forgotten.

"So, where are we going now?" Malik asked.

"Ah…" Marik scratched his head, "Well, I think our best bet would be to find Ryou and Bakura. There'd be no point in going back to Domino just yet because we don't have the rods to work with."

"Right, but we have no idea where they could be." He waved his arms around in the air, "I mean, this place is huge! And that was just a rumor we heard in Happy Chicken that they're around here… no guarantee that it's true."

Marik raised an eyebrow, "I find it interesting that even when you're naked, you're still that negative hikari of mine."

"Humph!"

"But, I'm sure if we look hard enough, they'll show up. I mean, how hard can it be to find two albinos with odd colored hair in the desert? It'll be like finding a white rose in a field of weeds."

"More like finding a needle in a haystack…"

"Tch. Negative."

Malik tossed his hair into the wind, and struck an alluring pose, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."

"That's not why I hate you."

"Oh!"

* * *

Back in the cells of the Pharaoh's palace, the sun had woken the prisoners up about two or three hours ago. They were now awake and thinking of ways to help the salvation of the earth. But, of course, in a position such as this, there weren't many options.

"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard." Kaiba snorted, turning his head.

Joey stood up, "What'd you say, Kaiba?"

"I said it's DUMB!"

Before anyone could be punched in the face, Mokuba stepped in the middle of the two teens and sighed, "Okay, you two, cool it. We need to give constructive criticism! Um, okay… Joey. I think your idea has potential. Mmm, but we can't just shoot Yami and Yugi out of a cannon. That'd be a little hard…"

"And stupid." Kaiba added.

"What!"

"Alright, stop it!" Tristan intervened this time. He had been patiently sitting there watching the arguments unfold, all the while, he had Otogi's head in his lap. Sometime during the night, Otogi stopped his bouncing around and ridiculous statements and conked out. Conveniently enough, Tristan was there to catch him when he fell. He was sleeping soundly now, snoring only occasionally. "I have an idea."

"What is it?" They asked.

"Mokuba, since Otogi's sleeping and everything, he wont be able to mess you up when you're out there." He pointed towards the window that was still missing three bars. "You should go again."

"Again?" Mokuba sounded surprised.

His elder brother nodded, "I think that's a good idea, Mokuba. We need to learn more about our situation before continuing with any plans to help Marik and Malik. Maybe if you listen to Yami and Yugi's conversations, you might be able to see or hear something that could help."

"But it's in broad daylight. I'll get caught."

"Just try and be careful." Tristan advised.

Mokuba blinked then looked back to the window. "… Okay, guys, I'll see if there's anything I can find out." He then climbed up and out, giving one last wave to his friends.

He stood up, faced with the brightness of the sun. The grass was wet with a bit of leftover dew and, down the hill, he could see the Inner City, surrounded by the wall and beyond that, even a bit of the Outer Limits. Mokuba turned around and walked, carefully around the corner of the castle, his body pressed to the walls.

All that was seen in the way of security was a few guards that walked back and forth in front of a large statue of Yami. He looked up and saw that the drainpipe from last night had not been knocked down like he thought it was. It looked a little bent, but other than that, Mokuba considered it fit for climbing.

As he continued his way up the pipe, stopping to peep in each room on the way up, he made sure he had a tight grip on it, not wanting another fall like the one last night. He could've sworn that he might've almost broken his spine if Otogi wasn't there to break his fall.

"Ah… Here we go…" He whispered to himself, finding Yami and Yugi's throne room yet again. The glare from the sun on the glass window was annoying him, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. He squinted and scanned the room and it seemed there was no one there for the moment. Mokuba sighed and decided to wait and see.

Five minutes passed and the boy was getting bored. And tired from holding onto the pipe. His hands were chafing. Just as he was about to give up, two figures in gold robes and tassels came striding in, followed by one of their Spike Patrol.

Mokuba blinked and watched as both Yami and Yugi sat in their respective thrones and looked down at the man.

"I want that backstabbing demon here, tonight!" Yami yelled, his eyes red and large.

"B-But, my Pharaoh, General Heidi is on a mission…" He informed the yami, "One of which you have appointed and-"

"I KNOW WHAT I DID AND I WANT THAT GIRL HERE!"

"Gah!" The young man was cowering in fear as he bowed before Yami, "Yes, your grace! Anything your heart desires! She will be here soon! I-I have sent word for her to come back…"

"…" Yami turned away, thinking.

"I-Is there anything else either of my Pharaohs would like?"

Yugi blinked, "I want some Cheetos."

"Y-Yes, Pharaoh Yugi, right away!" He ran away, through the threshold of the large door to retrieve the young king's cheesy snack.

After he had left the room, Yugi turned to his other half, "Yami, Marik and Malik aren't that important. Without the millennium rods, you know they're powerless."

"No, Yugi, they're not. If they were powerless, they couldn't have escaped from Happy Chicken… They will never be powerless and until we have them under our thumb yet again, they will be a matter of great importance."

"… We still haven't found the rings yet, Yami. Shouldn't that be our number one priority?"

He nodded slowly, "We almost have them…"

"W-We do?" Yugi's eyes rounded.

"They were rumored to be seen in the Sahara. And now we've confirmed that. They've been sited, not far from Cairo and suddenly disappeared. I think I know where they are, though, it's just a matter of finding it."

"Where?"

"We don't have all the world just yet and so there are a great deal of people who aren't on our side. Though they aren't seen often. I'm aware of a place somewhere in Egypt that is an alliance of sorts… a cult bent on taking us out of power."

Yugi rolled his eyes, "Heh. Yeah, right."

"They must have Ryou and Bakura. There's no other way they could've gotten away from our army's eye so easily unless they were being protected." Yami stretched and yawned, leaning his head back.

"… Tired?"

"Not really. I'm saving my strength for when Heidi comes… I want to be fresh in order to strangle that girl. I knew hiring her was a mistake…"

"Pharaoh Yugi!" The guard came trotting back into the throne room, an orange bag in his hand, "I have your sodium and fat-filled snacking substance!"

"Yay!"

As Yugi continued to eat his Cheetos and speak to Yami about their plans, Mokuba was outside, watching with curiosity. He thought this was all very interesting and sad at the same time. Yugi being in charge of what was going to happen to him and his friends? Not a pretty picture.

Suddenly, a white flash came by his eyes and knocked him in the head. He yelped briefly, more out of surprise than pain then turned around to see a white dove sitting on the windowsill.

"Oh… Hello, there." Mokuba gave a lopsided smile, "Don't peck me, okay? I'm busy."

Even though the boy was sweet in his request, the bird denied him and him wishes and proceeded to use his beak to injured Mokuba's forehead.

"Ow! Hey! S-Stop it, plea- Ow!"

The dove kept at it and all of a sudden, Mokuba heard a shout from the vicinity of the ground. He managed to look down and saw, to his dismay, two guards. The same ones from last night, it seemed.

"What are you doing up there, kid?"

"AAHH!" He screamed, coming falling down into a smashed bush. The same one he fell in last night, only instead of falling on Otogi, he landed on the guards. They looked at him with hate and suspision and he answered with an impish grin.

Of course, the results were the same. In less than five minutes, he was back in his cell along with his friends and brother who were really surprised to see him back so soon.

"What happened this time?" Joey asked.

"Grr…" Mokuba went up the window, pointing out into the sky, "There was some crazy bird who came and started attacking me! I guess I made so much noise, the guards heard and came to arrest me again…"

Tristan looked up, "Did you find out anything?"

"Ah… Sure did! A lot. Like how Yami's mad at this woman named Heidi. And he thinks Bakura and Ryou are out in the Sahara Desert with a cult, and that's where Marik and Malik are, too, and he's trying to capture all of them."

Kaiba thought for a minute, "That's really useful, Mokuba… But a lot of good that'll do us, it's Marik and Malik who really need to get to Ryou and Bakura if they have any hope of defeating these jokers… W-We need a way to get that information to them."

Joey shrugged, "Anyone got a stamp?"

"We're not mailing it!"

Mokuba sighed as he looked out the window yet again. All of a sudden, a dove came inside the cell, landing on Mokuba's head. He looked around and shook his wings.

The boy gasped and pointed to his head, "Hey! Here's that bird that got me caught!"

"… Hey, let's roast him. I'm hungry." Joey said, a blank stare on his face.

Kaiba rolled his eyes, then looked at the dove as an idea came about, "I've got it! You know how people sometimes use pigeons as message carriers? This may not be a pigeon, but it couldn't be too different. I say we try giving him a message to give to Marik and Malik."

"Ha!" Joey laughed, "And you called me stupid…"

"No, that could work, Seto. Let's see…" Mokuba walked over to Joey and tore off a piece of his clothing. He took a piece of chalk he had in his pocket and wrote down a short note. It took only a moment before he carefully took the bird off his head and set him on the floor.

He rolled up the piece of cloth and tied it to the bird's leg, "Okay, Mr. Dove… I know you probably can't understand me, but I'm going to try anyway. I want _you_ to take this note to _Marik and Malik_. As I understand it, they're somewhere around Cairo… Got it?"

The bird blinked.

"Ugh… Just go, 'kay?"

He got up and flew out of the window, towards the sun and as he flew away, Joey said, "… My cannon idea would've worked…"


	12. Something Of A Toilet

Her Sweetness: Hello, hello. I'm kinda sleepy right now… I wish I could be more enthusiastic about writing this chapter. Ha ha! But, you know, I think I'm just winging it with these chapters half the time. 

Sometimes I think I'm in over my head with these ideas in my little, pink book.

Oh well. I'm sure it'll be good! .:prays to Anime Gods:. Please, help me!

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 12:

"… Marik, carry me."

"Ugh… no!"

It was about three or four hours later when both Marik and Malik were still trekking through the desert. They thought that at first, they were making some sort of progress, calling out Ryou and Bakura's names into the wind, but they soon found out that the echo was coming right back to them, and if their friends were more than a mile away, there'd be no way they could here them.

Marik didn't really think his hikari would last too long, naked in the Sahara. But of course, as he often does, surprised Marik with endurance and even when they had to run from rabid camels, Malik kept up with his yami despite his obvious disadvantage. But now, after a while of sand hitting against his backside and the sun beating down on his fanny, Malik was losing his enthusiasm.

"Please, Marik, I'm so tired…!" Malik sighed and wiped more of the sweat away from his forehead. He was barely keeping the slow speed at which they were now going and was about four steps behind Marik.

Marik growled, "Malik, it's not my fault you're so tired. The desert is a tough place and if you can't stick it out, you're better off at home on your couch."

"Trust me, I'd rather be on a couch! But, I'm not. I'm naked and sweating in the Sahara and even my own yami won't carry me… Isn't that sad?"

"Oh, please! You act as if this is my fault!"

"Well, actually! It is!"

He turned around, rolling his eyes, "Oh yeah? Did I hold a gun to your head and order you to get naked? Well, did I?"

Malik blinked, sighing. Marik was right, yet again. But this still didn't change the fact the he was too tired to walk anymore. "… Hey, Marik, if you carry me, I'll give you a piece of gum."

"I'm not going to put my naked hikari on my back and trudge through miles upon miles of sand just for a piece of gum."

"… It's Juicyfruit." He said, tauntingly. Malik bent down and dipped his fingers in his sock, pulling out a smushed and sandy piece of gum. It wasn't in a wrapper and had come out of Malik's sock, meaning it had touched his sweating and smelly foot.

"That's sick. Let's go, we're losing daylight."

"So what?" He stuffed the gum back in his sock and followed his yami who was walking off without him, "If we wait till nighttime, then it'll be cooler for us to walk!"

"Yeah… Except, you're forgetting that it gets really cold in the desert at night and you're running around in the raw. You wont be too happy, and there's no way I'm going to give you my clothes."

As he sighed, they both continued to walk into the near setting sun. Marik believed, that since they got out of Happy Chicken at around eleven o' clock or so and, estimating everything else, he figured that maybe it was around five or so. He really didn't want the sun to set without them finding anything or anyone. Besides the fact that his hikari would be complaining non-stop, he'd also think that maybe Ryou and Bakura weren't in Egypt. And if that was the case, they might be in pretty big trouble.

It was less than twenty minutes later and the two were still calling out their friends' names.

"RYOU!"

"BAKURA!"

Malik took in a deep breath, "Okay… I don't think they're around here…"

"What was your first clue?"

"… You know. I've been thinking."

"Wow."

"Shut up! I mean, I've been thinking that maybe Ryou and Bakura left Egypt? To go to a surrounding country maybe? Or to sightsee? You know what a tourist Ryou is."

"That's ridiculous. I think you've been in the sun too long."

"But-"

Before he could finish his sentence, Marik shrieked in surprise. He'd felt something fall onto his head all of a sudden and whirled around to see if anyone was there, but there was not. He looked back at his hikari, feeling on his head for anything.

"Ah… Malik, do you see anything in my hair?"

He blinked and stood on his tiptoes to see. And after two seconds, he found that certain something.

"Oh, gross…!" The hikari twisted his mouth.

"What? What is it?"

Malik scratched the back of his head, "Let's just say… a bird's using you for a toilet."

"WHAT?"

They both looked up at the same time and spotted a white dove flying above their heads in a circle. Marik growled and shouted obscenities at the careless bird and Malik tee-heed behind his back.

"And just what are you laughing at? This isn't funny!" Marik noticed the small giggles escaping his other half and found it insulting that Malik would make fun when he was in distress.

"He he he… It sure isn't. That's gross."

"Well, thanks for informing me!"

"Your welcome."

Just as Marik was about to strangle his light, the same dove that they had seen hovering over head had now perched itself upon Malik's head. He shook his wings and looked around for a moment before pecking the hikari on his head, viciously.

"Ow! H-Help! Cut it out! Ouch!" He ran around in circles, trying to get the wicked bird to stop.

"Ha." Was Marik's revenge for the earlier betrayal. That said, he began to walk off.

Malik noticed this and ran to catch up, "S-Stop! W-Wait for me, Marik…! Ah, this hurts!" It was then that Malik remembered something he was taught a long time ago, in case of such emergencies. He immediately stopped, dropped to the floor and started rolling around in the hot sand.

"Oh, for crap's sake! What're you doing?"

"I-I've stopped! I've dropped! Now I'm ROLLING!"

"Well, cut it out, you're an embarrassment."

It seemed that Malik had failed to notice the bird getting off his head about fifty seconds ago and was now flapping it's wings in front of Marik. He was about the smack the thing out of the way, but then noticed a small, rolled up piece of blue cloth tied to his left leg.

"Hey… Hey, Malik, look at this. This bird's got a piece of someone's jacket on him."

Malik was spitting out the sand he had acquired during his fire drill.

Marik detached the blue clothing from the dove who then rested on the yami's shoulder. Though it was a bit annoying, Marik made no motion to get rid of him as he opened up the jacket piece. His hikari was up now and they read it together.

_Dear Marik and Malik,_

_It's me, Mokuba:D I'm in a cell in Domino along with Seto, Joey, Tristan and Otogi! We found out some stuff that may help you out. If we're right, you should be looking hard for Ryou and Bakura! Well, don't leave Egypt, cause they're right around there! They're supposedly with a cult that hates Yami and Yugi! I don't where it is, though… But I hope this helps. Send Mr. Dove back with a note saying you got this, alright? If you did…_

_Bye bye!_

* * *

She was in a bad mood. And there was no way to shake it either. As Heidi flew through the skies in a green and blue striped helicopter, she contemplated the ups and downs of her life. The ups took less than two seconds to think about. And that's because there were zero to none presently. The downs, however, were more than abundant and she couldn't shake this awful, sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Most would say that feeling came from the seventeen fish tacos she'd had for lunch. But she knew better.

"Ugh! I can't believe this!" He yelled to herself. She'd been doing that a lot, lately. Talking out loud when no one was there. She convinced herself into believing it was an effect of working under the Pharaohs, "How the hell can Yami call me all the way from New York and order me back by nightfall! And he knows I have things to do!"

When things had calmed down at Happy Chicken after Marik and Malik's escape, she got away from Cody and left for the next city on her list. Which was New York. The statue there hadn't even finished before she got a call to come back to Domino.

"That runt better give me another week to finish…" Heidi ran a hand through her hair as she shifted the controls. The roof of the large palace now came into view and she dreaded landing. But did so anyway.

As she hopped out and a few Spike Patrollers greeted her with a salute, she ran over a few things in her mind that could possibly make the Pharaohs call for her so urgently, 'Well… Maybe it was because I made that joke about Yami being constipated? No, he couldn't have found out about that. Um, maybe it was last week when I stole a bag of Yugi's Cheetoes from the kitchen? No, he's got thousands of bags, he couldn't miss just one. Or… maybe… Oh no!'

She came back to reality and found herself at the throne room's double doors. Trembling, she knocked and, at once, heard a voice order her inside.

"Ah… Hello, my Pharaohs!" She kneeled down before them after entering, "I-I'm very pleased that you called upon me. But… tell me, why did you extract me from my mission?"

Yami had been wearing a very docile look on his face until now. He stood from his seat and sauntered down the steps until he was less than a foot away from the general, "… I really wasn't expecting to see you back so soon when you left for the first city, Heidi. But something has come up."

She swallowed hard, "O-Oh?"

"I'm aware that Happy Chicken's movie night was the other evening. You were there, weren't you?"

"… Y-Yes. But, you see, it wasn't my fault, Pharaoh Yami. Cody was wanting me to go, and I was just finishing up in Cairo, I saw no problem with it-"

"It's fine."

Heidi blinked twice and muttered, "It's fine? Oh… Well, then…"

"Marik and Malik got out that night."

"Meep!"

"Happy Chicken Man reports that you were sitting next to them. Right next to them." He looked up from the floor and smirked, looking into her eyes, "… Something you would like to tell me, General Heidi?"

She was sweating bullets. That feeling in her stomach had worsened and she felt like she wanted to upchuck. It was a long minute of silence between the two before Heidi took in a deep breath… and scrambled to the floor, bowing again and again whilst sobbing.

"Oh-ho! M-My Pharaoh, _forgive_ me! I didn't mean it! M-Marik… he was just so… Ugh, I didn't mean to conspire against you! Honest!"

Yugi had been sitting silently up in his throne and now felt the need to speak, "I think we have a confession, Yami."

"Indeed, we do. Heidi."

She looked up from the floor, teary-eyed and shivering, "Y-Yes, your lordship?"

"I'm very disappointed in your behavior." With that, he signaled to the left to two guards who came over and grabbed Heidi by the arms. She struggled and kicked, but they were twice her size.

"W-Wait a minute! _YAMI_!" The doors shut behind them as they left both Pharaohs to their evil giggles and tee-hees.


	13. Crime and Punishment

Her Sweetness: … You know. Something weird just happened. I was in the kitchen, getting cereal, right? And I got out the milk and the cereal box and started pouring it out onto the counter. I didn't get a bowl. 

I think I'm concentrating too hard.

And my breakfast is taking one for the team.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 13:

It was about an hour later Pharaoh Yami received news that the former general had been taken of, just the way that he had instructed. He nodded and left his light alone in their bedroom and went down three flights of stairs accompanied by two of the Spike Patrol who were snaking on doughnuts behind their Pharaoh's back.

At the end of the fourth corridor, there was a large door, a dingy green and lined with small spikes around the border. With the pure whiteness of the walls surrounding it, the door looked out of place.

Yami cleared his voice and, immediately, the guards stuffed the doughnuts in their mouths and opened the doors. Inside, there was a very small room. About the size of a bathroom, but it was gray with only one barred window that showed the moonlight looking down into it. In the center of the gray and darkness was a body that hung from two shackles around it's wrists coming down from the high ceiling.

He smirked, "I see you've gotten comfortable."

"Ah…" A face looked up and a single moonbeam hit her face, "Pharaoh Yami! Please, let me out of here! I don't want to-"

"Heidi. Don't dig yourself even deeper than you already are."

"I'm sorry, but I have to say something, Pharaoh Yami! I-I know you must be upset with me, and you have every right. I was reckless when it came to the right thing to do regarding Marik and Malik's escape, but… Putting me in shackles? Your faithful servant? My Pharaoh, isn't this a tad bit drastic?"

Yami blinked and turned around, holding his hands behind his back, "Maybe… Just a little."

"…" She watched his movements with an intense eye as he turned back to her.

"This is the wrong thing to do in such a case. Just keeping you here will not insure any results when it comes to finding those boys and the rings."

"Ah, thank you, my Pharaoh!"

He glanced over his shoulder towards the two guards who were licking lollypops. "You, men. What do you think of Heidi as a general? Is she responsible on a normal basis?"

"Oh!" They fumbled to throw the candy away and looked at the girl hanging about two feet off the ground, who looked back at them, pitifully, "Ah, Pharaoh Yami, sir. We believe that General Heidi is a woman worthy of such a title. She has always been a fair and graceful servant of you as well as a wonderful friend and commander of the Spike Patrollers."

Heidi smiled, happily, though said nothing.

Yami nodded thoughtfully and turned back to Heidi, "It seems that you do have an obedient army. And I agree they care about you a great deal."

"Mmm-hmm!" They all nodded in agreement.

"So, here's what I'll do to ensure we all get what we want." He took a step closer to Heidi and made a motion to her hands, "Your army has ten days to find both Marik, Malik and the rings. For each day that one of those items go unfound, one of your fingers comes off. And on the tenth day, if I don't have all four… You wont have a use for any fingers."

Her eyes were wide and she gasped, trying to say something, "M-My…"

"Sir!" Both guards echoed, "A-Are you joking?"

"No."

"Pharaoh, please! D-Don't do this, I swear, I'll do better!" She soon found he voice when she saw the serious glint in his eye and a sadistic grin on his face. "P-Please…! I'll do anything! I'll relieve my duties as general and lower myself to be your bathing girl! One of them, at least! Or maybe I should be working in the okra fields! Whatever your wish, that is reality, but please-"

"Day one…" He looked up at the moon that was high in the sky, surely it was about midnight. Yami turned back to Heidi and smiled, "Has ended."

"Ah… _NO_!"

Yami turned around, nodding towards the guards and exiting. They cringed at what they knew they were expected to do, but advanced on Heidi as the door shut. When confronted with such a act of raw violence, most would break down and cry and scream for their mommies. But not ex-General Heidi. She took her slice and dice like a real man- I mean, woman.

* * *

The moon was high in the sky and the stars were shining brighter than they ever had. All the light provided by natural sources rained down on the sandy desert and thus provided light for the two boys that were traveling with much less enthusiasm than when they started out.

After Marik and Malik got the note from Mokuba, they decided to write back. But, of course, with Malik naked and Marik having nothing but his Happy Chicken suit on, they ran short on something to write with. Until Marik got an idea that is. He tore off a piece of his uniform to use as stationary and found that Malik plus a cactus needle would suffice for sufficient writing utensils.

Malik rubbed his left arm, sorely, "I don't see why you had to use me for that letter…"

"Come on. That didn't hurt. One little cactus needle in the arm and a few pints of blood to write with… and you went all to pieces." He rolled his eyes. "You really need to be a bit stronger than that, Malik. You really are a big baby."

"Oh, gee, that's super nice of you." Malik spat and shivered, "Ugh… Marik, I'm freezing!"

"I told you so."

He glared at his yami's back, "Aw, I don't care anymore! Marik, we've been out here for over a day and we haven't seen hide nor hair of Ryou or Bakura! I know Mokuba said they're with a secret organization against Yami and Yugi and that's great for them, but it's a secret organization! Secret meaning, they're not going to have a sign at the front door saying: SECRET ORGANIZATION! COME IN AND HAVE A COOKIE!"

"… Calm down."

"I can't! I'm in a desert, cold, hungry and oppressed…"

"And naked."

"Right."

"Look, Malik," Marik stopped walking and turned back to his hikari who was shivering like no tomorrow, "I'm aware that they wont be easy to find. But this is the desert, with nothing but sand, they should be pretty easy to spot. We'll just have to keep on our toes."

"Well, good luck. Cause I think one of my toes just fell off. Gosh, it's cold! Look at me, I've got more Goosebumps than I care to count!"

Marik nodded, studying his other half's body, "Uh-huh. Well, I'm counting…"

"Hey, stop that!"

"Ha ha ha! Oh, lighten up."

"Humph!" Malik turned the other way and stomped off in the direction they were previously going. Before Marik had a chance to tease his hikari some more, he stopped right next to him and tilted his head.

"… Do you hear that?" He asked, looking out towards the horizon.

"Um. No."

Marik rolled his eyes and forcefully pushed his hikari in front of him, "Well, listen harder!"

After a moment of whining that he couldn't hear anything and thinking that this was some joke, Malik finally stopped his complaining and heard something. It was like a whisper and then grew louder and louder. Almost like a swarm of locusts or something. Then Malik blinked, "I do hear something!"

"Congrats. What is it?"

"What am I, a desert expert? I don't know, maybe it's a-"

Their question was answered when, against the rising moon came a large sheet of brown and gold sand, whirling into the night. A huge gust of wind came closer and closer until more of the ground covering arose and formed an even louder, more violent cloud hovering towards the two boys who looked at each other and screamed.

"SANDSTORM!"

"Oh Ra, what are we going to do!" Malik shouted, gripping his hair in his fists and running around in circles.

"I don't know! You've been in the desert longer than I have, what do you do in case of sandstorms!"

"Uh… uh…"

The sand flew faster now and was almost over the Egyptians.

"Hurry it up, PLEASE!"

"I got it! Tuck and roll!"

"Grr… that's parachuting, you idiot!"

"Well, excuse me!"

"You wouldn't have to be excused if you weren't such a-"

"AAAHHH!"

* * *

_Mokuba and co.,_

_Thanks for the info. We're trying to find those two, but the desert isn't as easy to walk around in as you might think. Everything looks the same. And that cult you mentioned? Haven't seen it, but we'll keep an eye out. But if they hate Yami and Yugi, we're joining. Glad you people aren't in our house, messing it up. Well, Malik's running out of blood, so…_

_Bye._

Mokuba stopped after he had read it aloud and turned back to his friends and brother who were all sitting in a row on the dusty floor. Mr. Dove had come back and landed on the boy's head and they all noticed a piece of black and green polka dotted cloth tied to him.

"Wow…" Joey blinked, stupefied, "T-They actually got our note?"

"Seems that way." Tristan nodded and rocked Otogi's sleeping head in his lap whilst looking up, "I glad, too. Maybe they'll find it."

"Maybe. But our chances are slim to none. I mean, they're in the middle of the Sahara. Where there are things out there that could stop them. There's even a chance they could be captured again." Seto turned away from the boys and continued what he'd been doing for the past day. Knitting.

Mokuba shook his head, "You can't think like that, big brother. We have to help Marik and Malik by being positive. If no one believes they're able to do this, then they won't."

"Yeah, Kaiba, show some team spirit!" Joey urged.

"Pheh."

The blonde thought for a moment and then an idea popped into his head. (A very rare event.) He stood up and raised his arms in the air, "Gimme a M!"

"Uh… M."

"Gimme an A!"

"A."

"Gimme a R!"

"R."

"Gimme a I!"

"I."

"Gimme a K!"

"K."

"Put it all together and what does it spell?"

"Failure."

Joey blinked, "Jeez wiz, Kaiba. For a CEO, you're terrible at spelling. Nah, it's 'Marik'."

"I KNOW WHAT IT IS, YOU FOOL!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING FOOL?"

"THE ONLY FOOL IN HERE!"

"Alright, just stop it!" Mokuba had to, once again, step in the middle and break it up. He told his brother and Joey to sit down on opposite sides of the cell. They did as they were told, though they complained and grumbled, and Mokuba took in a deep breath.

"'Kay, guys, here's the deal. We'll send Mr. Dove back to them as soon as we can find out something. But until then, we're going to have to be calm and collected. Remember what a great man once said! 'It is not failure that scares us. But the familiarity in it that does.'"

Joey blinked, "… I don't get it."

"Ugh!"

* * *

The sand covered everything. Over the hour it had spread to evenly, due to the gentle after breeze. Sandstorms always cause quite a racket and stir up a bit of trouble. Sometimes covering houses or people. But this time it was only two boys who had been involved in any way.

Over all the golden ground, only one thing stuck up from under it. That being a tan hand that was almost covered. It twitched to the left. Then right. Then started flopping around and soon it was grabbed by another hand.

Malik came popping out of the sand, spitting and coughing out all the sand that had been shoved into his mouth. He looked over through the sand that was shaken out of his hair, "M-Marik…?"

"Yeah." He answered simply, "You're lucky I made it, or you would've been as the Sandman."

He did a wiggle and got off most of the sand on his body, "Well… I guess it doesn't matter much. We're in the same position we were in however long ago."

"Ah. No, we're not. That was a pretty big sandstorm. What if it was so big that it got to wherever Ryou and Bakura are and covered them?"

"… Damn."

Marik was about to say something, but then he stopped. Tilting his head, he blinked, "You hear that?"

"Oh no…! Not another one!"

"No, it doesn't sound the same… it sounds like a…"

Suddenly, coming down a large hill from the west, a small, red jeep was in sight. It was coming pretty fast and the boys heard some whistling coming from it. As it came closer and closer and they realized it must be heading for them, Malik turned to Marik and whispered.

"M-Marik, that's probably one of Yami's people!"

"How do you know?"

"Who else would be out here in the middle of the day?"

Screeching to a halt, the jeep swerved in front of both Egyptians and a man in a blue and white stripped shirt waved at them, "Ey, there, buddies!"

"… C-Cody?"

"Ah, yup yup! Heys, c'mon get in! That was some kinda sandstorm that just happened, yep?"

Marik nodded, "Yeah."

Cody smiled again and then stopped, looking at Malik, "… Ah… any reason you goin out with your butt-nakedness all showin?"

Malik blinked and looked down. Immediately, he squealed and hid behind his yami, who groaned.

"C'mon, yous two! Spike Patrol will be here any minute to check it out." He motioned towards the backseats, "Come with me!"

Malik narrowed his eyes a bit and whispered in his other half's ear, "Let's run away. We can't go with him."

"Why not?"

"He's one of Yami's lackeys! He's assistant manager at Happy Chicken, for Ra's sake! We can't trust him."

"He's _Cody_."

"He's _still_ on Yami's side."

Marik took in a deep breath and lifted the boy from the floor and threw him in the backseat. Malik scrabbled to get up, "Gah, Marik! What are you doing!"

"Drive." Marik jumped in the passenger's seat and nodded to the man who was taking a swig of wine.

"Righty-o!"

"Marik…!"

"And we're off!" He started the jeep again and the went off into the east.


	14. The Only One

Her Sweetness: I'm doubting very highly that I can write this chapter without some technical problems with my brain. See, I'm listing to some weird and oddly twisted music and music always effects the way my chapters come out. 

Why don't I turn it off?

I like twisted things.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots 

Chapter 14:

A red jeep was running, smoothly along the sands of Egypt. Not swerving like it had earlier only because the boys had begged Cody to stop drinking so they wouldn't run into a camel. Of course he said that wouldn't happen. And even if it did, he'd be okay. He has a great car insurance company. About ten minutes after they had gotten into the car with the semi-drunk man, they did begin to get curious of how he found them. Well, Marik was starting to get curious. Malik had been curious since he was thrown into the car.

"Cody, what are you doing out here?" Malik demanded from the backseat. He forced his yami to tear off his shirt so that he could wrap it around his waist. He was now in his black and green spotted loincloth and interrogating thoroughly, "I mean, did Happy Chicken Man send you to find us?"

"Oh, Malik, cut it out!" Marik glared back at him, "Jeez, why do you think he's on their side all of a sudden? When we were in Happy Chicken, you giggled and tee-heed every time he was around."

"Newsflash for Malik's yami. He IS on their side!"

"Pheh!"

"Ah ha ha ha! Well, actually, I hads to quit!" Cody pursed his lips together and nodded toward the sun.

"Quit?" Both boys blinked.

"Ah, yup yup!"

Marik scratched his head, "Y-You just walked up to that fat, mean guy in the suit and said 'I'm quitting and there ain't nothing you can do about it!' I thought, in this new world order, you'd get whacked off for relieving your duties."

He sweatdropped and cracked a hopeful smile, "Ah… yup yup. I didn't say anythin exactly… I just kinda slipped out, took the jeep and came looking for yous two! Ha ha!"

Marik and Malik stared at each other, "… You went AWOL?"

"Welpies, I did it in the name of love!"

Marik raised an eyebrow, "The name of love, eh?"

Malik leaned over the seat and gasped, smiling, "Ooh, love has a name other than love? What is it?"

"Malik, you'd better pray to Ra that I don't slap you."

"Meep!"

Cody blinked and grinned, "Nah, nah! Heidi was called back to the palace yesterday. From what I heard, Yami's real pissed that she let you twos go. So he's gone off the deep end and locked her away!"

"… Harsh."

"And for everyday that goes by that you aren't found, Heidi gets another finger chopped off! On the last day, if the… uh, rings and Marik and Malik aren't all there at the palace, then Heidi gonna be…" He made a cut-throat motion.

Malik cringed, "Ra, that's awful!"

"Yeah, yeah, awful. But where are we going?" Marik asked.

"Well, I dun intend to let that happen to her! Nope, not my Heidikins! But, yous my buddies, too, so I can't let Yami just have ya!"

"Yay!" They cheered, "So, what's the plan?"

"I'm takin ya to Bakura and Ryou!"

"…" Both boys looked at each other and then turned back to the man, "Y-You know where they are? We thought no one knew!"

"Heh heh! No one but mes!" He smirked, "Cause I know the place where ALL the secrets of the world are…"

"… Where?"

"Happy Chicken's basement bathroom! Everythin's written on the back of the stall doors and all of Yami and Yugi's dark secrets are revealed! Like, did ya know that Yugi is scared of spaghetti? And that Yami is insecure about the size of his-"

"Um. Guys…" Malik interrupted the out coming of certain secrets and was now facing backwards and gaping out at the land that they had left in the dust less than a minute ago.

"What is it now, Malik?"

"We've got company."

Marik turned around in his seat and looked back along with his hikari, who was spazzing out. He looked for a second and squinted, finally seeing, over the dusty horizon, a few small figures. In a matter of seconds those figures got larger to the point where he could make out about ten to twenty large, black trucks. Printed on the front was 'Spike Patrol'.

"Gah!" Marik turned back to Cody, "Hey! We're being followed!"

"Hmm? We are?" He craned his neck and looked in the rearview mirror. Cringing, he turned back to Marik and grinned, "Eh heh heh… I-I guess they must've followed me! Ah, yup yup…"

Malik rocked back and forth on the seat, "We're gonna be captured! We're gonna be captured! We're gonna be captured!"

"Grr… Shut up!"

"Make me!"

"I will!"

"Hey, hey! Fellas, we ain't got no time to be fighting!"

Both boys scowled at him for interrupting their argument. He sweat dropped and pointed backwards towards the twenty large vehicles that were now less than thirty feet behind the small, red jeep. Malik squealed again and shouted, "What do we do!"

Before anything could be said, the first five of the trucks' tops had opened like a large sunroof and out came a rather large cannon. Immediately, the first truck shot out about four large, black cannonballs which were in the shape of Yugi and Yami's heads. When they hit the sand surrounding the jeep, they exploded.

Cody, being in his semi-drunken state, swerved and barely missed one of the bombs, but not by much.

Malik's eyes were wide, "Okay, scratch that, we're not gonna be captured, we're gonna be killed! We're gonna be killed! We're gonna be killed! We're gonna be-"

"Stop that! Now listen, we've got to get those guys off our tail, so-"

Another two bombs hit and one of the back wheels of the jeep blew. Cody yelped, "Sorry bout that!"

"Oh, for Ra's sake!" Marik took Cody and switched places with him, whilst grabbing the wheel, "You'd get us killed, Cody, I'm driving! Malik, you go take care of the Spike Patrol!"

He whipped his head around, "ME?"

"Yes, you!"

"Why ME?"

"Because I'm driving, and Cody's drunk!"

"And I'm naked, what's your point?"

Cody was going into hysterics by now, "Ah ha ha ha ha! Yous two is funny! Malik's naked and yous driving! Ha ha ha!"

"You have a shirt around your waist, just be careful!" Marik rolled his eyes, "Now go!"

Malik whined, pitifully, standing up in the backseat. He was facing towards the trucks and winced, "Marik, I can't do this! I swear, I'll just die!" Marik simply rolled his eyes and reared back, sending a well-placed head butt to his hikari, making him going tumbling off the back of the jeep and into the sand.

"Ah ha ha ha ha ha!" Cody crumbled to the floor of the jeep, weak from laughter.

Marik called back, "Hurry it up, Malik!"

Covered from head to toe in sand, Malik coughed and hacked as he stood in the middle of the desert. Watching his yami drive off in a hurry, he shouted the worst obscenities ever imagine and, from a distance, some would consider him a sailor in the nude. When he looked the other way, he noticed twenty black trucks looking larger than they had before. But that was probably because they were right up on him, about five feet away at most, until they drove right over the young Egyptian. Lucky for him that he dove onto the floor right as the first of them came to trample him.

As they drove over his body and he was pressed against the sand, looking up, he cringed and thought he might as well do was his yami threw him out of the car to do. Before the last of them past him, he grabbed onto the bottom rail and hung about two inches from the passing sand as they zoomed off, unaware that there was a boy coming, too.

Malik sighed, uneasily. The truck he attached to had just shaken violently and he knew it was firing off yet another bomb. He carefully climbed forwards, toward the cab of the truck. It took him about two minutes of squeaking and unsure movements before he reached the front and stood on the front license plate. He looked up and climbed slowly, to the window shield where a woman that was driving, screamed and shouted, "PERVERT!"

He blinked and then looked down. It seems that when he was thrown off the jeep, away went his shirt and so he was, once again, caught in the buff. Malik blushed and sighed, climbing inside the cab through an open window on the passenger's side. The woman screamed even more and jumped out of the other window.

"Hey! D-Don't leave, wait!" Malik shouted after her, but she was long gone. He scrambled over to the steering wheel and grabbed a hold. "Jeez. How am I supposed to… Ah, hey, I got it!"

Grinning, Malik took the wheel and rammed the entire truck into another truck beside it. They both when swerving to the left and the other driver shouter, "WHAT THE HELL'S YOUR PROBLEM!"

"I'm sorry, but I have to kill you!" Malik shouted back and gave a few other well-placed rams till the other truck tipped into another one and they both exploded.

Malik smiled, pleased, and jumped out of the window, onto the top of the truck. He took a deep breath and leaped onto another of the trucks, leaving the first one to go off and tumble over. He ducked as the cannon shot out another bomb at the red jeep which wasn't that far ahead at all and he made his way to the driver's cab.

Meanwhile, Marik and Cody were trying desperately to keep away from the Yami and Yugi bombs that were now raining down on them. Well, actually, only Marik was working at swerving the jeep around so they wouldn't die a horrible death. Cody was, on the other hand, driving bottles upon bottles of wine to drown his sorrows.

"I-I miss hers so muches…" Cody sobbed while downing another bottle of red wine, "Heidikins was da only girl who I ever wanted to rub my feets… Da only one…"

Marik turned the steering wheel again to avoid three bombs, "Cody, cut that out! I can't save our lives and listen to your sob stories at the same time! I don't multi-task!"

"DA ONLY ONE!" He wailed.

"Cody! She's fifteen and you're fifty, it wasn't meant to be!"

"We coulda worked it out…"

"Grr… Here, make yourself useful and tell me how Malik is doing." Marik pointed towards the rearview mirror. Cody tearfully sat up and squinted into the mirror. He looked back and saw that, from the twenty trucks that were on their tail, there were only three left. Malik was driving the middle one, locked between the two who had figured out what he was doing and were trying to squish him.

"Hey! He's alive!" Cody shouted.

Marik blinked, "R-Really? Wow, there's a shocker." He craned his neck to take a peek behind him, "He sure is! I'm going to have to give him a cookie if he makes it through that."

Back in the cab of the second truck, Malik was in real trouble. Both trucks were ramming him from both sides and there was no way he could over power them this late in the game. And besides that, he couldn't get his truck to stop firing bombs at his yami and Cody, so there was another minus from his situation.

He shut his eyes tight and chanted, 'Think, think, think…'. After a moment of nothing but a monkey playing symbols in his head, an idea came about. He shouted, "Eureka!" and looked along the bottom of the cab. He could've sworn that the driver that had just been in here was smoking quite a lot. Finally, Malik found two, still lit cigarette butts. Taking a deep breath, he leaned out of the window, waiting for the truck that was ramming him to break away for a moment. He quickly opened the gas cap to the tank and threw in the two cigarettes.

Suddenly, inside the jeep, Marik felt something weird and looked back only to see the three large trucks blow up in a gigantic explosion. The jeep actually jumped up about a foot and landed back on the ground. A huge cloud of smoke rose above the scene and hid the blue sky in black and gray.

Marik's eyes were wide, "Ra, did you see that? That was awesome! Cody, I think Malik did a great job, that was genius!"

"Uh… Maybe I'm just drunk, but wasn't Malik _drivin_ one of those?"

"…!"

Out of the thick smoke came a loud and shrill yelp, followed by a small dot flying through the smoke and out into the air, coming down to the ground with a shriek. A black and singed boy sat up and waved tiredly to the two in the red jeep only five feet away. His eyes rolled around a little before he coughed out, "I-I did it…!" He then fell backwards as Marik pulled him into the back of the jeep.

Cody blinked, "Can I drive now?"

"No."

"But I'm the one who knows where yours friends are…!"

"Just tell me which way to go, then."

"… Please?"

"No!"


	15. He Happens To Be Sweet

Her Sweetness: It wasn't easy, but I did it. This chapter is for Heidi, who has just had a very difficult 'maths' test.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots 

Chapter 15:

The sun was shining brightly on the large palace in the middle of the afternoon. All day, since the entire kingdom gained the knowledge of ex-General Heidi's position, they'd been in over their heads with the work load of trying to find the boys and rings. Yami hadn't quit yelling and sending people to the Shadow Realm since yesterday when Heidi's first finger was cut off and her screams echoed throughout the entire city.

Yami took in a deep breath as he sat down once again before another servant bowing before him and his hikari. He had just come running in through the doors without being called upon and immediately bowed for forgiveness because he knew the penalty for entering without permission.

"I-I'm very sorry, Pharaohs, but you must hear what I have to tell you… It is a matter of great importance, and an item I think you'll find very pleasing…" He groveled, kneeling down with something in his arms wrapped in a blue cloth.

Yami cracked his neck and looked down, tiredly, "Fine, go ahead."

"Ah… yes, sir." The boy started taking the cloth from around what he was holding. In a matter of seconds, he revealed a rather large, dark blue book and held it up to the two boys. "Um, it seems that Monkey Love has become a hit all over the world!"

Yugi blinked and smiled, "Hey! That's great!"

"People… have been converting to the Monkeyanisium religion and leaving the other's behind. Their new beliefs lay in this book and we've been asked for another thirty units in the eastern hemisphere alone. Ah, Germany has bought one unit…" He coughed.

"Germany only bought _ONE_ UNIT?" Yami roared, the echo of his voice making the servant fall backwards. "The nerve of those damned Germans! That's pitiful! Do they even know who they're insulting? GAH!"

Yugi looked unfazed at his other half's anger and noticed the servant cowering in the corner of the room. "Hey, Yami, cut that out. It's only Germany, why do you care so much?"

"They're mocking me, I just know it! All of them… Grr, I should just go over there and burn down the entire country! Ha ha ha ha ha! Then what would they do? Dare you to laugh at me now, while you're burning in the embers of my might! HOW DO YA LIKE ME NOW?"

"…" Yugi turned to the boy, "Could we get the therapist in here?"

Just as the servant was scrambling away for the door, Yami sat down once again and took in yet another deep breath. He looked warily at his light, "I'm sorry about that. I have to let all this anger out somehow. Ugh… Let's see, you, boy. Come here. What else have you come to tell me?"

"Oh… Well…" He shook violently. Judging from that display of anger and insanity, Pharaoh Yami was not in any mood for bad news. And that's what he had for him. But if he didn't say what he had to, then there would be even bigger repercussions, "M-My Pharaohs, regiment 3 was sent out yesterday to search for Marik and Malik as were your orders… And they found them."

"… YES! Yeah, baby!"

"But."

"But? But! Why is there a but! I don't want a but! Take that damn but out of there! Now, do it now!" By this time Yami had come sprinting off his throne and was strangling the boy who was screaming and sobbing, calling for his mother.

Yugi blinked and sweatdropped, "Yami, let him finish what he was saying! Damn it, how are we supposed to find out anything if you keep killing our servants!"

The boy only cried harder at hearing this.

Yami sighed and slowly let go of his neck, leaving a few ugly bruises on peach-colored skin. He coughed and hacked a bit of blood but then looked up with watery eyes, "Ph-Pharaoh Yami, they… were all killed… Marik (cough) and Malik got away in a red jeep… W-We did get a good look at the license plate, t-though… (cough) It said, 'Cody4U'…" He collapsed onto the floor.

"Cody?" Yugi thought for a second, "Our Cody? It couldn't be! Cody's… isn't he at Happy Chicken?"

"Grr… FLYSWATTER!"

Before anyone knew it, Yami grabbed a phone and punched star 69. Which was Happy Chicken Man's direct and private line. It only took him two rings to pick up and he said, "Hello?"

"Flyswatter, I let you off once, and yet again you have disappointed me! Where the hell is Cody?"

Happy Chicken Man cringed and started to sweat as he held the receiver in the palm of his hand. They'd been looking for Cody ever since last night when he and the jeep disappeared but couldn't find him. They even asked the inmates in Block 2 where he was because they knew that they were friends. But the men refused to say anything and simply threw their dung in the warden's face.

"Flyswatter, I ASKED you a QUESTION! Where the hell is Cody?"

"Ah! H-He… disappeared."

"WHAT? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HE DISAPPEARED! YOU IGNORAMUS! (BLEEP)! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? HE'S OUT WITH MARIK AND MALIK, GALLIVANTING AROUND THE DESERT AND YOU'RE SITTING ON YOUR FAT (BLEEP)! WHERE ARE THEY GOING?"

"I… I don't know, my Pharaoh!" He began to cry and wail, "I'm sorry! All I know is that a few of my men saw Cody studying the basement bathroom yesterday before he left! We should've known something was up, but I-I wasn't thinking…"

"… The basement bathroom? What's that got to do with anything?"

He blinked, "Oh, Pharaoh, you mean you don't know?"

"Don't toy with me, out with it!"

"Every secret ever guarded is on the back of the stall doors down there. I've never taken a look because… Well, I bring my own reading material. … My Pharaoh, do you read People Magazine?"

"To hell with People Magazine! Do you mean to tell me that the location of that cult we've been looking for could be down in that bathroom?"

"… You know, you have a point. That's probably where Cody's heading!"

"Gah! Idiots! You're all idiots! Flyswatter, I want your men down in that bathroom and on Cody's trail in a matter of seconds! SECONDS! Do you hear me?"

"Yes, sir!"

Pharaoh Yami hung up the phone and counted to ten, silently. As he turned back to his hikari to inform him of everything that's just happened, a small and cute face popped up in the window. He had been paying attention to everything that had been happening for the past twenty minutes. By now he was giddy and excited about what he'd just found out and was about to go down the drainpipe and back to his companions.

"Eek! I'm so excited!" Mokuba grinned and struck a pose, but stopped when he realized that he would fall if he kept this up. As he was shimmying down the pipe, he heard a cry. A small and frail shriek that wasn't too far away. He was about a story or two off the ground and he looked around at all the windows, but heard nothing and thought it was just his imagination.

Going down, he once more heard that sound though it was much closer now. He looked up and saw a rather small, barred window right next to him. Mokuba heaved a sigh and stood on his tiptoes to see into the window. At first, he had to adjust his eyes because it was a tad bit dark in there but the light from the afternoon sun helped him out.

The sobs and cries were heard loud and clear now as his face pressed against the bars. "H-Hello…?" He muttered.

A sharp intake of breath was heard accompanied by a choked sob.

"Um…" Mokuba blinked and allowed his voice to be a bit louder, "Is anybody down there…? Are you okay?"

Chains rattled, "Yes…"

"Ah… Who's there?"

"…"

He squinted into the darkness and could make out two long and tight chains shackling someone about two feet in midair. Moving his head to let more light down into the base, he could make out brownish, reddish hair and a few freckles. A torn and battered uniform adorned the figure's body.

"Hey… can you tell me your name? Have you been here long?"

"… No…"

"Why were you crying?"

"I'm tied up in a lone cell, why do you think I'm crying?"

Mokuba twisted his mouth and sighed again. He figured she must've done something really wrong for Yami to lock her up like this and not let her be with everyone else, downstairs, "… What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. And who are you, anyway? A guard?"

"No… Um, my name's Mokuba. I'm a prisoner here."

A bit more of rattling was heard and Mokuba could see a face look up at him, studying his face through the rays of sunlight. She turned around, "… One of the Kaiba brothers, right? You've gotten out, good for you. I advise you leave now before your caught."

"No, I can't do that. My friends can't fit through the hole I can get out of. I won't leave them here."

"… That's sweet." She turned back to him and cracked a smile, "I'm Heidi."

"Ah… _Heidi_? You're that woman that Yami's upset with, aren't you? You let Marik and Malik go or something? I know who you are."

"Yeah. And that was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done. I mean, what was I thinking?"

"No, it wasn't stupid." Mokuba shook his head. "You did a good thing. Now they're on their way to get the rings and they'll be back here to free us!"

"… What? How do you know?"

"I… Well, I shouldn't say we're friends. But I can contact them."

Heidi sighed, "Well, don't get your hopes up, Mokuba. It's going to take a lot more than the millennium rings to stop Yami and Yugi. They're insane…"

"Ha! Well, I've got good news for you, because Marik and Malik are the craziest people I've ever seen! Trust me, it might only be ten days or so before they get here! Then we'll be free, okay?"

"_You'll_ be free." She struggled to bring up her right hand. When it was lifted she moved her body so that the boy would be able to see what she was trying to show him.

"…!" Mokuba gasped and stuttered, "Y-Your hand…! It's all… bloody! What happened to you?"

"Ah… I'm missing my thumb. I think I only have nine more days to live… When midnight comes tonight, I'll have another finger chopped off."

"Wait, no, that's… that's not right! They can't-"

"KID! Is that you again?"

Mokuba looked down at the same two guards that he'd grown so familiar with. He looked back into the cell and whispered Heidi's name, but she didn't say anything. The drainpipe was shaken violently and he, along with the pipe, came tumbling down. It happened so fast and the boy wasn't even aware of it, when he was thrown back into the cell by the two guards who didn't just go away like they usually did.

"Alright, kid, now tell us… Just how do you keep getting out?" One of them stood by the closed bars of the cell. He peered inside and overlooked everything. All the boys were in there along with a white bird, but he didn't care about that. Upon looking up towards the window, he saw what the problem was. Two of the four bars were pulled out. And the hole it made looked about Mokuba's size.

"Aha! There we go."

Mokuba looked on in dismay as the men along with a little help, put two bars back in and fortified them by using, not metal, but a new type of steel that was rumored to never have been broken.

They laughed in the boys' face and left, with the exception of one guard who stood in front of the cell to insure that no one got out.

"Damn!" Tristan shouted, "What now?"

"I don't know…" Mokuba looked out the barred window and craned his neck to look upwards at the small window which harbored a prisoner that he wished could be free, "But we have to get her out of there."

"… _Her_?"

* * *

In the desert, there was the same little, red jeep bopping along the sandy grounds and making pretty good time for a vehicle with only three wheels. Immediately after the explosion, they drove off in a haste, worried that more of the Spike Patrol might come after hearing that. And Malik, stationed in the backseat, fell into a peaceful sleep right afterwards. 

Though he was quiet mussed up from all the soot and ash that covered his body, Cody saluted him by pouring red wine all over the hikari's sleeping form and thus, he was clean once more. Though he was clearly annoyed that someone had poured liquor on him.

"Jeez… Now, I'm all sticky."

"Ah yup yup! But it's better than bein… DIRTY!" Cody laughed and wailed at a joke that only he got.

Malik sweatdropped, "Yeah, well thanks to you, people can now lick me and get drunk."

"Eh heh heh heh…"

"… What are you- Hey! Stop that! Cut it out!"

Malik tried to shield himself from Cody who was poking his head, repeatedly. He kept doing it until Malik was ducking under the backseat in fear and annoyance, "Marik! M-Marik, make him stop!"

"Oh ho ho ho!" Cody continued into drunken obscurity.

"Oh, Malik, hush up." Marik ordered, turning the wheel. Suddenly, the jeep puttered and made a weird noise that came from the engine. Two more seconds and it stopped altogether. Marik tried to push the gas pedal harder, but it was no use.

Malik looked up over the seat, "… Car stopped."

"What was your first clue?" Marik ran a hand through his hair and turned to Cody, "So, I guess we'll have to go on foot?"

Cody grinned wildly and hopped out of the car, landing on his feet. He raised both arms and said, "No need! We're already here!"

Both Egyptians blinked and looked around. The only thing they saw was a bunch of sand and a palm tree, which Cody was leaning on, presently. Malik tilted his head, "So, like, where is it?"

"Right here!" Cody showcased the palm tree, striking a Vanna White pose and then pulled on one of the low-hanging leaves. The ground began to shake and the boys yelped as a structure began to rise from the sand.


	16. It's Been A While

Her Sweetness: Uber sorry for the long wait… I was busy and I was just chockfull of writer's block. So don't worry, I'll try not to do that again. I'm just so lazy lately. 

Doesn't it seem like it's been way too long to wait? I was dying everyday that this damned chapter didn't get out.

:sigh:

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 16:

As the structure rose higher from under the ground, sand fell through the crevices like a golden waterfall. The ground shook and the boys that were standing in front of it cringed and their eyes were wide in question. Cody simply grinned up at the light-brown building that was about ten feet out of the ground, sloped slightly and going into the sand. A large and black doorway was in the middle of it, leading down to where neither Marik nor Malik knew.

They both looked at Cody when the ground stopped shaking and everything seemed peaceful once again.

"… Um, what is this?"

"He he he! Follow mes, please!" He grinned and marched into the darkness which was followed by stairs. The boys looked at each other for a spilt second before following down, themselves.

It seemed like forever before they finally reached the end. The stairs kept coming until Malik thought it would be easier to just roll down, rather than walk. After the close to five hundred steps, they stepped onto flat tile and looked around as lights flickered and came on. The entire place was lit up by the bare bulbs hiding in the rafters and the people who were walking around the large room and in and out of hallways and doors stopped in their tracks and looked over at the three boys. Two with their jaws unhinged and the other, older one, rocking back and forth on his toes.

"…" Marik blinked, "Okay… This is a… what, now?"

A light bulb went off in Malik's head, "Hey! I got it, this is one of those underground hideouts for gypsies! I saw something like this in a Disney movie, once."

"Oh, for Ra's sake! Malik, do you see any gypsies?"

"… Uh… There's one!"

"That's CODY, you idiot!"

"… Oh."

"Grr…"

"Ey, yous two! You comin or what?" Cody called to them, already twenty feet down into the center of the room. As the boys wandered to him, they looked around, seeing questioning glances on everyone's faces, most of the women were blushing and whispering behind their hands, if only because Malik was naked. The people looked quite at home there, and the place was huge. It looked like a small town, they had houses and shops and the only difference was, that instead of having the sun to light up their day, it was florescent lighting.

After a moment of people watching, Malik tapped Cody's shoulder, "Um, Cody, what exactly is this place?"

"This is BAYAMS! This is kinda like a refuge for peeps that don't like da Pharaohs! Which is really everyone, heh heh, but not a lot of people know bout it!"

They looked at each other, "BAYAMS?"

"Ah, yup yup."

Marik rolled his eyes, "And just what is 'BAYAMS' supposed to mean?"

"It stands for Bandits Against Yami And Meat Shop."

"…" After blinking, Marik turned to Malik, "_Tell_ me he did not just say 'And Meat Shop'."

"Uh…"

Cody grinned and patted Marik on the back, "Now now, don't get all confuzzled! BAYAMS has the world's best Meat Shop! It's got rare meat that's so good, ya think ya went ta heaven! And it's got great barbecue sauce, too! The ingredients are a delicacy in some countries… And a vaccine in others. Ha ha!"

"Aha."

Malik whispered in his yami's ear, "I still don't get it."

"Neither do I, just smile and nod."

As the two continued to question all of this, Cody walked a few steps on before speaking to a man about one thing or another. He nodded happily all of a sudden and the man went into a building, coming out less than a moment later with two people by his side.

"Ey, Marik! Patty!" Cody called.

They turned around, Malik red in the face and yelling at the man, "My name isn't Pat… AAHHH! RYOU!"

There, beside another man, stood two boys, one with light pink hair and another with silver. Both dressed in a black t-shirt baring the words 'BAYAMS or Bust,' and jeans. Ryou cocked his head to the side and squealed loudly, causing everyone to, once again, turn around from their business and look at what was going on.

Both hikaris went screaming and running to each other from the distance of about ten feet. When they met in the middle, each was nearly choked by a bone-crushing hug from the other. Malik and Ryou went babbling to each other at once, and the only reasonable things that could be made out from a distance was 'I missed you so much,' and 'I was so, uber lonely without you,'.

Meanwhile, Marik and Bakura had been watching their lights make a spectacle of themselves and sweatdropped in unison. And of course, it only took them a second and a half to notice each other.

They coughed, nervously and shuffled their feet back and forth across the dusty ground, occasionally looking up and then back down. Finally, after much hesitation and starring from spectators, they were about a foot away from each other, face to face.

Marik scratched the back of his head, "Um… H-Hi, Bakura…"

"Oh… Hi, uh, Marik…" Bakura mumbled, tugging on the hem of his shirt, "How… have you been…?"

"F-Fine."

Another minute of silence before they both fell into each other's arms, sobbing and crying.

"I MISSED YOU SO MUCH, YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA!"

"IT'S BEEN LIKE HELL WITHOUT YOU! WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME, YOU JERK!"

"THERE'S NO PHONE IN THIS PLACE, YOU IDIOT!"

"… I… I'm so sorry…!" Both boys sobbed into each other's hair, making the scene all the more embarrassing for their hikaris.

"Gosh…" Ryou blinked, still holding on his friend, "What babies. It's only been, like what, two weeks?"

"Yeah. That just shows you some people have no inner strength."

Ryou nodded and then sweatdropped, noticing that they were still holding onto each other, "Uh, but then, what does that make us?"

"… Some people."

"Oh well, I'm so glad you're here! It really has been dreadful without you, you know. I've had no one to give me fashion advice or go to the beach and watch old men pee in the ocean… All I've done is hang out down here and watch Bakura scratch himself all day!" He smiled cheerfully.

Malik blinked, "Well, I can't say it's been great not having you around, Ryou." He leaned in and whispered, "Marik's been a little _crabby_ lately…"

"Stop talking about me…!"

"Oh, dear." Ryou looked a bit sympathetic for a second before his eyes wandered downwards and he blinked, starring, "Malik, you're... _naked_." He whispered the last word like it was a sin to say it out loud.

"… Oh, yeah."

The hikaris turned around and looked to their left and saw Bakura starring and giggling like a schoolgirl and turning red, and then there was Marik who was growling and turning away in shame.

"He he he he!" Cody ruffled Malik's hair, laughing at the boy's misery and woe, "C'mon, then! We'd better get you two some decent clothes!"

Marik and Malik twisted their mouths and hesitated to go anywhere without their friends, but they were pulled along by Cody and the man he was speaking with about Ryou and Bakura. They waved and followed Cody down the street and into a rather large house with tassels and fancy looking fixtures.

Going up stairs, Marik had both hands behind his head in a relaxed position, "So, Cody, how'd you find out about this place? And whose this guy who's following us?" He motioned towards the young man in a lose white shirt and a red rose in his hair who was smoothly walking behind them.

"Oh! Ahem, pardon my rudeness." He cleared his throat and smiled, "My name is Terry. I'm the runner of BAYAMS. And Cody, here, is our assistant manager!"

Cody beamed.

"Jeez." Malik blinked, "You're assistant manager everywhere. That's what I call connections!"

"Oh, yes." Terry wrapped an arm around Cody, "He was our guy on the inside of Yami and Yugi's Happy Chicken project. He's great undercover, you'd never suspect sweet ol' Cody of being a mole!"

"Never." Both boys raised their eyebrows.

"Aw, stop it, ya spoilin me! Heh heh! Welpies, let's get these two into some clothes. We gotta get ya ready for when we tell all of BAYAMS that you're here! They're gonna have a fit and a half when they find out we gots our hands on the famous Marik and Malik!"

"… Famous?" Malik asked, pointing to himself and his yami, "Us?"

Marik rolled his eyes, "Well, duh. Don't ya know, Malik? Everyone knows and loves the Marik. Everyone and everything else is irrelevant when I'm around!"

"He said Marik _AND _Malik!" He turned around, pouting, "… Dummy…"

* * *

"Alright, men! Pharaoh Yami's orders were clear as a jellyfish's skeleton! We go down to the basement bathroom stalls and get the information! Ready?"

On the main floor of the Happy Chicken facility, Happy Chicken Man had five Spike Patrollers standing at attention in front of him as he gave out orders. He had a pretty hard time assembling some privates to go with him. Everyone was so afraid that something in the bathroom would try to get them that they refused to leave the hiding place under their bunks.

"Yes sir!" The men saluted.

"Let's go, then!" Happy Chicken Man pumped his chunky fist into the air and ran off into the direction of the basement. The men followed in a line and, in less than ten minutes, they arrived at the door that said 'Bathroom!' and then was spray painted to say 'Yummy Bathroom!'.

"Okay… And… GO!" One of the privates slammed the door open with his rifle and everyone ran inside as if someone were chasing them. Once they were in the main room and were sure there was nothing in there that could kill them, Happy Chicken Man made an announcement.

He stood before the five of them and said, "I want each one of you to go into a different stall. On my mark, open them and see what's on the other side of the door. Now!"

"Yes, sir!" In less than a second, they were all in the stalls, diligently reading the gossips and disgusting lies, searching for any information on the whereabouts of Marik and Malik or the millennium rings.

Happy Chicken Man tapped his foot on the dirty tile floor, "… Well? Number 1, what have you found out?"

"Hmm. Well, sir, it seems that someone is in the market for an assistant to help with his corn filings… And it says here that 'Neil sucks (bleep)'."

"Grr… Number 2, what about your findings?"

There was a pause, "Um, let's see… Ooh. It says here 'For a good time, call Marik Ishtar'. And then there's a number, here… Maybe that's something useful, sir?"

"How is that use-" He was interrupted by the rest of the Patrollers who left their places and went running into stall number two, to see the number and perhaps scribble it down, "Hey! Dammit, get back to your stalls, you bunch of freaks… Jeez. Number 3, anything to report?"

"Ah… Well, here we have some kind of map… With a star somewhere in the desert and by it, it says… Ryou? And Bakura? Something like that. Anyway, does this mean something?"

"Mean something? Of course it does!" He hopped up and grinned, "Do you know what this means? My job and butt are saved! Oh, Number 3, I could just kiss you!"

He cowered in the corner, "P-Please, don't, I'm married!"

"… Oh, hush up. Come on you pantywaists, I want that map copied down so we can go find those rings!"

"Yes, sir!"

Suddenly, out of the door leading to the hallway, three men covered in bandages and arm and leg casts came busting in and scowling at the fat man who starred blankly at them.

"Who the hell are you?" Happy Chicken Man cocked his head, "Aren't you the boys from Block 2? What the hell are you doing out?"

The biggest of the three men stepped forward, "Da name's Hott Dawg! And you betta get out da way afore things get ugly."

"Ha! Do you even know who you're talking to? Why don't you get out of the way so we can go about our business?" He turned back to the men, "Get that stall door out of here."

Hott Dawg turned to Twirls and Corn and pointed to the stall door that the men were trying to haul away, "Hurry and grab dat!"

They nodded and jumped on the men, trying to wrestle them, but it was really hard seeing as how they both had two black eyes and could barely see. They ended up fighting each other and Hott Dawg growled in frustration. "Dey be over THERE, you idiots!"

Twirls blinked and finally tackled the right people and as Corn joined him, Hott Dawg took the door and dragged it off. He called for assistance and when the Spike Patrollers were moaning about their 'owies', all three slipped out with the door.

"W-What we s'posed to do wit dis, huh?" Corn asked, panting.

Hott Dawg shrugged, "Hide it, throw it away, whaeva we gotta to keep Happy Chicken Man away from it! We gotta give Rod Man and Lick any time we can give em to get dose rings!"


	17. Peices Of The Puzzle

A Tale of Two Idiots 

Chapter 17:

"Marik, do you think I'm fat?"

By now both Egyptians were dressed in their new attire which was the mirror image of Ryou and Bakura's clothes. A black shirt with white words and jeans, and although it was ordinary clothing to Marik, Malik was ecstatic that they were in high fashion once again. But of course, they were not left to dress themselves, no, they had fluttery girls and Terry in the dressing rooms with them trying to put on their socks for them. Which was a bit embarrassing seeing as how Marik had a bit of a fear of socks.

As they were finally done and walking out of the building along with Terry and Cody who were following behind, Malik asked his question again, thinking that his other half didn't hear him. Marik rolled his eyes and turned away.

"C'mon, Malik… Why do you have to ask me these things, huh? Ask someone who cares."

"Marik, I'm serious!" He whined, "I think I've gained like a pound or two… Or maybe it's just the lighting…"

"Whatever you've gained, you probably lost it during that 50 mile walk through the desert we took. You look fine to me."

Malik's eyes lit up as he attached himself to Marik's arm, "Really? Marik, you're so nice!"

"Don't worry, it's a phase. I'll grow out of it."

"Oh, Malik! Marik!" A familiar voice called from over on the opposite side of the street. They looked over at Ryou who was waving wildly and Bakura who just kind of blinked.

"Ah… Hi, Ryou!" Malik called, trotting over. Marik simply walked over without saying much and leaned against the wall of the building that Bakura was leaning on and they stood by each other, contently.

Ryou looked both boys over quickly, "You look great, we match!"

"Yeah, we do!"

They struck a pose.

"Alright, you two, cut it out." Marik interjected into their sparkle-sparkle mode and frowned, looking at both Ryou and Bakura, "You've gotta tell us how you kept from being captured by Yami, Bakura. How long have you been here?"

"Uh, about a week." Bakura nodded, "When Yami and Yugi first went crazy, it was my idea to come to Egypt."

Ryou pursed his lips together and folded his arms, "Oh and what an idea it was… It was an awful suggestion, the sun was so hot! And then there were vultures circling me! I had no suntan lotion and my backside is now a bright red! I honestly can't see what you three like about this place…"

Bakura stuck his tongue out, "You don't know what you're talking about. This place rocks on water."

"There is no water…"

"Anyways. After that, we got picked up by Cody and he brought us here. They treat us like Gods, I swear." He whispered to Marik, "It's like we're celebrities or something."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I bet it's because I'm so hot."

"Ha." Malik smirked, "No, it isn't, it's because you're valuable to Yami. You're the ring holders, Yami's been looking all over for you."

"Oh. Um, about that…" Ryou began but was interrupted by Terry who came flouncing over along with Cody who was chewing bubblegum rather nosily.

"There you all are!" Terry smiled putting two arms around Marik and Malik, who coughed nervously, "We have a surprise for our newest guests!"

"… Surprise?" Malik asked.

"That's right. Follow me!" He ran off ahead and the rest followed slowly, unsure of what he was going to do.

On the way to wherever they were going, the people on the streets looked over and blinked then whispered behind their hands. Marik noticed that this sort of thing happened often when he and his hikari were out in front of these people. They starred like deer caught in headlights. Soon, there was another large building and a podium in front of it. Terry went bounding up and cleared his throat as more of the BAYAMS people gathered around, wondering what was going on.

"Hey, Cody," Marik whispered, "What's going on?"

The older man looked at him and smiled, happily popping his chewing gum, "(pop) I think he's gonna tell everyone (pop) about yous guys. Ya know, they don't know that you're (pop pop) the Marik and Malik."

The boys looked at each other, puzzled, "Since when did we have a 'the' in front of our names?"

"(pop pop)"

"Ahem. Citizens of the BAYAMS organization. It pleases me to inform you today that we have now obtained two more pieces of the puzzle! As you know, Pharaoh Yami has been searching high and low for the ring holders as well as the rod holders. And as of today we now have possession of both! Give a warm BAYAMS welcome to the escape artists, Marik and Patt- Malik Ishtar!" Terry threw his arms up in the air as he motioned towards the two tanned boys on the ground, and the crowd yelled and hooted with applause.

Marik grinned.

Malik was pointing to Terry, mouth agape, "H-He almost called me Patty…!"

"Tonight, we celebrate in their honor! For now Yami does not control everything! As long as we have these four, he will never own the world's future!"

The crowds threw up streamers and such and carried Ryou, Marik, Malik and Bakura off towards the back of the building and Cody followed, popping his gum. Before the boys knew it, they were showed to four high seats behind a long table, loaded with all kinds of food, overlooking the stone courtyard which was where the citizens were dancing like crazy and stuffing their faces with food and wine. Terry finally came back to where they were and sat in the middle, Marik and Malik to his right and Ryou and Bakura to his left. Cody popped his gum as he sat next to Malik.

"(pop pop)"

"This is weird." Malik scratched his head, "Who makes this much of a fuss over people who they've never even met?"

Marik elbowed him, "You're such an ingrate. Lighten up."

"But we don't even own the rods anymore, what's to celebrate?"

"Huh?" Ryou looked over at his friend, "What do you mean you don't own the rods anymore?"

"I mean, Yami took them." Malik frowned then scowled at his yami, "Because Marik had this big impulse to go out and kick his butt even though Tristan said it was dangerous and that we should wait!"

"What the hell would waiting do? You read Mokuba's letter, they're all in a jail cell under Yami's stinky castle! I'm glad we didn't stick around at our house." Marik looked back to Bakura's direction, "Now that we're here, we'll just go to Domino and take away their puzzles, using the rings."

Bakura coughed, gently nudging his hikari, "You should tell them, now, don't you think?"

Ryou whimpered, "B-But I don't want to tell them, 'Kura… M-Maybe you should…"

"Pheh. No, thanks."

Marik and Malik looked at each other before turning back to the boys, "Tell us what?"

Ryou looked, pleadingly at his yami who turned away pretending to have a sudden interest in the ground. He sighed and muttered, "Uh… We… don't have the rings…"

"_WHAT_?" Marik shouted.

Ryou began to cry, "Please, don't be mad…!"

Malik blinked, "… Um. Anyone got a plan B?"

Everyone sweat dropped and Terry looked over at the boys who looked very troubled, as if someone had stepped on their toe. He smiled and motioned to a few of the serving girls to stuff them with red wine. Of course, Ryou tried to resist, seeing as how it was his self-appointed duty not to get wasted in any way. But he soon succumbed to the ambience of the party and they were all soon enraptured, under the spell of the alcohol and a very large male dancer named Shlomo.

* * *

In the cells of the palace in Domino City, four boys were sitting in their dusty little cell, sighing and devoid of all ideas on how to get out of this predicament. They'd been there since early afternoon when Mokuba returned in the arms of two pissed off guards and the men left with grins on their faces, satisfied that they knew about the young boy's escape hole and had fixed it. It was now black outside as Mokuba looked up through the bars, trying to pull on them.

"Grr… This just isn't fair! How am I supposed to get out of here, now?" He kicked the wall, which was very hard, and so his toes were now red and pulsing with pain, "Dammit!"

"Mokuba!" Kaiba glared at him.

"… Sorry, Seto. I don't mean to curse, but, you know… If I don't get out of here soon, I'll never save Heidi. Soon, Yami's going to do something awful to her and I'm not able to do anything about it."

Joey nodded, "Heidi, Heidi, Heidi… That's all you say. But who is this Heidi anyway?"

"She's one of Yami's prisoners!"

"Well… so are we." He shrugged.

"Joey, how can you be so selfish! You have no idea what kind of things Yami's done to her, for heaven's sake, he cut off her thumb! And she's due for another slashing tonight and there's nothing I can do about it!"

"I just sayin that maybe we should be more or less worried about what's going to happen to us. I mean, how long do you think Yami's gonna keep us down here, just sitting around. Sooner or later, he's bound to do something to us, and when he does, that Heidi girl won't be worth a hill of beans when it's your life that's in danger."

Mokuba's eye twitched and he let out a breath, counting backwards from ten, silently.

Kaiba nodded to Joey, "Now he sees why I can't stand you."

"Shut up, Kaiba…!"

Tristan looked up from Otogi to Mokuba who had finished his counting and was now sitting in a corner next to his knitting supplies. "Mokuba… I have an idea. If you want to try it, that is, it might be able to get one of us out of here."

"Ah…" He looked up, "Sure, anything!"

The guard that had been standing at attention in front of their cell had woken up from his slight nap and glared at the boys who had shaken his from his dream. Tristan noticed this and leaned into Mokuba's ear, "We're going to need your knitting talents one more time…"

* * *

"AAAAHHHHH!"

Yugi shut the door, hurriedly, behind him as he exited the corridor and sped walked down the hall, away from the screams of his ex-General. It was now one minute past midnight and Yami was busy, so Yugi took it upon himself to go and order her second finger cut off. This time her right index finger was being sawed off, slowly. Yugi had nothing against the sight of blood or gore or anything else along those lines. He, himself, had been involved in many things like that in the past twenty or so days. The only difference was that Heidi was someone he actually kind of liked. She always obeyed and was always bringing him Cheetoes, Fritos, and Doritos. There were a few times he'd heard her making jokes about him and his Yami behind their backs, but that sort of thing was expected when you were running something this large.

He sighed as he reached another door. The scream still echoed out and he leaned his head on the wall to block some of it out. Yugi wanted this to stop, but there was no way Yami would allow it, he being so set on having things his way. So, Yugi was set on the fact that if he wanted Heidi to go back to being their general again and having at least a few fingers left, the rings and both Marik and Malik were going to have to be found. That was one of the reasons he was so ecstatic when he and Yami learned their whereabouts would probably be on the back of a bathroom door.

As the last of the screams stopped and turned, quietly to sobs, Yugi relaxed. Heidi's had if rough for the past day or so, since Yami's needed to release some of his anxiety. He soon realized that if he kept sending his guards and underlings to the Shadow Realm, he'd have no one left. So he turned his rage to the very reason and source of it. Heidi was toyed with by the Pharaoh most of the time, including whippings, spankings, frequent haircuts so that she was nearly bald, being fed elephant droppings with a large spoon and, covering her bloody nub, where her thumb was cut off with a little pouch of salt that was placed there for an extra amount of pain and suffering. Yami tried everything he could think of and most of the time he winged it with the torture sessions and sang to her in his high, squeaky voice, songs of the 50's.

Yugi sighed, "Gosh, I don't know how that girl endures this… What a trooper…"

"P-Pharaoh Yugi…!" A distant voice called, sounding a bit distraught and panicked. Yugi turned around and saw one of his servants come over to him, panting.

"What is it?"

"… Um… Y-Your lordship, we have just received a call from the Happy Chicken facility…"

"Oh, really? It was probably Flyswatter, right? (The boy nodded) Did he say where that organization is?"

The boy fidgeted with the zipper on his uniform, muttering and finally he squeaked out, "N-No… You see, three of their inmates stole the door that it was on. Flyswatter informed me that they are on the loose in Happy Chicken and they can't seem to find them… Things aren't going well with their search and if the do not find them soon, Flyswatter fears they will destroy the door and all hopes of finding the boys and millennium items…"

Yugi's eyes were ten times their normal size which caused him to tip over and fall to the floor. The boy scrambled to help him up and once Yugi was in a upright position again, he squealed, running around in circles, "Oh, NO! This isn't good! How are we going to tell Yami? He's been on edge for days now and this is what's going to throw him over! Oh Ra… Ugh… You!" He pointed to the boy.

He stuttered, "Y-Yes, sir…?"

"You have to tell Yami what happened!"

"HUH? B-But, Pharaoh Yugi, p-please…!"

"Hmm. No, that's not a good idea, either. If you told him what happened, he'd just kill you and then what use would you be?"

"…!"

Yugi sighed, frowning, "I suppose I'll have to be the one… Where is my yami, anyway?"

"Ah, out in the pond, in the backyard. I-I do believe he's having a bath."

"Oh. Fine then, I'm off. But you're coming too!" He grabbed the boy by the ear and off they went down the stairs until they were out in the night on the fresh, green grass. Both boys ventured all the way to the large area behind the castle. Mostly there was just a large area of grass and a few acres of trees behind that. A statue of Yugi was in the corner, being used as a clothesline and in the center of everything was a pond about the size of a small house, the water a clear blue, sprinkled over with snow-white lily petals. In it, Yami was relaxing, naked, surrounded by a few naked girls who were bathing him with large sunflowers.

The boy behind Yugi blushed a fierce red and hid his face behind his Pharaoh's large, spiky hair, "U-Um… Pharaoh Y-Yugi…"

"Quiet, you." Yugi ordered, harshly, "You're going to make things worse. If you keep quiet, maybe he wont see you and you can live."

"…"

They walked up to the pond's edge and Yugi took in a deep breath. He smiled at his yami so that he looked adorably like a chibi, "Yami…! I have something to tell you."

Yami opened one of his eyes, starring at his hikari and moved his head so that one of the girls could wash behind his ears, "What is it, Yugi? Can't you see I'm busy here?"

"Well, yeah. But there's something you need to know-"

"Wait, did Heidi get her index finger cut off yet?"

"Yes, Yami, she did."

"Did you have someone put the salt pack on her second finger?"

"Yes, Yami, I did."

He leaned back and sighed, contently, "Good."

"… Yami, Flyswatter called just a while ago."

Yami opened both eyes now as he looked up at Yugi and grinned, "Heh heh… Wonderful! I bet he knows the location of those idiots, by now! When is he leaving for their hideout?"

Yugi coughed, "Well, he's not… leaving, exactly."

"…" He tilted his head, "What do you mean he's not leaving?"

"Um… three of their inmates stole the door with the location on the back of it and they're having a bit of trouble finding the men. They don't want the door destroyed seeing as how that was the only copy of the location they had, but it seems unavoidable if it says out of their reach for much longer."

"…………… WWWWHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTT?" He roared, scaring the bathing girls as they were shuffling to the other side of the pond to cower in fear. Yugi shut his eyes and braced himself for what was about to happen and the servant boy, standing behind him, had long since wet his pants.


	18. I Feel Dumb

Her Sweetness: Hey there! I just wanted to say that… today's my **BIRTHDAY**! That's right, it's on the 10th of August. I suppose I'll have to change my bio age from 14 to 15. 

And I have a small request. You know all you shadow readers out there who don't review? I want you to! As a birthday gift, yes? Tee hee! See ya.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 18:

Bakura was right when he said that they were like celebrities. And although Marik and Malik knew this before they found out on their own, it was something they really weren't expecting. Not this way, anyways. Every time that Marik or Malik wanted even the littlest thing, it was brought to them on a large, silver platter. Even when Malik requested a really pretty marble to chew on. (Don't ask). For their small stay in BAYAMS, Marik and Malik resided in Terry's large home along with Ryou and Bakura and Cody, who mostly kept to himself or sang about his love for Heidi. And the boys were never asked to lift a finger anywhere. If there was cleaning and dusting to be done, either Terry or one of the maids, if available, would help out. All four of them were, indeed, treated as earthbound Gods. And they were living the life of luxury.

Though, at first, Malik was a bit resistant to his new treatment. He wasn't all that used to being waited on hand and foot like his yami was. And that was only because Malik did the handing and the footing when it came to Marik. Truth be told, the boys weren't even allowed to go to the bathroom by themselves. No, Terry was deathly afraid that one of them would slip on a bar of soap, hit his head on the side of the tub and die from blood loss. Which almost happened to Bakura once, but I digress… The people of BAYAMS had been almost too good to them. They literally forgot all else when they had nothing to worry about. Everything felt like a candy coated dream. And during this sweet dream, four days passed.

And during those four days, Heidi was baring an unbelievable amount of pain. She was now on her second hand as far as the slashing was concerned. In total, five of her fingers were missing and on in the morning on the sixth day, she almost couldn't breath. This came from the exhaustion and pressure that was put on her body and the rotting smell coming from her own bloody nubs where there once resided slender, flawless digits. Of course, during those four days most of her hair did grow back and it hung down in her face to hide the tears and grimaces. After the moon was directly above her cell window on the fifth day and the guards entered with a saw in their hands, she gave up on ever seeing next week.

But, of course, not everyone was wasting this precious time. Every one of the Spike Patrollers and the Happy Chicken facility was working to get what Pharaoh Yami desired, just to save Heidi's life. And although she was hanging on by a string, they forgot the odds and did whatever necessary to get them. There biggest obstacle was finding and getting a hold of the map on the back of the stall door that three particular inmates stole.

"Sir, we've checked everywhere." Number 3 reported to the warden in the morning after a long night of endless searching in the compound and the cells, "They weren't anywhere in the Blocks 1 through 16. And the compound was verified clear of anyone as well…"

Happy Chicken Man frowned and turned to the side in his chair, sighing, "…"

"… Warden, sir, we've been thinking… Maybe they might have left the building? We know it's a long shot, but perhaps we can find them if we look out in the desert?"

"No… No, I don't think so. We had a new board of security cameras put into the surrounding area, there's no way they could have gotten around them. They'd have to be in here… You say you've checked everywhere?"

"Yes, sir."

His frown depended and he was silent for a moment before a light bulb flashed over his head and he grinned at the confused private, "Number 3, tell me, if you were an inmate with something you were trying to hide, where would you and that something go?"

"… Uh… I-I don't know sir… T-The circus?"

"No! You'd go to the place no one would ever look! Grab the others and come with me, Number 3!" Happy Chicken Man stood from his seat and waddled out of the office out into the hallway as Number 3 scratched his head and called the other four in his troop on the walkie-talkie. As soon as they were all there, they met up with the warden in front of Block 2. Only two inmates were inside. And they were Corn and Twirls, who had been captured a day ago, but not with Hott Dawg or the door. They were pressured into talking and ratting on him, but no matter what they were put through, they said nothing.

Happy Chicken Man took a key ring out of his pocket and slowly unlocked the cell door. Stepping in, Number 3 and the others looked around. Corn and Twirls looked away from the men in uniform, but Corn's eye was seen twitching.

Number 3 blinked, "In here, sir…? But we've already checked-"

"Aha. You think you've checked. But sometimes you must look a bit closer…" He grinned and sauntered over to the hole over in the corner that was used for bathroom purposes. Flies still buzzed round it and it smelled like puke, but he still smiled as he looked down into it and saw a bald man holding a rather large piece of wood. Two blinking eyes were seen starring right up into Happy Chicken Man's. He grinned, "Why, hello there, prisoner 561. How are you this morning?"

"Oh, no!" Twirls squeaked from behind the men, "He found him!"

Corn put his hands on both sides of his mouth and called out towards the hole, "Yo, Hott Dawg! Make a run fo it, dude!"

"Wha? And just where I'm s'posed to run, Corn? Dis hole be like one foot wide, yo!" Came his annoyed voice from down in the stinky hole.

Corn blinked, "… Den you can't go no wheres."

"Shut up, yo!"

Happy Chicken Man grinned and turned back to Number 3, "Call the Pharaohs. Tell them we have the door secured and will be leaving shortly."

"Yo. I-I mean yes, sir…!"

* * *

In the sanctity of the underground base, BAYAMS, the four golden boys of this haven were being pampered in celebrity style once again. After eating breakfast from a table the size of an Olympic pool, they had been laying in a small room getting massages by skinny girls with too much makeup on. But, of course, they didn't mind. Presently, about two hours after their massages, they were waiting in Cody's bedroom. He had sent someone to get them in his room so he could talk to them. At first, they couldn't imagine what it was he wanted to talk about…

"I haven't seen much of Cody, lately, actually…" Ryou mused, leaning back into the armchair he was sitting comfortably in, "I wonder where he could've been."

Marik sighed and examined his nails, "I don't know, but he better be quick about this because I have a manicure in an hour."

Malik rolled his eyes, whispering to Ryou, "And he calls me girly…"

"I heard that."

Ignoring his yami's comment, Malik turned away and scratched his head, "I don't know what it is, but I get the feeling… that we were supposed to be doing something…"

"Really? What?" Ryou asked.

"I dunno." He confessed, "It's just a really weird feeling I have that we're supposed to be doing something important."

Bakura raised an eyebrow, "What could you possibly have to do here? Everything's done for us. I haven't really done anything since I got here, and neither have you."

"I disagree, yesterday I had to pick up a quarter I dropped on the floor." Marik said, tilting his head back.

"Oh, you poor baby."

Suddenly, the door to the room opened and Cody came trotting inside, shutting the door behind himself. He smiled brightly when he saw that all of them were in the room, as per his request. Ryou was sitting in a big, fluffy chair by the bed which was where Malik and Bakura were situated and Marik was leaning on the wall. They each looked at him, slightly puzzled.

"Hiddy-ho, everyone!" He chirped, sitting down between Bakura and Malik.

Ryou smiled back, "Hallo, Cody."

"Cody, exactly what are we in here for?" Bakura asked, propping his head up on one hand.

"Ah, yup yup! I guess yous guys forgot a little bit, but I'm here ta remind ya before it gets too late and we'd be in big trouble! I figure you guys been getting so much of the high-life, you forgot why you came heres in the first place, yeah yeah?"

They all blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Wait," Marik bit his lower lip, thinking for a moment, "Why did we come here in the first place?"

"Uh…" Malik blinked, "Wasn't it to get something?"

"Probably tomatoes."

"… No."

"Cabbage?"

"No."

"Dammit… Onion rings?"

"No…! Wait, onion rings…? Rings…? Millennium rings! Dammit, how could we've forgotten!" Malik stood up and clenched his hair in his fists, "Oh, Ra! How long have we been here?"

Cody counted on his fingers, "This is the fifth day, I think… Ah, yup yup, it is."

"Oh Ra…" Marik groaned, "With all the time that's passed, who knows what Yami's doing now! He could have everyone under his control, he could've blown up two continents already! Or… Or-"

"Slowly killing my Heidikins!" Cody wailed, falling backwards onto the bed. He didn't hold himself back and so the bounce his body made on the bed, caused Bakura to fly up and land on the ground, face first. Of course, while Marik was trying to control his laughter, Ryou was the first to run over and make sure Bakura hadn't gotten any 'boo-boos'.

After Ryou was sure that his yami was quite alright, he turned to Cody, a worried expression on his face, "Cody, what is it you said about someone… slowly killing something?"

He sniffed, "Pharaoh Yami is ch-chopping off Heidi's fingers everyday so that the Spike Patrol will find yous guys faster…! She's gunna die on the tenth day, and that's this Saturday!"

"Oh, dear!" Ryou clamped his hands over his mouth, "Poor… uh, whoever she is. That sounds just dreadful, I wish we could help…"

"Why would we want to?" Bakura asked.

He received a rather small slap from his hikari, which really didn't hurt but meant 'Be quiet.'

"That's why I came ta get YOU!" Cody jumped up all of a sudden, scaring Ryou who went flopping into his yami's arms. A big pink flag in the shape of a heart appeared in Cody's hands as he shouted from atop the bed, "We needs ta blow this Popsicle stand and save meh Heidikins! We been here too long and if we wait much longer, I'm gunna have ta marry a paraplegic!"

"… Damn." Marik blinked, "You're really psychotic, aren't you?"

Ryou cooed, clasping his hands together, "Aw…! I think it's adorable. Of course we'll help you out, Cody! How sweet."

"Well… We do have to go back to Domino, anyway." Malik nodded to himself, "And Heidi was the one who helped us escape Happy Chicken, shouldn't we help her, Marik?"

Marik was about to say something, but soon stopped when he noticed the three sets of large, glossy eyes in front of him. One pair was brown and the next were purple and the third were a dull blue. Bakura was in back of them, rolling his eyes, "This is so stupid."

"Alright, alright!" Marik shouted, shooing the boys away as he sat down next to Bakura, "We're going, then."

"Oh, thank you!" All three shouted.

"But, wait a minute." Malik stopped, "If you two don't have the rings, how are we going to do anything like stopping Yami? Or even getting Heidi away from him?"

"Yeah, you never even told us what happened to the rings."

Ryou nodded slowly, "Oh… Well, we… I think we left them in Domino, didn't we, 'Kura?"

"DOMINO?" Marik and Malik looked at each other, "Why?"

"For safety reasons. At least that's what Ryou says." Bakura rolled his eyes, "He thought it'd be a good idea to leave them in our house so that wherever we were, if we were captured, they wouldn't have the rings."

"Ugh… Fine, we'll go to your house first. Then we'll go to the palace."

"Huzzah!"

* * *

"Hush now, my baby… Be swift now, don't cry… Sleep as you're rocked by the stream…"

There were another group of people who didn't waste these four days. They couldn't, for they were pushed along in body and spirit by a small, raven-haired youth by the name of Mokuba. And whenever the boys felt like giving up or giving in, he'd either give them an inspiring speech or, if he was tired, give them a good kick in the bum. And they'd set back to work! As it was, Mokuba and his elder, whiny brother, Seto, were working in the corner of the cell, knitting fast as they had been for the past 96 hours.

It was Tristan's genius idea for them to knit a garment in the mirror image of the Spike Patrol. A gray and yellow jumpsuit and although their jumpsuits had a bit of a metallic texture and this one would look like wool, they thought no one would notice. As they were coming to the home stretch, finishing the outfit, Otogi was singing the guard outside to sleep so that, when ready, either Joey or Tristan could get the keys from him easily by reaching through the bars. The teen had woken up about 57 hours ago and was fresh and ready to help out.

"Sleep now, my baby, this is our… last goodbye… Sleep and you're always… with me…" Otogi finished his song and as he came to the last few words, the guard's eyes rolled back as he slumped to the floor, snoring loudly and mumbling about cupcakes.

"Wow, great job, Otogi!" Joey gave him the thumbs up sign.

Tristan nodded to him, "Yeah, who knew you had pipes like that."

"Well, I learned from the best!" He chirped.

"… Whitey Houston?"

"No! Malik…!" Otogi tilted his head wondering how Joey always came up with the stupidest things to say. "Oh, Mokuba, are you two done, yet?"

Mokuba blinked and set down his needles, holding up his half of the suit. He had been working on the bottom half, meaning hips and lower and it looked perfect, just like a professional had done it. "Yeah, I'm done! What about you, Seto?"

Seto looked a bit annoyed but sighed and set down his needles, as well. He lifted up his half and everyone in the cell gasped. From the hips up, was a mess. The whole thing was twice as long as it was supposed to be and the arms were pretty long as well. Everyone stopped starring at the jumpsuit and looked at the CEO with each expression saying the same thing, 'Oh, Seto…'

"I tried, alright! I've never done this before, if you want a professional, call Martha Stuart, not Seto Kaiba."

Mokuba sweat dropped, "I-I suppose it'll have to do. Okay, Tristan, if you would, please get the keys."

"Gotcha." Tristan slowly reached through the bars and he zeroed in on the key ring at the hip of the sleeping guard. He carefully pulled it off and into the cell, he tossed them to Mokuba.

"Great!" Mokuba smiled, "Now, all we have to do if figure out whose going to go out and rescue Heidi."

Otogi tilted his head, "But Mokuba, I thought you were going to go?"

"Well, I was and I still want to, but this suit is way too big for me, I'd never get by the guards as one of them. One of you will have to."

First, Otogi was looked at, "… Me? Oh, no, I'm not chancing getting shot. I've done my part, I'm staying right here."

Everyone's glances turned to Tristan, "Hmm? Oh, sorry, but I'd better stay here with Otogi. You know, to make sure he doesn't get drunk and get in the way."

They rolled their eyes. Joey shrugged, "I'll go, I don't mind."

"Oh! Okay, Joey-"

"Wait a minute!" Kaiba stood up, frowning at Mokuba who was about to hand over the jumpsuit to Joey, "No way he's going. He's going to say or do something stupid that's going to ruin the whole thing!"

"What'd you say, Kaiba?"

"I said you're an IDIOT!"

Mokuba sighed and shushed them both before they killed each other, "Alright, alright! Stop it, you two are like children. Seto, if you think Joey's going to mess up that badly, then you're just going to have to go with him, aren't you?"

They both blinked, "… Huh? How?"

Before anyone knew it, both Kaiba and Joey were inside the suit, Kaiba on the bottom, serving as the legs and Joey sitting on his shoulders, serving as the arms and head.

"I feel dumb." Joey said, looking down at Mokuba.

"Now you feel how you look, mutt." Came a mumbled voice from the vicinity of the stomach area.

"Shh!" Mokuba opened the door to the cell, quietly, "Seto, you can't talk, or you'll give it away. Now go, you guys. Heidi's on the second floor. Good luck."

With that, Kaiba began to waddle out the door, not being able to see where he was going, Joey silently directed him with his knees down the hallway.


	19. Belly Demons Are Hostile

Her Sweetness: For a broken promise.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 19:

"Hey, Serenity, did you hear about that Heidi chick?"

About two minutes after Hott Dawg and the map on the back of the stall, Number 3 called the Pharaoh's palace and informed both Yami and Yugi of their triumph. Yami had sunk back into his throne and sighed in relief, Yugi simply gave a nod and, inside is head, he did a little happy dance. And whilst the men in Happy chicken prepared to go out into the desert with just a chipped and broken board for a map to try and find this cult and the treasures they had. The treasures being Marik, Malik, Ryou and Bakura for all you who are skimming.

And, of course, everyone in the palace was feeling a bit of weight lift off their shoulders. They suspected the violence on their general would stop since Yami heard the good news. But, the fact still remained, that besides Heidi's fingers going missing, she still had her daily torture session to look forward to. And today was special, she would do something she'd never done before. Yami had given special orders to two of his bathing girls to ready her after she came back from her whipping.

And that's exactly what they were doing…

Serenity looked up from the towels that she was folding. Her friend had just come running through the door with fresh towels in her arms, waving one around at her. She sighed, putting a hand on her hip, "Mai, isn't it a bit early in the day for your gossips? And where have you been, anyway, I had to do most of this folding myself."

"Sorry, but those damned Spike Patrollers made me show them my Bathing Girl Seal of the Pharaoh just to get into the laundry room and the kitchen." She pointed to the brand on her shoulder. Serenity had one too, but it was in a more remote place on her body.

"What were you doing in the kitchen?"

"Ho ho ho!" She grinned and leaned in, holding up a bag of Cheetoes that came from behind her back.

"Ah! Mai, what're you doing with Pharaoh Yugi's Cheetoes? Put those away!" Serenity hurried to stuff them under her shirt.

"What're you worried about, huh? I was hungry! One cracker a day isn't enough to fill me…" Mai pouted, leaning on the wall, "Haven't you noticed how my boobs have been getting droopy, lately? That's because I haven't been eating enough saturated fats and goo…"

Serenity rolled her eyes and turned back to the towels, "Mai, we don't have time for this. We're supposed to be getting that girl, Heidi, ready. Speaking of which, have you seen her? She was supposed to be here five minutes ago."

"Huh? Ah, that's what I was talking about! When I came in here, I was going to tell you that Yami wanted us to give her the Seal."

"… What? Why, this is a one-time thing, isn't it?"

"I thought so, but you know how Pharaoh Yami is, he likes to make things difficult. And, by the way, I-" Mai stopped in mid-sentence when the door to the steam room opened and in came a girl, her clothes in shreds and one hand with five salt pouches on each nub. Her other hand was intact for the moment.

Mai starred at her for a moment before busting out laughing.

"Mai!" Serenity scolded. "You stop that!"

"B-But she's… fingerless…! Oh ho ho ho…! It's simply too much!"

Ignoring her fellow bathing girl, Serenity turned to the girl in the doorway who looked like she was ready to kill Mai, "Um, Heidi, right? I'm Serenity, and my hysteric friend over here is Mai. We were given orders…"

"Just tell me what it is I'm doing here." Heidi frowned, "This isn't another whipping is it?"

"Oh, no, not at all. You're giving Pharaoh Yami his bath today, by yourself."

"… You're not serious."

Mai had come out of her two-minute laughing jag and gave Heidi a friendly pat on the back, "Of course we are. No, c'mon, you're five minutes late and we have to give you the Seal and get some proper bandages for those nubs of yours."

"The SEAL? No flippin way! That's the most degrading thing Yami's come up with yet! He's not going to brand me like a heifer and I'm certainly not going to bathe his naked body!" Heidi turned for the door.

"Wait!" Serenity grabbed her arm, "Please, Heidi, I know it's not the nicest job in the world, but would you rather be killed than do this?"

"I do have SOME dignity left!"

"Dignity isn't worth your life, don't you agree?"

"What life? I'll be dead in five days anyway, they're never going to catch Marik and Malik. Why should I prolong this suffering anymore when I know my ending?"

"… Because sometimes the ending isn't what you expected. You've just gotta hang on till you know for sure. And when you do, then…"

"It's time to die." Mai shrugged.

"Right." Serenity agreed, cheerfully.

Heidi blinked, "… Alright, I'll do it, I guess. But it's only because I want to be able to live for my last five days on Earth! I want to see the beautiful sunsets and sunrises! I want to hear the sweet songs of the sparrows! I want to saver the taste of-"

"Elephant dung?"

"… Yeah. Elephant dung." She sighed, hanging her head in defeat and let both Mai and Serenity happily lead her to the back room where there was only a small cot and a bed of hot coals, in which their were tiny bursts of fire. Heidi's eyes watered as Mai took her hand and laid her down on the small, white cot. Serenity was picking up a cowpoke in back of the room that was leaning against the wall. It was in the shape of Yami's head and in the middle were the letters 'RBG'.

Heidi lay there, Mai's hand with a firm grip on her arm. She had never really witnessed the Seal ceremony being performed and had no idea it took place in a small room. She waited for something to happen.

"Heidi D'Angelo." Serenity's voice came from behind the girl which kind of startled her, "You are now undergoing the Royal Bathing Girl ceremony. Please repeat everything I say after this point."

She nodded, unsurely.

"I, Heidi."

"I, H-Heidi…"

"Will uphold the tradition of the Yami Bathing Girls."

"Will uphold the tradition of the… Yami Bathing Girls."

"And I hereby promise,"

"And I hereby promise…"

"To love, honor and cherish Yami's body,"

"…! Ah… To love, honor and cherish Yami's body."

"Through fat and thin. In diets and disease,"

"T-Through fat and thin… In diets and disease…"

"To bathe him forever and for always,"

"To bathe him… forever and for always."

"Till Pharaoh release me. Or death take me."

"T-Till Pharaoh release me… Or death… take me." After the last word was said, Heidi had little time to even think before her body was racked with an enormous amount of pain. Her left butt cheek burned under the cowpoke, Heidi opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out and Mai stroked her hair, soothingly as Serenity cringed, lifting the cowpoke and sighing.

It was a moment before Heidi could turn her head towards Serenity who put the cowpoke back by the wall.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

"Heidi, you knew you had to have the Seal. It's just so the guards and the Pharaohs can identify you. It takes a lot to be able to be let near the royal bodies in such a private way." Serenity explained, trying to be as sweet as pie.

Mai raised an eyebrow, "Well, from what I hear, there's a long list of who Pharaoh Yami will let near is body in a 'private way'."

Heidi blinked, "What do you mean?"

She leaned in, winking, "It seems there was this servant boy who came to Yami's bedroom last night and-"

"Mai!" Serenity grabbed Heidi's arm and pulled her out the door, Mai following trying to tell the ex-general all the dirty details, which was like a lollipop after a shot for Heidi.

"Where are we going now?" She groaned, tearing her arm away from the girl with long brown hair.

She blinked, "No where. Well, c'mon, take off your clothes."

"… Huh?"

Mai busied herself, unbuttoning Heidi's bra, which was peeking out through her torn shirt. Heidi turned around, "Stop that! Why should I take off my clothes?"

"You're going to bathe our Pharaoh! You have to be naked, it's supposed to be a spiritual experience. To be that close to a God is-"

"God? WHAT GOD?" Heidi was fuming now at the thought of not having at least a bikini and there being naught but water between hers and Yami's hot flesh. Images ran in a sequence in and across her mind. Suddenly, she got a nosebleed and waved her hand at her neck, "Phew… Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?"

Mai and Serenity looked at each other in question. Whilst Heidi had been daydreaming and nose bleeding, they had stripped her of her clothes and admired how skinny she was.

Mai whispered, "Must be the elephant dung."

Serenity nodded.

"Well. Here ya go!" Serenity held out a rather large loofa in the shape of Yami's head with both hands and Heidi took it, frowning. "We wish you luck."

"… Wait, aren't you coming too?" She looked up.

"Nope. Pharaoh Yami requested you and you alone. Oh, you'll be fine. Just remember not to scrub his butt too hard. We had a girl named Tea here who did that. They stoned her before throwing her off a cliff and letting the wild coyotes rip her limb from limb."

"…" Heidi blinked, "Okay then. Well, I'm off."

She turned round and walked out of the door, looking down at the loofa she held and the guards escorted her to the backyard all the while starring at her naked flesh and wondering if anyone would mind if they pinched her bottom.

* * *

"This isn't going to work."

In one of the darker hallways of the large palace, a lone guard walked aimlessly and quiet off balance. It seemed that his stomach was oddly angled and misshapen. But that was probably because of Joey's knees on Kaiba's shoulders and his bottom nestled in Kaiba's soft brown hair. It hadn't been two minutes before they realized they were missing the multi-colored wig and hurried to get the one off that sleeping guard. Soon, they were on their way once again but not before Kaiba's muffled voice was heard and Joey sighed.

"Why do ya always have to be the one who has a negative attitude, huh, Kaiba? Just go with the flow. You've got Joey Wheeler here, can't nothing go wrong!" Joey proclaimed, his head tilted down to his stomach.

His stomach rolled his eyes, "That's exactly why something can go wrong. But, can you honestly say there isn't the least bit of a doubt in your mind about whether we'll be caught or not?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm six feet, Wheeler, how tall are you?"

"… Eh, I think five foot eight."

"Well, minus three feet because you're sitting on my head, we are currently eight foot eight. Who the hell is that tall?"

Joey blinked, "I thought you were until you just told me otherwise."

"Idiot! We're conspicuous."

"What's that mean?"

"…" Kaiba growled, "Stop talking to me, I'm your stomach."

"Oh."

It was quiet for a few more minutes. Joey remembered that Mokuba said Heidi was on the second floor and their cell was in the basement, so they had to go passed a few guards and were finally at the first floor which was pretty barren except a few Spike Patrollers and a girl or two. They reached another flight of stairs in less than ten minutes and started to climb again, much to Kaiba's detest. He hated climbing stairs with Joey on his head, it was stressful and, truth be told, he didn't want to drop the boy on his head. If only because he didn't want to cause further brain damage.

"Grr…" Joey winced and whispered, "Ey, Kaiba… Can we take a break? I need to scratch myself."

"Oh, you've got to be kidding."

"Nah, I'm not! Your hair is itching my crotch and it's driving me crazy!"

"You can't. Look at these men around us…" Kaiba lowered his voice, "It'll look weird if you start scratching in the middle of your stomach and your hand goes in. We'll be in MORE conspicuous."

"There you go, using those big words again." He began to whine and as they walked past other guards, they tilted their heads in wonder and they were beginning to draw a crowd, "Dammit…! I have to scratch!"

"Don't you dare." His stomach whispered harshly. He had to think fast, Joey was about to blow their cover and if he did, they'd be toast. Kaiba got an idea but shuddered at the very thought of it. 'Grr… I'll… I'll just have to do it. For Mokuba.' He thought and wriggled his arm up through the suit and began to scratch away at Joey's crotch.

At first Joey's eyes widened and he thought it tickled, but when Kaiba hit the right spot, his eyes rolled back in his head.

He purred, "Oh, _yes_, Kaiba… That's the spot, right there… Harder…!"

All the guards surrounding him, heard that bit all too clear and each looked at each other, almost horror stricken. The boy was now almost screaming someone's name and they thought it sounded like 'Kaiba', but weren't sure. As they neared him, taking precautious steps, Joey's eyes came back down from inside his skull and he moaned, "Oh, Kaiba, that felt so good… Where'd you learn to do it that fast…?"

"Mokuba." Came a voice from his stomach. "He does it all the time to me."

"Oh, well, I-" Joey stopped when he looked at two men who were standing in front of him, blinking and gaping. Joey gasped and cleared his voice, "Um, can I help you guys?"

One of them looked at him and glared, "What's going on over here?"

"Yeah." The other nodded, "Were you… just talking to your stomach?"

"Uh… Well, ya see…" Joey was starting to sweat and so was Kaiba. He could feel the wetness of perspiration through his jeans. "Um… My stomach is hungry… And since lunch time isn't for another hour, I'm talking to it to tell it to stop growling. I-Isn't that right, Mr. Stomach? Aren't you hungry?" Joey cooed to his belly, pinching what looked like his abdomen but was really Kaiba's nose.

The men looked at each other then back at the stomach.

Kaiba coughed, "Uh, that's right, Joey."

"OH!" Both guards, including a few surrounding ones jumped back and screamed running around in circles and the talking tummy. They sounded an alarm by blowing their whistles and shouted, "He's possessed! Someone get the bazooka!"

"Eek!" Both Joey and his stomach screamed, running in the opposite direction as a few men carried a rather large gun and were shooting missiles at the boys as they ran for their lives. They hopped out of the front door and ran towards the side lawns.

"Kaiba!" Joey shouted, holding onto the CEO's head, "That was a terrible idea!"

"Y-You can't blame me! I was just following your idiotic lead!" He turned a corner and hid behind a bush while the men ran past them, bombs and missiles flying everywhere. When they were sure they had passed, Joey told Kaiba to stand up and maybe they could get somewhere safe. Coming around another corner of the outside of the castle. Not two minutes later, they witnessed something odd.

"Wait, wait, stop here, Kaiba." Joey whispered and they came to a slow halt, hiding in the shadows, "Oh my god…"

"What is it?" Kaiba asked and not getting any response, he unzipped part of the jumpsuit so he could peek out. Out in the middle of a large lawn was a rather small pond. Sunbeams shown on it and reflected a sight of two people in it on the far side, both naked as the day they were born.

Kaiba started walking forward, hiding under bushes and in shadows, taking Joey along with him. Soon they were within ten feet of the two and could hear and see everything they did.

Yami was relaxing against the edge of the pool as a girl with brownish reddish hair used a loofa sponge to wash his chest and she did her best not to look down until she came to that part.

"Heh heh. Heidi." Yami smirked, looking down at the girl who was carefully washing him with one hand. The other hand was bandaged so it wouldn't get too wet, or maybe it was because Yami didn't want blood in the pond.

She looked up at him in question.

"You haven't said anything at all to me. Do you think that's exactly polite?" He said, tauntingly.

Heidi frowned and scrubbed his chest a tad bit harder, "… I don't usually make conversation with those who cut off my fingers."

He blinked and leaned back, "Oh, Heidi, you're hurting my feelings. I only do what's best for you, you know. If anything, you should thank me."

She almost choked, "E-Excuse me? I should, what? Thank you? Oh, okay. Thanks, Pharaoh Yami. Thank you so much for chopping off my fingers and forcing me to live off of elephant poop. Thanks for ruining my life and making me one of your lowly bathing girls. Thanks for having Serenity BRAND me!" Heidi stood up out of the water and pointed to the mark on her butt.

"… Hmm. I sense some hostility, Heidi, dearest."

"_HOSTILITY_? I'LL GIVE YA SOME HOSTILITY! YA BIG OLD FART-"

"Pharaoh Yami! Pharaoh Yami!" Came some voices right as Heidi was digging herself deeper into her proverbial grave. A few Spike Patrollers with a large bazooka in hand came over to the pond, panting. They were about to talk to Yami, apparently, but then noticed Heidi in all her naked glory and starred. She realizes she was out in the open and dunked back in the water, being laughed at by the Pharaoh.

"What is it that you wanted?" He addressed the men.

They shook themselves and nodded, "Pharaoh Yami, have you, perchance seen a man with a talking stomach come by here? We were perusing a guard who is apparently possessed by a…" He looked around and whispered, "Belly demon…"

Heidi sweat dropped, "Um.. You guys, a belly demon? I think you've been having too much of the vodka, lately?"

"But-" He began, but Yami held up his hand, silencing him.

"That's ridiculous. Get out of here before I chop your heads off. Go."

They scattered away, quickly though still on the look for their belly demon. Yami went back to his bath and made sure Heidi got all of his cracks and crannies. Under the bushes, Kaiba and Joey watched with fascination at how that woman controlled her gag reflexes for such a long period of time. It was then that they knew she was the girl they were looking for and knew the only heroic thing to do would be to swoop in a rescue her right from Yami's pond. They waited for the right moment to run like cowards back in the castle and finally found their cells.

Mokuba blinked, "Um… So, where's Heidi? Did you let her go into the city?"

"No."

Tristan tilted his head, "Um… did you even rescue her?"

"No."

Otogi groaned, "But, why?"

"She and Yami were taking a bath, naked."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"… Oh yeah. She needs rescuing."


	20. Of Our Lifetime Part 1

Her Sweetness: Oh, yeah, baby! We've reached the twenty-chapter mark! Which is a spot I've only hit twice before in my fanfiction writing career. This is going to be so much fun, yes?

Ha ha! And here I thought this thing would be about seventeen chapters, but it turns out I'm taking a shot at doing most of the ideas I came up with.

Hmm… Wondering. Some people don't like fics that are too long. Are you guys gonna stick with me on this?

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 20:

At the secret base of BAYAMS, right after the four boys held their meeting with Cody in his bedroom, they decided to get going. Well, actually, Cody decided to get going. He wanted to try and get to Domino before Heidi had any more damage done to her, physically and or mentally and emotionally. When he told Marik this, he simply laughed and patted Cody on the back, saying, "Don't worry, Cody, Yami isn't smart enough to try anything emotional on anyone. And he's lacking in the mental department as well."

Both Bakura and Malik agreed and although Ryou thought that was a rather mean thing to say, he snickered lightly under his breath. It was about an hour after that and the sun was high in the sky signaling that it might be a few minutes pasted noon. Cody had left the boys in peace so he could go pack and by now all four of them were waiting in the foyer of the mayor's home.

"I sure hope we get there in time to save the poor girl…" Ryou shook his head, solemnly, "It's just dreadful what Yami's doing to her, what could've gotten into him and Yugi?"

Bakura tapped the side of his face with two of his fingers, "Well, and this is just my personal opinion, but I think both of them have gone nuts."

"It must be all the pressure from saving the world everyday. It's probably gotten to them." The albino hikari agreed with his yami and both of them looked at the Egyptians sitting across from them.

"…" Marik and Malik looked at each other then back at their friends, "What?"

"Oh, don't act so innocent, Marik." Bakura rolled his eyes, "If this is the case, then it's all your fault."

"ME? What'd I do?"

"You're both after their puzzles almost everyday! And it obliviously drove them to turn the tables on you and take over the world." He continued.

Malik shook his head and turned away, "Hey, that's not my fault. I'm the one who just wants to stay at home and design clothes or watch Lifetime movies…"

"Ooh! Malik, did you see the one at the beginning of February about the girl who was out to find her long lost brother?" Ryou asked, excitedly.

"But she found this handsome stranger instead and had four of his kids before finding out that he was her brother's gay lover?"

"And then they decided to run away but the guy didn't want to leave the kids so he shot them and threw their limp bodies off a cliff?"

"And then he killed himself?"

"And the girl never met her brother till he was real old?"

"YEAH!" They said in unison and then slumped in their chairs, sobbing, "I-It was so sad…!"

"…" Bakura blinked before whispering to Marik, "Those aren't men at all, just girls who grew kickstands."

Marik nodded in agreement.

Suddenly, coming down the stairs came a figure stumbling down and fumbling with about five large suitcases. He wobbled down until he fell onto a heap, all the bags coming and crashing into his stomach, "OOF!"

"… Cody?" Malik asked, standing from the chair he was occupying and walking over to help the man from under the heavy luggage.

Ryou hurried over as well, dusting him off, "Oh, are you okay?"

"Ah, yup yup…!" He stood when the bags were off him and grinned widely, "Well, let's load up the jeep and get ta goin, yous four, wes gots Heidis ta save, you know!"

Malik blinked, looking at all the bags, "… Cody, you want us to put all these bags in the jeep?"

"Ah, yup yup!"

"Look at all this crap. This won't fit in that jeep of yours, Cody." Bakura shook his head, "We're going to go whack off Yami and his hikari, not to the Bahamas, you don't need these luxury items."

"These ain't luxury, it's necessity! This one's full of my underwear," He pointed to the one Ryou was holding, "This one's full of Metamucil, this one's got my wine, and this one has the 1950's version of Karma Sutra!"

Malik gagged.

"We won't be able to carry all this! The jeep has three wheels, it'll barely be able to carry us!" Marik exclaimed, inching around the suitcase full of Metamucil.

As they began to discuss what to leave and what to take, none of them noticed that the door to the foyer had opened and a man in a white shirt and red rose settled behind his ear had hopped in, cheery and all smiles until he looked down onto the floor and saw assorted suitcases.

"Um… what's going on?" He asked, but the question was too quiet to be heard.

"I said, I'm NOT holding the underwear!"

"Well, then take the Metamucil, cause there's no way I'm holding the Karma Sutra!"

"I'll take the Karma Sutra."

"Be quiet, Bakura!"

"Oh, dear… Do you think maybe we could throw out that dreadful book? It might given _certain_ people ideas…"

A grin spread across Bakura's face.

"Excuse me! Sorry to interrupted this interesting conversation, but..." Terry had raised his hands above his head to get some attention, but midway through his statement everyone had already noticed him and he now had their full attention. "Oh. Well, I just wanted to ask what, exactly, was going on?"

"Um, yeah…" Malik scratched the back of his head, "Terry, I guess we forgot to tell you but we're leaving."

"_LEAVING_?"

"Uh-huh. It turns out you've been treating us so good we forgot why we came here," Marik added, motioning to Ryou and Bakura, "So, now that Cody's reminded us, we'll just be taking these two to help us destroy Yami and Yugi."

"And gets meh Heidikins back!"

"… That, too."

"B-But wait a minute!" Terry went flapping his arms around his head and ran over to the boys, hollering like a madman, scarring both Ryou and Malik into hiding behind their respective yamis, "Y-You cannot just _leave_ us, we need you! You are our only hope!"

"… Only hope for what, Terry?" Ryou asked, meekly peaking over Bakura's shoulder.

"The future! If you leave now, you'll be captured, and then what will happen to us? Please, reconsider!"

"Look, I'm sorry, but-"

"Think of the children!"

"…" Bakura blinked, and then whispered back in Ryou's ear, "Do we have any kids, Ryou?"

"I _think_ he means the children of BAYAMS, 'Kura."

"… I knew that."

"We're sorry, Terry, but wes gotta get out of here, right now, ain't got a moment to spare!" Cody spoke up and headed for the door, "C'mon, boys! Don't forget meh bags!"

They groaned.

Terry had to think fast. He did not want to lose the ring and rod holders at any cost but what could he do if they were leaving of their own free will? He growled under his breath and went running to the door, holding out his arms and blocking Cody's way out.

"I'm sorry, Cody, old friend, but we just can't risk having these boys captured! They're staying right here in BAYAMS and that's the end of it!"

* * *

Outside in the Sahara Desert, there were about ten large and white tanks rolling through the sand at an unbelievably fast pace. At first they had started out going at just about 45 mph, but then they went much faster when they realized there was no speed limit where sand was concerned. So now the large chicken head that resided on the top of each tank was rotating happily and the banner it had between it's beak, saying, 'The happiest chicken on earth' was flapping in the hot breeze.

In the first of the many tanks, riding out in front, there was a fat, sweaty man in the belly of the vehicle who was talking to one of his privates.

"Number 3, just how much longer do we have until we get to this secret hideout?"

The man held up the stall door again and looked it over, tracing the creases and cracks with his fingers, "Ah, Happy Chicken Man, sir, we should be there shortly… but, the thing is, I don't know how we're going to recognize this place…"

"Hmm? What do you mean?"

"… Well…"

"Speak up, private!"

"W-Well! I mean, our troops have been back and forth over the supposed location thousands of times and they reported that they saw nothing there each time. I don't know if it's underground or what. And if it is, the possibility of us finding it is 1,739 to .0002."

He grimaced, "You and your statistics, Number 3. I even wonder why I keep you around."

"Ah… I'm sorry…?"

"Sir! It seems we've located something suspicious!" Called the man driving the tank down to Happy Chicken Man. "Have a look!" He lowered the telescope that was peaking out of the top down to him and Happy Chicken Man stuck his face into it.

"Oh, for Yami's sake!" He called out, "Everyone, out of their tanks! That's an order!"

As everyone got out, Happy Chicken Man thought about how anyone could be so stupid as to not tell their commanding officer something like that sooner. What he had seen was a red jeep that had one busted tire and license plates saying 'Cody4U' in front of a doorway coming up out of the ground. He thought that would be the epitome of suspicious.

When they were all out, Happy Chicken Man along with Numbers 1-5 accompanied him over to the doorway to make sure it was safe as the other privates cowered in fear of it, thinking something would jump out at them.

Number 1 and 2 were inspecting the jeep, thoroughly, "Sir, this jeep is indeed Cody's alright. All these wine stains have to be his… And here," Number 2 lifted a picture from the glove compartment, "This seems to be a picture of General Heidi. She looks mad…"

"That's _ex_-General Heidi." Happy Chicken Man growled over his shoulder then grinned, "Heh heh. That's one of the reasons we need to get those boys to the Pharaohs. As soon as they see how capable I am, he'll give me position as General of the Spike Patrol and, as an added bonus, maybe he'll kill her anyway."

They all stopped what they were doing and starred at him, "… _What_?"

"Shh. I think this is the entrance…" He had ventured about two steps down and motioned for the privates to follow him and they obeyed, although they did so stiffly, only now being aware of the fat man's true plan.

* * *

"You've got to be kidding. We're being held hostage by some guy with a _flower_ in his hair…!" Bakura groaned, now knowing that Terry didn't want to lose them at any cost and was willing to go this far just to keep them in BAYAMS.

"Please, understand…" Terry lowered his head in a solemn way, "I do not mean any harm to you at all, your safety is only what concerns me. I, and I'm sure Cody would agree, really don't want Yami to find you, for if he does… He will certainly kill you!"

"Bologna."

Terry looked up at Malik, surprised, "What?"

"I said that's bologna. You know good and well the only reason you don't want us to leave is because when we do, the people of BAYAMS will see that you couldn't keep your promise about having the ring and rod holder on your side. Then they'll get mad and overthrow you as major."

"…" Terry hung his head in defeat, "Well… I suppose you're right…"

"Wow, Malik, how'd you know that?" Bakura asked, blinking.

"I saw something like this one a this Lifetime once, only instead of it being someone in BAYAMS, it was this peasant girl whose father was in the mafia." He smiled brightly, "I never knew real life was so much like Lifetime movies!"

Marik shook his head in pity, "Neither did I."

"… Well, then, now that that's all on the up and up, we'll be a'leavin, Terry!" Cody gave the mayor a hearty pat on the back and began to open the door, but before he did an extremely loud buzzer, almost identical to the chicken dumping alarm sounded out through the house and, assumingly, through the streets of BAYAMS.

"Oh my gosh, what is that horrid noise?" Ryou cried, holding his ears, which were on the verge of bleeding.

Malik shouted over the noise, "Maybe it's a fire alarm?" He was wrong the last time he said that, but maybe this time he could get it right.

"Oh, no!" Terry gasped, "We're in the middle of a break-in! Quick, hide the ring and rod holders!" He threw a sheet over the boys, which hung a little high off the ground and made them look like the ghosts of conjoined quadruplets in sneakers.

Marik lifted a corner of the sheet and whispered to Cody, "I'm convinced, he's insane."

"Ah, yup yup."

"Shh, shh! I'm going to see what's going on out there…" Terry shooed Cody over to stand in front of the ghost, and began to open the door, just to have a peek. What he saw made him cover his mouth, so as not to make the scream he was going to voice. The streets of his beloved BAYAMS were overrun with people in hair wigs resembling Yami and Yugi's. They were running into houses, kicking over food stands and eating all of their beloved and rare meat! Oh, the horror!

A few of the men held bazookas and, accompanied by five men heavily armed, a fat man was walking around with a heavy scowl on his face. He shouted, "Take whatever you feel you need! But find the boys and Cody and bring them to me! Remember, they are to be brought to the Pharaohs _alive_!"

As they neared the mayor's home Terry hurriedly shut the door and panted, running around the room in a circle, "Oh, they're coming! What should we do? What should we do?"

"Will you just calm down!" Bakura's voice came from under the sheet, "All we need to do is get out of here, unseen and we'll be fine."

"Yes, but they're everywhere! Oh, this is it! This is the end…!"

"Hmm… I gots it!" Cody shouted out. Everyone looked at him, "Ey, Terry, ain't there a back door to this house? If I 'member correctly, it should led us out to the spot where I parked the jeep, right right?"

"That's a great idea, Cody!" Came Ryou's voice from under the sheet, "Oh dear, but wait… Won't they have someone above ground as well?"

Terry shook his head, "It doesn't seem likely… They look like they have everyone from Happy Chicken in here, and they probably have no one waiting above ground."

"Well, then, what the hell are we waiting for?" Marik shouted, "Let's get out of here!"

"Cody, you take them to the exit, I'll try and hold off the men, for they will surely come in here!" As soon as the words came out of Terry's mouth, banging on the door had began and it was apparent that they were trying to get through. It was pure luck that Terry had locked the doors after seeing the men wandering his streets. As the pounding on the door and jiggling of the door handle continued, Terry waved his arms at them, "Go on, hurry!"

"'Kay, boys, let's get ta goin!" Cody said and led the ghost with four heads up the stairs and into another hallway. They bumped into a few walls before Ryou had the sense to say that maybe they should take off the white sheet. Everyone thought about this before agreeing and losing the sheet, following Cody once again and leaving Terry in the foyer when the door busted open and a bazooka fired.


	21. Of Our Lifetime Part 2

Her Sweetness: Hey there, people. Well, you know what? We're not done with this fic yet, not by any stretch of the imagination, but I do look forward to the ending, for I will be holding another contest _and_ I will be doing another "special thing"!

That's right, come ending time; I will be giving out awards to you reviewers. By category. Such as Most Interesting Review, Longest Review, and the ever popular Inspiration Award. That specific award will be rewarded!

Tee hee. Anyhoo, I believe I received cookies from a special shadow reviewer that has come out into the light, recently. Thank you.

Now, on with the story!

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 21:

The remains of Terry lay on the floor, a pool of crimson and a leg and a red flower, both scattered and the rest was lost to the bazooka that had burst in from the door then followed by some guards that had looked upon the mess and cringed. Their leader and commanding officer, the fat man, had pushed his way through the privates to behold the blood-splattered foyer of the supposed and obliterated mayor's home.

Happy Chicken Man gasped, "You idiots! You just blasted that damn bazooka without looking first! Do you even know who you killed?"

Number 5 shook his head, "Uh… Well, not really. But, apparently," He looked around at the pieces of white, silk shirt and petals of red roses, "It was someone with a great amount of style."

"Gah! Idiots, that might have been one of the boys we were looking for! Dammit, what are we going to tell the Pharaoh? We bazookaed his prize!"

"…" They whined and sniffed.

Happy Chicken Man was unsympathetic as he growled and stalked forward. He shook the blood from his nice black shoes and looked up at the staircases. Both were sparkly and marbled over with green and gray, but one led to the right and the other, to the left. He scratched his chin before nodding solemnly to himself.

"Okay, men, as of now we have no proof that the boys have been killed by our own hand…" He scowled at Number 5 briefly, "But something tells me there's a chance that they might still be alive."

"… Like what?" A random solider asked.

"That." Happy Chicken Man pointed over by the wayside and there lay a white sheet, carelessly tossed and settled on the staircase leading to the right. Number 3 cautiously ventured over and knelt by the bedcovering. Picking it up, gently, he then sniffed it and gasped.

"This smells like _Sassy Girl_ hair gel!"

"Exactly. And as I remember it, Pharaoh Yami said something about a certain ring holder wearing _Sassy Girl_…"

* * *

"Aw, dammit, my hair is PMSing." Bakura rubbed his scalp whilst walking, keeping up with the group. Since they'd thrown that sheet off of their heads, he'd been complaining that his hair wouldn't stay down and his spikes were beginning to loose their sheen. "I should've put on TWO globs of my _Sassy Girl_ this morning…"

"I told you, 'Kura, but you wouldn't listen to me."

"I've heard enough about Bakura's hair problems!" Marik growled, turning to the albino behind him, who glared back. He then turned back around to the fifty-year-old man leading the way, "Cody, where are we going?"

"Welpers… I'm tryin to find this here secret trapdoor that leads to the outside, but I can't seem to find it! Maybe Terry moved it while I was away?" Cody scratched his head in confusion as he looked around the rather dark hallway that they were now in.

For the past five minutes or so, they had gone down this hallway, watching Cody feel his way around for a trapdoor of some kind and there had been no luck as of yet. Now as they came to a solid wall, Malik blinked, "Cody, this _isn't_ a dead-end, is it?"

"Ah, yup yup. Seems that way!" He smiled back cheerfully, causing all boys to sweatdrop.

"Absolutely fabulous, so now what do we do?" Bakura asked, massaging his split ends.

Ryou looked back at the way they had just come, "Perhaps we went the wrong way, should we turn back?"

Cody grinned, sheepishly, putting his hands behind his back, "Sounds goody-good to me!"

"Aw…!" Malik whined, turning slowly around and trudging foreword, "This sucks, you know. We've been speed walking down here for what seems like miles and now we have to go some other way! Well, I don't think-"

Suddenly footsteps and louder voices were heard other than the ones of Bakura complaining about his hair and Malik complaining about everything. Down the long hallway before them, they saw shadows running on the walls and more voices. Malik stopped his complaining and clamped both hands over his mouth, mumbling through them, "Who is that?"

"Uh-oh…" Cody blinked.

"What is it?" Ryou and Malik turned to him, worried looks on their faces.

"I guess the Happy Chicken men followed us down here, I can here the boss man's voice…!"

"Aw, _what_?" Marik shouted, "You've got to be kidding!"

"Shh!" Bakura, Ryou and Malik jumped on him, covering his mouth. Not that Marik meant to, but his voice was loud and it echoed down the beginning of the hallway. The figures and shadows running on the walls stopped in their tracks. Their heads moved slightly from the left to the right and someone was heard saying:

"Did you hear that?"

"Sure did, let's check it out, I think it came from down there…"

"Oh Gods, they're coming!" Ryou gasped.

"Alright, let's think about this for a second," Marik said, taking a deep breath, "We'll just have to try to find that trapdoor, it's gotta be down here. The most important thing is that we don't-"

"Ooohhhhh! We're gonna dieeee….! We're gonna DIEEEE!" Malik was running around in a small circle, flailing his arms and squealing.

"… Panic." Marik finished his sentence, sweatdropping.

"Shh!" Ryou held onto his friend's shoulders, halting his fret circle, "Malik, don't do this, not now!"

"Cody, where are you? We need to be looking for that…" Bakura's sentence stopped in the middle, his eyes settling on the wino that was hopping from place to place with great speed, feeling on the walls, "I'm a'tryin! I'm a'tryin! You think I wanna get caught by Happy Chicken Man? It's yous guys he needs, he'll just shoot me!"

"I hear more voices!" Ryou stated, backing up, behind Bakura, who in turn backed up behind Marik, who in turn told them both to find another hiding spot.

Malik gulped as the shadows moved closer and so did the voices. Now it was apparent by the figures that they were well armed with bazookas and some sort of grenade launcher strapped to their backs.

"H-How's that trapdoor coming, C-Cody?" He asked, shaking.

"I'm going as fast as I can…!" Cody panted, now patting the back of the wall. They had all backed up so much; it left Cody less than two feet left to find the hidden door. And he wasn't having any luck.

Suddenly, about five faces popped up from behind the corner of the hallway about twenty feet in front of them. They were dressed in gray and yellow, the Spike Patrollers colors and they soon stepped out from their peeking spot.

One of them yelled backwards, "Mr. Happy Chicken Man, sir! We've found the fugitives!"

Cody squeaked audibly, "Oh no! They can't find us yet!"

Malik and Ryou were crying in each other's arms, "Oh, this is it! G-Goodbye cruel world…! We'll probably be thrown into a river full of man-eating guppies…!"

From the group of soldiers that had now formed at the entrance, blocking their escape, there emerged a fat man, smirking like madman and tapping his foot on the cold cement. "Ah, Marik and Patty. So we meet again."

"My name is Malik, dammit!" Malik shouted, growling and foaming at the mouth.

Ryou handed him a hanky.

Marik ignored his hikari's obvious pouts and growls, and he shouted back to the fat man, "No way you're killing us, you big pig!"

"Ha ha ha! Oh, how naïve. I'm not going to kill you. That's something Pharaoh Yami would like the pleasure of doing… slowly. But. _Cody_, on the other hand is mine for the maiming."

At hearing his name, a pathetic whine came from behind the four boys. Soon, white and shaggy hair appeared and then dull blue eyes and the rest of the man's body, "Uh, h-hey there, Chicken Man…"

"That's _Happy_ Chicken Man to _you_, Cody." He folded his arms, but before doing so, wiggled two of his fingers towards the men standing at attention behind him. They took the signal and stepped foreword, their guns and bazookas cocked and loaded.

Ryou was the first of two (the other being Malik) to call out, saying, "Wait a minute! No! You cannot shoot Cody!"

Bakura turned to his hikari and said, calmly, "You keep up all this protesting and it'll be you who they shoot next."

"Ah…! B-But-"

Happy Chicken Man cleared his voice, "Cody, I see you all are very close. So, if you come out from behind them, quietly, and let us kill you, peacefully, none of these young men need to be hurt."

Cody sighed, and hung his head, his white bangs falling over his face, "Okeydokey…" He began to walk foreword, each step taking him closer to his doom.

Malik squeaked, watching Cody, "N-No! Don't do it! Marik, do something!"

"Zzz… H-Huh? Huh?" Marik blinked, tiredly, getting off his leaning spot on the wall. It seemed he had dozed off. When he rubbed his eyes, he noticed his hikari looked like he was about to cry, "W-What is it?"

"_Marik_! Cody's going to die!"

"… He's WHAT? Jeez, Malik, I close my eyes for two seconds and someone's dying! You're awful!"

"It's not my fault!"

"Oh, yes it is! People always die when you're around, unsupervised!"

"You take that back!"

"I won't!"

"Oh, please, Marik! Malik! Don't do this now, couldn't we just…?" Ryou sighed, not being able to interfere with the argument that seemed impenetrable. They soon began to take their disagreement to the physical stage and Ryou panicked as he usually does in these situations. And as he tried to stop this, he ended up being pulled into the fistfight. As this went on and Ryou ended up trying to pull them off each other, Cody stopped for a brief second, to whisper something in a certain white-haired yami's ear, "Bakura… When I get up into range, I want you to jump up and down, really hard, ah yup yup?"

"Uh…" He scratched his head.

"Stop stalling, Cody! Get your drunk butt up here!" Happy Chicken Man called. It seemed his attention was divided for a moment, starring at the two Egyptian boys who were rolling on top of each other and the albino who was sandwiched in the middle of it. That was a real sight, right there.

Cody winked to Bakura as he tried to say something. In less than a second Cody had solemnly jogged within ten feet of the guns and bazookas.

Happy Chicken Man grinned, "Ready."

The guns were cocked.

"Aim."

The bazookas were loaded.

"_FIRE_…!"

As soon as the word was uttered and then broke out into everyone's ears, the guns went off, lights flashed and smoke of all kinds entered the air. The last audible word from Cody was, "Jump!"

Bakura's thief-like reflexes kicked in and he plunged his full body-weight onto the floor where he stood, twice. As soon as his feet landed the second time, the floor fell through in the shape of a square. He fell through and went down the tunnel, screaming like a girl in surprise. Ryou and Marik and Malik looked up from the clouds of smoke and loud gun firing in the near distance. Ryou noticed his yami had disappeared down the long tunnel.

"This must be the trapdoor Cody talked about…!" Marik whispered, loudly, over the sounds of raining mini-bombs from the bazookas.

"Oh, poor Cody…!" Malik and Ryou looked like they were about to go into another 'Lifetime' scenario, but before they could, Marik rolled his eyes and pushed them both down, their screams following. Before going down himself, he took one more look at the cloud of smoke, not even hearing Cody's drunken laughter or a 'ah, yup yup'. He jumped down without another thought about it, knowing that if he did, he'd be tempted to run in there to try to save his friend.

* * *

Under the shiny palace in the center of the Inner City, four teenage boys were watching the youngest of their group with despair and angst. As the day grew later into the afternoon, and the sun moved in slow paces towards the west, Mokuba starred out of the lone barred window and sighed, repeatedly. He, himself, began to pace the floor, looking out again when the sun seemed to move. Over Joey and Kaiba's arguing and over Tristan and Otogi's whispered conversations and giggles, Mokuba continued his plotting.

"I have to get out of here…" He said finally, catching the attention of the other cellmates.

"Mokuba," Kaiba looked up at his younger brother, punching Joey whilst he did so, "We've tried everything. This place is too well guarded, everything Yami has is perfect."

"Our only chance is to wait for Marik and Malik. Wasn't it you who said it wouldn't be more than two weeks before they get here?" Otogi asked.

Mokuba turned around, shouting, "_Heidi _doesn't have two weeks! She barely has five days!"

"Well, Mokuba-"

"OUCH!" Kaiba's pained cry interrupted Tristan as he backed up into the wall, holding his arm. Joey stood proudly by the bars, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. Kaiba was shouting obscenities, letting his arm go, everyone noticed the blood that stained his skin. "That damned dog bit me!"

"Yeah, well you disserved it! You spoiled rich boy… Sheesh."

"… Wow, Joey." Otogi blinked, starring at Kaiba's wound, "That looks pretty deep, you really have a set of jaws…"

"Yeah, he must be part German Shepard…" Kaiba grumbled, though it went unnoticed.

Mokuba had rolled his eyes, getting quite tired of this battle between the two. Although his brother seemed hurt, he knew Kaiba's had worse. As his eyes settled on the wound once again, a light bulb flashed over his head.

"That's it!" He called, excitedly.

Everyone looked to him, "What?"

"Joey, Joey…!" Mokuba went running over to him. Upon reaching him, he grabbed his wrist and pulled him over by the window, "Joey, please, you have to use your teeth to break the bars!"

"… _What_?" Joey raised his eyebrows in horror and wonder, "What's gotten into you, Mokuba! I can't do that!"

"Yes, you can, Joey, please!"

"Yeah, mutt. Do us all a favor and kill yourself by biting fortified metal bars. Then we'll be rid of your stupidity for a lifetime."

"Kaiba…!"

"Seto, don't!" Mokuba turned back to the blonde, his large pleading eyes set at the ready, "Joey, _please_…! If for no one else, do this for me!"

"Eh… W-Well, I'll give it a shot…"

"Thank you, Joey!"

Otogi whispered behind his hand to Tristan, "I'll bet my earring that Joey dies from blood loss in his gums."

"I'll take that bet."

Joey ignored the betting going on behind his back and turned his attention back to the bars. He sighed and looked briefly at Mokuba, who was cheering him on, faithfully. A deep breath and large chomp later, Joey was grappling with the bar in the middle. His fangs grinding into the metal and leaving prints but after a moment, the bars didn't show any sign of breaking and Joey's gums and teeth were hurting fiercely.

"Mrm!" Joey whined, tears welling in his eyes. Mokuba frowned, knowing that Joey wanted to quit. But he just couldn't let him off the hook, not just yet…

"C'mon, Joey! Don't be a baby, you can do this!"

Joey continued, though his face was going numb. He bit down harder.

A bit of blood ran down his front teeth and kept going down the bar.

Mokuba sighed, inwardly, 'Well, I can't let this continue… Joey could be seriously hurt… Aw, it was a stupid idea anyway, I should just tell him to-'

"Hey, Wheeler! I see you crying over there, you're such a wuss! I knew you'd wimp out and end up shaming yourself yet again. Ha, can't you do anything right?"

"K-Kaiba…!" Joey growled, his eyes turning red at the blue-eyed CEO. This was the very last straw. All he _ever_ did was insult him and this time he wasn't going to get off with just a bite! And the bar snapped in half.

"Gah!" He jumped back, holding his mouth, which was now bleeding rather heavily. He watched the two halves of the bar fall down and hit the ground, an echo following.

"Oh, Joey, you did it!" Mokuba jumped up and down, pumping his fists in the air, "I knew you could do it!"

"Pheh." Kaiba turned the other way, hiding his smirk.

Joey mumbled through his clasped hands, "I did do it! Ha ha!"

Otogi sighed and handed over his dice earring to Tristan, who took it earnestly, heart bubbles floating above his head. Otogi sweatdropped.

"Joey, you're the best," Mokuba began to climb up through the bars. It was a very tight squeeze, seeing as how the previous escape attempts provided him with two bars length, but he made it work by sucking in his stomach. He soon popped out onto the grass and looked around briefly.

Tristan had looked up through the bars, "Mokuba, you know you'll get captured, you always do! What's the point?"

"I'm not going to spy on Yami and Yugi today." Mokuba shook his head, "Nope, desperate times call for desperate measures! MR. DOVE!" He called out and suddenly that same, daffy white bird came fluttering down, flapping its small wings before the young boy.

Kaiba cleared his throat, "Mokuba, we really should wait to see if Marik and Malik have found Ryou and Bakura, yet. They-"

"Those slackers! No way, I'm going to go light a fire under their lazy butts!" Mokuba stretched his arms and nodded to Mr. Dove. He, who took the hint, managed to pick up the boy by the collar of his shirt and they, slowly but surely lifted up into the air. Before going even ten feet away, Mokuba called down, "I'll be back you guys! And I _will_ bring those macadamia nuts back with me!"

As the teens watched Mokuba and the extremely small bird fly off into the distance, only one word was uttered.

"… Wow."


	22. Sweet Monkey Tuesday

Her Sweetness: Ahem! Here is an **announcement** for those of you who don't read bios. I am now attending school and have been for the passed two weeks. And no matter what anyone says, 10th grade is harder than it sounds. I'm swamped with all these projects, tests and reports that I have to do.

And, you know, I just can't update _everyday_. It's not possible. So, it'll have to be around once a week, like last year and maybe I'll have times when I can squeeze in two a week. But don't count on it, at least not until I have a better grip on all this. That is all.

Oh, again, I've received some cookies from a reviewer! Thanks.

See you on the flip side.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 22:

"… I'm losing my mind."

She whispered into the darkness of the cell. Since Pharaoh Yami's bath earlier in the day, she had been thrown back into her damp little cell, strung up by two chains, levitating her about two feet off the ground. Now, as the sun moved right in front of her small window higher in the cell, she could've sworn the solitude was getting to her and getting to her badly.

**Flashback**:

It was not ten minutes ago when the guards carried a struggling girl, who was now fully clothed, though only with torn rags, up to the large green door. They kicked it open and even though she screamed, "Please, let me go! Don't put me in here again, I'll just die!" They did not listen to her and fulfilled their Pharaoh's wish.

The handcuffs of the chains were placed on each wrist and she was left alone again as the door shut, slowly and solemnly.

"No…! Not again…" She closed her eyes, turning away from the door that locked her away from the rest of the world. Having been locked up for the past five days, she had grown quite accustomed to being alone. It was only the quiet of the room and the familiarity of her own thoughts that kept her company. Except twice a day. The two times she dreaded even worse than the silence.

Around noon or so, it was time for her daily meal. And it was then she envied the normal prisoners below. They got to eat one saltine cracker a day. She got to eat one spoon full of steamy elephant crap. And then there was midnight. When, of course, the Spike Patrol would inform Pharaoh Yami and Yugi that nothing had been found, regarding the millennium items and the boys. It was then that her throat became raw from screaming and feeling the saw going back and forth against the bone of her finger.

"Oh…" Just thinking about it made her shiver… And think about the one time that a boy came to her window. That was the only time in that pass maybe two weeks that anyone, beside that pest Cody, had ever shown her any kindness. But she didn't let herself get wrapped up in that memory. She knew she'd never see that Mokuba kid again, his words were sweet, but his promises sour.

Nothing and no one could save her now.

It was foolish to think otherwise.

And when she had given up all hope, that exact second, she heard a strange sound coming from the vicinity of the window. Sunshine shown through the bars, landing in delicious stripes on her face. She turned and saw a white wing out of the corner of her eye and an even larger figure in front of the wings; a small body with long hair had floated up to her window.

The glare from the sun made her squint and in doing so, she only saw a black figure, though it was a wondrous sight to her.

"M-My God…" She uttered, eyes wide and jaw unhinged. "A-Are you an… an _angel_…?"

The figure floated upwards a tad and spoke to her in a melodic tone, "Heidi, it's going to be okay. I'm going to get the people who can help you. Just hold on…"

With that, the angel floated away, off into the sun, leaving a girl who choked to even make sense of it to herself, "… A… An angel… Told me I'm going to be okay…!"

**End Flashback.**

"Yeah… I must be losing my mind… What was I thinking? Angel? Tch. It must be cabin fever…"

She sighed, tilting her head back. Telling herself that she was having a daydream and that it was all an illusion… That made her feel saner. No matter what happened to her, no matter what Yami did to her, her mind and sanity would stay intact. She didn't really believe that angels would come for her, nor devils or anything else spiritual. Heidi had a firm grip and knew if anything were to save her, it'd have to be herself.

'… S-Save me, Angel.'

* * *

The palace was quiet and had been for the better part of the afternoon. Though dusk was here and soon would pass, everyone, who was usually upset over Heidi losing yet another digit in the near future and scrambling for anything, any excuse to change the Pharaohs' minds… they were all relatively calm. It was probably the sunset that had them that way. It was quiet beautiful. Reds, dull oranges and purples filling the air as far as the eye could see. And then the setting sun, dipping low over the horizon.

And silence followed.

"YYYOOOOUUUU _WWWWHHHHHAAAATTTTT_!"

"M-My Pharaoh, please calm down!"

"Yami, maybe you should sit down for a second and-"

Oh. Except the screaming coming from the royal bedroom. Which shook the castle and it's staff into yet another mad frenzy of worry and anxiety.

Presently an innocent servant boy had just received a phone call from a line registered as 69. And of course, everyone knew whose number that was. And yet this boy was the only one willing to answer. He regretted it now, oh, he regretted it.

"P-Pharaoh Y-Yami…!" He squealed as Yami had backed him into a corner. Steam jetted from the yami's ears, as his face turn shades of red that even a tomato would be jealous of. The boy quivered in fear as his back was straight against the wall and he had begun to cry. He'd heard stories of people who had upset the Pharaoh. They now resided in an unmarked grave.

"Yami, hold it! Just let him tell us the rest!" Yugi shouted, his face also a nice color of red. "Sweet monkey Tuesdays, you _never_ let us hear the _whole_ story before you kill someone! Let the dammed boy speak, alright?"

Yami suppressed his growl as the boy scrambled back up the his feet, shaking and mumbling, "W-Well, you… you see, they… they got away… f-from Flyswatter and went down a tunnel. They couldn't find them…"

"DAMN HIM!" Yami shouted, scarring the boy back into his fetal position as he was before.

Yugi sighed; closing his eyes again, "I knew this would be too big a job for that overgrown turkey. You know, Yami… Heidi could get this job done in the blink of her eye."

"She could. But she's on punishment! And I will not waver." He folded his arms over his chest, signaling that was the end of that.

"… Fine, suit yourself."

"… Hmm. Something will have to be done about this. If this trend keeps up, they could come back here and possibly-"

"Ah… Pharaoh, please excuse the interruption, but I have more news for you… F-From Flyswatter…" The servant chocked out, bowing his head. When Yami rolled his eyes, he took that as an okay to go ahead and speak, "I-It seems that… R-Ryou and Bakura don't really have the… rings…"

"…"

"…"

Yami and Yugi looked at each other for a moment, before both screaming at the young boy, "_WHAT_?"

"Ah…! I-It's true… He said that, upon looking at the boys' necks, he saw nothing… No string or rope that would perhaps be holding up the ring and so… He came to the conclusion that we are indeed 'barking up the wrong tree'…"

Yugi blinked, "Not with them…? Then where could they be!"

The servant shook his head, nervously, signaling that he did not know.

Yami had been previously rubbing his temples furiously. He had just stopped and sighed, "… All right. Boy, you are to go and order Flyswatter back here this instant. His execution and fate will be the same day as Heidi's… Yugi and I will have the entire world searched for the rings if we have to. And as for those idiots on the run… they don't matter anymore, have the Spike Patrollers go after them. And kill them."

His eyes widened, briefly, but then he bowed and hurried out of the room.

Yugi turned around and looked at his other half, "Yami, where do you think Ryou and Bakura would hide the rings?"

"… I don't know. But… Yugi, you tend to think like Ryou, sometimes. If you were a timid, British boy, where would you hide your source of shadow power?"

"I _do not_ think like Ryou." He turned away, feigning a look of hurt. "You're… _mean_."

"Oh, shut up and do it."

"… Fine." Yugi huffed, "But you think like Bakura, then. On the count of three, one, two, three, go!"

At the same time they both commenced thinking like the albino pair and wondered, quite accidentally, mind you, why they couldn't _be_ them. After all, they were taller. And their hair was to die for… These thoughts were quickly tossed away as they opened their eyes five minutes later.

"Jeez… It's… kind of odd being Ryou." Yugi blinked and informed Yami, "Did you know he likes to dance to Polka music, naked in his living room?"

"Uh-huh. Did you know that Bakura likes to watch?"

"… Hmm." They both mused at the same time, thinking this to be a profound moment.

"So, did you find anything out?" Yami asked.

"Not really. I mean, I found out a lot of things, but where he might hide his millennium ring is a mystery to me… The only thing I saw, when I thought really hard about it, was a pure white comforter…"

They both looked at each other at the same time and shouted:

"Under the bed!"

* * *

The sun had set about a minute ago as a hatch nestled just below the surface of the sand moved. It jiggled and creaked before finally spitting out an albino boy who had just taken a slide journey down a dirt-incrusted tunnel. He went flying through the thick, heavy air and landed with a thud on the hard sand about five feet away.

"Oomph!" He blinked, looking around when he had finished rubbing his sore bottom. As soon as he finished standing up, a distant yell came from the opening in the sand and out flew Malik and Ryou who flew threw the air and landed on Bakura. He went tumbling back as the wind was knocked out of him.

Ryou gasped, looking down and seeing a very ticked off Bakura, "Oh! I-I'm sorry, Bakura, but-"

Just then, Marik came out of the tunnel, screaming his head off and landing right where the hikaris' had landed, knocking even more wind out of his fellow yami.

"Ra! All of you off! Now!" He roared.

They scrambled off except for Marik who got off slowly and brushed himself off, "Well, Bakura, if you don't want people to sit on you, don't lay on the ground, mimicking a couch."

"…!"

"Hey, look, there's the jeep!" Malik announced, pointing to the banged up red jeep sitting not ten feet away. Accompanying it was about ten Happy Chicken tanks, all were empty for the moment, thank Ra.

Bakura nodded, "Finally, let's go."

They all hoped into the jeep, and though it rocked to the side due to it's having only three wheels, they stopped for a moment, thinking.

"You know…" Malik rubbed the back of his head, sorrowfully, "I-It doesn't seem… _right_ to ride in here without Cody…"

Ryou shook his head, "No… No, it doesn't. I think it's awful to die in an old dark tunnel… And he wanted so much to free Heidi, he didn't get the chance…"

"Stop sobbing, you two. We know he's dead, but moping about it isn't going to bring him back." Marik started the ignition, and the jeep started. "We're just going to have to get that chick out of there for him, I guess. It shouldn't be too much of a problem, she's on the way, anyway."

"You know what else is on the way? McDonalds. I'm _starving_." Bakura sighed, and swallowed his own spit to emphasize his meaning.

"We're not stopping at McDonalds!"

Malik nodded, "He's right. McDonalds sucks, let's get Burger King!"

"Yay!" Ryou cheered, "They have better toys there, anyway!"

"…" Marik sweatdropped, "There is no McDonalds or Burger King around here! We're going back to Happy Chicken."

"… WHAT?" They all shouted.

"Marik, you're nuts! The way you two described that place, there's no way I'm going someplace where they make you eat chicken heads!" Bakura huffed, turning away.

"I don't wanna go…!" Malik howled.

"We're not going for chicken heads! We're going there because that's the only place around here likely to have fast transportation. Think about it, do you really think we could get across oceans to Domino with this _jeep_?"

"…" Ryou blinked.

Bakura coughed, "I-I knew that."

"… Yeah. Right." He pushed the gas as far down as possible and they zoomed off, leaving the torn and bloodied site of BAYAMS forever.


	23. Malik's Got Dirty Buttons?

Her Sweetness: "If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest from home I've ever been." Sam, Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring.

I can totally relate, boy.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 23:

The broken streets glowed dangerously. At this time of day, no one was in this part of the city, the Outer Limits. As the golden gate surrounding the Inner City grew smaller and smaller in the distance, it dawned on them now that they hadn't really been here since the palace was built. Old memories seemed come rushing back as they looked upon the streets of old.

Now, as deserted as the aged neighborhood appeared, they knew better. They may have lived the high life, above everything petty for the past three and a half weeks, but they were told of things that went on down here in the slums. Drug dealers hid in the shadows of torn buildings and murderers watched curiously from the safety of under large oak trees, long leaves and branches hiding their satisfied smiles.

From inside of the leather interior of the limousine, a young Pharaoh looked out into the night, the full moon hovering just above a few houses to the left, and although they were moving at a good pace, the moon kept up with him, keeping it's vigil eye on any and every mishap or slip he might make this night.

Yami turned away from the darkness, over to the tinted window separating him and his hikari from the driver. He leaned to the side, pressing a button on the side of the door and spoke into it, "How much longer until we arrive?"

"U-Uh, not much longer now, Pharaoh. As a matter of fact, it's just around the bend, here…"

"Good." The button was tapped yet again as he turned to Yugi who was on the other side of the seat, starring out of his own window, "Yugi."

"Huh?"

"We're making this a quick in and out trip. We go in, up the stairs, into the bedroom and get the rings, get it?"

"Got it."

"Good."

"…" Yugi looked back from his yami and out through the window, pausing for a moment before speaking again, "You know, Yami, I don't know why we have to go do this. You've got to admit, this _is_ servant's work."

"Oh, hell, no. Haven't you learned anything from today? These people just can't get it right. Putting this kind of thing in their hand is like dooming it from the start."

He blinked and nodded in agreement.

Soon, the limo came to a slow halt and a voice from the speaker on the side of the car door told the Pharaohs that they had arrived. As the chauffer came out of his seat and opened the door on Yami's side, he and his hikari stepped out onto the broken pavement. Right in front of them was a house that used to be alive with people running in and out, sometimes a few arguments could be heard through the open windows, or Ryou's pleading with Bakura to let him brush his hair. Now all those things seemed so far away as one of the shutters for a top floor window broke off and fell into a bush, scarring away a rabid squirrel.

Yugi cringed, "Ugh… Y-Yami, I think-"

A foreign finger coming up to his lips and then Yami's order for the driver to quickly open the front door silenced him. He did so in a hurry and bowed as the two boys made their way up the driveway and through the rickety old threshold. As they entered the living room, it didn't surprise them the entire house was covered in dust and most of the furniture was either broken or stolen.

They walked through the living room, servant in tow, "Yami, didn't Ryou used to have a karaoke machine?"

"Well, yeah. But, much like his aromatic machine and cappuccino machine, they were put on the Black Market and sold for parts of a nuclear bomb."

"… How do you-"

"Don't ask. It involves a lot of bloodshed and monkey tongues."

"…"

The conversation was little to none until they reached the upstairs bedroom. Of course, the upstairs still looked mostly untouched. Most of the criminals that enter the houses so close to the gate are usually in a hurry and don't bother with the upstairs. On the bed was, as expected, the white comforter from Yugi's imagination.

"Alright, let's get this over with." Yami sighed and got down on his hands and knees and knelt on the right side of the bed, as did Yugi on the left. They lifted the bed sheets simultaneously, looking underneath.

"What do you see?" Yugi asked, head all the way under.

"Um…" Yami moved a few clothes out of the way, to see deeper, "Some underwear… a CD…"

"I found a pair of sunglass."

"Here's a camera."

Yugi was feeling around with his arm and pulled out a can. "… This is whipped cream."

His yami and stopped his searching and peeked over the edge of the bed, looking at the white can that Yugi was shaking. They both were silent for a moment before going, in unison, "… Hmm."

The can was discarded to the other side of the room and they continued their search. After five minutes of finding everything that could possibly be under a bed, everything from candied yams to the lyrics to _Louie Louie_ to small bags of sand. Finally, as soon as the boys were about to call it quits, something shiny caught both their eyes.

"… Yami? Do you see what I see?"

"I do, Yugi! The rings!"

They reached for each one at the same time and pulled back, out from under the bed. Moonbeams coming from the open window hit each object and sent a golden glow bouncing off the gray and dust-covered walls. The millennium eye on each ring starred up at the Pharaohs, as they grinned back.

"Perfect…"

* * *

Somewhere, riding on the moon-covered sands of Egypt, were four boys; two of them had previously been feeling rather low and bothered about a recent death of a friend of theirs. But their troubles were soon forgotten when Marik suggested that maybe the radio would shut them up for a few minutes. They were now happily singing along with the song that, according to them, was the story of their lives.

"Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and I'm home bound!" Malik sang from the backseat, as Ryou chimed in for the next bar.

"Starring blankly ahead, just making my way, making a way through the crowd!"

And they continued to sing rather off-key to the sounds coming from the speakers in the front seat. Since both young hikaris were in back, their yamis were in front; grave frowns chiseled on their faces as if someone had told them some very depressing news.

They sighed in unison as the chorus came on again.

"I can't take it anymore!" Marik shouted. He'd had just about enough of this torture that had been going on for the past hour or so. Since he'd been the only one driving he thought that he, of all people, shouldn't be burdened with bad singing. He really preferred no singing whatsoever.

"'Cause everything's so wrong and I don't belong living in your precious memories!" The boys screeched in unison, hitting a note that could break glass if there was any around.

Bakura shuddered.

"Hey!" Marik whipped his head around, "One more peep out of you two and I'll crash us into a ditch!"

Malik and Ryou blinked. Ryou whined finally at the tanned yami, "But, Marik, we have to sing! It frees our souls."

"Yeah, well, you're killing mine."

Malik huffed, "Marik, you're just jealous, that's all."

"Jealous? Of what! Of the power to cripple people with my voice?"

"Can't we just have some quiet?" Bakura glared at them all and without another word, he turned off the radio along with Vanessa Carlton and both his hikari and Malik groaned. Though, after having sang for the past hour, relentlessly, the boys were rather tired and settled down, merely whispering to one another on occasion.

Bakura had been eerily silent just about the whole trip, which was oddly uncharacteristic. About fifteen minutes or so from the turning off of the radio, he began to get restless as well.

"…" He looked at Marik, whose eyes were on the sand as they drove on. He turned to the rearview mirror and saw Malik and Ryou half asleep, leaning on each other's shoulders. He sighed in boredom, "… Hey, Marik, are we there yet?"

"… No." Marik glanced at him, and then turned back to the wheel.

"Oh…"

It was about a moment later before another question was asked, that seemed familiar.

"… We there yet?"

"No."

"…"

"…"

"How about now?"

"No!"

"What about n-"

"No! Bakura! Just go to sleep or do something quietly. When we get there, you'll know, okay?"

He rolled his eyes, "Oh really? Well, I'm pretty sure that if I go to sleep, I'll be the last to know."

"Jeez! Fine then, if you don't think I'm going to tell you, then… I dunno, you'll see some kind of sign or something… Good grief…"

"… Fine." He crossed his arms, looking upwards, the full moon starring right back at him, "A sign…"

* * *

The sky was unbelievably clear this night. It was probably the brightness of the moon, reflecting on all the stars in the sky and came back to the two beings flying no higher than fifty feet above the ground. The white wings of the small bird flapped up and down faster than they ever had before, and harder too. The cargo it was carrying was no small feat for such a small creature, a 92lb boy, that is.

Actually, if anyone thought that it should be the bird that was complaining, it wasn't. Mr. Dove's rather small talons were clutching the boy's shirt collar and practically strangling him, his face had been a nice blueberry color for the past hour and a half now.

"Ack! Uh… M-Mr. Dove? D-Do you think you could loosen your grip for just a bit? I-I'm dyin' here!" Mokuba managed to choke out, looking up at the dove with wide, pleading eyes.

'It's not my fault. This was your idea and what a stupid one it was, too. A dove carrying a 12-year-old boy, have you ever heard of such a thing? Why can't you carry yourself?' Mr. Dove was just about fed up with all this whining.

"Uh, gee, I don't know. Maybe it's because I can't FLY!"

He scowled, 'You'd better hope I don't drop you. Who do you think you are, talking to me like that?'

"I _think _I'm Mokuba Kaiba, heir to the Kaiba Corporation! And if you don't watch your tone, I'll have my brother roast you and feed you to Joey!" Mokuba folded his arms, mumbling, "Stupid… dove… should have never brought him…"

Without another word or thought, Mr. Dove turned his head away and opened his claws, letting go of the boy who was soon freefalling and screaming adult words at the bird who flipped him off and headed for Bermuda.

* * *

"… Hey, you hear that?" Bakura turned his head around. Suddenly, he'd heard something faint, but now it was gone altogether. He looked back at Marik who shot him a confused look. Bakura reiterated, "Did you hear that sound?"

"No, what did it sound like?"

"I dunno. Like someone in pain or something."

Marik blinked and looked in the rearview mirror, seeing that the hikaris were sleeping peacefully. He glanced back at his friend, "You're hearing things. No one's in pain." He thought about that for a moment and reached under the seat, soon handing Bakura a disposable camera, "But if you see anything cool, snap it and we'll have a laugh later."

As Bakura took the camera and tucked it in his back pocket, a scream reached his ears, as well as Marik who turned to his fellow yami, identical looks on their faces. The scream came closer and closer until it ended in a 'oomph' and a rather small being landed in Bakura's lap.

"Ahhh!" Both yamis screamed and Marik swerved the jeep to an abrupt halt, which shook the hikaris awake.

"W-What's going on?" Ryou questioned, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand.

"Yeah…" Malik yawned, "I was having my favorite dream… The one where I'm riding a black stallion into the sunset and the stallion is wearing all my clothes."

Bakura had been sliding back into his seat, scooting whatever had fallen on him to the floor, "Jeez! What the hell is going on!"

Marik noted the boy who uncurled from the ball he had rolled himself into on the way down. He nodded to Bakura, "It seems to be raining boys."

"… so, is this my sign?"

"No!"

"Hallelujah!" The boy stood up and cheered, grinning from ear to ear, "I'm alive! … A-And I found you guys! Ha ha, oh _yeah_! I knew I could do it!"

Malik blinked, "Mokuba? Is that you?"

"You bet your dirty buttons it is!" He nodded proudly and sat back down in Bakura's lap though he was unwelcome. "Me and my dove flew all the way here to find you guys and see what was taking you so long."

Ryou whispered to his yami, "Do you see any doves, 'Kura?"

"Nope," He whispered back, looking up, "I say this kid's gone nuts, let's eat him before he eats us."

Mokuba smacked him, "No! You don't understand!"

"Look, Mokuba," Malik explained, "We _were_ on our way back to Domino but we have to get back to Happy Chicken first for some faster transportation."

He blinked, and undid Bakura's seatbelt then redid it around both himself and Bakura, for safety's sake. He pointed northward and shouted, "Hurry it up then, Marik! We've gotta get back to Domino! I'll give ya all the details on the way but just drive! Drive like the wind!"

"…" Marik frowned and turned back to the wheel, shifting the small jeep into drive and they started to slowly drive off, going about five miles an hour.


	24. He Just Sparkles

Her Sweetness: Thanks for the creampuffs! I got some from a reviewer. Tee hee. Oh, please excuse the last chapter. I know it was short, and I wanted to write more, but I've been sick as a dog for the past two days.

And when I finished that chapter, I was so utterly exhausted that I couldn't even proof read, myself. I had to pay my little brother to read it to me.

So, anyway, hope this chapter makes you giggle, that's what I'm all about.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots 

Chapter 24:

No one knew what time it was, exactly. Ryou's watch had long since been gone and none of them knew how to tell time according to the moon's position and so they just guessed it was around midnight. After Mokuba had joined their party Marik only went about five miles an hour for only the first twenty minutes, but then grew tired of the slow pace and went back up to around eighty or ninety.

Mokuba had been filling them in on everything that they had missed and everything he'd seen whilst flying above varied cities and towns across the world.

"And I expected to see riots everywhere and chaos and just… explosions! Boom boom!" Mokuba threw his arms up in the air to show his meaning while making childish exploding noises. "But I didn't. It was all kind of orderly and everyone was doing just what the Spike Patrollers said."

Ryou turned to him, "Well, I don't get it. Their rule is awful and makes no sense, normally wouldn't people object and rebel against them?"

"That's what BAYAMS was, though, wasn't it?" Malik asked.

"Uh-huh. But they couldn't have been the only people objecting to Yami and Yugi's power, right?"

Mokuba nodded, "They seem to be. But maybe they were the only people who weren't under Yami's control or something. It's possible that he could've had everyone else hypnotized with the puzzles and that's why they're obeying."

"You can't do that, though." Marik finally spoke up, sparing the young boy a glance. "Trust me, we've tried, it doesn't work that way."

Everyone except Malik looked at him, surprised, "It doesn't?"

"Nope. That was a real bummer to me when I found out that you couldn't do that with the puzzles, leastways not the whole world. So, they must've had another way of getting these people under their control without going through too much trouble."

"But to do what they've done, they'd need a _huge_ system of influential or hypnotic distribution."

Bakura shifted Mokuba's weight on his lap so that his left leg could have more blood circulating through it. "Well, couldn't they use the Spike Patrollers to get them under control? If memory serves me, that's what you guys did with your army."

"Yeah. But, c'mon, have you seen the Spike Patrol? They suck on ice. They're all scarred of their own shadow and a lot of them are fat and out of shape." Malik rolled his eyes.

"So, then…" Mokuba thought to himself for a moment before speaking again, "They _must_ be using something else! But what is it?"

Everyone shrugged.

Ryou sat back in his seat, warming up his shoulders by rubbing his hands against them, "Well, we're going to have to figure it out and soon. If we manage to get the puzzles away from them and everyone else is under some other influence, the millennium puzzles aren't going to add up to a hill of beans."

"Well put." Malik nodded.

Bakura sighed, "Y'know… About a month ago, I saw this late night movie on where the world was in a similar situation. See, there was this guy who took over the world with the hypnotic powers he possessed inside his bellybutton."

They blinked.

"Whenever he lifted his shirt to somebody, these swirling rays would shine out from his bellybutton and cause the person to fall under his control. M-Maybe _Yami_ has a magic bellybutton that no one knows about! And this is how he controls all the people!" Bakura looked expectantly at his friends with a little twinkle in his eyes as though he were looking for their praise or for someone to call him a genius.

When no one said anything, he blinked and asked, "What's wrong?"

Ryou sighed and patted Bakura on the head, sympathetically, "My poor yami…"

"… I don't get it."

Marik and Malik coughed and Mokuba turned away, sweatdropping.

While driving and listening to Ryou try and console his yami who was lost beyond belief, Marik whispered back to his hikari, "Is it me, or does Bakura get dumber everyday?"

"Maybe it's something he ate. … Like food."

"Too true."

"Eep! MARIK!" Called Mokuba's voice. It sounded frantic and panicking and Marik turned around from Malik and to the front of the jeep, just in time to see them ram right into some large black wall. The airbags on Bakura's side of the car deployed and both Bakura and Mokuba were fine. Marik, on the other hand, was not so lucky and after he had already banged his head on the steering wheel and fell to the floor in agony, the airbags on his side deployed slowly.

"Crap! Stupid, delayed jeep!" He shouted as he rubbed his nose and forehead.

"Hey, Marik," Bakura looked up, "Is this the sign I was looking for?"

Marik and everyone else wearily looked up and only the tanned pair recognized the building with the large chicken head rotating at the top as the Happy Chicken facility. Of course, everyone else assumed that this was the place, knowing that chances were slim to none of their being another well-armed fortress in the desert, just sitting there.

They all got out at once; Bakura shooed Mokuba away from him so he wouldn't think that lap thing was a permanent arrangement.

"Jeez, Marik, look at this. You totaled Cody's jeep!" Malik shook his head and pointed at the damage done to the front of the jeep. Both headlights were out and the vehicle was scrunched up to look a foot shorter in length.

Marik shrugged, "So what? He's not going to use it anymore."

"…Oh, you're awful!"

"C'mon, you guys! Let's go!" Mokuba was running around the side, showing them the entrance. They followed and began to open the door.

* * *

The fat man had been nervous for the passed three hours. He wasn't given any information, no call from the Pharaoh, and no instructions as for what to do next. This hadn't happened before, especially not since he was put on the millennium item retrieval case. He wasn't even allowed to go back to Happy Chicken. The jet that came to pick him up told him Pharaoh Yami's orders were for him to come back to the palace immediately and that was it. 

Yes, he was nervous.

The jet neared the rooftop of the large, golden palace, the statue of the Pharaoh was well in view and soon the jet landed and Happy Chicken Man was escorted off. The pilot told him that he was go to the throne room, then got back in the plane and took off.

Happy Chicken Man's journey to the throne room was not a long one. He, unlike most others in the castle, refrained from taking the stairs and so he was always on the elevators. Not only did he not take the stairs because he was lazy, but he had an incident with the stairs in this castle that he did not like thinking of. About two weeks ago, he'd been rushing down the stairs and he'd not been wearing his belt that day. So his pants weren't safely secured to his large gut. As he rounded a corner, part of his stomach hung out over the top of his pants and he tripped over himself, falling down and landing face first in someone's cake.

Pity about that cake.

"You may enter." Stated the guard as he opened the large door to the royal throne room. Happy Chicken Man stepped into the room, wary and a bit frightened about what might become of him. Of course, thinking the way he was, he expected chanting and death spells to come over him, but no, it was just the normal throne room, decorated in it's normal jewels and golds and in the midst of it sat the rulers of this land, examining their fingernails and whispering quietly to each other. As Happy Chicken Man took another footstep inside, they quickly narrowed their eyes at the man, and tilted their heads to the side in unison.

"M-My Pharaohs." He bowed majestically before them, hoping to distract them or stall from what punishment was sure to come, "My, don't you look ravishing tonight, Pharaoh Yugi, have you lost weight? A-And might I say that, Pharaoh Yami, that your head looks even shinier than the last time I laid eyes upon it."

Yugi blinked and lifted his shirt a bit before whispering, "Yami, do I look skinnier to you?"

"Not now, Yugi, focus!" He scowled and stepped, lightly, down from the throne and made his way across the room until he was face to face with the man, "Flyswatter, don't attempt your ridiculous flattery techniques, it won't work."

"Well, I don't know about that…" Yugi mumbled, blushing, 'My aerobics must be paying off…!'

Happy Chicken Man fumbled for something to say, "I-I…! My Pharaoh-"

"Don't 'my pharaoh' me, Flyswatter. Listen, you and I both know what happened at the cult's base so let's just cut through the old crapcake. The bottom line is you're incompetent as a leader of anything and cannot get the job done. The Spike Patrollers would be better off without you to screw them up. And, of course, if you have no place in the army, then you have no place on this earth." Yami casually walked away, his cape swinging, smoothly behind him. He twirled a lock of his hair between his fingers before finally speaking again, "I'm leaving it up to my hikari to decide when you die… I already have a human plaything to amuse _me_..."

Needless to say, Happy Chicken Man was at a loss for words. His jaw hung low, his eyes wide and blank and his face had gone so white, all his veins were showing clearly. Yugi raised his eyes to Yami's and tilted his head, asking a quiet question, receiving only a smirk in answer.

"M-M-My… P-P-Pharaoh…! G-Gah…! M-Me? D-DIE?" He had finally found his voice and babbled on, words meshing together to form a stream of unintelligible pleadings.

Yami looked back at Yugi and he blinked before turning to one of the guards standing at the door. "Take him away, put him in with Heidi. And while you're in there, don't forget to cut Heidi's next finger off, it's twenty passed midnight."

Though Happy Chicken Man did indeed struggle, he eventually tired and gave up as he was dragged away. When the door to the throne room closed silently, Yugi spoke to his other half, whose eyes were closed at the moment as he rested his elbows on an open windowsill, "Yami, what am _I_ going to do with that buffoon?"

"… Whatever you want."

"Uh… But how should I kill him?"

"However you see fit." He answered, listlessly.

"Yami! Stop that, I don't want to have to deal with him; I've got my own problems. _Young and the Restless_ comes on tonight and I've got a pedicure at the same time. I'm out of blank tapes and I don't know what color I want on my toes this week. So, as you can see, I'm much, much to busy to plan his death. We might as well just have him thrown off the castle walls." He turned away and laid his foot on the edge of his armrest and starred at them, thinking, 'I had Pumpkin Shade last week… So, maybe now Peach Glimmer? Or Bluewater Sparkle… I _definitely_ like to sparkle.'

"Yugi." Yami turned around abruptly, eyes dark and narrowed, "Do you remember that trick we did regarding thinking like Ryou and Bakura just a few hours ago?"

"Uh-huh, so?"

"I just got through trying to think like Marik, to see if it would work."

He blinked, now more interested in this than his toe dilemma, "… Did it?"

"I think so… If I'm correct, Marik's heading back to Happy Chicken, for more suitable transportation. It was really fuzzy and so all I could see was him driving Cody's beat up jeep, but I know that Malik and Ryou and Bakura are with him. And knowing Flyswatter's idiotic way of thinking, he probably took all the soldiers with him to the cult's base and left minimum to guard the facility! They could just waltz in and take what they want!"

"Wow, Yami, this means we have real idiots working for us."

"Uh-huh." He rolled his eyes and then said, "So, that's why I'm turning over this operation to you, Yugi."

"… Come again?"

"Yugi, I can't be bothered with this sort of thing! I have my own affairs and problems to deal with!"

"Uh, hello?" Yugi gave him a 'duh' look and pointed to his poor, neglected feet, "Toes, here! My Pumpkin Shade is _fading_, and _I _don't know whether to sparkle or to _glimmer_!"

"Don't start with me, Yugi, I don't want to hear it! It's always painting toenails this and 'don't my feet look good today' that! I'm sick and tired of your foot fetish! You need to stop being so self-absorbed and take some responsibility for once! You're taking control of capturing and killing those fools and that's that!" He shouted.

By this time, Yugi was in tears, and he shouted back, "I do _not _have a foot fetish!"

"Oh, yeah? Well, what do you call _that_?" Yami pointed, blatantly to a large portrait of a very handsome foot hanging over Yugi's throne.

"I _call_ it interior decorating!"

"Ugh! I can't deal with this!"

Yami had all but ripped his hair out as he went stomping for the exit and as he opened the door and was finally closing it, Yugi pouted and folded his arms, 'Oh, he is _so_ sleeping on the couch tonight.'

* * *

The inside of the large institute was dark and dank, not a sound was made as the small tour group entered cautiously and looked about them. It seemed as though no one was there, it wasn't as Marik and Malik had remembered. They remembered small clumps of guards at every corner, discussing the latest executions and prisoners gossiping about who killed who with what and where, almost like a game of Clue. In the distance they would hear the frantic and shrill screams of chickens about to be decapitated and such. But now it was empty and silent. 

"Are you sure we're at the right place?" Ryou muttered, inching closer to Bakura.

"No, maybe we should go to the identical well-armed fortress _next _door and see if that's the right place." Marik rolled his eyes, then hurriedly amending, since Ryou looked almost in a state of tears over the yami's sarcasm, that this was indeed the right place.

Mokuba had skipped ahead to the front of the group, looking around curiously and showing no signs of fear or anxiety about the apparent gloominess or the rotting chicken head smell. He tilted his head back, blinking at Malik, "Do you know if there are any light switches around here? We probably have no idea where we're going."

"I know where I'm going!" Marik growled at the boy. Everyone looked at him, expecting expressions on their faces. Marik blinked then hung his head in defeat, "…Okay, so I _don't _know where I'm going."

"… Right, then. Anyone got a match?"

Bakura held one up and ran it across Ryou's hair. The chemicals in his _Sassy Girl_ hair gel managed to light the match and a small ball of light gave them something more to look at than just darkness. Malik sighed, "Well, that's a little better. But we're no better off now than we were five minutes ago, we don't know where we're going or where the jets or helicopters are at."

Everyone sighed, feeling a bit defeated.

Just then, Ryou looked up and his rather somber demeanor turned into that of a rather hopeful one. "Ah… Hey, look at that! On the wall!" He pointed to the wall adjacent to where they were standing. They all looked from Ryou then back to the wall and made their way over there, Bakura holding out the match.

Mokuba blinked, looking up at what seemed to be a large poster, with a very intricate floor plan on it and a big red sign that said, 'You Are Here'.

Marik nodded, "That's convenient."

Running his finger down the map, Ryou stopped at a block in the center of the floor, not far from where they were, "Look. It says the hangar isn't more than 200 feet from here."

"Ahem." Bakura coughed, jerking his thumb towards a place that said 'Mess Hall', "I still haven't eaten yet."

Everyone rolled their eyes and started off on their way to the hangar.

"But I'm _hungry_!" He wailed.

"Oh, Bakura!" Ryou groaned whilst dragging him along, "Now is not tummy-time. Now is go-stop-the-crazy-psychos-from-taking-over-the-world-time."

"But we did that _last_ week!"

It was about ten to fifteen minutes later as they kept going in the same direction, Bakura now walking on his own, his complaining down to just unpleasant whispers. Mokuba was getting rather tired of the rotting chicken smell and Malik let him hold his chocolate-flavored lip balm up to his nose so he could enjoy a more pleasant aroma. Mokuba, who had been walking up front with Marik for a while, now walked behind everyone, leisurely sniffing the chocolate lip balm.

As they were coming to another turn and he heard Ryou say that the hangar was coming up, an open door with a blue light shining out caught the young boy's attention. He came to a slow halt and peeked inside as all the others continued on. Inside the room were merely a desk and a closed window; a computer left on was what was making the light. He crept in and looked behind the desk, soon sitting down and starring at what was on the screen.

"Hey, you guys!" He called, in less than a minute, fingers flying over the keyboard, "You guys, come here!"

Suddenly all four teens popped in the doorway and wandered in the room, Malik and Ryou sighing and saying in unison, "Mokuba…! Why did you sneak off like that, we were really worried about you! Weren't we?"

They addressed that question to the yamis who shrugged and muttered, "Not really…"

Mokuba ignored this and pointed to the screen, "You'll never guess what I found on here! This is part of Yami's world domination plans!"

"_What_?" Marik went flying over behind Mokuba to see the screen and soon they all crowded in, making Mokuba sweatdrop.

"There's all this stuff about a bible… Ah, I remember, Yami and Yugi's bible, _Monkey Love_!" Mokuba told them, partly reading off the screen.

Marik and Malik blinked then slowly turned to each other, "… Monkey… Love?"

"This is it! Look, see here?" He was now pointing to a new window that came up on the computer, a large map of the world, and on every country and every city, there sat a small picture of a monkey and a number and the word 'units' by it. Mokuba continued, looking at the bottom, "The religion is the Monkeyanisium… These are how many of their bibles have been used, sold, bought and traded everywhere in the world…!"

"They're everywhere…" Malik said in awe, noting all the monkeys on the screen. "This must be that 'system of distribution', then. They must have put a type of spell over the books or something similar."

"Oh Ra! Dammit!" Marik shouted, now banging his head on the desktop, which Mokuba scowled at him for, "This (bang) sucks (bang)!"

"You'd better stop him before he becomes even more damaged." Bakura informed Marik's hikari.

Malik nodded and put his hand between the desktop and Marik's forehead, that way, when he hit his head, at least there would be a fleshy pillow. When Marik stopped, he sat back in a chair up against the wall, "Well, that's it! Yami's won! We can't undo what he's done to the whole world with just the millennium items! They all obey him on another system now, he's got the whole world in the palm of his hand!"

"This is so depressing."

"Tell me about it, I'll never get something to eat now!"

"I can _so_ not believe I went naked in the desert for nothing!"

"Wait."

"Huh?" The boys looked up at Mokuba who was still at the computer, he'd held up his hand and then turned around, excitedly, "There's still one place that _Monkey Love_ hasn't been shipped to! This person hasn't been brainwashed, there's a chance he might be able to help us!"

"Oh, really?" Marik rolled his eyes, "And just who would that be?"

"Maximillion Pegasus!"


	25. Do What You Gotta Do

Her Sweetness: Hello, peeps. I'm here again carrying with me yet another chapter. I really am surprised now, I mean seriously… 25 chapters? _Never_ thought I'd need to go up that high. Though it does make me happy…

Anyhoo, thanks to a reviewer for saying this fic is original and creative! That was nice. So, I'll stop yappin and let you read more, later!

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 25:

"Oh, God…! What are _you_ doing in here?"

He looked up at her and glared, though it did not faze her. Her stony expression outlasted his and he growled, about to answer her question. But as he uttered a word, the door to the dingy and now rather crowded cell flung open and the head of a Spike Patroller popped in. Coincidently it was the same guard that had thrown the fat man in the cell with Heidi no less than a moment ago.

"What do you want now?" Happy Chicken Man sneered, "You've taken my freedom, my dignity and my stature as the happiest of chicken men! What else could you or the Pharaoh possibly want?"

The spike Patroller coughed, "Pharaoh Yami has proclaimed that since you have been relieved of your duties as Happy Chicken Man, and since your wardrobe was provided by the almighty Spike Empire, you shall be relieved of those as well." He nodded behind him and two more men came into the cell, completely ignoring Heidi even though they had just cut off one of her digits less than ten minutes ago, they made their way over to the plum of a man who sat not two feet away and jumped him, violently. Screams were heard and growls and hisses but in the end of the cat-like rumble, the two soldiers prevailed and emerged with the man's uniform and nametags in their arms.

As both prisoners watched in a rather disbelieving state, the Patrollers walked out in a huff, whispering to each other about how prisoners always got what they disserved in the end. Which was naked shame.

The man stood in silence and Heidi blinked.

Two humiliating and puzzling seconds later, Heidi busted out into hysteric laughter, "A-Ah ha ha ha… Oh, Lord…! This makes me feel better…"

"Shut up! Just shut up, you wretched girl!" He stood and shook his fist at her which made his cellulite-covered body jiggle and Heidi roared with more laughter, beginning to tear up.

He turned around and thought for a moment, ignoring the insane giggles coming from behind him. After a few seconds of trying to concentrate, he then realized something, whirling around to grab the girl's attention, "Heidi! Dammit, Heidi, stop laughing and listen!"

"O-Okay…! Okay, I'm through…!" She wheezed in between titters, "What did you want to say?"

He hid himself using his chubby hands so that Heidi would have better control over herself. He cleared his throat and spoke again, "Now that I'm Pharaoh Yami's prisoner, I need to get out and as far away from this place as possible. Know of any way out?"

"Ah! How _dare_ you ask me that! And after you tried to assume my position as General of the Spike Patrol?" Just as he was about to say something, she cut him off, "_Yes_, I know about it! Word has reached the guards who cut off my fingers about your plot to have me whacked off! And over my screams and blind terror, I could hear them gossiping about it!"

He shrugged, "Hey, what do you want from me? You do what you gotta to get ahead, right?"

She turned away and spat, "I guess…"

"So, I'll ask you again. Are there any escapes? A crack in the wall, maybe?"

Heidi snorted, "No. And even if there were, I wouldn't tell you." She mumbled, "You couldn't fit through a crack if your life depended on it."

"No! Dammit, Heidi, tell me now!" Happy Chicken Man released his privates and shook Heidi by the shoulders. Of course, she was bound by all her limbs and could go no where.

Screaming, she tried to shake off the offending body parts, "Let go! Ew, ew, let go of me, you freak!"

"If I don't get out of here, those maniacs are going to kill me the same day they whack you off! Don't you get it? I'm receiving the same miserable fate as you, this Saturday!"

"Well, it's no more than you disserve! LET GO!" She managed to shake him closer and knee him in the goody area. He turned purple and fell backwards, moaning. Heidi looked away, her dignity restored and then after only hearing the fat man's grumbles and pained whimpers, she said, "And anyway, you won't have the same fate as me. You'll die, while I'll be carried away by an angel…!"

Happy Chicken Man managed a chuckled whilst still holding himself, "H-Heh heh. Never thought I'd see the day when the General of the Spike Patrol would go insane."

"Humph! Shows how much you know! An angel is coming for me, I saw him!"

He rolled his eyes and stood up shakily, feeling on the walls, searching for some sort of crack of weak spot. Heidi watched him for a moment in malcontent. 'Stupid fat man… He doesn't know crap! That angel is coming back to get me and when he does, I'm gonna laugh in Flyswatter's big ugly face while he burns in the embers of Pharaoh Yami's rage!' She threw her head back and laughed viciously, "Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Shut up, girl!"

"…" She quieted down and mumbled under her breath.

* * *

Now on the choppy blue water, a rather small battle boat sailed west. Painted in a beautiful jet black, it had only these words on the left side 'For We Are The Spike Patrol'. Five boys now occupied the boat which was stolen from the Happy Chicken grotto. After they had gotten out of that office room, they headed to the hangar but as they were picking out a plane, Ryou shouted all of a sudden that he didn't want to fly. Of course, it was argued that it would be the fastest way to get to Pegasus' Island but he said that if they were going to fly he wouldn't go.

Marik and Mokuba were understanding and were ready to leave without him. But Ryou got his way due to the support of his friend and yami. So, they went to the other side of the hangar to a hidden dock with over fifty boats and that's how this little change came to be. Presently, the sea's water was turning from its beautiful blue to a rather heavy green. It was about five or six in the morning and the sky seemed gray and the weather didn't seem welcoming.

"I don't think this was the _best_ time to go out on the sea…" Malik noted, looking up. A rain drop fell on his nose and he sneezed, "Nope, I think it's gonna rain."

"I _told_ you." Marik said bluntly to Ryou who sniffed and looked like he was about to cry… again. Marik hurriedly calmed him down and growled, not liking comforting anyone, much less a girly hikari.

Mokuba nodded, "Well we're just going to have to tough it out! We just have to make it to Pegasus' Island!"

"Um, if you don't mind me asking…" Bakura said, tapping his fingers on the railing and looking down at the raven haired boy, "Just what could _Pegasus_ of all people do for us?"

"Hate to say it but that guy has some serious problems." Malik added.

"He… is a bit scary…" Ryou scratched his head and smiled, "But I'm sure he could be of some help to us. He might even know how we could stop these people from believing in… M-M… M-Mo… um, that."

Mokuba had since sat down in the corner with his legs hanging under the railing as he watched the waves get higher, "Listen you guys, I really don't want to go see that weirdo, but if he's the only one who can help us then I guess I'm just going to have to stomach him. And if we do manage to get his help, we'll be able to save Heidi before she's slaughtered!"

A few more raindrops fell.

The four teens looked at each other skeptically before coughing and slowly turning away. Mokuba blinked, noticing their strange behavior, "What's wrong?"

When no one else made a movement, Ryou gingerly stepped foreword and bent over so as to be at Mokuba's eyelevel. He smiled sweetly, "Um… Mokuba, I- _we_ all think it's very nice that you want to save that Heidi person, but…"

"But what?" He insisted.

"But. You see, she's going to… be executed on Saturday and, well, this is Wednesday."

"… So?"

Ryou blinked and sweatdropped, "Going to Pegasus' Island will take at least a day. And then there's staying there, trying to make sense of him while he fools around, you know how he is… and then getting to Domino on this boat will take at least another two days. Ah…"

Mokuba pursed his lips together and scrunched up his face, "S-So what are you trying to say, Ryou!"

Marik and Bakura rolled their eyes, chiming in, "That girl is gonna die and there isn't a thing you can do about it."

Immediately, Mokuba broke out into tears, his face a light shade of red as he bawled over the yamis' blunt remark. Ryou and Malik scolded their other halves and ran over to comfort the young boy, stroking his hair and snuggling with him.

"Oh, Mokuba, it'll be alright!" Ryou exclaimed, "They didn't mean that, they were playing!"

"Like hell we were." Marik coughed.

Malik glared at him then turned his attention back to Mokuba, "Don't cry, Mokuba, at least we might have a chance at saving the _rest_ of the world!"

Ryou nodded, "That's right. There're some things you just can't change…"

Wiping his face with the back of his sleeve, he broke lose from the boys' hold on him and growled, "Yes, I can." He ran over to the control panel and shifted the throttle from 'Low' to 'Dangerously High' and the boat stopped for a millisecond, then zoomed forward, sending the teens flying backwards and hanging onto the boat by means of the rail. Mokuba held tightly onto the throttle's lever as water on either side of the boat splashed and the rain continued to fall.

* * *

Under the Pharaoh's Palace, a certain cell had been missing one of its prisoners ever since that young boy flew away on a dove. Now that there were only four of them, it was a bit lonely, not having that young boy around with all of his wondrous ideas and plans for escape. Even though only one of them really worked, the fact that they _needed_ him was showing.

Mokuba had always been able to referee his brother and Joey's squabbles, but now that he was gone, all hell broke lose.

"YOU STUPID MUTT, LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN' TO YOU, KAIBA!"

"YES YOU DID! LOOK! YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!"

"WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?"

"YOU'RE BREATHING MY AIR!"

"OH, FOR CRAP'S SAKE…!"

This had been going on for a while. Without his brother to keep him company, Kaiba had gone beyond all reason. At first, Tristan and Otogi had tried to break the two up, but now that it had been going on for about twelve hours, they decided to curl up in one of the corners together and go to sleep. And although those four were the only ones in _that_ particular cell, there were a few others in the surrounding cells and they were none too happy about the constant bickering.

"Shut up! Can't an old woman get some sleep around here?" One person shouted.

Another threw a can at Joey's head. "Go away, you mangy cat!"

Joey rubbed his head and retorted, "I ain't a cat!"

"That's right, you're a mutt!" Kaiba added.

"That's right, I'm a- _Hey_! Kaiba will you kindly shut up!"

"Make me!"

"Maybe I will!"

"Damn it all! Joey! Kaiba!" Tristan lifted his head from the ball he'd curled into and narrowed his eyes at the two, "I don't know anyone but you two who can go at it for this long! Doesn't the word sleep mean anything to you?"

Both boys glared at Tristan then turned back to each other, looking like they were about to start arguing again. Before anything could happen though, Otogi wearily got up and pushed them away from each other, to their surprise. He then drew a line across the floor with a bit of chalk from his pocket.

"What're you doin', Otogi?" Joey asked, blinking.

He pointed to Kaiba and then the line, then to Joey and back to the line. Sleepily, but dangerously, he muttered, "Don't cross." He went back over to Tristan and their spot in the corner, soon going back to sleep.

Kaiba growled but did as he was told and sat down on his side of the cell. Joey shrugged and did the same and all was silent for a few moments before Joey grinned to himself and let his hand wander over to Kaiba's side of the cell, using his middle and index fingers for legs and lightly touched Kaiba's hand.

The brunette immediately whipped his head around and growled, "I'm going to be _nice_ and _pretend_ you didn't just do that."

Joey feigned an apologetic look and turned away, dragging his hand back to his side. When the CEO's head was turned again, Joey's hand slipped and found its way back to Kaiba's.

"Stop it! Stop touching me!"

"What do you mean? I ain't touchin' nobody." He smirked and held his hand up to Kaiba's shoulder, about a millimeter away from it.

"Stop!"

"I'm not touchin' you!" He smiled, and wiggled his finger around Kaiba's ear, "See? Not touchin'."

"You're touching me!"

"Nope, not touchin'."

"You're touching me! Stop it! Otogi! He's touching me!"

"No, I ain't."

"He's doing it again! He's touching me!"

"Nope."

"Stop touching me!"

In the corner, Otogi growled lightly, his eyes still closed. Tristan groaned, "You wanna get it or should I?"

He patiently shook his head and rolled over, "They'll tire eventually."

"Stop touching me!"

"I ain't touchin' you."

* * *

On the fifth floor of the palace, Pharaoh Yugi was in his relaxation room. It was rather dim in there, the lights were down low and all the windows were closed, curtains drawn. Yugi was in a reclined, soft chair, cucumbers on his large eyelids and four different incenses were in all corners of the room. He had his arms on the armrests and his feet were propped up while two young women delicately painted his toes.

Bluewater Sparkle.

He hummed to himself for a moment before sighing loudly, "Jeez. What am I going to do…?"

The brunette girl looked up at the young king, "What's wrong, my Pharaoh?"

Yugi lifted one of the cucumbers and shook his head lightly, "No, it's nothing."

"But-"

"Oh, Serenity, leave him alone. If he doesn't want to tell us, he doesn't have to." Mai looked at her disapprovingly. She continued to paint, and smirked, "But if it's some juicy gossip, I'd just _love_ to hear it, Pharaoh."

"I'm sure you would, Mai." He deadpanned.

"C'mon, Your Highness…" Serenity pouted, "You've always been able to tell us your problems. Why should this time be any different? We'll help if we can."

They both looked at him, stars in their eyes and hopeful smiles on their faces.

Yugi blinked and replaced his cucumber, "… Oh, alright. But you two must swear that you won't tell a soul! This is supposed to be classified information."

"Of course!" They chirped in unison, "You have our word as Royal Bathing and Pampering Girls!"

"Good. Well, it seems that Yami has asked me to take over the operation that ex-General Heidi was appointed to. Then Flyswatter. But he's proven to be useless when used against Marik and Malik. So Yami has also placed his execution in my hands. We were going to kill him the same day as Heidi, but I dunno…"

"I don't get it. What's the problem?" Mai questioned, lifting her eyebrow, "It seems that everything is in order."

"Ah, it's just that if Heidi and Flyswatter couldn't get those four, how am I supposed to? I don't want to be a disappointment to Yami."

Serenity giggled, "Oh, is that all? Pharaoh Yugi, I'm sure you'll think of something. You're creative and this operation is yours now. Do what you want with it."

"That's right." Mai added, getting ready to start the second coat.

"… Killing Flyswatter seems like such a waste, though… He was _pretty_ close to getting all four of them. I mean, at least he got Cody. There must be something he's still good for." Yugi turned away, thinking.

"Humph." Mai rolled her eyes, as she regarded her friend, "The only thing that man is good for is being an abundant source of lard."

She nodded, "Too true… I mean he had all of the Spike Patrol at his disposal! He'd need some really big help to doing anything more. I find him very sad."

Yugi popped up automatically, his cucumbers falling down onto the floor. He starred at the brunette, wide-eyed, "Serenity… Say that again!"

"U-Uh…" She looked frightened, glancing at Mai who shrugged in return. She gulped, "Um, I-I find him… sad?"

"No, no! Before that!"

"… H-He'd need some really big help to do-"

"That's it! Serenity, you're a genius!"

"I-I am…?"

He hurriedly hopped off the chair and ran out of the room, screaming, "That's it! That's it! Hallelujah, praise the Sun God!"

"Pharaoh Yugi, wait…!" Mai called after him, helplessly. He didn't hear though and kept running. She sighed and turned to Serenity, "His second coat's not done drying…"


	26. The Hair Gel Salesmen

Her Sweetness: I forgot to tell you all that I got a new computer! My dad bought it for me, it's wonderful. The keyboard is so smooth and I can fly across it, you should see me!

Anyhoo, I had a problem with the story line right here, but luckily I got some useful advice and I worked it out.

You've all been great so far, keep it up!

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 26:

It was now about six hours later, in the early afternoon just after every clock had struck noon. Rain was coming down rather hard as it had been for the past six hours and the water was rippling with the drops falling into it. A boat zoomed through it with incredible speed, splashing as it went by and the fishies looked up from below and tumbled along in the waves.

The Happy Chicken battle boat had, at first, made the four teenage boys sick while they held onto the railing and held onto their guts. The young boy manning the helm looked straight ahead, a stern expression on his face and as the day wore on, the storm got worse and still they kept their pace.

"M-Mokuba…!" Ryou cried out, his face a nice shade of green, "M-Maybe we could… guh, stop this mad rampage to Pegasus' Island before I toss more than cookies!"

"No way!" Mokuba called back, not sparing Ryou a glance, "We're making great time at this speed! We'll be at Pegasus' place in no time flat!"

"B-But…! Oh, never mind!"

Marik shook his head, pitifully, "You just can't tell this generation anything."

They went on in that manner for about fifteen more minutes before the waves got rougher and higher and harder for the boat to get through. It was tossing and turning and so was Ryou and that resulted in Malik, Marik and Bakura being thrown up on. Ryou sickly apologized to them, whilst trying to hold in more of his cookies. As the back of the boat was the rockiest place to be, Ryou was being shifted from side to side because of the harsh waves hitting the sides of the boat. And the other teens were trying their best to get away from him for fear of becoming even more vomit-clad.

When the boat rocked and Ryou went sailing to the left, everyone went running to the right. And when Ryou went tumbling to the right, everyone scurried to the left. This rather mean act left Ryou feeling quite lonesome and sad.

As they switched sides yet again, Malik happened to look up and, to his dismay; he witnessed a fifty-foot tall wave heading right towards the boat. It towered now, seconds from collapsing onto their small ship and Malik stuttered to warn everyone.

He tugged on his yami's shirt sleeve as he looked up in disbelief with his mouth agape, "M-M-Marik…!"

"Not now, Malik, Ryou's gonna hurl!"

"M-M-Marik! T-Tidal wave!" Malik screeched and dove onto the floor where he landed face-first in a pile of multi-colored throw up. Considering the circumstances, he didn't even notice.

Marik raised a disgusted eyebrow, as did Bakura and they both looked back and shouted, "OH, CRAP!"

"What the heck is going on back th- WWAAHH!" Mokuba turned around to scold the boys but before his sentence was finished, he and the others along with the boat were covered with thousands of gallons of sea water. The boat overturned and they were lost within the storm's rage.

* * *

Yugi was strolling down the palace's corridors, on his way to his and Yami's bedroom to tell him what he'd just come up with. He had been bounding down the hallways right after he left his relaxation room and had been so excited about his new idea that he failed to let the second coat on his toenails dry. Thus was why the front of his toes were turning blue from the running nail paint.

After he had a good cry over it, he decided that he could just have it redone later. But now was not the time for toe woes, no, now was the time to let his yami in on his plan! If only he could find him…

Going down one of the hallways, Yugi looked out of a large window that he passed, and as he turned, going about his business, he stopped in his tracks. He looked around quickly and then blinked and shrugged, thinking it was nothing and carrying on. Another five paces and he was next to another window, he stopped again. He'd heard something.

"Hmm…" Yugi walked up to the windowsill and looked out. Seeing nothing but a few birds and the gardeners below, trimming the hedges. "… I… Well, it's probably nothing."

Snap.

Just as Yugi was walking away he heard something very close, like a snap of a twig or something else. Most would just write this off as something silly, but it was fortunate for Pharaoh Yugi that he was very cautious, and mostly suspicious. As the sound came again, he scrambled to the opposite wall and shouted out, "Guard! Guard! Come here!"

Coincidentally, two guards rounded the corner at that exact second while harboring doughnuts in their mouths and consulting each other on their favorite to win this week's Donkey Race. As they saw their pintsized Pharaoh, shouting for them, they swallowed their doughnuts (almost chocking on them) and rushed over to him.

"Yes, what is it Your Highness?" They asked, bowing before him.

He nodded, unsurely, "Uh… Hey, listen, I want you two to go outside and check out the perimeter. I think I heard something."

They looked at each other and blinked, "But Pharaoh Yugi, couldn't it have been one of the gardeners? They're out there this time of day and-"

Yugi got red in the face and screamed at the top of his small lungs, "DID I ASK FOR A CALM EXPLANATION? NO! I GAVE YOU AN ORDER AND I EXPECT TO SEE RESULTS! NOW MARCH!"

"Y-Yes sir, sorry sir, right away sir!" They fumbled over each other to get away from the tiny boy on the verge of explosion. As they hurried for the front exit, Yugi huffed and walked away, satisfied for the moment.

As the two guards got out of the castle about five minutes later, they were out in the gardens, surrounded by a few females, tending the roses and daffodils. The trees' cherry blossoms were in bloom now and they thought it would be nice if they had a chance to laze about the castle's gardens and sniff the beautiful surroundings. But no, they were forced to check out things that the Pharaohs' manifested in their minds.

"You know… I bet one day, we're gonna be whacked off." Said one of them, out of the blue.

"… What makes you say that?"

He turned to his friend, "Well, just think about all the things that have happened lately. You have to admit that Pharaoh Yami's killing _everyone_. And none too pleasantly either… I mean, look at General Heidi. And Flyswatter! We were ordered to take his clothes away from him. His last shred of dignity and we left him naked in a cell with an agitated general."

"Yeah… But that wouldn't happen to _us_. We're an important part of the system here!"

"… You know we're just here for show, right? A monkey could do our job."

"…" When there was no reply and all was silent, they heard something. They looked around for a second and then heard something that sounded like a little yelp.

"You hear that?"

"Uh-huh…"

Suddenly, a wail followed that yelp and the sound of a crash. All the gardeners who were planting and watering plants looked up from their work and saw over by the wall, a cloud of smoke where that something had fallen and landed on two unsuspecting guards. None of them were very concerned, though the Spike Patrollers might've been seriously injured. They turned back to their precious tulips.

"Ah… Ugh… Oh, God…" One of them rubbed his head, and then patted himself down to make sure nothing was broken. "H-Hey... Hey, Pete, you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so." He'd already dusted himself off and looked up, "What the hell was that?"

They were both still on the ground amongst dirt and crushed flowers. As the dust cleared, they noticed that they were not alone in their injured pile. They both scrambled to their feet and pointed their slingshots at the figure that was struggling to get up.

"Hey, buddy! Just what do you think you were doing up there, huh?"

"Yeah, the Pharaohs will have your head when they find out!"

The man rubbed his neck and turned around with his hands in the air in a surrendering motion. He faced them with a rather silly grin on and sighed, "G-Guess I kinda lost my grip! Ha ha…"

"… No way." They blinked and lowered their slingshots, "... C-Cody…!"

"Ah, yup yup."

* * *

"Guess what? Guess what? Guess what?"

"What. What. What." Came the oh-so-enthusiastic reply. Yami watched his hikari as he bounced happily. Yugi had come into their room no less than a moment ago and Yami had been taking his daily afternoon nap. Without warning of any type or even a light tap on the shoulder, Yugi jumped into the air and landed on his darker half's stomach. Yami screamed out of not only surprise but pain and when his vision came into focus, there was Yugi. Starring at him with them big ol' eyes and greeting him with a 'Guess what? Guess what? Guess what?'

And so Yami answered accordingly, too tired to really be angry with his hikari.

"Well, I was doing some thinking while getting my toes done and came up with a great idea. Instead of just killing Flyswatter, he should be used for taking care of those four, but we'll just have to give him… a little _help_ is all…" Yugi winked.

Up until this point, Yami had been yawning and fixing to go back to sleep, but this last part interested him greatly. He tilted his head, "What do you mean?"

Yugi grinned impishly and whispered something in his other half's ear. After he was done, he pulled back and studied his fellow Pharaoh's expression. Needless to say that it was one of great shock and a bit of confusion.

"Y-Yugi…! That's… not normal."

"I know, Yami, but it'll be so great and it'll work, I swear it!"

Pharaoh Yami crossed his arms and wore a rather solid look on his face.

"Yami…" Yugi cooed, snuggling up to him, "Yami, you _said_ this operation was mine…! And results are guaranteed. So, c'mon, stop being such a non-believer."

He let out a deep breath, "Well… okay…"

"Yay!" Yugi sat up immediately and began to list a few things they would need, "And of course we'll need to get that thing off of the Black-market website and then-"

"Wait a minute! Since when do you go to that website?"

"Humph! Marik isn't the only one who goes on there, Yami. It has a bunch of useful, evil thingies. And the t-shirts are so cute, I've already ordered one!"

"…"

* * *

The heavy rain had stopped about an hour ago. It was about 3 in the afternoon when light raindrops came down in a small shower on the shores of this particular beach. The wind was blowing, though not as harsh, and as the next wave rolled in, hitting the sandy shores, more than just dead fish washed up.

First, there were remains of what seemed to be a boat. Pieces and scraps of metal and a few bars were seen and they left marks in the sand and frightened away a few sand crabs. With the next wave came bodies. Unmoving, but still bodies. There was one… then two… and finally, in total, there seemed to be five boys who lay there almost in a row.

Less than five minutes passed when one of the blondes lifted his head, waking now from the tiny drops of water dancing on his face. He blinked once then twice and got up quickly and looked around, seemingly alarmed. When he took a headcount and saw that everyone was at least present, he sighed, relieved.

"Oh, jeez… That was insane… hey, you guys! Are you okay?" Malik called, first moving toward a little ball of black hair. He lifted the boy up and called his name, "Mokuba. Mokuba, wake up!"

He didn't move after his name had been called five times and by then the other teens had awoken due to Malik's voice and they shook themselves to make sure they were okay. Looking now at his hikari, holding up this small Kaiba, Marik walked up to him and looked down. "Hey, Malik… Is he okay?"

"I-I dunno, he's not waking up…!" Malik was now beginning to panic as he held Mokuba in his arms and shook him but he said nothing nor made a movement. His face was rather pale and as Ryou and Bakura took a look at him, they blinked with concern though Bakura choose to hide it.

He turned around, "Mokuba will be fine, he's just asleep… that's all."

"C'mon, Bakura, you k-know that's not true!" He turned to Ryou and put the boy in his arms, while Ryou looked a bit uneasy. Malik turned to his yami and Bakura and asked, hurriedly, "Do either of you know CPR?"

Bakura almost laughed, "How the hell would _I_ know anything like that?"

Malik glared, "Oh yeah, I almost forgot, you're stupid."

"What!"

"Shut up." Marik ordered, "Look, I don't think any of us know CPR, so we'll just have to find the little brat some help."

"Oh, gee, Marik…" Bakura spat mockingly, "I didn't know you cared about Mokuba so much."

"Tch. I don't, I just don't want Kaiba all over me because his brother died."

Malik gasped, "Y-You don't think he's gonna _die_, do you…?"

Bakura poked him with a stick that he'd found on the beach, "He ain't movin' much."

Ryou pushed the stick away from the boy's face, "Stop that! This is serious, 'Kura!"

"If it's so serious, then we should stop yapping and find him a hospital!"

This was really the first time any of them had taken a good look at their surroundings. Right where the sands turned to grass was not more than fifteen feet away and beyond that were plentiful trees and greenery and even beyond that lay a large castle-like mansion.

"…" Ryou blinked, "Talk about convenient. This must be-"

"Pardon me, but you're trespassing on private property!" Out of the woodsy area just behind them, came a man in a black tux and sunglasses with blue hair and mustache. He made his way over to the four of them and continued what he was saying, "This Island is supposed to be off-limits to anyone who doesn't work here and the owner doesn't accept any solicitors. So, leave."

Marik whispered to his hikari, "So much for the welcome wagon."

Bakura sneered, "Do we look like salesmen to you?"

"By the looks of you people, it seems like you're selling hair gel, am I right?" He motioned towards Bakura's hair. "We don't want any."

"We're _not_ salesmen."

"H-Hey! We're sorry for trespassing but our friend needs help right away!" Ryou addressed him, holding Mokuba into view so that he could see the urgency in what he'd said.

The man rolled his eyes, "Well, that's very sad. But the fact of the matter is-" He stopped in the middle of his sentence for a moment, taking a step closer, he lifted his sunglasses from the bridge of his nose and blinked at the boy Ryou held in his arms, "No way…! I-It's Mokuba Kaiba, isn't it? Oh, God! C-Come with me, this way!"

He scurried off into the woods and the boys looked at each other before following him. It was about a minute later when they came to a golf cart parked by a tree. The man turned to them, "Get in. It'll be too slow if we go by foot… even though you _salesmen_ might be used to that."

"For crap's sake, we're not salesmen!"

Ryou and Malik were uneasy about getting in a vehicle with this man, and everyone knows why. You know what our mothers told us when we were little: 'Don't ever get into a stranger's golf cart!' Typical.

But when their yamis got in and made themselves comfortable, their hikaris soon followed, sitting on the back. Ryou looked down sadly at Mokuba who was lying still in his arms. He lowered his head to the boy's face and nodded to Malik, "He's still breathing, at least... but it sounds strained."

"We should be there soon."

Malik was right. The way that man drove his golf cart was insane and they reached their destination in no time flat. He got out and chauffeured the teens and their unconscious child in through the two large double doors. Up two flights of stairs and down a few winding hallways decorated with odd paintings and expensive wallpaper. Another door was opened at the end of this hallway and they entered a large room, inside was a long dining table lined with chairs and at the head of the table sat a man dressed in an expensive looking red suit, his long white hair hiding his face.

"Ahem. Mr. Pegasus, sir." The man bowed slightly, grabbing his boss' attention, "_Mokuba Kaiba_ is here."

The man dressed in red looked up and began to stand from his seat, clasping his hands together, a gleeful smile plastered on his face as he starred at the boy in Ryou's arms.

Marik coughed, suggestively, wanting to be announced as well.

"Oh." He continued, "And some salesmen, too."

"We're not salesmen!"


	27. I'm Just A Love Machine

Her Sweetness: Forgive me.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 27:

"Oh my gosh, someone's come to visit me!"

Everyone watched with an eyebrow raised as Pegasus flounced down the linoleum tiled floor. When he first laid eyes on Mokuba, a light in his eye shown and he immediately got up and as he came over, closer to him and the other boys, the man dressed in black, whom they found out was Pegasus' Chief of Security, Croquet, addressed him again, telling the story of how they came to meet.

"And when I got done battling the evil pig monster," He continued, "I came through the underbrush and saw these hoodlums on the beach doin'… stuff." Croquet looked at them suspiciously and Marik stuck his tongue out at him.

"We weren't doing anything! Our boat got turned over by some huge wave and we woke up on this island. Then you came along and accused us of selling hair gel!" Bakura explained, joining his friend in tonguing Croquet.

Pegasus had made his way over to Ryou, smiling as he looked down at Mokuba, "Isn't he darling? You know, it's funny. I remember him being slightly smaller the last time I saw him. He's grown! My, children look so innocent in dream land."

"Um…" Ryou took a step back, "M-Mokuba's not sleeping! He's unconscious. H-He needs help, right away."

"… Oh. Well, then, we shall just have to get him some help then, won't we? Croquet! See to it than the Kaiba-boy is taken care of, would you?" He nodded to the man who was currently locked in a glaring contest with Bakura and Marik. It was a good thing Pegasus had called upon him, because he was losing badly.

"Ah, yes, Mr. Pegasus." He gave the boys one last contemptible glance and walked over to Ryou and held out his arms, motioning that he should give the boy to him. After hesitating for a moment, Ryou carefully placed Mokuba in the man's arms and he began to walk away.

Malik and Ryou sniffed and Malik cried out, "B-Be careful with him…!"

"Oh, that poor, delusional little boy…" Ryou sighed, wistfully, "All he wanted was to save that poor fingerless girl…! Oh, Malik it's so sad!"

"I know!"

They both burst out into tears and hugged each other, consumed in their grief. In the middle of all their tears, they stopped hugging two seconds later because, _somehow_, Pegasus had made his way into the hug and was crying and holding onto both of them.

"Eek!" Ryou and Malik jumped back, "What are you doing!"

"… I-I'm just so happy that there's someone out there that still c-cares about me…!" Pegasus sniffed, and wiped his eyes with a frilly tissue in his pocket, "I can't tell you how long I've been alone! I thought everyone hated me…"

Bakura shrugged, "We do."

This comment was quite rude but Pegasus didn't take offense, he simply turned to Ryou and realization flashed in his eyes, "… Oh, _hey_! I know _you_. You're that cute little British boy who showed up at my tournament! I can't believe it! First the Kaiba-boy and now you! …Hmm… And who do we have here?"

He was talking about Marik and Malik as he shifted his gaze to the two Egyptians standing nearby, secretly whispering to each other and making fun of him. He tapped his chin for a moment, starring at Marik.

"W-What is it?" Marik asked, backing up as Pegasus moved foreword.

"I… I just know I've seen _you _somewhere, too, but…" He thought for a moment more before shouting out, "… That's it! _You_ were Mr. October in the 2004 Bad Kitty Calendar! I had you on my wall for a whole month!"

Malik facefaulted and looked at his yami, eyes wide, "You were what!"

"WHAT! T-That's a lie! I didn't…!" Marik hurried to clear his name but the damage was already done.

Bakura and Ryou starred, "Damn…"

"I'm a big fan of yours!" Pegasus said excitedly and blinked, "Do you think you could sign a few things for me?"

"Oh, Marik, I'm so ashamed of you." Malik turned his head the other way in disgust, "I thought you were respectable! I have no yami anymore. You are a stranger."

Bakura had coughed and slid next to Pegasus, whispering, "Um… Any chance I could get a hold of that calendar? I can pay you good money for it…!"

"Oh!" Ryou pouted and bonked his yami on the head, shooing him out of the way, "Please, Pegasus, don't give anything to him, he doesn't need it." He looked around then leaned in, "Besides, I can pay more than he can…"

"Ah!" Malik scowled at Marik, "Y-You see what you and your Calendar Boy ways have done, Marik? You've turned Ryou into a pervert!"

"Hey!" Ryou took offence to this.

"… You see how much trouble you cause?"

"How much trouble _I _cause? You're the one making a big deal about this!"

"I'm not making a big deal out of this, this is serious! I can't believe you didn't tell me about that!"

"It was only one dirty calendar exposé! How many playboy magazines have _you _posed for? And don't lie!"

"…" Malik blushed, shuffling his feet and, in a second, regaining his composure, "W-We're not talking about me right now!"

"Nice save." Bakura gave him a thumbs-up.

"Shut up!"

"Make me!"

"My goodness…!" Pegasus murmured, though his soft whisper was enough to gain the quarreling boys' attention. "You all are the rowdiest bunch I think I've ever seen! I'm going to _love_ having you around! We can be together _FOREVER_!"

"…"

They were scared.

"Oh, Croquet!" Pegasus cried out and in a second, Croquet came back into the room with something in his hand. Pegasus got in the middle of the hikaris and the yamis and put his arms around them and smiled while they all felt uncomfortable.

Croquet lifted the Polaroid camera he had in his hand, "Say 'dandelion'!" He ordered and Pegasus was the only one who actually said it.

The picture came out and Croquet handed it to his boss, who tucked it in his pocket and told them about the last time he took a picture with young, teenage boys was when he was a showgirl in Vegas and how his tortured life in showbiz had lead him to fighting aliens on a dairy farm and shortly after, he knew he had to follow his heart and do what he always wanted to do… which was raising goats in Amish country. But then the goats always were more or less independent and so that left him with a great amount of time to read. His great life's journey took all of an hour and thirty minutes and when he was done, the boys woke up and rubbed their eyes.

Ryou coughed, rather woozily, catching his balance as he had been sleeping while standing, "Well… That's, uh, very nice of you, Pegasus, to… uh, share such personal information with us, but really, we can't stay here. W-We-"

"Nonsense!" Pegasus shouted, scarring the poor Brit.

Marik frowned, "Tch! Seriously, Pegasus, we really just came here to-"

"Oh, you poor thing." Pegasus cuddled the blonde before he could continue which resulted in a very pissed-off Marik, "You four must have had a long trip. You're so gaunt and malnourished! C'mon, then! We shall fatten you up! Croquet, get dinner started!"

"Yes sir." He nodded and left the room, humming the theme song to Bonanza.

Malik and the others tried to tell Pegasus they weren't hungry, except Bakura silenced them with a polite, 'Shut-up,' and added an 'I'm hungry,' They sighed and thought that maybe a _little_ food wouldn't be so bad.

* * *

"H-How did you get here? Flyswatter was supposed to have killed you back at that cult's base!" Shouted one of the guards in disbelief. Since he and his cohort had discovered the man who had fallen on them from above, they found out that he was climbing up this particular castle wall because he thought that Heidi was on this side, even though she was all the way in the east wing.

"Cody, everyone here thinks you're dead." Informed the other, "And how'd you live through that attack? We heard about what went down over there and from the sounds of it; you should be only a shred of clothing."

"If that."

Cody scratched the back of his head. He and the two Spike Patrollers were crouching down in a rather large patch of yellow tulips while the gardeners worked around them, unaware of the conversation that was going on.

"I gots ta admit, it was really scary. There was bullets and bombs everywhere! And… well, I probably would've been dead, except for the fact that, when I was in school, I was really good at dodge ball! And so I pretended that all these dangerous and life-threatening weapons were red balls! Ah, yup yup! That's what cha call strategizin'!"

"…" They looked at each other. "That's… um… interesting."

"Ain't it? Welpers, I gots ta be goin' now, so see ya, fellas!" He saluted and began to get up. Immediately, they sweatdropped and pulled him back down.

"Wait a minute! Where do you think you're going?"

"I gots ta go save meh Heidikins. Y'know, I didn't swim two oceans to see yous two. I got out of the basement right afore it blew up and when I got out, I saw my jeep was gone! So, I figured the boys must've taken it and I decided to swim here. I'm a pretty good swimmer, y'know! I gots floaties!"

They both blinked and shrugged it off, "… Kay. B-But Cody, everyone thinks you're dead! And besides that, you can't just go rescue the general, because she's Pharaoh Yami's property. And, well, he has plans for her, so you see…"

Cody made a pathetic whining noise in the back of his throat.

"Aw, c'mon!" The other Patroller waved his hand, "What do you want her for anyway? She's got three fingers! On her _left_ hand!"

"But she's still meh Heidikins and I gots ta save her!"

"Um… oh yeah. There's another thing. Technically, you went against the Pharaohs and so… we kinda have to turn you in, Cody." He scratched his head and with his friend, grabbed the man by both shoulders as he flailed and hollered.

"W-Wait a minute! Have a heart yous guys, don't take me to the Pharaohs! They'll chop me up into little pieces and eat 'em!" He shouted, but was ignored.

The men had to put up with Cody's yelling and pleading as they carried him into the castle and searched for the Pharaohs. They weren't in their bedroom and they weren't in the throne room. Yugi wasn't in his relaxation room and Yami wasn't taking a bath, where could they be? Finally, after searching for a good thirty minutes, and having to carry Cody who was now snoozing lightly on one of their backs, they found that Heidi and Flyswatter's cell door was wide open. They poked their heads in.

"Hello…? Anyone…?"

"Who goes there?" Came a familiar voice from inside. The guards looked around and then saw Yami and Yugi in the room, their arms folded over their chests and Heidi up in her chains and Flyswatter, naked, on the floor in the corner.

The guards shyly nodded, "S-Sorry to interrupt, Your Highnesses, but have a look at what we found in the garden." One of them gestured towards the sleeping man on the other's back.

Yugi gasped, "H… He's _alive_?"

Heidi blinked, wide-eyed, "Cody…!"

"How? Where did you find him!" Yami demanded.

"He was out in garden, trying to climb the palace walls. He fell on top of us."

Yami studied Cody for a moment before turning around, "Good work, men. You shall be justly rewarded. And as your reward, we're not going to kill you like we had planned on doing last week. Congrats."

They facefaulted.

"Tch… Oh well." Yugi shook his head, "We can't be bothered with him right now. Just throw him in here with Heidi for the time being, there's about to be a lot more room anyway. Flyswatter, you're coming with us."

"B-But, Pharaoh Y-Yugi…! What are you going to do to me?" He cowered, shifting even farther into the corner.

"Ugh. That's not important. Get up or we'll have to use brute force!"

When Flyswatter made no attempt to move his whale of a body, Yugi rolled his eyes and motioned towards the two guards standing in the doorway who had just thrown Cody down. They nodded in response to their Pharaoh's command and went over and picked up that fat, naked man.

"Hey! Let me go! Stop this at once!" He wailed.

Yami rolled his eyes, he and his hikari walking out of the room and the guards carried Flyswatter out as well, his large, rust-covered rump was the last thing Heidi saw before the door slammed shut and she busted into uncontrolled laughter.

On the other side of the door, Yami and Yugi walked calmly to their master bedroom with Flyswatter and Spike Patrollers in tow. The guards' faces were turning a nice shade of green from having Flyswatter's naked underside flapping against their faces.

Soon, though they got to the room and Yami and Yugi told the guards to lay him down on the large bed and strap him into the belts that came from each post. He was spread out and tied down and screamed and cried out, "What kind of horrible, perverted thing is this! Let me go! I don't want to be a tortured, love slave!"

"What the…" Yugi rolled his eyes, "What the hell are you talking about, huh?"

Yami coughed, "Well, Yugi, this does look odd. He's strapped to our bed with leather belts and he's naked."

"… Eww." Everyone in the room, except for Flyswatter, shuddered at the very thought of someone like him being a 'love slave'.

"What ew?" Flyswatter scrunched his face up, obviously offended. "You're all just jealous. You don't know what you're missing!" Though he was tied down, he began pelvic dancing on the bed, hoping up and down and sung, "Ah, ah! I'm just a love machine! And I won't work for no body but you! Ooh, yeah, I'm just a love machine! A hug and kissin' fiend!"

One of the guards fainted and had to be wheeled out on a gurney.

"Oh, Gods! Yugi, hurry it up, dammit, I'm about to lose my lunch, breakfast and dinner from yesterday!" Yami yelled, turning away from the grotesque sight.

"Okay, okay," Yugi smacked Flyswatter across the face to still him and pulled out a sheet of folded up printer paper out of his back pocket. He opened it and it seemed to be a printed version of a page of the Black-market website, some words and obscene conversations. He skimmed down the page and cleared his throat. "…"

Yami was leaning on the wall in the corner, "…Well? What's wrong, Yugi?"

"Ah… nothing. It's just that I'm nervous! I've never done this before."

"Tch! I should be the one who's nervous. I honestly doubt this is going to work, but go ahead. At this point, I'd try anything to kill those fools." He spat, fixing his eyes on Flyswatter who was unaware of what was about to happen.

Yugi nodded, "Right." And turned back to his chubby victim on the bed. He began to read over the cheap, evil text on the copy paper and chanter and soon his words became slurred and Flyswatter began to slowly but surely levitate off the bed and glow a mysterious yellow.

As the process continued, Yami's eyes widened and he muttered, "Y-Yugi… Y-Yugi, we…! Need to get out of here!"

But, as it often is, it was too late.

* * *

"Crap, Pegasus! This is really too much food!"

Marik surveyed the table that they were dining at and it seemed to go on forever. The white table cloth was practically piled with foods of all kinds, some of which looked like it didn't even come from this planet to which Pegasus only coughed in response. The room was dimly lit, which, according to Pegasus, 'set the mood'. What mood, they asked. To this there was only a grin in response.

Marik and Bakura were sitting on one side and Ryou and Malik on the other, with Pegasus sitting in between. When Croquet had wheeled in the last of the food and left, Malik repeated what his yami had said at first, "Really… I don't think we can eat all this."

"Speak for yourself," Bakura shook his fork at the boy on the other side, "I'm going to eat till the cows come home!"

"If you eat all this food, Bakura, you will be a cow." Ryou informed him, "As for me, I'm trying to watch it and so I think I'll just eat a salad or something."

Pegasus noticed this and leaned into Ryou, winking, "C'mon, Ryou-boy, you don't need to watch it."

Bakura rolled his eyes and mumbled, "Yeah, cause _someone_ else is already watchin' it for you…" He blinked and turned to Marik who wasn't eating very much, "… You gonna eat that?"

"Yes, you glutton!" He bonked his friend with a pork chop.

"Ahem," Malik coughed, gaining the attention of everyone at the table, "Pegasus, I really want to thank you for this and everything, but… We're not _staying_ here. We can't, we have to deal with a few things."

"_What_…! B-But, we were gonna be the bestest of friends!"

Marik choked on his pork chop, "Who?"

"We were!" Pegasus insisted, "We took a picture and everything! I thought you would stay with me and we would grow old together! Then we'd be buried together and, in the afterlife, we could consult each other on the difference between Gap and Old Navy!"

"Ooh, what fun!" Ryou sparkled, enthusiastically.

"I know…!" Pegasus sobbed, "I-I know what this is! You foul demons just came here to entice me and then just leave me alone again! I'm just a plaything in your web of twisted sex games! Foul sirens!"

Bakura kept eating, glaring at Pegasus for getting tears on his meat.

Marik let out a jagged breath, trying to contain his temper, "Pegasus."

He continued sobbing, not hearing Marik's call.

"Pegasus!"

Still sobbing.

"PEGASUS! YOU FRUIT, LISTEN TO ME!"

"…" He sniffed and looked over at the fuming yami. "Y-Yes, Marik-boy? What is it?"

"We're _here_, because _you're_ the only one who can help us take down Yami and Yugi! When we were back at Happy Chicken, Mokuba explained to us that the world wasn't being controlled by the millennium puzzles, but that bible that those idiots made!"

"Mmmhmm." Ryou nodded in agreement, turning to his fellow hikari, "What was that religion's name again? Duckyanisium?"

"No, Ryou, its Monkeyanisium." Malik corrected.

"Oh, yes."

"… Ah! I understand now! I remember a book like that being sent to my doorstep, last week; I'm always getting those, but I never read them…" Pegasus thought, "I don't get out much but from what I hear on TV and radio, it's become quiet the popular book, a bestseller. I've gotten all the info on that thing. Apparently, it first was a bestseller only because it was rumored to be filled with erotic, monkey sex!"

Bakura choked.

"What!" Marik spat out his drink.

Pegasus winked, excitedly, "And I heard that it has pictures!"

"Wait a minute, excuse me," Malik shivered and turned to Pegasus, "What are we talking about here? Are we talking about people having wild, monkey sex or are we talking about actual _monkeys_?"

"Monkeys, of course." Pegasus answered.

"… I think I'm going to be sick." Ryou turned away from his salad.

"Okay, okay…" Marik shook his head, "Fine. There's monkey sex in this book, but how do we stop this idiotic religion? We know that it has more of a hold on the general public than just basic perversion."

"That's right. Within each book, it holds a special dial that, when you read it, activates and forces you to believe in the Monkeyanisium and the _Gods_ of this religion happen to be Yami and Yugi-boy." Pegasus explained, "It wouldn't be easy for anyone to stop these books, you know."

"We'll do anything!" Malik told him, "We have to stop these books to free the people, it's the only way!"

He nodded thoughtfully then spoke again, "… There are… two plants on the outskirts of Domino that harbor the mainframe computers that operate and maintain the dials all over the world. The computers work together but are in different spots so no one can interfere, you see, they have to be shut off at the exact same time to cease productivity."

They looked at each other.

Bakura had finally finished all his food, which happened to be more than half the table. After a hardy belch and a glare from present company, he blinked at the frilly man beside him, "So… just how do you know all of this?"

Pegasus smiled cheerfully, "Internet!"

"… Figures."

"But our boat is all banged up!" Ryou remembered, "We won't be able to get anywhere!"

"Aw, man…!" They sighed.

"Well… Even though you're _leaving_ me," Pegasus frowned, hurt, "I suppose that letting you use my _jets_ would be the nice thing to do. Yes, I'll do that! They're in great shape and incredibly fast. You'll get there in no time!"

Ryou blinked, "R-Really? Oh, Pegasus, you're so nice!"

"I know!"

"That's it, then." Marik stood up, pointing a pork chop into the air, "We've gotta leave right away! We've gotta go stop Yami's Monkey Love!"

"Yami's Monkey Love!" They echoed, gleefully.


	28. Knight In Shining Armor

Her Sweetness: Hello! I brought this chapter out only because of some incouragement from my friend, who really wanted this chapter! So, here it is, not just for her, but for all of you who enjoy reading my stuff!

Thanks!

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 28:

"H-Heidi…!"

Gasping and sweating, Mokuba sat up in a white bed. He blinked twice, wiping the moisture from his brow with his shirt sleeve. He looked to his left, then right; he appeared to be in an infirmary of sorts, a rather cozy one with only two beds (the other having no one in it) and a potted palm in the corner by a dim floor lamp that was currently lighting the small room.

"Um…" Mokuba threw the sheets off himself and gently climbed down the bedcovers until his bare foot touched the linoleum. He gasped at the cold feeling and slipped on two bunny slippers that were at his bedside. Finally onto the floor and, since he felt rather woozy, halfway holding onto the headboard of the bed, he looked up towards the door and a man walked in, sunglasses masking his surprise to see the young boy up and about.

"Croquet…!" Mokuba blinked as he ambled over to the end of the bed, tightly grasping the sheets, "Croquet, if you're here, then… I-I'm at Pegasus' place! We made it! … Ah, wait! The _others_ did get here, right?"

"If you're referring to the Bakuras and those Egyptians, then yes." He nodded.

"Alright!" He smiled happily, "So… how long have I been asleep? Not long, right?"

"About six hours," Croquet answered, "Your friends are with Mr. Pegasus in the hangar and are about to depart for Domino City."

Mokuba's eyes bugged out as he went flopping forward and flapping his arms around, trying to keep balance, "HUH? _Jeez_, already? W-Well, tell them to wait up! C'mon, Croquet or we won't make it in time!"

"B-But, you may not yet be well enough to-"

"Walkie now, talkie later, Croquet!" He squealed, fumbling forward and soon opening the door and tumbling out of the room. Croquet rolled his eyes and followed him, walking with dignity and mumbling about all the idiocy that his job involved.

"Don't trip, that floor is wet…" He called, unenthusiastically.

Mokuba didn't hear him and fell flat on his tiny face.

* * *

On the opposite side of the castle, right outside the back balcony there was a small hangar with all of Pegasus' favorite, private jets. Only one of them were fit for more than two people and since there were two factories that produced Monkey Love, they thought it'd make more sense to just split up into teams and take two of the small jets.

Looking at them in a row now, Marik, Malik, Ryou and Bakura were stroking their chins wondering which ones to take. Pegasus was standing behind the teens, an amused smile on his face while they fought amongst themselves.

"I'm telling you, Marik, I want the purple one!" He stomped his foot at his other half who looked down at him.

"You honestly think I care, don't you?"

"Oh, 'Kura, I want pink!" Ryou cried out, tugging on the sleeve of his yami's shirt, "The pink one is so cute and you'd look uber adorable in it!"

"Sure… I don't care…" Bakura grumbled, looking the other way at something he had tucked behind his back. Ryou didn't notice, or choose not to care and cheered in victory.

Malik pouted at Marik, "See! Ryou gets his way! All the time! Why can't you just do what I want to do? Let's just use the purple, 'kay?"

Marik adopted a smug appearance and turned the other way, seemingly ignoring his younger half, "The day I ride around in a purple jet is the day my foot goes sailing over the moon. We're taking the black one and that is that."

Before Malik could say another word, Marik cut him off by turning to Pegasus and pointed behind himself to the black and pink jets, "Alright, Pegasus, we'll just take those two."

"Fabulous!" He exclaimed, frolicking over to their little group. As soon as he stood in front of them, he sighed and wiped a glistening tear from the corner of his right eye, "Well… It seems like it's been such a short time with you four, and I know you must carry on in that dangerous world of monkey sex… But I just wish it didn't go by so quickly! I will miss every last one of you!"

Pegasus wailed his sorrows and threw his arms around all four of the boys who then were squeezed in a bone-crushing hug, tears from the older man wetting their bodies. Ryou actually ended up crying, too, and Bakura's eyes were stoically blank, still looking at whatever he had behind his back. Marik was trying to get away and Malik was trying to keep some roaming hands from his hindquarters.

Taking a step back now, Pegasus rubbed his eyes with a frilly hanky from his pocket and mumbled, "Damn, I promised myself I wouldn't do this…"

Malik whispered to his friend, "He's gotta be on _something_…"

"Uh-huh."

"Well…" He sniffed after he had balled for a minute or two, "The… the jets' computer maps have been programmed to go to one of the factories. The black one will go to Factory Alpha in Northern Domino and the pink will go to Factory Beta in Southern Domino. The mainframe computers _have _to be turned off at the same time in order for anything to happen, okay?"

"Where are they?" Malik asked.

"I…! Have no idea." Pegasus finished lamely, causing everyone, but Bakura, to sweatdrop. Pegasus finished, scratching his head, "It's got to be somewhere in the factory, just look for it, you're smart boys!"

Marik grinned.

"Well, thanks for everything, Pegasus." Ryou thanked him, smiling his adorable chibi smile, "I suppose we'd better be on our way, then!"

"One last thing," He nodded to them as they began to turn, "So you'll be able to time everything, there are headsets on the control panel that act as walkie-talkies, so use them."

"Okay, we'll do that-"

Before another word was uttered, the door to the balcony busted opened and out stumbled a young ball of black fur, making his way to the others, followed by the Chief of Security.

"WAIT!" He cried out, finally making it to them and falling to his knees, grasping Marik's pants and looked up, "What were you four thinking? If I hadn't of woken up, you were going to leave me behind, you know!"

"Oh, Mokuba, you're okay!" Ryou and Malik smiled, "We're so happy!"

"Yeah… Um, Mokuba, listen…" Marik rubbed the back of his head, "We're going alone, from this point on it'll be too dangerous for you and you… well, you'd get in the way."

"Marik!" Malik scolded him as Mokuba's eyes began to water, "What the hell did you say that for! He's a kid!"

"My point, exactly! He's a kid and what we're doing is grown-up stuff!"

"Oh, and since when did _you_ grow up, Marik?"

As the arguing went back and forth, Ryou rolled his eyes and bent down, patting the little boy on the head, soothingly, "Mokuba… It's not that you'd get in the way… It's just that this kind of thing is dangerous and what would your brother say if he knew we were bringing you into a dangerous situation?"

"I-I won't tell… I-If you… d-don't…!" He sniffed in between sobs, "I-I wanna save Heidi, too! I-It's not fair, you get to go…! I-I won't get in the way, I swear…!"

"Now, now," Pegasus gently, yet forcefully, dragged Mokuba away from Ryou's soft touch and whispered in his ear, "Mokuba, they're going off to do big boy things! You can stay _here_ with _me_ and we can play _games_…!"

Mokuba's eyes widened, "… TAKE ME WITH YOU!" He cried out to Marik, who was now done fighting with his hikari.

"Thanks for babysitting, Pegsy." Marik said, smiling devilishly.

"BUT-"

Pegasus pressed a button on a portable control panel in his pocket. A rounded space that each boy was standing on dislocated from the ground and smoke appeared in stacks from the sides, the panels going down and the boys disappearing in the smoke. Just before the panels were put back in place, Pegasus called out to the fourth one, "Oh, and Bakura-boy, please enjoy that Bad Kitty Calendar I gave you! It's a collector's item!"

An oddly happy voice called back, "Oh, yeah!"

"_Bakura_!" Marik called over, angrily.

Inside the planes, figures popped up, surrounded by smoke and the engines automatically started, lifting the small planes up and launching them straight into the sky, a faint trail of gray exhaust following. Inside the black jet, Marik was up front, cracking his knuckles and looking over the control panel, devilishly. A headset dropped down from the ceiling and he put it on.

"Alright, Malik, get ready because we're about to kick some monkey butt!" He exclaimed, receiving this as his answer:

"… Ohuh…?"

Marik blinked and craned his neck to look into the small back seat, seeing a smallish British boy, fanning away the left over smoke. "R-_Ryou_?"

"Yes, Marik?... _Marik_?"

* * *

At the Pharaoh's Palace in Domino, it had been about an hour and a half since the reading of the spell in Yami and Yugi's bedroom. And Yugi thought it went quite well, the results of all his internet hunting was fruitful and the end of the process resulted into something that he'd only dreamed of. Yami, however, was a little less enthusiastic about the whole thing as their bedroom, along with the rest of that floor and the kitchen, had been destroyed.

After Flyswatter was put in a containing cell down stairs, way, way downstairs, Yami and Yugi went into the throne room to think a bit. To execute phase two of this plot, they had to know exactly where 'those fools' were. And so, to do this, they decided to use their newfound thinking powers to aid them.

"Yes…" Yami was leaning by the windowsill, tapping his chin, "Thinking like Marik and Malik won't work very well… I've tried it and they're just too taboo. We're better off as Ryou and Bakura… I like their hair better anyways."

Yugi eyed his other half, suspiciously.

Yami coughed, "Ahem! Right, well, let's get this over with!"

"Yeah."

They closed their eyes simultaneously and thought, silently. It was about five minutes before they opened their eyes again and during this time, a lot of somewhat disturbing pictures passed through their link. After forcing themselves to keep prying into the unsuspecting albinos' minds, suddenly, their eyelids flew open and Yugi gasped, wiping a bead of sweat from his cheek.

"Ra, they're weird!" He shook his head, looking to his other half, "Yami? Did you see anything?"

"… Um… Well, not to freak you out or anything, Yugi… But I saw a bunch of monkeys having crazy, wild monkey sex."

"Me, too!"

"…"

"…"

"Hmm." They scrunched their faces in unison, "What could this mean…?"

Another minute of odd silence before…

"MONKEY LOVE!"

Two minutes later, the two pintsize Pharaohs were flying down the steps of the palace, heading for the basement in which their secret weapon was locked, tightly away and being kept under the watchful eye of the Spike Patrol. After six flights of stairs and a few hallways, a large door came before them, labeled with yellow tape that read, 'Do not enter! No, really, we mean it!'

Yami kicked the door open with his mighty boots of doom and stormed in, Yugi close behind. Inside the large basement room laid a huge mound of peach-colored flesh, thrashing around, arms and legs barely held down by ropes that the scarred and upset Spike Patrollers had tied down and were now trying to calm the around one hundred foot fat man who was now rather dumb and caveman like, seeing as how the spell gave him enormous body mass and took away 51.32 of his brain.

When one of the Patrollers saw the Pharaohs enter the room, he ran over to them, gasping and almost in tears, "O-Our Pharaohs! We're glad you're here! W-We don't think we can hold him like you requested! He's much too strong and he's already eaten Bob!"

"Damn. I liked Bob." Yugi frowned.

Yami looked behind the worrying Patroller and saw the chaos that Flyswatter was causing. He turned back to the man, "That's fine, release him. We only created this monstrosity for one purpose and now is the time."

"…" The guard's mouth came unhinged, "PHARAOH? Are you serious? We can't release this… this _thing_ into the streets of Domino! He'll hurt somebody!"

"That's just a risk we'll have to take!" Yami retorted.

They all looked backwards as Flyswatter had managed to get his arm free and raised a man up, popped him in his mouth and only chewed once before he swallowing down the remaining bone, organs and blood.

"Ooh." Yugi and Yami grinned, "Nice."

"No! Fred!" The guard ran over and ended up in the same state as 'Fred'. All the other Spike Patrollers screamed and cried for their mothers, running around in circles. With nothing and no one to hold the ropes, Flyswatter was now totally free and lifted his ridiculously large body from the ground and now lumbered high, casting a shadow on all he surveyed. Which, since all the guards ran away, was now only Yami and Yugi.

He narrowed his eyes and went forward, rocking the ground with his obese body. Yami and Yugi looked up to him when he was only five feet in front. They couldn't see his face because of his large gut, but they had a good view of a few unmentionables.

"Oh…! Guh, this is disgusting!" Yugi turned away, trying not to throw up.

"This was your idea, so deal!" Yami growled then turned to Flyswatter, without fear, "Alright Flyswatter! We have a job for you!"

His head tilted.

"In Southern Domino there is a factory! In this factory hides two men we want killed! Eat them, crush them, put them in a tossed salad for all we care, just do it!"

Flyswatter laughed viciously, seeming to understand what his Pharaohs desired. He turned around towards the back wall and stomped forward, actually pushing down the wall and heading towards the south, his booty meat shaking in the wind.

"Our wall!" Yugi cried. "… Hey, Yami, how come you told him to only go to Beta? The other two will probably be going to Alpha as well."

"I know. But since they have to be pulled at the same time for anything to happen, taking away two of them will be good for now. We can take care of the other two on our own time." Yami nodded to his hikari.

"…Wow. This is gonna be good."

* * *

Meanwhile, in another part of the palace, in a dank cell that was now filled with two beings, a young girl who was tied in chains hung there in misery and woe as her supposed 'rescuer' was now circling her and singing what he liked to call 'The I Love Heidi Song'.

"And it's truuuuuue! That I love yoooooooou!" He twirled around again and jumped in the air, landing in a split, "Cause it's the I love Heidi, I love Heidi, I love Heidi _SONG_!"

After hearing that song in French, Arabian, Spanish, Indonesian and the 'Mature' version, Heidi was ready to do anything she had to do to get that man to shut-up. But no matter what she said to him, he would never take her seriously and think she was playing hard to get.

"C-Cody-" She began but was cut off by his asking her something.

"Hey, Heidikins! Do you want to hear that song in Yiddish? 'Cause, y'know, I'd be happy to do it for ya!" He smiled brightly, just happy to be in the company of the ex-general.

"NO! I-I mean, no thanks. I'm okay."

Cody nodded thoughtfully and then a light bulb flashed over his head, indicating an idea had occurred, "… Heidikins, Heidikins!"

"Yes…" She said, glumly.

He folded his arms and gave a cheeky grin, "Since I done rescued yas, don't I get a kiss?"

"…! What! Rescued? I may be new at this whole knight-in-shining-armor thing, but aren't I supposed to be _free_ of chains and on the _outside_ of the cell walls? And, I dunno, aren't you supposed to be a handsome prince?"

Cody shrugged, "Why? You're not a princess."

"…"

"'Sides! This _is_ rescuin'! I just… haven't gotten to step two! Which is gettin' you outside! Ah, yup yup! Just need to plan meh next move, s'all!"

Heidi grimaced, "Well, while you're planning your next 'move', I'll just sit here and be tortured within an inch of my life! Jeez, Cody! You really think this is just a little game, huh? I'm going to die and there really isn't much you can do about it, is there? And you can wish all you want, but I'm not kissing you!" She turned her head away, signaling that she was done with him, "Just leave me alone, okay?"

"Aw…" Cody recoiled as if smacked in the face. He twiddled his thumbs and whispered, "But, H-Heidikins-"

"And another thing! I'm not _Heidikins_! I'm Heidi D'Angelo, ex-General of the Spike Patrollers! And if I have to go, I'm going to go with some dignity in my title! Not as Heidikins, Cody's Delusional Wannabe Girlfriend! I don't like you, Cody, and I never did! So do us both a favor and stop living in a fantasy world!"

By the time she was done scolding and emotionally scaring him, Cody had backed up to the wall, his eyes glistening. He sniffed as he saw that her glare was unwavering and he rubbed the back of his neck, sorely. "Ah… O… Okay…"

He walked towards the cell door and opened it, as he left, hummed the 'I Love Heidi Song' in monotone and sobbed a 'Ah, yup yup'. The door that he walked out of was left about an inch open, letting a bit of light shine through.

Heidi blinked, '… That was open?'


	29. Power To Things Like Monkey Sex Part 1

Her Sweetness: I'm ON _AIR_! Wah wah wah…! So happy! And Ihave no idea WHY!

: sings in mispronounced Japanese:

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 29:

"No… you shut up…"

"Just shut… up… dammit…"

"You f-first…"

Under the castle in the middle of Domino, a cell complete with four boys, two of which had been fighting ever since they were locked up, was beginning to quiet down. It seemed that Joey and Kaiba had been yelling and screaming at each other so long and so hard that they could no longer take it. And since neither was going to admit that they wanted to stop, they went on in monotone, lifting their fingers at each other listlessly while sitting in the corner opposite of Otogi and Tristan.

"S-Shut… up…you stupid mutt…" Kaiba finished his insult with a yawn and a struggle to keep his eyelids open, as they were getting way too heavy.

Joey managed to lift his arm and bonk Kaiba on the head, although it was barely felt. The blonde was really about to go to sleep and just couldn't take it anymore. Leaning into Kaiba's back, he scooted closer, unintentionally, and drifted into dreamland. Kaiba, who was about to protest this act of cuddliness, was too weak and exhausted and conked out as well, his head resting on Joey's.

Lazily looking over to the once quarreling boys, Otogi realized that they had given up the fight and whooped in victory, "Yes! Hey, Tristan, we won! They're finally shutting up!"

"Wonderful, but don't wake them up by screaming."

He gasped, as if enlightened, "You're right…! We should saver this moment!"

And they did so by going into a blissful sleep and as the cell was filled with content snores and some dream muttering, it was very peaceful. At least, for about a minute.

BOOM!

The ground shook and, immediately, all the boys in the cell came awake and looked to each other, ready to blame their cellmates for the sudden alarm.

"Mutt, you woke me up!"

"That wasn't me! It was-"

BOOM!

It seemed that the entire castle was moving as the ground shook yet again and when the boys looked at each other and saw that they were not the cause for the interruption, they decided to investigate. Looking out of that small, barred window that was on the wall, with Otogi on Tristan's shoulders for view's sake and with Joey trying to see over Kaiba's "fat head", they all saw something they never thought they would.

"… I… Hmm." Tristan blinked.

Otogi tilted his head. "Yeah…"

Joey nodded solemnly, "Mmmhmm."

"…" Kaiba thought for a minute before saying, "Do any of you realize… that there is a one hundred foot, naked, fat man who is _rampaging_ down the streets of Domino?"

"Yup."

"Uh-huh."

"I do."

He nodded, "Just making sure."

"…"

There was a moment of silence before they all looked to each other and yelled at the top of their lungs, "AAAHHH! THERE'S A ONE HUNDRED FOOT, NAKED, FAT MAN RAMPAGING DOWN THE STREETS OF DOMINO! _RUN_!"

And, of course, they did run, but with such a small cell, they all ended up running smack into the concrete walls and _that _didn't do any favors for their dentistry bills. After a hardy yelp in pain, the boys fell to the floor in one big sobbing heap.

"W-What are we gonna do? He's gonna… gonna kill us all!" Otogi cried out, using Tristan as his comforting teddy bear.

Joey sniffed, having used Kaiba's jacket as a tissue, "D-Don't worry, you guys! We'll be okay, after all, _he's_ out there and _we're_ in here! What's the worse that could happen?"

"He could come in here!" Kaiba rolled his eyes.

Joey blinked in realization.

"WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!"

* * *

Somewhere high in the skies, two jets with a 'Funny Bunny' logo on the sides were flying in the same direction, though were not destined to go to the exact same place. And, as if that wasn't enough drama, there was a small boy in the backseat of the black jet who was more upset than anyone about this particular misplacement of yamis.

"My _POOR_ 'Kura…! H-He's probably so lonely without me!" Ryou sobbed into a frilly hanky given to him by Pegasus, "Marik, this is so upsetting! What ever are we going to do?"

"Well, we could be quiet." Marik suggested.

"OH!" Ryou wailed, "BAKURA!"

Marik's eyes widened as the young hikari screeched Bakura's name in his ear and was continuously crying his eyes out and flopping around in the backseat which rocked the plain and so there Marik was. Agitated to no end and still going.

Well, after five minutes of this pained Bakura howling, Marik just couldn't take it anymore. And though he was not one to be mean to the tiny Brit, he was going to get him to get control over himself, one way or another.

"Listen, Ryou-"

"OH, BAKURA!"

"But, Ryou-"

"MY BAKURA!"

"If you could just-"

"WHERE FOR ART THOU, BAKURA?"

"…"

An aggravated sigh here.

A shout there.

Chaos.

But all these things were quickly stopped when a strange noise came from the small headset that Marik had secured to his ears. First, static came through and then followed a familiar voice.

"H-Hello? Hey, is this on? Testing, one, two, three-"

"Bakura, you boob, it's on." Marik answered his fellow yami, his harsh and unfriendly tone was a result of Ryou's screams, "Your hikari is driving me nuts."

"Well, so is yours. He won't stop talking about Calvin Klein!"

Marik heard his younger self whining in the background, "Stop talking about me!"

Unfortunately, Ryou overheard his yami's voice on the headset and went absolutely insane, actually clawing his way onto Marik's head and slapped him around for a minute to get the headset away.

On the other end, Bakura blinked, hearing Marik cry out in pain, which was something he rarely did. He muttered, "Um… Marik, are you-"

"BAKURA, MY POOR BABY!" Came a distressed and clear voice over the headset. Bakura gritted his teeth, recognizing his hikari's frantic and concern cry.

"… Yes, Ryou. I'm alright; I'm over here with Malik."

Ryou now had the headset on his head as Marik rubbed his ears irritably and heard Ryou talking to Bakura, "'Kura, are you really okay? Do you want me to come over there? Is Malik bothering you? Are you safe? Are you hungry? I could throw a cookie over there, if you want!"

"R-Ryou stop that! I'm fine! Ra, can't you live five minutes without being next to me?" Bakura huffed.

"But, 'Kura, it's been _six_ minutes! And fourteen seconds!" Ryou shook his head, worriedly, 'Oh, my poor yami… he can't even tell time! He must be so lost.'

"... Ryou?" Bakura asked, not hearing his other half.

Malik looked over the teen's shoulder and told him, "Let me talk to Ryou. You're probably boring him."

"No!"

Suddenly, Ryou shouted, "DON'T WORRY, BAKURA, I'M COMING TO GET YOU!"

Marik gasped as Ryou was now busying himself, _opening_ the jet window and climbing out, seeing the pink jet that was flying right behind them. Both Malik and Bakura were wide-eyed as Ryou stood on the small wing of the plane, gripping the side and sizing up the jump. He nodded to himself and said with confidence, "I can jump that… I just have to fly the rest of the way."

As he prepared to jump, Marik scrambled out of his seat and grabbed Ryou by the waist, easily picking him up, "What in hell's name do you think you're doing, Ryou!" He shouted as he threw the boy back into his seat and forcefully shut the open window.

"Why did you do that!" Ryou cried, "I was gonna go rescue my Bakura!"

"…" Marik sweatdropped, "He's _fine_. We have more important things to deal with, Ryou! We have to shut down an entire factory full of sexy monkeys, Bakura will be fine. After all, he's got Malik with him." He thought about his last statement, "Hmm. That may not be such a good thing."

Ryou quieted down a bit, only because Marik let him have the headset and talk to Bakura which was soothing for the young hikari and, in the background, Malik went on about Calvin Klein's new fall line.

It was about two or three hours later, actually, when they arrived in Domino. It was now about twenty minutes passed midnight, and as the two jets zoomed over that large, beautiful palace, glistening in the moonlight, they heard a pained scream all the way up in the sky.

Now, they were at their separating point and as the black jet continued north to Factory Alpha, the pink jet was going down south, about 50 to 60 miles away from Alpha, to Factory Beta. The two teens in there were relaxing, kicking back in their seats as the jet was on autopilot and they would be landing in less than three minutes.

As Malik was watching the beautiful moon go by, he smiled, but his happiness was cut brief as something below them caught his eye and he came up close to the window, and looked down.

"B-Bakura…!" He stuttered.

"What is it?"

"Look…"

Bakura blinked and then looked down, kneeling right next to Malik. What they both saw was a humongous and bare sack of jiggling flesh, heading straight for Factory Beta. The large thing was stepping on some people below, causing car horns to go off and women from the windows of their homes to scream at their husbands to stop watching ESPN and shoot the darn thing.

Malik and Bakura looked at each other as their jet landed exactly twenty feet in front of the monster.

"… Oh, (bleep)."

* * *

Cody blinked as he had just heard a shrill cry from down the hallway, which was where he had just come from. He'd been out of the cell for a long while, and had not gone far, just down the way to sob in a corner and wail on the floor at this now clear rejection from the used-to-be love of his life.

After a while, though he had to move and duck inside a doorway and watch as two guards went inside the cell room, a jagged and rusty saw clinched in one of their hands. Of course, he wasn't stupid. He knew what they were going in Heidi's cell to do. And he wanted to rush in and save her. He didn't, though.

And Cody had very little pride at that moment, but what he had left, he was going to try and hold onto. Who saves the person who has just turned them down in the most mortifying and distressing way they've ever known? Not Cody. And so, there he stood, at the end of the hallway and walking away fast as Heidi's shrinking sobs grew fainter in the distance.

He sniffed, "N-Now what do I do? I came here for Heidi, but she don't want me, so… I guess I'll go on homey-home." Cody lowered his head in defeat and headed for the exit of the castle.

As he left, now stepping on the grass of the castle's front lawns, wet with dew, he remembered something and dug into his back pocket. In a second, he pulled out something most people would consider beyond disgusting. He pulled out a slender, peach-colored finger, detached from any sort of hand and was bloody on the end opposite of the fingernail. He snuggled it for a moment, remembering the fondness he'd felt in his heart the moment he picked it up off the floor among the others. But Heidi's ring finger had always been Cody's favorite.

And so, with his finger in hand, he walked off the lawns and began down the street.

* * *

In the throne room of the large palace, the Pharaohs had just gotten done planning which country they would make into their golf course. It was something of a hobby for Yugi, and Yami didn't mind watching. They were leaning towards the Netherlands, but they decided to use something bigger. And, of course, Canada was just _sitting_ there, not doing anything. So, they decided that place would be perfect to tear down, put up fake turf and have the biggest golf course known to man! 9,471 holes.

After this decision was made, Yami ventured over to the balcony, just outside one of the windows. Stepping out into the fresh night air, Yami took in a deep breath and surveyed the night's land.

"Ah, it's beautiful, isn't it, Yugi?" He pointed out over the banister.

Yugi looked out towards where his other was pointing, "… Yami, there's a fat man stomping on the inhabitants of Domino and a dog is peeing on our lawn, what's beautiful about it?"

Yami glared at his hikari for ruining his moment. "My _point_, Yugi, is that after tonight all our problems will be solved. The Factories will be saved and Flyswatter will capture those boobs and we will have a happily ever after, ruling the world and playing golf!"

"…" He nodded thoughtfully, "That sounds fun. But, Yami, I've got a question."

"Yes?"

"Since Flyswatter will be returning Ryou, Bakura, Marik and Malik to us and we will probably end up killing every last one of them, will Heidi go free? Because… as I remember, you said the cutting of her fingers would only continue until the boys were caught. Well, if I'm right the ten days would've ended on Saturday and since it's now early Friday morning, she will be released, right?"

Yami nodded, "I feel sorry for Heidi. She's been put through all this just for people like Marik and Malik and, when I think about it, she really didn't do anything too terrible. It turned out working in the end…"

"So that's a yes, I'm guessing?"

"… She's been put through too much, Yugi. What could she possibly do in life with two fingers? Nothing. She'll be miserable. And since this is all my fault, I suspect it's up to me to fix it."

Yugi blinked.

"We'll kill her tonight." He stated.

"… Huh? B-But Yami, you just said that-"

"I'm aware of that! But I'm doing her a favor. She won't want to live the way she is now. Who would?"

"Well… not me… but, don't you think it's a bit drastic to just up and whack her? She's our ex-general, she deserves an honorable sendoff." Yugi stuck out his lower lip, telling Yami that he meant what he said.

"Oh, I agree. Which is why it will be almost painless!"

Yugi smiled, "Great, glad we're on the same page."

* * *

In the darkness of her holding cell, Heidi was now not only feeling regret about what she said to Cody, but was bleeding heavily and had just come out of unconsciousness. But then, getting another finger chopped off always did that to her. During in the procedure, right when the saw got through to her bone, she couldn't take it anymore, her throat being hot and raw and, with nothing left, she gave up and blacked out.

By the time she came to, the guards were gone and so was their saw, for which she was thankful, but then there was always the pain. It still hurt, just as much as before she blacked out, but it throbbed and after losing eight of her best and most beloved body parts, it seemed useless to even scream anymore.

"I shouldn't have said that to Cody… I mean… Maybe he is annoying… I mean, really annoying. Probably the most annoying person I've ever met! But… he was probably the _only one_ who wanted to save me and I told him to go away!" She shouted to herself, partly to scold herself and partly to hear another human's voice, even if it was just her own.

Not only was she sure that she was going to die, and not only was she sure that no one was coming for her, but she was also considering herself to be legally insane. First she thought she saw an angel and it was actually talking to her, and that's kind of understandable. But not long ago, she felt a giant tremble shake the palace and soon after a large fat man, resembling Flyswatter broke through a wall and began walking down the street.

"… Maybe I don't disserve to live, anyway…" She pouted, thinking about all the things she'd done to upset her Pharaohs. She knew that eventually, when and if they killed her… (The 'if' chancing on the fact that they might have some pity. Yeah, right.) they would do it painfully and drawn out, like her recent suffering.

'I could end it now.' She thought, 'I could just hold my breath and not breathe and I'll just pass away!'

Heidi created her elaborate plan enthusiastically. If she killed herself, then the Pharaohs wouldn't have that pleasure! That'd show them. It was a sad and pathetic sort of revenge plot.

"Okay. G'bye world and all who inhabit it!" She shouted and held her breath. It was about a minute later when she started to feel uncomfortable, her face turned a light blue and she struggled, knowing she wasn't supposed to breathe, but she did it anyway.

"DAMMIT!" She cried after taking in a few deep breaths. "I… I'm no good at suicide…!"

* * *

Across the oceans, there was a lonesome island that was usually filled with nothing but the sobs of a lonely, rich man. But now that there was a cute little boy in the mansion, a Kaiba family member no less, the island was filled with gleeful giggles. And yes, those giggles came from Pegasus.

Pegasus was ecstatic when the boys let Mokuba stay with him. He'd finally have a playmate. Of course, there was always Croquet, but he wasn't any fun anymore and he rarely ever wanted to play games.

Mokuba, on the other hand, was not a happy camper. He was forced to play games that he'd never even heard of before and he believed that Pegasus twisted some commonly know games into odd things. Of course, Mokuba always shied away from the really terrible sounding ones. But when Pegasus finally suggested that he wanted to play Strip Go Fish, Mokuba immediately said he had to go to the bathroom.

"Alright, then, hurry back!" He called, waving a card that had a picture of a Jack in a licorice thong.

Mokuba went running through the east wing and found a bathroom right down the hallway. He quickly opened the door and gasped when he saw Croquet on the toilet, shouting at him, "Eek! Shut that door!"

"Oops! Sorry!" The young boy blushed and slammed the door shut, trying to find a way out of this castle. He finally found the balcony that Marik, Bakura, Ryou and Malik had jetted off of and Mokuba nodded to himself, confidently, "I've gotta go save Heidi, there's no way they can do it without me!"

He held up his small hands to the opposite sides of his mouth and screamed at the top of his lungs, "MR. DOVE!"

True, he hadn't seen the dove since they were back in Egypt and he didn't think that the dove would like him very much considering what he said to him, but he needed a way to get off that island and this was the only way possible. He waited only five minutes, eyes glues to the wheeling night's sky until, from out of the stars; a spot of white came fluttering down to Mokuba, a rather annoyed look on the bird's face.

'What is it, kid?'

"I-I need you to take me to Domino! Please, Mr. Dove, I have to go there to save a friend of mine, will you help me?" Mokuba pleaded.

'… You know, you interrupted me! I was about to get lucky with this cute little robin and then I heard your annoying voice!'

"Please!"

He shook his feathers, 'Alright, kid. But this is the last time I'm doing this. Afterwards, you're on your own.'

"Got it!" He nodded and Mr. Dove flew behind him and picked him up by the collar of his shirt. They lifted up slowly and began off, flying over oceans and other islands and left Pegasus alone, still waiting for Mokuba to return to play Strip Go Fish.


	30. Power To Things Like Monkey Sex Part 2

Her Sweetness: Hello all. I'm feeling pretty good, because today, I got my Azumanga Daioh box set that I ordered last Saturday. Of course, when YOU read this note, it'll be a while after I've gotten my box.

Do you think it's weird that I write the note before I write the chapter? It helps me.

Okay, so. Here's what you came for.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 30:

The pink jet skidded to a small stop right in front of the puffy giant. Malik and Bakura looked up out of the window, wide-eyed with their mouths hanging down in confusion and horror. They were about fifty feet away from the entrance of the Factory and the gates were wide open, apparently, the workers were trying to get some of the trucks inside before that monster stomped on them.

Flyswatter had noticed the little plane, which looked like a small toy to him, landing on the piece of pavement before him. He squinted curiously and it looked like he was going to try and pick it up. Malik was now screaming in Bakura's ears for him to hurry up and open the door.

"C'mon, c'mon!" Malik shouted, shaking Bakura's shoulders.

Bakura growled and rammed the door, making it fall of its hinges and onto the concrete. He jumped out and landed on the broken door, looking back up at Malik who was standing there like an idiot.

"What are you doing!" He yelled, "Malik, get down from there!"

"But it's too high, I can't jump!"

Before anything else could be said, Flyswatter had bent down and his abnormally chubby fingers grabbed the small plane, the force of his grasp actually bending some of the mental. Malik screamed as the plane lifted in the air. When it got to about fifty feet, which was the equivalent of Flyswatter's waist, Bakura called up to him.

"Malik, jump down here before you get killed! Just jump, I promise to catch you!"

As Flyswatter was now looking the hikari straight in the eye now, a malicious and somewhat dumb expression on his face, he opened his mouth extremely wide and Malik nearly fainted. But, luckily, he had enough sense to jump out of the bent and smooshed doorway, freefalling down beside the fatty monster and looking at the ever growing ground. "Y-YOU'D BETTER CATCH ME, BAKURA!" Malik screamed, tears welling in his eyes.

"Don't worry, I never miss!" He called, his arms above his head.

Malik came plummeting down, heading right for Bakura but as he closed in, five feet above the yami, Bakura shifted his arms slightly to the left and Malik landed face-down on the concrete. A yelp of pain was muttered and Bakura looked down, his arms drooping.

"Ooh… I missed, didn't I…?"

"Yes. Yes, you did." He mumbled.

By this time, Flyswatter had become aware of the fact that he was chewing on a plane that had no one in it, now seeing Malik on the ground with Bakura. Enraged, he spat out the slimy, spit-covered scrap of metal and it sailed backwards landing on a few people, instantly killing them and their cat.

He roared, scarring the boys on the ground into scurrying for the safety of the tall gates of Factory Beta. But the last truck had come through and the poor, horrified Factory workers were hurriedly closing the gates, trying to keep anything else out. And even though, Malik and Bakura were waving their arms around their heads, wildly, for the workers to let them through, but the foreman shut the gate and locked it and the two boys slammed into the gate.

"Oh, Ra, what are we going to do! I don't want to die, I don't want to die!" Malik screamed, banging his fists into the gate.

Flyswatter was now sprinting towards them, his arms outstretched and a deranged look on his face, resulting in Malik wetting his pants. "T-That's it… we're gonna die… Goodbye world! Oh, this is so upsetting! Bakura, hold me!"

"Ahem. Are you coming?"

Blinking and looking back, Malik noticed that Bakura had unlocked the gate with a bobby pin and was holding it open just enough for them to squeeze through. The blonde blushed and giggled, walking through, Bakura rolling his eyes and following him in.

When the gate was let shut, Flyswatter, who had been running full speed ahead, slammed into the tall fence. The force almost knocked the barrier to the ground, but it held strong and Flyswatter was the one who rebounded off of it, flying backwards and landing in a big thud on the ground, shaking everything around him immensely.

Bakura cringed, feeling the vibrations all the way in the middle of the Factory's compound. The monster didn't move much, a guttural moan escaping his lips and a flop to his side and that was about it. Bakura shook his head, pitifully, "Eh… Poor fat man. It's a shame he had to come to such a predictable end. He would've been a cool pet."

Alarm came over Malik, "… J-Just who keeps a fat person for a pet, huh?" He shouted.

"Perhaps _I_ do!"

He huffed, folding his arms, "Ryou'd never let you keep him, _anyway_…"

Before Bakura had a chance to object, he was surprised by a beep that came from behind him and Malik immediately pulled him out of the way of one of the cargo trucks that was trying to maneuver around the teens in the way of their business. Malik pointed about twenty feet ahead to the large building that was actually the reason they had come so far.

"We'd better get in there before too many people notice us." Malik suggested, "C'mon, then. The sooner we shut that thing off, the sooner this will all be over."

"Uh-huh. Okay…" Bakura was barely listening, as they began to walk in the shadows of parked trucks, up to the open doors of the building, looking wistfully back at the still monster on the other side of the fence.

Malik frowned, "You're odd."

He made no response and they made it to the entrance virtually unnoticed or bothered. Men were moving in and out to the compound quickly, unloading boxes and giving directions, so with all the commotion; they were able to sneak by as nothing more than common workers.

On the inside, it was insanely large, metal everywhere they looked and even more people than they had seen outside. The main room was covered from top to bottom in assorted perverted monkey pictures. Both teens' mouths dropped at the obscene propaganda on the walls, surrounding them. True, they had seen a fair amount of dirty magazines and comic books, but things like this were too hardcore even for them.

Malik gagged, turning away from the walls and towards Bakura, "This… this is so gross!"

"I know." Bakura crinkled his nose, looking at another poster, "A monkey's nipples aren't _that_ big."

"And just how the hell would _you_ know!"

"I have my ways…" He said mystically.

"…"

* * *

On the other side of Domino, another Factory was being infiltrated. Though, unlike the other two, Marik and Ryou got inside Factory Alpha without a hitch. No big, fat monster tried to stop them and they weren't really aware that there was a big, fat monster with intentions of stopping anyone. Nevertheless, they entered the Factory through the back door, and, not wanting to be noticed by any of the workers, they disguised themselves with a Factory Alpha uniform. A simple blue hat and shirt with a small emblem of an unusually happy monkey on the back.

The inside of the building looked a lot like Beta, complete with monkey posters and some kind of soundtrack that played throughout the entire building, tropic sounds of wild monkeys doing wild monkey things.

And so the mixed hikari and yami walked through the place, virtually unseen and blending in with their surroundings.

"Okay…" Marik said, tapping his chin. Currently, they had just come out of some sort of closet which was where they obtained the uniforms. Now in the main room, metal mechanisms and machines surrounding them, workers going from place to place, turning knobs and holding clipboards, everything looked the same. "Well, before doing anything, I guess we should check to make sure that Malik and Bakura made it in okay-"

"Yes!" Ryou shrieked, hurriedly, coming from his spot behind the yami and grasping his hands, "Please, Marik, can I talk to 'Kura? I want to talk to him! _Please_?"

Everyone in their area stopped whatever they were doing and gave skeptical glances at both boys, more so to Ryou. Marik, seeing that he was making a spectacle of himself, shushed the boy, and pulled him into the corner, "Ryou…! Jeez, you can't scream like that, we're trying to get through this, unknown."

"…" He sniffed, eyes growing watery.

"Tch! Don't think you're going to get your way because you're crying." Marik scolded him, sternly, "Just ask Malik, he knows I don't work like that."

Sniffles came louder and quicker now as Ryou sobbed a cup full of tears onto the linoleum floor and began bawling, causing more people to stop and turn to the corner that the boys were occupying. Ryou's face was red as he muttered, "B-But… I wanna talk to B-Bakura…!"

Marik slapped his forehead, but before he could get Ryou to calm down, a few whispers from the new crowd behind them began.

"Hey, who are those guys?"

"Dunno, never seen 'em here before."

"Ah… What's that guy doing to that cute, little boy?"

"He's making him cry!"

"Hey! Shame on you!"

The Egyptian was now doing two things at once. Trying to get Ryou to stop his bawling and trying to get those 'damned busybodies' to go away before their plan was ruined.

"O-Okay, Ryou, you can talk to Bakura! See? Here's the headset!" Marik tried to act cheerful as he handed the headset over to the boy, at the same time showing the people behind him that he wasn't responsible for Ryou's overactive emotions.

As Ryou squealed and cuddled the headset, Marik grabbed his wrist and they pushed their way through the crowds of somewhat disapproving people. Though some let it go, a few called after Marik: "You'd better be nice to him!"

He flipped them off and they went into a janitorial closet across the shiny floors and he shut the door behind him. It was rather dark in there and before he found the light switch, Marik tripped over a bucket full of cat pee and it splashed all over him. And though Marik was getting more and more angry that he was the victim of so many strange things, his partner had adjusted the headset and wasn't even concerning himself with Marik's darkening mood.

"Hallo? Testing! 'Kura, are you there?" He inquired.

After a second of static, a familiar voice came on, "Huh? Ryou?"

"Hi, Bakura! I'm so happy to hear your voice, I was so worried about you, you know! I can't believe we're this far away from each other, it's gotta be like 60 miles or something, don't you _miss_ me? I miss _you_! My poor baby, all by his lonesome… Well, I'll have you know, 'Kura, that I will soon be with you and you won't have to cry anymore!"

"_Ryou_! I haven't _cried_ in 3,000 years and five days!"

Marik blinked at hearing this, "Bakura's cried before?"

Ryou nodded to him, sympathetically, "Yes, he stubbed his toe while watering his spice garden."

Marik crumbled to the ground, laughing.

"Don't tell him that!" Bakura shouted over the line. Malik was heard in the background, seemingly in the same state as his yami. Bakura huffed, "Alright, Ryou. Now that you've taken my last bit of dignity, I take it there was some reason that you called?"

"Oh, we just wanted to know if you were alright!"

"I'm fine…" He gritted his teeth.

Marik had just recovered from his greatest laughing spell to date. He managed to get the headset from his British partner without him putting up too much of a fight and he asked, "Did you guys find that computer in Beta, yet?"

"Eh, no. We just got here. But we were looking around when we got in… You'd never believe what happened when we first got here!"

"You stubbed your toe?"

"Shut-up! _No_, there was this huge-"

Suddenly, a loud noise came over the line. A shrill cry and then what seemed like a thousand more. Marik blinked into the headset, muttering, "What the…? Hey, Bakura!"

There wasn't much of a reply except some more static and screaming and then Bakura's voice broken into segments over the fading airwaves, ". . . It's that thing. . . meet you at the comp. . . same time. . ."

Ryou gasped, "Oh, no, what's happening over there?"

"Dunno… C'mon, I think he said to get to the main computer and we'll shut it off at the same time."

"Okay…"

* * *

Over at Factory Beta, chaos had just awoken in the form of a large pile of pale blubber. Bakura had been talking to his hikari and Marik over behind a large machine in the corner of the main room and Malik occasionally threw something into the conversation, but when he was about to tell his friend what they had encountered earlier, a few people walking back and forth in front of the large windows up front broke out into screams and they looked away from the headset.

Malik looked to the albino beside him, "What are they yelling about?"

He shrugged and they immediately went over to one of the windows, stopping once they arrived and held onto the sill. Looking out past the compound and over the gate guarding it, their eyes went wide and their jaws became unhinged.

It seemed that Flyswatter had come out of his unconscious state and began to get up, stabling himself by gripping his knees and woozily standing upright and surveying his surroundings. Across the way, he saw that gate that he had forcefully hit and, though it took a while, he figured out that was what caused him to black out. Growling like the primitive animal he was, his eyes narrowed for a moment and in one of the large windows of the Factory that was less that was 200 yards away, he saw two people who looked familiar. A blonde with dark skin and that brown-eyed albino, both of whom got away from him earlier.

Flyswatter snorted and began to back up, a few steps then a few more.

Inside the building, a man asked loudly, "What's he doing? Is he going away?"

Malik and Bakura watched him with a curious and intense eye.

Now as the monster was about eighty feet away from the gate, he suddenly started to race towards it, scarring most of the people inside Beta. Closing in on the fence, and as some of the workers thought he'd just knock himself out again, Flyswatter actually got a good enough start to where he jumped into the sky and cleared the fence without much trouble, much to everyone's surprise.

He landed with a large thud, making the building pop up off the ground for a moment, then land much like the monster itself did.

After getting their footing again, every workers and foreman in the building went wild with fear and ran around in circles as Flyswatter's sights settled on Factory Beta and the two boys it harbored. He came running up to it like a madman and some people, suspecting that they would soon die a horrible death, decided to end it for themselves right on the spot.

"What are we gonna do? He's going to tear down the entire Factory!" Malik shouted, backing away from the windows.

Bakura looked around at first, seeing nothing but riots and as the fat man rushed the front of the building, his hands shoving into the glass and breaking two of the largest windows, broken shards scattered across the chrome floor. His chubby hands reached in and would've almost grabbed Bakura if he hadn't hid behind Malik, and the prying hand picked up a frantic man. When Flyswatter pulled him out of the building and looked at his face, knowing he was not one of the boys he was looking for, but he still popped him into his mouth, chewed twice and again his hands dove into the building.

"Oh, freak!" Bakura screamed, and began to run away, to a staircase that led upwards, "He really eats people!"

Malik was following him, panting as the flight of stairs continued upwards, "Well, _duh_, Bakura! That's what fat people do!"

The building shook once again and the boys knew it was that monster, ramming his obese body against the front, trying to enter. Through the Factory was strong, fortified with only the sturdiest metals and steel, it wouldn't be too much longer until the walls gave way to Flyswatter's great mass.

They came to another floor, this was probably the fourth one they'd arrived at and there was still no sight of what they were searching for.

"Well, where exactly would something like a main computer be?" Malik looked around at the labels on doors and peeked inside a few windows quickly, "Why don't they have a sign or something!"

"Okay, okay, don't panic, I'll find it."

"What? And just how are you going to do that?"

"Don't doubt my powers! Now…" Bakura cleared his throat and closed his eyes. They were currently in a hallway, sectioned into six other pathways and then a seventh door with was the staircase to the fifth floor. He stretched out one of his arms and twirled round and round until he got dizzy and stopped. When he opened his eyes, he was pointing the third hallway. "Yup. That's the way we go."

"…" Malik stood, seemingly emotionless and blank-eyed, "…. You're stupid."

"Oh, yeah? Well, you just wait and see!" Bakura walked off in a huff and though Malik thought that this had to be one of the _stupidest_ things he'd ever seen anyone pull, he went along anyway. After all, what was the worst that could happen? In his mind, they were doomed from the start.

The Factory rocked more and more as they continued down the predetermined path, led by Bakura. Malik could've sworn the building was just about uprooted from its foundation with the last shake. It felt as if Flyswatter was ramming his entire body onto the about equally sized building. The ceiling above them began to crack, the plaster broke down and fell onto their heads, but they trekked onwards.

Finally, after hearing the increasing screams from floors below, they arrived at the end of the long hallway and there stood a lone door with red tape across the front, baring the words, 'Do not enter. No, really, we mean it.'

Bakura grinned back at his partner who sighed, aggravated.

"Let's just go in."

Malik walked pasted Bakura, a bit of caution in his footsteps, and tried the doorknob. To both their surprise, it was open and the door gave way to Malik's light touch. What was then revealed to them was a large, metallic room, wires all around, fuse boxes and a few rats scurrying into corners.

It was dark in there and as they ventured forth, Malik felt around the wall by the door, finding a light switch and it allowed them minimum light.

"Hmm… What do we have here? Aha! See? I told you! Look at that!" Bakura's grin widened when, in the back of the room, he spotted a computer the size of a small bathroom, buttons decorating the sides, a large, blank screen and one lone lever right under the screen. The lever was a bright red and stood out from every other blue and gray thing in the room.

"Tch." Malik huffed, "You don't know if that's the thing we're looking for."

"Well, do you see any _other_ suspicious looking computer in this room?"

He looked around briefly and then muttered, "No…"

"Ha ha."

"Oh, shut-up. And while you're at it, call Marik and Ryou."

"… Why should I?" Bakura frowned, now getting defensive. He wasn't used to getting ordered around by any hikari. Other than his.

Malik put his hands on his hips in a superior manner, "_Because_. We need to know if they've found the computer over at Alpha. I'm not saying that this is the one we're looking for, but it could be… and if it is, we need to shut them off at the same time. So there."

"… Fine." He said, dignifiedly, adjusting his headset and waiting for static from the other end of the line, "But I'm not doing this because you told me to. I just _feel_ like it."

"Well, I hope you _feel_ like getting a move on."

Bakura glared, "You know, someday, something bad is gonna happen to you for that attitude of yours. It's karma. What goes around goes around and around."

"…" A blank stare, "I'm not even going to acknowledge that."

Suddenly, the wall to the left of the arguing boys crashed down and from out of the dust and smoke of the obliterated wall, came a giant hand, reaching in and randomly grabbing Malik by the waist, the volume of the body part almost engulfing him.

"AAAHHHH! HELP ME!" Malik screamed as he was pulled out of the building and into midair, soon to behold the deranged face of the mad, monstrous Flyswatter. He flung his head back and laughed viciously and hardily.

Looking down at the spot inside the room where he once was, Malik could see Bakura, on the ledge of the broken wall and floor, starring up at him.

Malik banged on Flyswatter's hand with his delicate fists and shouted, "Stop it! Put me down, put me down! Bakura! Help me!"

Bakura blinked and looked up, shouting back, "_KARMA_!"

"… DAMN YOU, KARMA!"

* * *

Somewhere close to Domino, about a thousand feet in the air, a little angel was floating fast to its destination. Well, technically, it wasn't an angel, but to people looking up from below, it certainly looked like one. In all actuality, it was a boy of about eleven years of age, being carried across oceans and land by a dove.

They had been going for a while now, zero to no conversation, because they both knew they didn't get along too well and talking would only bring up arguments. The pair sailed in the sky faster and faster towards the oppressed city until it was finally in sight, no longer a memory for the boy, but real and right in front of him.

"Ah… There it is!" Mokuba pointed to the city and the large, golden palace in the center, the source of all this discord and chaos.

Mr. Dove blinked, 'So that's where you want to be dropped off, kid?'

"Mmm… Dunno." He bit his lip for a moment, thinking. 'Where exactly are those four, anyway? I… don't really remember anyone saying anything about-'

'Hey, c'mon, this isn't the Pony Express. I have places to be, so make up your mind.'

"Gimme a second! I-" His sentence was cut off by a not-so-distant scream, coming from the south. Both boy and bird looked that way and their eyes widened in surprise and shock.

It seemed that a one hundred foot giant was smashing and terrorizing a building to the south and the somewhat familiar scream came from the being in his left hand, a blonde boy who was flailing and wailing, calling for help.

Mokuba gasped, "Malik! Hey, Mr. Dove, that's Malik! I think that fat monster's gonna eat him!"

'… And so how does this affect me?'

"You heartless dove! Fine, you can go about your business but just take me over there and hurry!" The small boy ordered and Mr. Dove rolled his eyes, but obeyed as they hurriedly flew to the site where that Egyptian was in distress.

* * *

Over yonder, Flyswatter had lost interest in the Factory's destruction and had become preoccupied with the boy in his hand. In his primitive mind, he mistook Malik's delicious tan for delicious seasonings on a side of beef and was currently tenderizing the young teen thoroughly.

He had thrown Malik onto his cellulite covered knee and was bouncing him like a soccer ball, up and down repeatedly and then onto his ankles where Malik was then used as a hackysack.

"I-I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK!"

Bakura watched the boy go up and down, round and round, "Karma can be painful."

"S-SHUT UP!"

After being softened and shaken to the point of being medium well-done, Malik was taken off the large knee and lifted to the fat man's greasy lips.

"ME GONNA EAT YOU!" He spoke with reverence, and pieces of chicken flew out of his mouth as he shouted at Malik, covering the boy with fatty, regurgitated goo. His face turned green.

Malik was crying profusely now and as he was getting ready to be placed in Flyswatter's mouth, Bakura called to him, "Stay strong, Malik!"

"I hate you…!"

Just as he was about to be popped inside the moist cavern, a white flash came across Flyswatter's vision and a small but gallant voice called out, "Leave him alone, you big naked meanie!"

The big, naked meanie was caught off guard and accidentally dropped his meal, the teen falling out of his grip and screamed on the way down until he fell into the somewhat familiar arms of his partner. Malik shook his head and looked up at Bakura who had a wise expression on his face, "It's-"

"Karma! I _know_, okay, I know." Malik frowned, grumpily and then looked up at the naked monster, swatting at something tiny and almost unseen, "Um… What the hell is that?"

"I think it's some kid being carried by a bird."

"What?" Malik looked closer, and then gasped, "Mokuba! Mokuba, stop that, get out of here before something happens to you!"

Up in the sky, surrounding Flyswatter's chubby face of doom, was Mokuba, directing his carrier dove to maneuver around the fat man's head and hands as he tried to hit them.

'This is insane! Why are we doing this?' Mr. Dove screeched as they barely missed another offending body part.

"Malik was in trouble, we had to do something!" Mokuba panted then looked down at the teen who was safe in Bakura's arms, "B-But, he seems to okay now! We need to get out of here!"

'My sentiments exactly!'

As Mr. Dove dodged another blow, they redirected and were trying to get away from Flyswatter, but he roared at them which scarred the dove immensely and his talons opened for a split second. Mokuba's eyes widened as he realized that he was falling, faster and faster and the sky grew further away until all was dark.

Malik and Bakura looked on in horror at what they had just seen. Flyswatter blinked as he felt something trying to go down his throat and he chewed and swallowed it.

Mr. Dove looked down and saw that Mokuba was no longer with him but had fallen into the monster's gullet. 'Oh no! … Eh, who cares. I'm goin' to Vegas.'

He turned and was off, flying towards the west.

Malik jumped out of his partner's arms, shouting out into the air, "_MOKUBA_!"


	31. Power To Things Like Monkey Sex Part 3

Her Sweetness: I had a complaint in one of my reviews. Someone said, "OMG, don't make another chapter that long again! Takes me forever to read them..."

Well, little miss, I made it that long because I had no choice. And now you have invoked my wrath! Look upon my mighty Authoress powers and tremble!

Behold the long and satisfying Power To Things Like Monkey Sex Part 3! HAHAHAHAH!

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 31:

Over on the other side of town, one of Factory Alpha's janitorial closets was occupied with two young teens. They had just heard some distressing sounds coming from the other end of the signal from their headset they were using to communicate with their friends. They'd heard screams and the last thing they thought they heard was that they should get to the main computer and they and their friends would shut them off together.

They were about to leave the sanctity of the closet, but little did they know, that outside their presence was just being discovered thanks to a call from the Palace telling the head foreman to be on the lookout for any suspicious looking people, there was a break-in in progress.

The Forman turned to one of the workers in the main room, "News from the Palace. Pharaoh Yugi says to be on the lookout for anything suspicious. See anyone that looked out of place today?"

"No…" He shook his head thinking, "Hey did any of you guys see anything suspicious?"

Everyone stopped hauling boxes of Monkey Love and thought for a moment. One of them answered, "Not really… Oh, but there was that mean guy who was yelling at that other, cute boy! It was so sad."

"I remember that!" Shouted another.

"Wait, what?" The Forman wore a confused look, "What mean guy and what cute boy are you talking about?"

"Ah, the guy was really tan and had blonde hair. And the other had a sweet, British accent and really pale skin."

"… No one here looks like that! Point out these two!"

The worker nodded and pointed to the closet towards the back of the room, "They went in there about ten minutes ago, haven't come out since."

The Forman puffed out his chest and boldly walked across the tiled room, having a few of his men accompany him, and when he arrived at the door, he clutched the doorknob and swung it open. Finding, to his surprise, the two aforementioned boys in the closet, the blonde trying to force the smaller, crying boy out.

They stopped in their tracks immediately, blinking as the people looking in on them gave disapproving glares.

"Hey! This is a restricted area, no civilians are allowed in! What are you doing in here?"

"Um… Just hanging out?" Marik was holding onto his partner's wrists, trying to pull him up off the ground which was where he rooted himself. Marik tried to look innocently at the guards, but that didn't work too well.

Ryou cried, "I wanna go home!"

Marik glared at him.

"These are the two I think the Pharaohs are looking for. They certainly are suspicious. Lock them up, hurry." Ordered the Forman and his men began to advance into the closet to grab the two.

Marik hurriedly got up and shoved his way through the growing crowd of men. He shouted back to his substitute hikari, "Ryou, run! We've got to find that computer!"

His reply was a small squeak and Marik turned around for a moment, confused, and sweatdropped when he saw that the workers had apprehended the boy so easily. They held him in by the shoulders and he cried profusely. "M-Marik… They're… they're touching me…!"

At hearing this, all the workers felt a great amount of shame and they looked into Ryou's shiny, chocolate eyes, wet with tears. The cuteness was just too much. They all broke into sobs and gently let Ryou toddle off to Marik, whom he hugged affectionately, "I'm back!"

"…"

Ryou smiled.

"… Let's go."

He nodded and Marik grabbed his hand so he wouldn't get lost, and they raced off, passing more of some confused workers holding boxes and leaving through a door in the back of the room. The door slammed shut and the Forman turned to his workers, steam coming out of his ears.

"What the hell happened? Why did you let him go?"

They crumbled to the ground, all crying immensely and looking to the sky whilst pheromones floated in the air, their hands clasped together, "H-He's just… TOO CUTE! Did you see that angelic face? And those puffy, pink lips? I thought I was going to _DIE_!"

"Resist the cuteness!"

"We can't! We can't resist!"

"Resist!"

"No!"

"Resist!"

"No!"

"Dammit!" The Forman grab them all by the collars of their shirts, roughly and they cowered in fear, "You'd better resist or you'll have to answer to the Pharaohs, and I heard they just got some new, spike-covered whips!"

They gulped in unison, "R-Right… Resist the cuteness…"

"Now, let's go! We've got to apprehend those felons before they damage anything or the Pharaohs will beat us with sticks!"

"I hate it when that happens…"

They all agreed and started after the boys, though someone mumbled, "He's still cute…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing, nothing…"

* * *

Up about two flights of stairs now, Marik and Ryou were running up, passing floors which held no interest. Luckily, each floor had a sign above the doorway, stating what was on that particular floor. For example, the first floor was 'Monkey Research and Development', then second floor was 'Breeding' from which many strange and disturbing sounds came from. But when the two finally came to the third floor, the sign read 'COMP'. That looked rather interesting.

"Comp… Hey, Ryou, doesn't that mean computer?"

Ryou had been fixing his hair and blinked when he was asked this question, "… Oh, I suppose so…"

"Grr… C'mon, then." Marik rolled his eyes and opened the door, motioning to Ryou for him to follow. Ryou happily went in and upon entering; they saw a room much like the one in Factory Beta. Although this room was a bit larger and the floor looked like it had just been polished. The large button and dial-clad computer in the center of the room gleamed in the rays of the sun coming through the blinds on the opposite wall and a soft hum came from it, showing the computer might be active.

Marik stepped in cautiously, wary of everything in the room, "Okay, Ryou, be careful, this place might have booby-traps or- Ryou!"

He looked back at the boy who was paying him no attention, and had already skipped over to the computer and was wildly pressing buttons.

"Ryou, wait a minute!" The yami ran over, eyes wide and watching Ryou push and turn every button or knob that shined, "What are you doing?"

"They're so pretty, Marik!"

Marik took in a shaky breath, holding in his temper, and took a hold of both Ryou's wrists. He looked him in the eyes and said meaningfully, "No."

"…"

"Yawn!"

Both Ryou and Marik stopped for a second. They could've sworn that just now they heard someone yawn. But this couldn't possibly be, since, they were the only ones in the room and neither of them had yawned.

Ryou gulped, "D-Did you hear something…?"

"Uh… yeah…"

"What was it?"

"Dunno." Marik put his hands on his hips and looked around, "But it sounded like it came from around he-"

"I'm over here, you twit." Said a voice in monotone.

Marik jumped and looked up to the area of the voice. He saw that somehow the computer screen had come out of its black mode and was now a light blue screen with two rather large black dots towards the top and a line across the bottom that was now moving in accordance to the words that came from the speakers.

"All that button-pressing woke me up, which one of you did that?" It asked, sternly.

Ryou squeaked and hid behind Marik, shaking. He whispered, "Don't… don't tell him it was me…"

He quirked an eyebrow at Ryou then looked back at the screen, "Y-You can talk?"

The digitized eyes rolled, "No, I can't talk. These sounds coming from my monitor are just primitive grunts and groans and do not have any meaning whatsoever. Yes, of course I can talk! What are you? Egyptian, I take it? All Egyptians are dumb as posts."

"Ah, hey!"

"Ooh, he's mean…" Ryou mumbled.

Marik huffed, "Just who are you anyway?"

"Ugh. I get tired of saying this… I am COMP, runner of Factory Alpha's checks and balances and I maintain the machines here. Unlike myself, my counterpart, COMP 2, over at Factory Beta is obsolete. He can't speak nor can he compute at a higher level than a calculator. He's really just there for show…"

"Oh…" Marik scratched his head and nodded, "Well, fine, but just so you know, we're going to have to shut you down in a few seconds. So, just shut up for a minute while we make a call." He adjusted the headset and waited for static.

"What? How dare you say something like that to me?" COMP's screen grew red, "You're not even supposed to be in here, get out."

"No." Marik stuck his tongue out.

As COMP was growing more impatient and upset at the threat of being shut down, suddenly a sound came from outside the door in the hallway. Marik stopped and looked back towards the door as did Ryou and COMP. Footsteps were heard then some murmuring that couldn't be made out.

"Which way do you think they went?" said a voice from outside.

Another answered, "We'll search this floor and then move on."

More footsteps sounded and a few went off in another direction while a few more came closer to the door of the room they were occupying. The sound of doors swinging open was heard and they were getting louder and louder.

Ryou backed up, beginning to get a little scarred, "Uh-oh, they're going to catch us in here! We're gonna die!"

"They won't catch us if you're quiet!"

A smirk suddenly appeared on COMP's screen. He increased the volume on his speakers and then a loud sound came from the monitor, "THEY'RE IN HERE! THE BOYS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ARE IN HERE!"

Both Ryou and Marik went rigid and the footsteps stopped outside.

"Did you here that?"

"Yeah, that was COMP's voice, c'mon, in here!"

Ryou was going berserk, screaming and crying, "Ohhhh noooo…!" He climbed on top of Marik's head and sobbed into his hair, dampening it. Marik, once again, took in a deep breath to control his notorious temper and gently set Ryou down on the floor, "No."

"B-But, Marik-"

Before the whine was completed, the door was busted open by a strong boot-clad foot and then a body and then more bodies, all stampeding into the room along the back wall and turning to come face to face with a sobbing Ryou and Marik who was looking pretty pissed off at COMP.

"What the hell did you do that for?" He shouted.

"Because you were threatening me. And even if you hadn't, I would've done it anyway. I don't like Egyptians and I don't like you." COMP's eyes turned away, "So talk to the keyboard, 'cause the monitor don't wanna hear it." His screen turned black as he went back into sleep mode.

Marik was about to kick the thing but the Forman's voice gained his attention before he could.

"Alright you two, enough with the games. We're taking you to the Palace so back away from COMP and maybe we won't shoot you in the kneecap."

Marik's eyes narrowed as he whispered to Ryou who was now only sniffling, "Ryou, listen. I have to call Malik and Bakura so we can turn COMP and COMP 2 off at the same time. So, I need you to distract these guys, alright?"

"Um, b-but, I… _can't_… I don't know how…"

"Nonsense, just wing it!" Marik said reassuringly and picked Ryou up by the waist, in one motion, throwing him across the room into the crowd of Factory workers. An 'oomph' was heard and then a small, helpless cry, which Marik knew to be Ryou's. He rolled his eyes and quickly hid in the shadow behind COMP, turning the dial on the headset yet again.

He whispered into it, "Bakura? Hello, can you hear me?"

Static. Then a voice, ". . . arik? Marik?"

"There you are. What happened before?"

"Oh. That." Bakura turned away, pushing the receiver closer to his ear so he could hear what his friend was saying. Malik was in the middle of the floor, crying his eyes out over the loss of that poor boy, Mokuba, and Bakura was getting annoyed. "Well, the signal was breaking up because that giant monster out there was shaking the building and-"

"OH, MOKUBA, WHY?" A scream from the background interrupted Bakura's explanation.

"Dammit, Malik, will you shut up?" Bakura rolled his eyes.

"Is that Malik?" Marik asked, "Why is _he_ crying?"

"Tch, because Mokuba got eaten by a giant fat man."

"…" Silence. "Bakura, have you been drinking again?"

"N-No! It's true! Just ask Mokuba… Oops. Well, I guess you can't ask him. Anyway, have you and Ryou found the computer over there? We need to hurry because that monster I mentioned, well he's just washed Mokuba down with a few old ladies and he looks like he's ready for desert. Which reminds me…I was thinking about this and Malik really does look like he'd be a good desert topping."

"… Bakura, you have too much free time."

"Yeah, I know."

"… Okay, I'm right at the computer, if we can manage to shut them off at the same time, then-"

"Ah ha ha ha! Eek, not there, not there! Ha ha ha ha!"

Marik blinked, confused and then peeked over the side of COMP's monitor, only to see Ryou engaged in a tickle fight with the workers out in the middle of the floor. He sweatdropped as the Forman was yelling at them to stop tickling the boy and to arrest him, but they were having too much fun to even notice him.

'Well… at least he's distracting them… though his methods do seem questionable…'

"Okay, Bakura," Marik said, turning his attention back to the headset, "Ready?"

* * *

In the main computer's room over at Factory Beta, the walls were torn and plaster was everywhere. About a third of the workers there had been eaten and or smooshed by Flyswatter as he had been stomping around. Mere moments after that poor, little boy had fallen down the monster's throat, he was still hungry and he looked down now, eyeing the one that got away.

Malik was on all fours, weeping as he wearily looked up at the fat man who was licking his lips, hungrily.

His eyes widened and he began, hurriedly crawling backwards towards the other wall. Bakura was talking on the headset over by the computer and Malik looked from him to Flyswatter, "B-Bakura…!"

Bakura ignored him, "Let's see… it's the big red lever, right?"

"I see one on COMP." Marik nodded, "So, I guess so."

"Alright, then on the count of ten, we pull!"

"Alright."

"One."

"Two."

"Three."

"Help me!" Malik screeched at the top of his lungs as Flyswatter's fist captured him yet again, coming through the broken wall facing out into the compound. "Bakura, help me!"

"Not now, Malik!" He turned back around, "Four."

"Five."

"Bakura!"

Flyswatter had managed to grab a hold of the teen and lifted him from the floor that he was screaming and howling to get back to. He was being pulled out of the building but held on by his fingernails to the jagged edge of a wall, "Oh, _please_, Bakura help me!"

"Six."

"Seven."

The gooey monster yanked on Malik's body and brung the rest of the wall crumbling down. Malik cried hysterically as he was once again brought to his lips and was licked. Malik coughed and choked, "Halitosis!"

"Eight."

Flyswatter opened his mouth as wide as he could. Malik opened one of his eyes and saw human remains wedged in between his teeth. He peed in his pants for the third time that day, "_BAKURA_!"

"Nine."

He threw Malik into the air, directly above him and as Malik came falling down, heading straight for the wide, gaping hole starring up at him, the last number was called.

"Ten!"

In Southern and Northern Domino, at 12:34 on the dot, two levers were pulled. COMP and COMP 2 immediately ceased to function. Machines stopped, clocks came to a halt, every conveyer belt and elevator in each Factory ceased to move and all was quiet for a second, until…

BOOM!

Both buildings stalled only a millisecond before something inside them detonated and every bit of the walls and floor and each piece of machinery in the Factories went flying out into all directions. The workers who were unaware of what had happened were blown away without warning and went sailing through the air, landing on the pavement of the streets of Domino in shreds.

In the vicinity of Factory Beta, when the explosion's first rock departed from the building, it hit Flyswatter right in the head. He fell backwards and Malik, who was about to be gobbled up, instead fell on Flyswatter's flabby chest and rolled down into his belly button which was so large it protected him from the raining debris. Bakura, though, was lost among the piles and piles of ash and cinder.

* * *

**Flashback**:

As Mr. Dove dodged another blow, they redirected and were trying to get away from Flyswatter, but he roared at them which scarred the dove immensely and his talons opened for a split second. Mokuba's eyes widened as he realized that he was falling, faster and faster and the sky grew further away until all was dark.

"AAAHHH!"

Mokuba fell into the darkness, his scream echoing out as the opening to the cavern was now closing. The boy hit something with a great amount of force, something extremely large and wet and slimy. He looked around frantically, squinting to see in the dark and he felt around, squeezing with his hands.

"O… Oh no!" He shrieked, standing up when he realized he was on the monster's tongue. It was moving rhythmically beneath him and he backed up slowly then broke into an all-out sprint. "S-Someone help me! Malik! Mr. Dove! Hel-"

His terrified screams were stopped when he ran smack into something hard and was knocked onto his butt, now wiping the spot of blood off of his forehead. He reached out in front of him and felt on a very large canine tooth, glistening with the stale blood of another.

Suddenly, before Mokuba could show his reaction for such a horrible finding, the slick organ beneath him jolted upward, sending the boy tumbling to the back of the mouth towards the molars. Just before he went the other way, down the throat, he held on to a side of the jagged tooth, struggling to regain his footing.

Flyswatter brought his teeth crashing down against the bottom, grinding them together, trying to mash that boy who had fallen into his mouth only a moment ago. Mokuba held in a sob, knowing what he was trying to do and as the teeth came down again, almost tearing off his hands that were holding onto the side of a molar, his shrill cry echoed. He knew he couldn't hold on like this forever.

The teeth came crashing down again, hitting each other with great force and it scrapped Mokuba's left hand, tearing a bit of the flesh. As a reflex, Mokuba recoiled and automatically let go. He went falling back and toppled over, going deeper into the nothingness of Flyswatter's body.

**End Flashback**.

"Ah… ah… ah…" His pants came quickly as he struggled to breathe. The air down there was thick and everything smelled just awful. It was hot and sticky as he tried to move, but his sneakers were attaching to something. He gulped and felt around, knowing he'd need just a bit of light in order to be able to do anything.

It wasn't till then that he remembered the match he had in his pocket. He scrambled for his, hands touching and feeling every part of his jeans until he felt something in his back pocket and pulled out a lone match, unharmed and undamaged. He ran it down the front of his shirt and it lit, sending a rather large glow, putting just about everything surrounding him in an early-evening shade of light.

Mokuba blinked, "Wha… Oh, my gosh!"

Tears welled in his eyes, seeing the place he was now in. The far walls were a dingy pink, with large pores all over the place. The bottom was covered in green acid, which Mokuba knew was for digesting the so-called 'food' that Flyswatter ingested. Floating in the acid were random things such as piles of bodies, the remaining skin now being peeled and burned off. Other things, such as pieces of buildings and chickens occupied the stomach as well.

Mokuba felt faint, but then wondered why _he _wasn't being slowly killed by the stomach acid. He looked down and saw that he was standing on a decreasing pile of bones. His sneakers were stuck to it, thanks to the humidity and the acid all around.

He sighed, "This is so wrong…"

* * *

It was about an hour later after the Factories had exploded, monkeys and men went flying in all direction, either dead or otherwise. One man from the area of Factory Alpha had managed to escape with his head and torso intact and wiggle 50 miles south towards the Palace. When he finally arrived he had no energy to do what he had come to do. So he waved over the closest Spike Patroller and told him what had happened and to go warn the Pharaohs.

And so he did, the Spike Patroller ran up the Palace steps and into the throne room where his Pharaohs were relaxing as they usually were. Yami was the first of the two to notice the intrusion.

"Dammit, don't you guards have a life? What is it?"

"M-My Pharaoh, something terrible has happened!"

Yugi smacked his forehead, "That must be the fourth time this week I've heard someone say that."

The guard bowed, thinking about each word before he said it. He knew how easily Pharaoh Yami could anger and wasn't looking to be murdered today. "Um… Well, it seems that Factory Alpha and Beta have… been destroyed, Your Highnesses… about an hour ago…"

Yugi's eyes widened and he shrunk into his throne, "Ooh…"

Yami gritted his teeth and stomped down the stairs of his throne and made his way over to the guard who was shaking noticeably. "What… do you… mean… they were… destroyed…?"

"Ah, I-I mean there were, apparently, some boys who… p-pulled the levers at the same time…"

"Idiot!" Yami bashed him on the skull with his millennium puzzle, leaving a fresh cut on his forehead.

The guard backed up, whimpering, "B-But-"

"Don't speak! How could this have happened? Yugi called over to _both_ Factories to _warn_ them about the attempted sabotage!"

"S-Sir, I had no idea, I-I wasn't there…!" He whined, "Please spare me…!"

Yami's eyes twitched as he turned away, seemingly dismissing him. The guard nodded in thanks and scampered away, crying like a baby. Yami growled now, looking up at his hikari who blinked and smiled nervously, "N-Now, Yami, don't go thinking this was my fault!"

"And why not? It was your dumb idea you use Flyswatter and, once again, he has failed to be useful!"

"We don't know that. Maybe he ate a few people."

"That's not the point! He couldn't stop Marik and the others from destroying the Monkey Love Factories and now what's going to happen? I'll tell you what's going to happen! Even as we speak, all over the world, the dials in the bibles are losing power and people are forgetting everything that we spent weeks on putting in their brains! Now it'll only be a matter of time before they revolt against us!" He scratched his head, "And Marik and Malik are probably going to come here for their rods and rings…"

"… We're screwed."

"Exactly." Yami sighed, leaning against a wall by a window. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw smoke rising from the disaster over in Southern Domino. People screaming and a few watching, he rolled his eyes. Then blinked. "… Wait… Wait, a minute, that's it! I have an idea!"

"Really? Is it stupid?"

"Grr, I wouldn't tell _you_ about it if it was stupid!" He frowned then his grin returned, "Alright, come with me. If this doesn't work, nothing will."


	32. Invincible

Her Sweetness: Alright. No one kill me for this, but I'm not too good in Biology.

Gasp. Shock. Horror.

No, my thing is English. Having said that, I will do the best I can with Flyswatter's body. If I get something wrong, don't curse me or anything.

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 32:

Somewhere on the third floor of the Palace in the center of Domino, two of the land's current rulers were hastily going further and further down into the belly of their castle, Yami leading the way and Yugi stumbling close behind him, questioning his darker half's reasons for leading him away from the throne room.

"W-Wait a minute, Yami!"

"No time, Yugi." Was the answer from the slightly taller form ahead of him, "What we're doing is going to take a while and we don't have any time to spare."

"But just _what_ are we doing?"

Yami flashed back a quick grin and in a moment, they stopped at a large, golden door, complete with an Egyptian eye over the threshold. Two Spike Patrollers were standing at either side of the door, weapons on hand and immediately bowed when they saw the Pharaohs approaching.

"Open it." Yami ordered, not even bothering to glance at the men.

They saluted and mumbled a "Yes, sir," and soon the two double doors were opening before them and a little flash of yellowish gold sparked out, forcing Yugi to shield his eyes from the rays. His yami was already moving into the light and Yugi pouted, but followed nonetheless. As he ventured in, the light didn't blind him as much and he lowered his wrist to see what his other had brought him for.

The room was quite large, covered in what seemed to be useless metals and pretty things, there for show or admiration. Each wall, each pedestal in the corners of the hall were dressed in gold or at least plated with gold, which was probably why Yugi couldn't see when he'd first walked in. But, what caught the majority of his attention and would probably catch the attention of many was the golden table in the middle of the room. It wasn't big, but it wasn't small either and on each side of the table was a lone millennium item. The millennium key, the rods, the rings… they were all there.

"So, this is where you keep them…" Yugi nodded, talking to his yami but not expecting him to say anything, "Hey… hey, why haven't I been here before?"

"Because. You'd knock something over."

"Humph!"

Yami gave his light a look signifying that he could pout and huff all he wanted but he was not to touch anything. He then sauntered over to the golden table and picked up one of the millennium rods. He turned round to Yugi and shook the rod suggestively, sighing, "The whole world is polluted, Yugi… Without monkey sex in their lives, the population is going to go crazy and revolt against us! After all those weeks designing and redesigning Monkey Love…"

"Dumb Yami, takin' all the credit…" Yugi grumbled, "It was really _me_ who designed it…"

"… I heard that, Yugi."

"Well, I'm glad! Do you even know what I had to go through to get those pictures? Deep into Africa! With nothing but half a can of bug spray and a guide on how to avoid monkey rape! Which DIDN'T work, by the way!"

"… Wow…. Um, as I was saying, they're of no use to us as a kingdom anymore. But. The only people who will still regard us as their Pharaohs will probably be the citizens of Domino, seeing as how they have somewhat of an unnatural fear of us. So… What I've decided to do is keep Domino. And kill the rest of the world."

Yugi blinked, "Say what?"

"They'd only opposed us, anyway, Yugi. It's not like they matter."

His jaw unhinged, "N-Not like they matter? Yami, have you gone off your nut? This isn't just a city or state you're trying to massacre, which would be okay, this is a _planet_! A planet of _our_ people!"

"The second Marik and Malik destroyed the Factories, they no longer were ours! So all we're doing is throwing them away before they become a problem."

Yugi pursed his little lips so tight they almost disappeared. His eye twitched, "M-Maybe this hasn't come to your attention… and if that's so, I'll just kindly point it out… BUT HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO KILL THE PLANET EARTH?"

"Heh. That's when these babies come in handy." Yami tilted his head to the table he was currently leaning on. "We'll just use the full power of all the items and open the gates to the Shadow Realm, let all the monsters loose on the world and let them do their job."

"… You… You want to release Shadow monsters…?"

"That's what I said."

"You're nuts."

"I'm ingenious."

Yugi squinted, 'Grr… What am I going to do? How can I convince Yami this is a _bad_ idea…? Unless… Yeah, unless there's a problem with his plan! Then he'll have to stop the madness!' He blinked and gave his other a coy grin, "Well, Yami, that's all good and lovely, but how do you expect the Shadow monsters to bypass the people of Domino without eating all of them as well? You know very well that Shadow beings can't be controlled."

"I've thought of that."

'Damn!'

He grinned and nodded, "Come, Yugi. We must prepare."

Yugi shook his head, "But I want to know what you're up to first."

"… Oh, you do, do you?"

"Yes."

"Tough titties." He gave a menacing look before heading for the door. Yugi sighed and followed, giving one last look back as the door was shut behind them.

* * *

"Ooh, boy, what happened here?"

Cody had been walking down the street, heading south of the Palace which was where he had just come from. His sobs and whimpers from his recently handed defeat by Heidi had subsided, only because he had run out of body fluids due to lack of water. He'd wandered throughout the city, trying to find the Southern Gate, so he could head on home, but as he continued further south, strange things began to happen.

Now, Cody wasn't one to be suspicious. But he started to question things when monkeys hailed from the sky, followed by shreds of men and ash and rocks coming from the northern and the southern parts of Domino. Frantic cries of panic surrounded him as people ran around, arms in the air, screaming about one hundred foot fat men. As he stood amongst the chaos, Cody waited until the people around him were dead, hit over the head with random debris, shot by Spike Patrollers or otherwise.

He continued on his way but not five minutes later, he came across a really large pile ash and broken bricks, unlike the others, which were about the size of a normal building that had crumbled, this was about the size of a large whale.

Cody tilted his head, "What the…?"

Being curious as to what was underneath all this mess and actually worrying that a few people were trapped, Cody tapped with the palm of his left hand at a side of the mound. "Anybody in there? Eh?" With no response, and getting an even greater feeling that someone was trapped beneath the rubble, Cody proceeded to dig at vacant spots so as to move the rocks out of the way. It took about a minute or two before he finally moved one of the larger rocks that gave way to a small landslide and part of the debris came crashing down, revealing something large and peach-colored.

"Um… okay?" Cody blinked and poked the thing, "Is… This can't be a person, right…?"

Suddenly it moved and the whole thing turned on its side, sending piles among piles of rocks and waste Cody's way. Luckily, he ran away just before it all hit the ground with a giant crash. After the smoke cleared, Cody timidly peeked out from behind the slab of building where he had hid himself. "… Uh-"

Sounds of coughing came to his ears and he saw that a giant monster had been buried under all that rubble and as disturbing as this was, he noticed that a boy had popped out of the large hole in the monster's stomach. The boy fell onto the ground, covered in broken glass and sharp rocks, he strained to stand. "Ack, ack! Oh, Ra…"

Cody squinted, using his hand to better his vision, "… Eh? Oh! Patty! Ey, Patty, over here!"

The blond-headed boy looked up, growling, "My name _isn't_ Patty! … Huh? Cody? Is that really you?"

He grinned, waving, "Ah, yup yup!"

"Oh… Oh, Cody!" Malik wailed, throwing his arms into the air and running over to the older man, crying when he finally reached him and hugged him tightly, "I… I thought you were dead! W-We all did, you don't know how sad we were!"

Cody blinked and patted Malik on the back, giving him a cheeky grin, "Can't nothin' kill meh! I'm invincible! Heh heh!"

Malik nodded, sarcastically, "_Sure_."

"Wha? You don't believe me? Guess I'm gunna have to prove it! Go ahead, shoot me! I'll still be here afterwards!" He said confidently.

"… No, Cody."

Before the man could respond to that, Malik realized something and spun around, looking in all directions frantically. Cody tilted his head and asked what was the matter, to which Malik responded, "B-Bakura! I don't know where he is! I… only remember that explosion and then everything else is a blur…" He looked to Flyswatter's form which was probably unconscious from the blows of heavy rocks, "And as much as I hate to say it, _his_ disgusting mass protected me, so I'm okay… But I don't know about Bakura."

"Maybe he got away?"

"Ah… I doubt it…"

Another worried glance from Malik and then something stirred in a small pile of rubble by Flyswatter's feet. Both Malik and Cody took a fearful step back, afraid of being kicked by the man's foot or something, but what emerged was not a vengeful toe but the form of a white-haired spirit, cracking his neck and stretching his legs.

Malik blinked, "Bakura?"

"Heh?" The albino looked up from dusting his jeans off, an annoyed look on his face, "What the hell is it?"

"… Nothing." He deadpanned, "Just forget I was ever worried about _you_."

"Fine, I will. Tch, did you even see what I went through? No, I bet you didn't. I caught a glimpse of you all snuggled in that monster's navel. And while I was flung all over creation! Things like this shouldn't be allowed to happen, and I'll tell you another thing, too-" Bakura stopped his rant and tilted his head when he saw Cody behind Malik. He raised an eyebrow, "Why aren't you dead?"

"Cause I'm invincible."

"… Yeah… Good luck with that."

"Bakura, we need to find out if Marik and Ryou are okay." Malik said, gaining Bakura's attention.

Cody turned to him, "Yous guys split?"

"Yeah. We had to in order to get to each of these Monkey Love Factories… Speaking of which, since both were supposedly destroyed, doesn't that mean that the devices used to control the people don't work anymore?"

"I guess." Bakura shrugged, "Only time will tell, for sure, though. But you're right about one thing, we need to contact Ryou and Marik… I hope this still works." He was referring to the headset that was, amazingly, still attached to his head. Bakura touched the dial on the side and tried it. "Hello? Marik, you there?"

He, Malik and Cody waited to hear any sort of response.

They looked a bit disappointed after not hearing anything a few seconds later but then, from somewhere around them, they heard Bakura's voice resound. The words he had just said into the headphones, 'Hello? Marik, you there?' were now being broken up by what sounded like static and they heard them again.

"Did… did you hear that?" Bakura asked.

Cody and Malik nodded, yes.

"It came from 'round here," Cody informed them and began poking around the rocks, kicking at things on the ground, "Thought I heard it over… ey, here we go!" Cody smiled and motioned towards the ground where something metallic was shining up at him. Malik and Bakura looked over his shoulder as they heard the static again and Cody picked at the thing.

In a second, Cody had pulled so hard on the piece of metal that stuck out that he uprooted the whole thing. And it just happened to be attached to…

"_Marik_?" Their voice rang together when the blonde yami hacked and coughed, dirt coming out of his mouth by the pounds.

"Y-Yeah, it's me…!" He blinked at them through the dust falling out of his hair then shook his head vigorously, "Wh-What are you guys doing here? You're supposed to be over by Beta!"

"We _are_ by Beta." Malik folded his arms.

"… Oh. Well… then, the explosion must've thrown me here, I guess…" Marik looked around, giving a quick wave to Bakura who returned it and then his attention turned to Cody who smiled, "… Why are you alive?"

"C-Cause I'm invincible!" He said, though was a bit confused why Marik, like Bakura, didn't seem to care that he wasn't dead.

"Oh."

Bakura shook his head, "Never mind him. Marik, where's Ryou?"

"Yeah, you better not have lost him!" Malik frowned at his yami.

"Tch, shut-up, Malik. I didn't lose him. He's… Ah… Hmm." Marik looked around, a bit worried for the young boy, "Heh… he's just… Umm…" He searched around the ground, now frantically kicking things, as both Malik and Bakura tapped their feet impatiently.

"Well?"

"Where's my hikari, Marik?"

"Uh. Yeah!" Cody added for no reason other than to be in the conversation.

"Shut-up, all of you! He's coming, he's coming!" He looked down and after kicking over a rock, he witnessed a tuft of pink hair, and a muffled cry. Grinning, he pulled on it by the roots of the hair and out popped a boy, almost identical to Bakura. "There he is. Just like I said."

Ryou squeaked, "Ah…! Marik, it hurts, please let go of my hair…!"

He rolled his eyes and let Ryou down who then noticed all the people around him and went into a mad-hugging-frenzy. He first went over to his yami and checked for injuries or bruises and then cuddled him, then going over to Malik and they shared a big hug and then he noticed Cody who was awaiting a hug, but all he got was, "Wow, you're alive."

It ended with him burying his face into Marik's shirt and saying, happily, "Marik took really good care of me! Even though he did let me get captured… and threw me in a pile of strange men… and I think one of those men touched me… He still took really good care of me!" Ryou smiled brightly, apparently showing no ill will.

Bakura carefully scooted Ryou away from Marik, who sighed.

"Well… Alright. I guess since we're all here, there's only one thing we have left to do, right?" Malik looked to them.

"Yeah," Marik answered, "Cody, you know the way to Yami and Yugi's dumb old castle, right? Take us there so we can kick their sorry butts and get our items back."

Cody blinked and looked back at the way he had just come. The castle seemed really far away from here, only the tip of the tallest tower could be seen. And though he kind of wanted to go back, he really felt he shouldn't. He turned back to them, "Ah… Sure, I'll show you the way, ah yup yup. But, I can't help yas…"

"Huh? Cody, why not…?" Ryou pouted, his eyes becoming large, "Weren't you wanting to rescue… um… oh, darn, what's her name? Helga?"

"Heidi." Cody sweatdropped, "Yeah… I was gunna, but she… said she doesn't like me and told me to go away…"

Bakura rolled his eyes, "I could've told you that."

Both hikaris shot him a dirty glance whilst Marik laughed and Cody wallowed in woe. Malik cleared his throat after throwing his shoe at his yami's head, "C-Cody, what I think Bakura was _trying_ to say, is that it's okay. Because we're not going to go rescue that mean old bat anyway. We're going to save the world, and Cody, that's more important than Heidi! So, are you with us?"

"…" He blinked, then gave his famous cheeky grin, "Alrighty, then! Let's get ta goin'!"

* * *

On the inside of the sleeping Flyswatter's stomach, a poor boy was worried sick for not only his well-being but the health of his friends. He hadn't seen them in a long time and, of course, was worried that without his ability to referee his brother and Joey's fights, they might've have killed each other and taken Otogi and Tristan with them.

But he had bigger problems. He guessed that Flyswatter was laying down or something similar because at one point in time, all of the man's fluids went to one side of his body and Mokuba had to scrape and claw at semi-digested food to keep from toppling into the acid and killing himself. Eventually, he caught his balance and was currently standing on a half ingested hotdog cart.

"Gee… Aw, what'd I ever do to disserve this?" Mokuba shouted out to no one in particular, "This isn't f-fair…"

He sniffed, about to let all his emotions out in a huge sobbing fest, but then remembered what his elder brother told him time and time again. 'Kaibas don't cry. If you're ever in a situation that seems impossible, just remember to keep on going. No one and nothing can hurt you if you're above it all.'

Mokuba nodded confidently, wiping away a tear that threatened to fall, "Right, Seto. Kaibas don't cry."

He pushed himself off the cart forcefully, looking at his surroundings. If only he could get out of the stomach where all this acid and bad smell was… If he could get somewhere less horrific, then he could think. Think of a way to get out of this predicament.

Wearily looking around the pool of acid as it devoured more, he noticed that throughout the pool, there were other things that, like the hotdog cart, were sticking up out of the acid and almost looked like stepping stones. Blinking, Mokuba lifted his gaze to the left of the stomach. It seemed that when Flyswatter had lain on his side, and the acid flew to one side of the stomach, something was revealed. A tunnel of some sort that seemed to be going upwards, but from his spot on the cart he was unable to see where it led.

Mokuba grinned, "There may be a way out of this, after all… Well, I'm not going to get anywhere by just standing here." He nodded to himself and cautiously sized up the jump from here to the next pile of bones not to far away. Not thinking too clearly, he took a small running start and actually made it to the bone pile, clawing his way to the other side and preparing to jump again.

After about ten minutes of deep breaths and leaps of faith, Mokuba took his final jump and landed on one of the only dry spots in the area, looking up, his gaze met with the tunnel's entrance. Unsurely but determinedly, he took a step foreword. And then kept at a steady pace as he walked down the pathway.

"At… At least it doesn't smell so bad in here…" He said, lowering his shirt from his nose which was how he filtered the air in the stomach. "I just wish there was a way I knew where I was going."

But all he could go with was what he learned in school about anatomy. And after a few seconds of thinking, he guessed he was somewhere in the chest cavity, seeing as how he had just come out of the stomach. He did formulate a plan after a few more minutes, though. If he found a way back up into the mouth, he could escape the way he was captured. It seemed simple enough, and when he thought about it, the only other option he had was the… _southern_ exit.

He shuddered at the thought.

It wasn't more than thirty minutes after he had come out of the stomach that he came to a fork in the path. During those thirty minutes, he'd passed quite a lot. A liver, which he thought was oddly misshapen, and then the heart. Flyswatter's heart was very large and pink. Who ever knew that perverted, fat man even had a heart? Let alone one that was beating.

Now he was at something that looked like a latter. A very large one, he noticed, the pegs were, to him, about two to three feet apart. He swallowed lightly and reached out to touch it. When nothing happened, he put both his small hands on one of the pegs and applied a bit of pressure, seeing what it was and if it was stable. When he kicked it, Flyswatter's whole body twinged which scarred Mokuba into holding on to the thing for dear life.

When the sudden movement had stopped, Mokuba eased his grip and looked around, worriedly, "W-What the heck was that? Ah…" He looked up at what he was grasping and realization flashed in his eyes, "His… His spine!"

All the nerve endings in the bones must've caused that jolt in the body, Mokuba assumed. He smiled though, and thought this may be a way to get back to the mouth. With confidence that he would get out, he carefully put his feet and hands on the first bone and clawed his way up, going slowly. And although he did set off a few more jolts on his way up, he made it to the top virtually unharmed.

When he arrived at the peak of the backbone, there was some kind of rope attached to it. It was slick and it intertwined with the spine a little ways down. Still hopping to find the mouth, but thinking he probably missed the throat, he grabbed a hold of the rope which gave the body a large jolt of pain and he climbed up, ignoring Flyswatter's fidgets.

Mokuba gave one last grunt as he swung himself off of the rope and landed on a soft place, propping himself up on hands and knees. He looked up at something a tinged pink color, mushy and, not surprisingly, it wasn't all that large.

"Darn! … Ugh, stupid brain…" He groaned, "I went up too far…"

* * *

"Nothing's working…"

"Only because you're here."

"I'm getting' just a little tired of you…!"

"Not half as tired as I am of you."

"Dammit!"

"Ah… and here I thought they were going to be quiet." Otogi sighed to his friend who sat next to him in the corner of the cell opposite to Joey and Kaiba.

Tristan nodded.

It actually had been quiet for a while. But when they saw that giant monster going down town, things got a little stirred up. Only for a while. Whilst they were trying to think of a plan to get out, they're bodies became even more tired from all the stress they were putting upon them, seeing as how they had only about two minutes of sleep. They conked out without finding any solution and when they woke up almost two hours later, panic took over Joey and Kaiba who woke up in each other's arms.

And so, they began their arguing and awoke Tristan and Otogi who broke them up and had them think, productively, of a way out of the cell and into freedom before anymore giant men walked out of the castle. But, as it usually happens, Kaiba kept putting Joey's ideas down and an all-out war ensued. And instead of getting themselves killed trying to separate them, Otogi and Tristan decided to wait it out.

"Die, Rich-boy!"

Joey all but launched himself onto Kaiba and began furiously kicking and punching. Kaiba dodged it and, rolling his eyes, pinned Joey to the floor on his back. In one motion, he straddled his hips and secured both Joey's hands above his head and grinned madly.

"Hey! Wh-What do you think you're doing, Kaiba?" He gulped nervously, trying to get the CEO off of him, but he was too heavy.

"Ha! This is what you get for being annoying, mutt!" Kaiba grinned once again before letting a large glob of spit ease through his clenched teeth and sink down almost in midair, hovering over Joey's face like a giant loogey of doom.

Joey's eyes widened in horror, "NO! WAIT A MINUTE! _KAIBA_!"

Otogi blinked from his and Tristan's spot in the corner. "That's foul… Do you think we should stop them…?"

"Heh heh. Nah, let's let them duke it out; Joey can't depend on us to save him from the Big Bad Kaiba _every_ time."

"… I guess."

By this time, Kaiba's spitball was less than a millimeter away from Joey's nose and was hanging on only by a thin strand. Joey struggled against the brunette attacker's grip on his hands but it was to no avail and as he kept screaming for mercy, Kaiba was laughing through clenched teeth.

And in a second, the strand broke.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

Everyone in the room was quiet to see Joey's reaction. Kaiba licked his lips and eased off the blonde, letting go of his wrists. Joey lay there still, eyes blank and looking up at the ceiling, a giant and sticky glob of saliva decorating his face.

Kaiba smirked, his hand on his hip, "How do you feel, mutt?"

"Shame. I feel shame."

* * *

In another part of the Palace, in that dingy cell that smelled of week-old blood and fresh gore, Heidi had been waiting. Just waiting. She'd been asleep for about an hour, but for the past hour all she did was wait. She no longer had control over her life, so why not wait and see what happens?

"Something good's gotta happen sooner or later." She said to herself with a hint of cheerfulness, "I… I mean, my whole can't be filled with misery and woe, can it?"

Thinking about her last sentence, she thought back on the passed two weeks. It certainly _seemed_ like her whole life was turning into nothing but a ball of misery and woe. She had two fingers left and was about to keel over from all the elephant dung she'd eaten. Her future didn't really seem too bright. But to keep going, she had to think positively.

Suddenly, the door opened and two men came in, dressed in their yellow and metallic gray uniforms. Heidi squinted. They looked familiar, but… Oh. They were the men who came in everyday to cut off her fingers.

"Ah… but…" Heidi began to panic, "Y-You just came here less than a day ago! The sun's still up! I… You shouldn't be here!"

The taller of the two guards maintained a professionally firm voice but his eyes showed sympathy, "Ahem. We're aware. But Pharaoh Yami's orders were for you to come so we could get everything ready before sundown."

"Come…? Come where? And what is he getting ready for?"

"That's classified information."

She rolled her eyes, "Please. I'm general, nothing's classified to me."

They looked at each other before saying, in unison. "_Ex_-general."

"… Yeah… Ex-general…"

He sighed as they advanced on her and gently let her down from the shackles that she had been feeling against her arms and ankles for so long. When she was down onto the floor, she almost couldn't stand, having to, unintentionally, lean on the Spike Patroller for support. Her ankles and wrists had deep and ugly bruises on them from hanging by those chains and it felt so good to get them off.

The guards nodded to each other, a firm grip on each of her shoulders, "Let's go, the Pharaohs await our return."

Heidi went with them, not putting up a fight for she was much too drained to try anything like that. She halfway limped along between their grasps, unaware of where they were going or why. She doubted she even cared anymore.


	33. Hootie And The Blowfish

Her Sweetness: Hello, all, glad to see you again. Alright, well, here's where I get off the train, the rest of the ride you guys are going it alone.

This means that you won't be hearing from me until the end. Sorry, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. Oh, and by the way. From here on out, I'm not going by any rules of science, it's gonna be Robyn's World!

Have a good time!

* * *

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 33:

"This is ludicrous."

"So says you."

"Yeah! So says _I_!"

Yugi pouted at the taller him, but received no response. They stood in the Great Hall of the Palace, a place where anyone barely ever came, but it was now filled with their maids and servants readying everything that their Pharaoh instructed. Yami knew that since the Great Hall was so large and right at the front of the castle, it would serve as the best room for his purposes.

And though he had not yet told his hikari of everything he was planning, he knew that Yugi wouldn't really care. He liked the thought of seeing things unfold and watching how it turned out. But, to Yami, there was nothing to watch. Everything would be taken care of as planned and then they could live in blood-drench harmony.

Yami smirked and turned around to a few of the servants draping white and red table clothes on five large tables. He called them over and told them not to forget to tell the caterers that they did not, under no circumstances, want shrimp at the affair.

"But why?" Yugi looked at him when the servants left for the kitchen. "I happen to like shrimp, Yami."

"Only because you are one."

"… You're really cranky, lately, Yami." Yugi frowned, "Have you been taking your Prozac daily?"

"No, I stopped taking those about a week ago."

"How come?"

"They give me gas."

Yugi's eye twitched, "… Alright, that was just a tad bit explicit, don't ya think?"

"Pharaoh Yami, Pharaoh Yugi!"

Both kings stopped their conversation and turned around, towards the two Spike Patrollers who were running towards them, calling out their names. Between them, there was a girl in ragged clothing, hanging rather limply in their grips. Her reddish, brownish hair was matted and wet from sweat and she smelled of blood and decay. The Patrollers bowed before the Pharaohs.

"We have retrieved ex-General Heidi, Your Highnesses."

Yugi looked at her for a moment, his mouth twisted. He whispered to his other, "Yami… Yami, she looks awful."

He nodded and walked two steps foreword until he was standing right in front of her. Her head was bowed, unintentionally, as she really had little strength to lift it. "Heidi," Yami said, "Heidi, look at me."

A sigh could be heard and she tilted her head upwards just a little. Yami lifted her chin with his fist until hazel eyes met crimson, "How do you feel?"

"F-Feel…?" Her somewhat pitiful expression then turned into that of an enraged one, "Well… it's not a _dandy_ feeling, but I'm getting by!" She said, sarcastically, the blood remaining in her system was beginning to boil.

Yami grinned, "Well, then, I know I'm doing the right thing."

"Pheh! I doubt you've ever done the 'right thing' in your entire life."

Nodding to the guards, Yami told them that they knew what to do with Heidi and that he would give the orders when the time was right. Just before they took Heidi away, Yami looked at her, a sadistic smile tearing up his features to the horrific point, "I never thought you'd fit into my plan so perfectly, Heidi D'Angelo."

"What…?"

"Mmhmm. Go ahead, take her."

"…Yami? What are you talking about?" She saw the malicious glint in his eyes and as she was now being carried swiftly away she panicked, screaming with everything she had left, "YAMI! _YAMI_! I-I… I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

* * *

It was around six in the evening when the news of Yami's plan was released to the public. He sent out Spike Patrollers to every part of Domino to give everyone an invitation to this party he was holding in the Palace. It was very spur of the moment for most people and they didn't know what to think when a Spike Patroller knocked on their door and handed them the folded but neatly decorated piece of paper. It read as follows:

_Dear Domino Townsperson,_

_You have been cordially invited to the First Annual Execution Ceremony. Haven't been killed by our Pharaohs, yet? Then it's time to celebrate! Because, most likely, you will be in the next few months, so party-hardy! Eat, drink and be merry at the Palace in the company of royals who _you_ aren't worthy of! _

_Sincerely, _

_Mai and Serenity. (Royal Bathing and Pampering Girls.)_

_P.S – This invitation in necessary to get in. Be there before 7 pm, or something horrible will befall you and your loved ones. See you there:D_

So, as you can imagine, no one wanted to decline this oh-so-gracious invitation from their Pharaohs. Everyone in Northern and, of course, Southern Domino was invited. But as the Spike Patrollers roamed throughout the city, in the back of their minds, they knew another thing they were doing which was being on the lookout for four very suspicious looking boys.

Namely, Marik, Malik, Bakura and Ryou.

But what the Spike Patrollers didn't know was that the boys were now accompanied by someone else. A wise, older man who knew the city like the back of his hand.

"Cody! What're you doing?" Malik gasped.

It seemed that while all four of them were walking in the shadows of the alleyway, not wanting to risk being seen by anyone, Cody had wandered into the middle of the busy street and was trying to flag down a Spike Patroller to ask directions. He would've succeeded blowing their cover, too, if Malik and Marik hadn't ran over, covered his mouth and dragged him back into the shadows.

When they looked around, making sure no one had seen, they let him go.

"What in Ra's name were you thinking?" Bakura scolded, "Why were you out there?"

"Well… eh heh, I forgot which way to go next! So I thought that maybe that guy could help since he's a Spiky and all." Cody smiled.

"Ah, but… But… Oh, I give up." Bakura turned around.

Marik shook his head slightly and looked up. Though the tops of houses and apartments were in the way and it was dark under the awnings of the buildings, he could see the top of that large golden castle in the center of town. Coloring the sky were purples and brilliant reds streaming the sky, a low haze setting over the city and Marik knew the sun must be setting just behind it.

"You guys, we'd better get going, if the sun's about to set then we shouldn't be out here." Ryou observed, taking the words right from Marik's head. "I… heard it gets scary here at night."

"There, there, Ryou! Never fear, cause you gots a Cody here!"

Bakura rolled his eyes, "Ooh, we feel safe now."

"No, they're right, Ryou, you don't have anything to worry about." Malik nodded to his friend and pointed out into the street. Everyone looked at where he was pointing, "See? Look, all the people are… leaving their houses? Why?"

Marik raised an eyebrow, "They look like they're migrating."

"Where to?"

"Someone go see."

"I'm not going."

"Cody, you go."

Poor Cody wasn't even given the chance to respond before he was thrown out from under the awning and onto the sidewalk. He blinked and scooted back a little so he wasn't in total view. He put his hand over his eyes so as to better his view and looked all the way down the main street which was the street basically everyone was taking. And it only led to one place that everyone in Domino might have business in.

He quickly pulled back into the shadows and ran back to his friends, "I think they're goin' to the Palace!"

"What for?" They asked in unison.

"Wha, I'm a crystal ball now? I dunno!"

"Eh." Marik shrugged, now beginning to walk in the direction they were previously, towards the Palace, "It doesn't matter. So, they'll be a few more people than expected. This'll only make it easier, we can sneak in the front and no one will be the wiser."

"Works for me." Bakura said and caught up with his friend, "You guys comin' or what?"

"Uh… Yeah!"

It turned out that Marik was right. They took a chance by traveling in the midst of everyone else down to the Palace and weren't noticed and the main road was faster than ducking behind buildings and using shadows. It took the boys about thirty minutes to actually get to the gate into the Inner City, because of all the foot traffic. And the fact that they had to look after Ryou. For some reason, he kept getting separated and people would try to kidnap him. So, Bakura let Ryou ride on his back the whole way.

"Oh, Bakura… You have a beauty mark on the back of your neck!" Ryou smiled cheerfully, examining the pale skin under his yami's silver hair.

"That's _not_ a beauty mark, it's a scar!"

"Well, I think it's cute!" He giggled and snuggled the teen's neck, resting his head against the scar. "'Kura's got a _beauty_ mark…!"

Bakura went rigid, groaning out, "Are we there yet?"

Cody was just ahead of them and as the giant mob of people began to come to a halt, he called back to him, "Ah, yup yup! We sure are!"

The Spike Patrollers that were guarding the entrance began to tell people to form a line outside the Palace's door. Cody managed to get everyone in their group together in the line so that they wouldn't be separated. And although they were in the middle of the line, they didn't cut because a Patroller was giving them suspicious glances, so they didn't want to be even more conspicuous.

Since they'd be standing for a while, Bakura let his hikari off his back gently.

Ryou pouted, "Oh, 'Kura, I wanted to see your beauty mark some more."

Marik glanced back, "You've got a beauty mark?"

"Lemme see!" Malik tried to peek.

"_Scar_."

* * *

Mokuba had been in Flyswatter's cranium, keeping his brain company for a while now. He'd wanted to get out and go back, but he was too afraid to go back down Flyswatter's spine. He thought he might fall and break his own spine when all was said and done. So, it was there he stayed with no way out and it was getting on his last nerve.

"Ugh… What am I going to do? I may be trapped in his body for all eternity!" He stood from his sitting spot next to that shriveled up piece of bacon that Flyswatter called a brain. He paced around and around it, then sighed sadly, "And then there's Seto. Poor Seto's probably going insane trapped in a room with Joey! Ah… But Yami's probably not going to keep them there for very long. Really, all they're doing is taking up space, he'll probably kill them soon!"

Looking around, frantically, Mokuba once again fought back sobs at the thought of not being able to do anything to help his brother or anyone else for that matter. And in one swing of his tiny leg, he let out most of that rage on something he didn't really mean to. Through teary eyes, Mokuba blinked in shock at the brain that he had just kicked off the brainstem and it was now rolling around freely.

"… Uh-oh."

It went round and round the twelve-year-old who was now standing in its old spot. The brain stopped it's moving in a second, settling over by the back left side of the skull.

Mokuba's bottom lip quivered, "… I… I killed him!" He broke out into sobs, "No, no, no! I didn't mean to _kill_ him! This is so bad…! You… You're not supposed to kill people, oh, Seto forgive me!"

After about two minutes of uncontrolled sobs and fearing the consequences of his actions, Mokuba had to calm himself down. He knew tears were not the answer and that all he had to do was find a way to Seto. Seto would know that Mokuba didn't mean to kill anyone.

So, taking in a shaky breath, the young boy stopped himself and thought for a second. In less than a minute, he came up with a plan, though he didn't really think it would work. But it was all he had.

He nodded confidentially to himself, "Alright, let's do this!"

Scrambling over to the brainstem that the brain was now detached from, Mokuba lifted it up with a bit of difficultly, seeing as how it was kind of thick. He then took it in one arm and then another until it was wrapped securely around his waist and he pulled on it tight. Wincing, he spread his feet in the indents where the brain had been for so long.

"And FORWARD!" He moved his left foot up and then set it back down, stomping and making sure it was felt. He wasn't quiet sure what would happen until he felt the entire body shake and he had to grab the ground again to stop from tumbling over.

Flyswatter's body had suddenly risen from the ground and stood, towering above the miles of ash and rocks caused by Factory Beta's explosion. Seeing as how Flyswatter had been knocked unconscious, his eyes had been closed for a long while but when Mokuba took that first step, his eyelids flew open, revealing blank orbs. His left foot took a giant step foreword.

Mokuba blinked, now able to see the outside world through Flyswatter's vacant eyes that appeared like two oval screens on the cranium.

"Ah… _ALRIGHT_!" His woeful demeanor did a one-eighty in those short minutes as he grinned from ear to ear. "Let's keep going then! We're going to Yami and Yugi's Palace!"

Mokuba lifted his right foot and then his left again and soon they were in motion.

People down below the giant man were screaming once again that the thing was back up and terrorizing the city. Of course, they couldn't see the small boy in the head, directing the body, but from outside they could hear a tiny, boyish voice coming from the monster's mouth.

"HAHAHAHA! I'M COMIN' FOR YOU, SETO!"

* * *

Back at the Palace, the sun had just set. The giant star left everyone's sight about ten minutes ago and now there was nothing but a large wheeling night sky, stars strewn all over, lighting it up and setting off the atmosphere. The Palace was, as everyone soon found out, even more beautiful at night. When the entire sky was black and the Palace shimmered, it's golden paint making it seem like some sort of heaven.

But a few people knew better.

"Jeez, how much longer do we have to wait?" Marik was truly aggravated. "What do Yami and Yugi think, this is some kind of night club that people will wait hours to get into? We have lives!"

"Calm down or you'll cause a scene." Malik frowned.

"I'll cause a scene if I want!"

Bakura rolled his eyes, "No one could cause a bigger scene than Cody…"

Both Egyptians tilted their heads, wondering what the albino meant by that. He nodded his head behind them and they all turned around, seeing Cody making balloon animals for kids in the back of the line.

"C-Cody! Get up here!"

His head popped up out of the small crowd of children and he grinned at them, giving the boys a thumbs-up sign. They sighed and, in a second, Cody came trotting back up the line.

"Ah, yup yup? Ya need somethin'?"

"We need you to stay up here, Cody, I think we're getting ready to go in." Ryou said politely, looking up towards the door. Despite all the waiting, they were indeed next, right after these two drugged-up looking people.

Surprisingly enough, the two druggies got in after they had given the guard a few bags of something unmentionable. After which, Marik, Bakura, their hikaris and Cody stepped up and the guard shoved the bags into his back pocket.

"Ahem. Invitations, please."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

Everyone looked at each other with blank stares on their faces. Malik gave a shy grin to the Spike Patroller and held out his finger, "O-One second, please."

"Tch. Fine."

The boys and Cody all ducked in a group-huddle. Ryou was the first to say anything as he whined pitifully to the others, "W-What are we going to do? We need invitations!"

"Marik, why didn't you tell us this before?" Bakura asked, growling.

"Oh and suddenly it's all my fault?"

"Yeah! Suddenly!"

"Will the two of you shut up?" Malik interrupted, "Be productive!"

"Why don't you shut-up, Malik?"

"Maybe I don't want to!"

"Well, then, what makes you think I want to?"

"I don't care what you want!"

"Oh," Ryou tried to stop them before Bakura and Malik startied tearing each other apart on the ground. "Come on, you two, don't fight."

Marik shrugged, "Eh, let them. We've obviously got no where to go."

"Ey, ey!" Cody pulled the two quarreling boys off of one another and patted them on their heads, smiling, "No need to worry, yup, I gots it covered. C'mon, this'll work!"

They nodded unsurely but broke the huddle nonetheless and turned back around to the Spike Patroller who was looking quiet bored, faking a yawn and blinking at them when they stood again. "Ah, so I see you've decided to rejoin the living. Invitation?"

Cody walked up from behind Ryou and nodded to the Patroller, patting him on the back, though the contact was obviously unwanted. "Wes don't need an invitation! Don't cha know, wes the band. We gunna play here, tonight!"

The guard blinked at them and the boys blinked at themselves also. "So… _you guys_ are the band? You don't look like any band I've ever seen. Where're your instruments?"

"Ah… Um, we don't use instruments!" Malik said suddenly, surprised to hear himself saying something like this, and still he continued, "We're world famous and have evolved to the point of not _needing_ instruments!"

Ryou whispered, "Nice save."

"Thanks."

"World famous, huh? Wow, the Pharaohs certainly did pull some strings. Who are you guys, anyway? The Temptations? The Rolling Stones?"

Marik rolled his eyes, "_No_, I'm Hootie and these are the Blowfish." He said it with a huge amount of sarcasm, but the guard looked stunned.

"R-Really? Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I-I'm sorry for making you wait, really I am! G-Go right in, Hootie." He bowed time and time again, making way for them to go inside the large double doors that were now open, a huge golden light shining out of it and sounds of people laughing and joking.

On their way in, Bakura whispered to Marik, "That was weird. And whose Hootie and the Blowfish?"

"Dunno, I heard it on one of Malik's sister's CDs."

* * *

As the party in the castle started to heat up, there were people below in the cells who were totally forgotten about. No one came to get them for the party, nor were they even feed that day, their daily saltine cracker forgotten about as well. And just when they were trying to go back to sleep again, they heard and felt all the festivities going on upstairs and they sat in silence in different corners of their cells, eyes red and wide open.

"…" Joey looked around at each of his cellmates, "… Ah, you know, for the first time in weeks I feel left out."

Otogi nodded solemnly, "You're not the only one. I don't get it! When Yami and Yugi weren't ruling the world, I was such an asset to a great party that hosts _battled_ it out over who got to have me! And now? _Now_, I'm not even invited!"

"That never happened." Tristan mumbled.

"Oh, it didn't? Then how come, last summer, when Bobby told Whitney that Jared wanted me at his sweet sixteen, Candis went mad with jealousy and threw Jared off a mountain?"

"Maybe it's because she was Jared's girlfriend and Jared was cheating on her with Bobby _and_ Whitney?"

"…" Otogi fluffed his hair, "… So."

"It had nothing to do with you."

"Yes, it did, I was there!"

"You were not, that was the night you were getting your hair done with Latoya and Sharonda. And I remember because I had to wait _outside_ and we were _two_ hours late for the movie!" Tristan folded his arms and turned away, trying not to pout but it was apparent that he was.

"Tristan… I said I was _sorry_ like a thousand times. Are you gonna hold that over my head forever?" He fiddled with his jewelry, "Besides, Sharonda needed me that night; her boyfriend had just gone to join the war in New Zealand."

"So who's more important? Me or Sharonda and New Zealand?"

"You are!"

"Say it."

"What?"

"I want to hear you say the whole thing!"

"Ugh… Fine. Tristan, you are more important than all the Sharondas and New Zealands put together, 'kay? Happy now?"

"…Yes."

As the two hugged, Joey and Kaiba were in the other corner, starring wide-eyed with disbelief and a bit of wonder. Kaiba rolled his eyes as he muttered, "I'm trapped in here with a bunch of sissies."

Joey glared, "You'd better not be calling _me_ a sissy."

"And so what if I am?"

"Dammit, Kaiba, why do you always have to start something? If you want to fight go do it with someone else, because I'm not playing your game anymore!" Joey stood up, a frown deeply chiseled into his features.

"Fine! Maybe I will!" He huffed and, not really thinking, he turned around and opened the door to the cell and walked out. He got about five steps down the hallway until he stopped and slowly turned around, looking at the gate that was open, the light wind blew it a little from side to side.

Joey, Tristan and Otogi looked back, their eyes equally as big and blank as Kaiba's. They looked at each other then back to the brunette and he regained his composure coolly.

"I-I knew that was open."


	34. Swing Swing Swing

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 34:

As they entered the Pharaohs' Palace, the boys marveled at how large it actually was. Only Cody, Marik and Malik had actually been inside before but they must've gone through the back gate or something, because _none_ of this looked familiar. There had to be close to twenty-thousand people in there because it was packed and the room itself was gigantic. The room that they all occupied was drenched in gold and black; the walls appeared to be made of solid gold and all the curtains and table clothes were a rich, velvety black.

Towards the middle of the Great Hall was a large stage which seemed to be the most decorated of everything, due to its being draped in black sheets and neon light coming from the bottom of it and shined onto the ceilings and walls. From large stereos implanted in the walls, techno music played and people were dancing and those who weren't lined the back walls, talking and or enjoying the food tables that were holding liberal servings of every type of dish imaginable.

"Wow…!" Malik and Ryou looked at each other then back to the food tables with admiration and love in their eyes. Immediately, they were scurrying over, pushing past the crowds of people and dove into the sweets tables.

"Hey, what're you doing? Malik!"

"Ryou!"

Their yamis called after them and had to push and shove their ways to the back of the room to get to their other halves. The music was loud so when they finally did get back there, they had to practically shout in each other's ears to be heard.

"What are you two doing? We're not here to gorge; we're here to find our millennium items and the Pharaohs!" Marik frowned at Malik who was watching his lips move while stuffing his own with chocolate cupcakes and frosting-covered cookies.

Malik swallowed, "Well, I haven't eaten in I don't know how long! Yami and Yugi can wait!"

Bakura was trying to pry a few pieces of cake out of Ryou's hands, but he held on tightly. Bakura growled, "Dammit, Ryou, let it _go_!"

"'Kura, I'm so hungry…!"

He sighed, exasperated and then a light bulb went off in his head. He knew how to make Ryou stop eating. Bakura turned to his hikari and grinned evilly, "Oh, Ryou… Ryou, I thought you were on a diet? All that sugar is going to make you look like the British Pillsbury Doughboy."

Hurriedly, as if the cookies were poison, Ryou threw them down and cried profusely, "O-Oh…! 'Kura, h-how could you s-say such a thing…? Waahhh!"

"Bakura!" Malik rushed to his friend's side and patted him on the back whilst he let out his sorrows, "It's okay, Ryou! You're not fat, you're not!" He looked up, giving Bakura a stern glare, "And as for you, stop saying things like that, he's sensitive!"

Marik shrugged, "I thought that was pretty ingenious, actually."

"You would." Malik frowned then smiled at Ryou who was sniffling, sadly, "Hey, Ryou, you can eat all you want! All diets are on hold, eat anything you want! Ooh, look at these! Yugi Cookies!"

He pointed to a giant platter holding large cookies made in Pharaoh Yugi's likeness. Ryou's mood instantly brightened as he and Malik picked one up each and began digging in, calories and sugar intakes forgotten for the moment. They turned back around to show their yamis their frosting-covered faces and the half-eaten Yugi Cookies.

"Ha ha ha, look 'Kura!" Ryou smiled and laughed, waving the cookie around, "I'm _eating_ Yugi!"

Bakura groaned.

Suddenly, the music coming from the speakers got lower until all that was heard in the room was the chattering and laughing of the guests until that died down as well, everyone turning their attention to the stage which was now lit with all the neon lights directed towards the center. Coming up from the stage's side stairwell was the guard who had been manning the front door, admitting people into the Palace. He stepped out onto the middle of the stage's platform and twirled the microphone in his hand.

"Alright! Hello and welcome to the First Annual Execution Ceremony! Sponsored and hosted by the _gorgeous_… the _devious_… PHARAOH _YAMI_!" He threw his arms into the air and behind him, a large poster dropped down from the ceiling covering half the wall with Yami's portrait. The crowd cheered, but Marik rolled his eyes. The Spike Patroller continued, "Now, we're saving the main event for a little later but right now we'd like to carry on with some entertainment booked by the Pharaoh, himself! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Hootie and the Blowfish!"

He stretched out his arm and pointed to the very back of the room by the food tables. All the lights went swiftly back to where four boys where fighting and arguing over food but when the lights hit them as well as the eyes of everyone in the room, they froze, mouths filled with sweets and frosting on their shirts.

Marik blinked and swallowed the remaining half of cupcake he had in his mouth, "Uh… Hi."

"Come on up and give these people the performance of a lifetime!" The Patroller urged and the rest of the room went into an applause frenzy when they realized they were getting a live performance. They began chanting madly.

"Hootie! Hootie! Hootie! Hootie!"

"Oh Ra, what are we going to do?" Malik grimaced, spitting out his Yugi Cookie. "They want someone to perform but we can't, we have to find Yami and Yugi!"

Ryou shook his head, "But if we don't, they'll get suspicious and think we're not Hootie and the Blowfish. They'll throw us out and we won't be able to do anything!"

"So," Bakura said, taking a large bite out of a pastry, "I'd say we're screwed. Who wants strudel?"

"No strudel! Listen, I've got an idea. Malik, you, me and Cody will go find the Pharaohs, but we'll need all these guys to be entertained, right? That's where you guys come in." Marik grinned at Ryou and Bakura who looked at each other strangely. Noticing the roar of the crowds becoming louder, Marik looked around, "W-Wait, where's Cody?"

All of them looked from side to side, searching the mobs for their friend. Suddenly, out of the corner of their eye they saw him dancing quite obscenely with a sweaty group of teenagers. Marik rolled his eyes and sharply called Cody's name. He looked up from his new friends and smiled, happily coming over to them.

"H-Hey, yous guys! Havin' a funny-fun time?" He was sweating and panting as he spoke.

Malik shook his head, "No time, we have to go! C'mon, Cody!"

"Okeydokey, artichokey!"

As Marik and Malik, now joined by Cody began to weave their way through the people, Ryou hurriedly called out, taking half a step foreword, "Marik! _Malik_! W-What are we supposed to do?"

Malik looked back at his friend once more before the moving groups of people covered up him and his yami, "I don't know!"

And when they were gone, Ryou looked helplessly at Bakura who shrugged, half of a cookie hanging out of his mouth. The guard's voice gained their attention once more as he called them up and Ryou and Bakura had no choice but to walk down the path that the crowd parted to make for them up to the stage. The guard held out his hand and pulled Ryou up, while Bakura got on himself.

He whispered, "Where's your band?"

"They… they had to go to the bathroom… S-So, we'll be doing this by ourselves…" Ryou said, feeling more than a little faint.

The guard shrugged, "Good enough for me. Alright, you guys! Without further ado, enjoy the show!" He then jumped of the stage, and promptly after, two mics were thrown out, one was caught by Bakura who looked at it with apprehension and the other caught by Ryou who was looking, hazily, out at the sea of people cheering and starring at him.

Music began to play from the speakers in the wall, softly then becoming louder and louder, each beat and chord more erotic than the last.

Before Ryou even knew what happened, he heard his yami's familiar voice and looked over to the other side of the stage, his jaw coming unhinged at seeing Bakura giving everyone a full show, walking across the stage, his pants' zipper undone, "_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and their like, it's better than yours. Damn right it's better than yours. I can teach you, but I have to charge…!_"

Ryou gulped and sighed, 'Oh well, so much for being pure…' He then proceeded to lingeringly taking off his shirt and biting his lower lip, "_I know you want it! The thing that makes me… what the boys go crazy for. They lose their minds, the way I wind… I think it's time._"

"AAAHHH!" Everyone went crazy for these two albino teens that were now practically stripping each other down on stage as the chorus went on.

"_La la la la la… Warm it up. La la la la la, the boys are waiting…_"

Panties and bras were thrown onstage and Ryou caught a pink, laced one, swung it around Bakura's neck and used it as a chain.

It was safe to say that the entertainment was being taking care of.

* * *

Now coming from the southern part of Domino City was a giant half-dead, half-possessed naked, fat man who was being controlled by the twelve-year-old younger brother of a successful CEO. But the people that hadn't gone to the party (which were the people who either couldn't make the trip due to injuries or otherwise or those who were just plain scarred of the Pharaohs), didn't know any of this and were only aware that something awful was heading their way.

So they tried to get out of the man's way, running towards home or elsewhere, but most of them didn't make it and because the boy inside was so happy, he didn't realized he was killing his own countrymen.

"Finally…" Mokuba sighed happily as people down on the ground screamed out in pain. "Something seems to be going my way! Ha ha! I thought I was like _cursed_ or something for a while there!"

He continued to walk in place where he was stationed in the skull, and Flyswatter moved accordingly. At first, Mokuba wanted to test his limits with this new body, so he did a few exercises to see if he had full control, so he did a few jumping jacks and Flyswatter did them as he did, though it was a gross sight.

As he went about stomping down the streets of Domino, he squinted to see through Flyswatter's empty eyes. He thought he could see the Palace from here, its paint making it seem superior to the moon which hung right beside it, pale in comparison. He smiled to himself, "It won't be long now, Seto, just you wait."

The night settled all around the boy and his giant, mutated vessel, the silence thick in the air. In less than a minute, the rhythm of the night was interrupted by a low grumble. And, of course, from Mokuba's piloting spot deep in Flyswatter's head, it must've been pretty loud on the outside for him to hear it on the inside. He turned his head towards the west, the Domino Bay starring back at him, water sparkling just under the glimmer of the night.

"Oh… I guess it was nothing, then." He said and began walking in place again, asking Flyswatter to continue their march. Suddenly, the sound came again, a large, guttural growl now coming with it and before Mokuba had a chance to stop and react; Domino Bay's still water flow was disrupted by an enormous figure bursting out of it. The growl turned into an ear-shattering roar that echoed through the air, reaching a certain twelve-year-old's eardrums.

"Ahh! W-What the heck is that?"

Mokuba held onto his ears with both hands, trying to block out the sound. He tilted his head, and his eyes widened in disbelief, his hands dropping and he momentarily forgot all about the pitchy growl lingering in the air. The giant monster emerged fully from the water now, his blood-red eyes narrowing at Flyswatter.

"G-Godzilla…?" He stuttered, blinking.

The giant lizard did not waste any time in charging Mokuba, not giving him any time to figure out just what was happening. His body was exactly the size of Flyswatter's, save for the fact that Flyswatter was nothing but goo and Godzilla had an admirable build.

He tackled Flyswatter to the ground, jumping on his head and planting his hands on Flyswatter's flabby chest. Mokuba was shaken up inside; he'd been knocked from his controlling stance in the center of the cranium and flew to the back, hitting his head against the skull.

"Crap!" Mokuba whined, falling to his knees and rubbing the back of his head sorely. He woozily looked up, his vision clearing just enough for him to see the monster's horrible face starring deeper than Flyswatter's eyes, seemingly knowing that Mokuba was in there. "W-What are you doing? Get off of me, I wasn't bothering you!"

Godzilla neither understood the words nor cared. He reared back and the huge spikes lining his back lit up in a brilliant blue as he opened his mouth, and a stream of blazing discharge erupted from his throat, ripping through the air and collided with Flyswatter's face. The sheer force sent Mokuba's vessel flying back a little less than a hundred feet. They fell into a large building which fell back onto the buildings behind it, causing a sort of domino effect.

When the smoke cleared and some of the dust settled around the two disputing forces, Flyswatter's blank eyes were rolling around in his head, much like the boy who inhabited him.

Mokuba's breathing was labored as he jerked his head up from where he was sprawled out on the ground. His head was bleeding and he felt dizzy but as he looked out of his eye-window, he noticed Godzilla stopping for a moment, catching his breath.

"T-That must've taken a lot out of him…" He pushed himself off his knees as he came to his feet, stumbling back to his spot, "Well, he's killing me… I-I can't just sit back and take it…!" He rose fully and stretched out his left arm, shouting so the lizard-like giant could hear him, "Alright, Godzilla, you've messed with me long enough! No one-hundred foot, fire-breathing, Japanese reptile is going to keep be from my brother, ya got that? So, you'd better be ready, 'cause there'll be no more Mr. Nice Mokuba!"

The lizard looked up, a seemingly menacing smirk appearing on his scaly features. He roared once again, the sound lasting for minutes as it echoed, barely covering the remaining townspeople's screams of terror. Godzilla seemed ready to attack again, but Mokuba didn't give him the chance as he jumped up, flinging Flyswatter's body into the air and coming down on Godzilla's neck, using Flyswatter's chubby and cellulite covered legs to get him in a chokehold.

Mokuba smirked as he felt he had now obtained the upper hand. Seeing his opening, Mokuba's opponent reached up and clawed Flyswatter in the face, leaving deep gashes across his cheeks and nose. The shock going through the body forced Mokuba to let go and Godzilla pounced, sinking his fangs into pale booty meat.

"AAHHH!" The boy inside cried out, the pain actually coursing through his body as he was now securely attached to the brainstem. He grabbed his butt with both hands, hopping around the skull, "STOP! STOP! STOP!"

Mokuba saw nothing but red as the pain continued and he whammed his tiny fist backwards, Flyswatter slammed his fist into Godzilla's jaw which sent him sliding backwards. Immediately, Mokuba scrambled up, glaring daggers at the monster who stood again, and spit a large, bloody tooth out the side of his mouth.

Mokuba frowned and motioned with his hand, "Bring it."

* * *

Running now through the Palace's corridors and hallways, three boys were looking for two things. And they were hoping to find one of them first. Right after they had left the Great Hall, filled to the brim with people cheering for Hootie and the Blowfish, Malik thought back on the last thing he'd shouted out to his friend. 'I don't know!'

It wasn't a helpful statement, not at all, but it was a truthful one. He had no idea how poor Ryou and his weirdo yami would take care of 20,000 party-animals. And, of course, neither Marik nor Cody seemed even mildly sympathetic for the two albinos they'd left in the lion's den.

Malik shook his head whilst running behind his yami and Cody, trying to keep up. They kept turning this way and that, but every hallway in the palace looked the same.

"Marik, do you even know where we're going?"

"No! Now stop asking questions!"

"…"

"'Ey, don't worry, Patty! I know where I'm goin'!" Cody said with confidence, glancing back at the young hikari, who looked back at him, surprised.

"Y-You do?"

"Ah, yup yup! I been in here loads of times and once, when I was tryin' to find me the bathroom, I gots _real_ lost and accidentally found this weird room! So, I went in and found all the millennium items inside." He nodded to himself, "So, I'm guessin' that if I get lost again, we can find that room!"

"Wait a minute!" Malik skidded to a halt with his sneakers on the linoleum floor. Cody and Marik turned around to find Malik with a look of horror upon his face, "You mean to tell me that you're getting us lost on _purpose_?"

Cody shrugged, "Well… yup."

Malik looked at his yami, waiting for him to react.

Marik looked from each of them and then nodded solemnly, "Seems logical to me."

"… I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!"

"Watch who you call an idiot, Malik!" His other half screamed, now fully aware that he had been insulted.

"I'm sorry, Marik, but this is ludicrous. You can't honestly expect for me to give my support to such a ridiculous piece of-"

"Hey you guys, lookie here!" Came Cody's voice from somewhere close by. Both Marik and Malik stopped glaring at each other with contempt and directed their gazes down the hallway. Cody was standing right in front of a large, golden doorway; he looked over his shoulder slightly at the two. An Egyptian Eye was over the threshold, starring down at the three of them as both Egyptians walked up behind the older man.

Marik put his hand on his hip and smirked evilly, glancing at his light, "Ah… So, what were you saying there, Malik?"

"I-I… Well… um…" He blushed, shuffling his feet.

"That's what I thought."

"Ey, look, the door's open." Cody noticed, touching the right door with his hand lightly and it moved greatly under the pressure. It opened to reveal that 'weird room' that Cody had described earlier. All three walked in cautiously and turned to Malik, smiling, "See? Told you, Patty!"

"My name isn't Patty…"

Marik came to the table in the center of the room. There were empty spaces that looked as if something were stationed there a short time ago. On the left side of the table, were two empty spots in the shape of something familiar. "The rods! Hey, Malik the rods were here!"

"Huh? Really?"

He growled, looking back at the door and briskly walking out, "And I'll give you one guess which spiky-headed, pain in the butt has it. C'mon, Cody!"

Cody took a few pieces of gold, stuffing them in under his shirt happily and wandered back out into the hallway along with Marik and Malik. They looked out and, on the other side of the passageway, saw an open doorway, leading out into the night. It swung lightly in the night's breeze as if just opened and, without saying anything, Marik turned and went out that way.

"M-Marik, where are you going?" Malik watched the rest of his yami's form leave the building and he groaned, "C'mon, Cody…"

"Eh? Oh, yup!" He smiled, following Malik as they too left the building, reaching the side garden of the Palace and they went around the side, looking for Marik who had quickly disappeared. Cody was trying to keep some of that gold he'd stuffed into his shirt from falling.

Malik looked back, "… Did you rob Yami's Palace…?"

"Ah, yup yup! I don't work for him no mores, so what I got to lose? 'Sides, these jewelies be for Heidi!"

"Huh? But… didn't you say that she told you to go away or something? That she didn't like you?"

"Eh, yup. But I figure she didn't mean none of it, she was crabby. Probably that time of the month; on the rag, y'know!"

"… Real nice."

They'd turned another corner, Malik pushing some bushes out of the way, and suddenly heard voices. They both stopped and glanced around the garden, their gazes resting not ten feet away from where they stood.

Marik was frowning deeply, seemingly yelling at the two who he stood across from. Pharaoh Yami was about two feet in front of him, smiling easily, a hint of malevolence in his eyes and his hikari standing next to him, arms folded and a rather serious expression on his face which was something that Malik rarely ever saw on Yugi. Stealing a glimpse at what was behind him, Malik's eyes widened a bit. All the millennium items, including theirs were in a neat circle on the slightly wet grass.

It was apparent that Yami hadn't seen Malik or Cody yet. They were still well-hidden. But, of course, Marik had sensed his other half by now and out of the corner of his eye, he gave Malik a meaningful look. His eye zoomed from Malik then down to the millennium items, then back to Malik.

'Ah… oh! He wants me to get the rods!' He'd finally figured it out and nodded back. He was just about to slide under the bushes and garb the rods, but fell off his balance at hearing:

"'Ey, Marik, there ya are!" Cody shouted, shuffling on over to Marik and stand next to him smiling. He pointed down to almost right behind the Pharaohs, "Me and Malik was lookin' for ya! He's right there! See?"

Both Marik and Malik froze. Yami looked down, seeing his rival's hikari on all fours, one hand outreaching for the rods but was stopped when Yami stomped on his hand forcefully, causing Malik to yelp and roll around on the floor.

"Heh. Nice try." Yugi raised an eyebrow.

"Now," Yami continued, turning his back to the boys who were scolding Cody for ruining their plan. He studied the items carefully before continuing, "You three should leave while you still can. I won't stop you… just yet, because I have work to do."

"We're not leaving without the rods!" Marik and Malik echoed.

"And we're not going to give them to you. So deal." Yugi stuck his tongue out, "And unless you leave, we're not going to save you from being eaten by the Shadows."

"The Shadows? What are you talking about, now?"

"Well, duh! What do you think he's doing?" Yugi motioned to his other half, "Why would he collect all the items? He's going to release Shadow monsters and let them eat the planet! The only ones being spared are the ones attending the party."

Three jaws were currently dangling.

"You… you're insane…" Malik said, dazedly.

Marik shook his head in awe, "That's so freaking genius."

As Malik glared at Marik, Cody spoke up, "Ya can't kill everyone! That's real mean and 'sides, who'll run McDonalds if you do?"

Yami rolled his eyes, his back still turned, "Cody, if I were you, I wouldn't be worrying about McDonalds… It's about eight o' clock, right? I'd say that the main entertainment will be beginning in about a minute or so… Who knew Heidi would be so perfect for the main event of the Execution Ceremony? Well, at least she's been somewhat useful…"

Cody blinked, "H-Heidikins?"

Yami's grin widened drastically, his voice dripping mock and sarcasm as he mimicked Cody, "Ah, yup yup…"

It didn't take anytime at all for Cody to get moving, his tennis shoes squeaking against the wet grass and his white hair flashing under the pale moon as he slid back through the door and scrambled down the hallway, calling out, "HEIDI! HEIDI, WHERE ARE YOU, HEIDI?"

Malik took a step, "Cody! C… Ugh, wait up, I'm coming, too!" He started after the man, calling back for a split second, "Let's go, Marik!"

"But! Grr…" He glared at Yugi who was smirking at him and Yami who he knew was probably holding in laughter. "I'm coming back for you two, so don't think you're off the hook!" With one last scornful glance, he turned on his heel down the hallway and after his hikari and Cody.

Yami shook his head slightly when they were gone and redirected his gaze to the millennium items on the ground. He took in a deep breath and spread his hands out in front of himself, palms facing down towards the items. Closing his eyes, a chant flowed from his lips, after a moment the words becoming more and more slurred. Yugi looked on, uneasily as all the items glowed, dimly and then brightly, shining as bright as the stars above.

The light became blinding as the portal opened and Shadows became reality.

* * *

"Yeah, sure…"

"It's true, I _knew_ that was open!"

"Alright, then… If you _knew_ it was open, then why didn't we get out the first day we came here?"

"…"

"Ha. You didn't know."

"Shut up."

The boys that had been in the underground cell for almost three weeks together were finally free. Thanks to Kaiba's short fuse when it comes to Joey and he still refused to admit it was a freak-accident, but that was okay because they all were free and didn't care that Kaiba was insecure.

They had managed to get out of the prisons and at least to the first floor of the Palace. Finally, they'd found the exit. A large door, open to the outside, not more than twenty feet in front of them; the cool nighttime air floating in through the open doorway and calming them all.

Joey stretched his arms wide and cheered, "Yeah! Ha ha, I can't believe we're finally free, this is so totally awesome!"

"I just need a bath…" Kaiba mumbled.

"…" Joey sniffed him, "Jeez! I'll say ya do! You smell like rotten cabbage."

"Watch it, mutt!"

Now as they neared the door, Otogi stopped and looked down the other hallway, his ears perking. "Ah…"

Tristan stopped next to him, asking, "What's wrong?"

And out of the blue, Otogi began to whimper, looking up at Tristan with wide and watery eyes. Tristan looked at him strangely as did Joey and now Kaiba. They repeatedly asked him what was wrong but then Otogi grabbed Tristan's jacket sleeve and pulled rapidly, trying to run down the hallway with him, "Do ya hear that, Tristan? It's that party! I hear music! It's that party, it's right down the hall, I know it is! Let's go, can we go, Tristan?"

"S-Stop! Otogi, no!" He and Joey pulled back on the sleeve and yanked Otogi away from it and onto his butt.

"But I wanna _go_…!"

He rolled his eyes and picked the teen up, throwing him over his shoulder. "Sometimes I just can't believe you. We're mere steps away from freedom from this god-awful place and you want to stay here and party!"

Otogi whined some more but was ignored. They walked out of the door together, all taking in one unified deep breath. And as they enjoyed this one small moment of piece, a sound came from the other side of the Palace wall. It was followed by a flash of golden light and then more sounds, louder this time.

Kaiba groaned, looking over, "Oh for crap's sake, what is it now?"

From behind the bushes on the side, more growls came and, one by one, strange and misshapen creatures slunk out from the darkness. Blobs of murky, dark masses began multiplying from one another and crawl onto the lawns, leaving trails of oil. As they spread out onto the lawns and into the streets, continuing on and picking up speed as they sucked life out of every moving thing, they began to circle around and look curiously at the open door from which much light was shining.

All four boys were standing in the doorway, eyes wide like deer caught in headlights.

Kaiba's eyes shifted to the blonde standing next to him for a split second. He seemed closest to the door's knob and right now, and as the monsters lost their curiosity and feral grins made themselves known, Kaiba mumbled, "C-Close the door… Wheeler, close…"

Joey blinked, looking up at the brunette, "Hah? You say somethin', Kaiba?"

The monsters began to slink towards them.

"Close the door…!" Kaiba squeaked, "Close it!"

"… Close… the door? Ooh, you mean that door, don't ya?" He pointed to the large double doors.

Globs of darkness were not crawling now but racing for the opening.

"CLOSE THE DOOR!" Everyone shouted at Joey.

"So… you're sayin'… that you want _me_ to close _this_ door… right here? That about right?"

"YES!"

"… Okeyday." Joey said happily and kicked the peg by the threshold, letting both doors slam shut just seconds before the Shadow monsters could've made their way inside. Once it was closed securely, the boys heard banging on the outside, and they knew the monsters wanted in. They stood in silence for a second, fearful that they might bust it open. But no, it was too strong and the only way they could've gotten in is if-

Joey looked at them then at the door, moving towards it once again, "If you guys aren't going to answer the door, then I am."

"NO!" They hollered, tackling him to the ground.

* * *

She didn't quite know where she was. She'd been taken here right after she'd left the Pharaohs' presence. It wasn't as bad as her previous holding cell, though. It was just strange and nerve-racking, not knowing what horrible thing would befall her this time. She looked down at her hands though and that thought quickly disappeared. She shook her head softly as she starred down at two hands, one with no fingers to speak of, just five bloody and half-way bandaged nubs… And the other with only two fingers that were bent and a bit scraped up.

"Well… that which does not kill me will make me stronger… or disabled…"

Looking up now, she noted the small room she was in. Gray and rather dark, with only one door but was locked. She made sure to check. And she was in no type of bondage, she could move anywhere in the room, but she was just stuck there. And what was even weirder was that there was some kind of party going on nearby. She could hear it through the walls, somewhat. When it first started she sat right next to the closest wall and put her ear up to it, listening to someone sing "Milkshake".

Now as she had been sitting in there for about an hour or so, the door opened up.

"Miss D'Angelo." One of the men looked at where she sat in the corner. There were two Patrollers who had come and while one of them seemed sympathetic, the other was eating a doughnut and nodding to the girl.

"Yeah, c'mon, time to go. C'mon, get up, don't be such a tortoise!" He narrowed his eyes at her.

Heidi stood up shakily, "Where are we going?"

Before the first Patroller could answer, the other butted in, "Why does it matter to you? You're comin' no matter what so let's go already!"

"What's your hurry?" Asked the other Spike Patroller.

"You see all those people out there? They're gonna clear the snack food tables like nobody's business and I wanna get me some more of them Yugi Cookies."

He narrowed his eyes as he helped Heidi up and the other grabbed her other arm, "Well, you'd better learn to wait, we have a job to do. I'm getting sick and tired of you!"

"And I'm getting sick and tired of carting this girl around!"

Heidi frowned at him, but went on with the two, still wondering where she was going.

* * *

_"Only you can make me feel… and only you can take me there…and only you can make me feel and only you can take me there…"_

Both Malik and Cody stopped running down the hall when they heard sounds. Malik had been running around, trying to keep up with the older man but he was going really fast, desperately calling out Heidi's name over and over again. He had no idea what Yami meant when he said that she was useful after all, but Cody knew that it wasn't going to be anything pleasant.

Malik looked back when he heard his name being called again and looked back to his yami coming running down the corridor, and finally skidding to a stop right in front of him. "_Malik_! I can't believe you ran off like that, we were about to get our rods back!"

"Well, sorry, but Cody-"

"Ey… What's that?" Cody's voice came from right behind them. They stopped and looked up at the doors that were halfway open and the sounds coming out of them. It was the Great Hall, they were back where they'd started.

Malik blinked and then gasped, "Oh, Ryou! W-We forgot, we left them in there! We've got to see what's happened, they might be in trouble!"

"But, Malik!"

But the hikari wasn't listening and ran in through the doors, pushing past the crowds of cheering people towards the center of the room. Marik groaned and told Cody to follow him, and even though he was still worried about Heidi, he nodded and they went in after Malik. After a lot of shoving, they finally caught up with him, about ten feet away from the stage, his eyes wide and law hanging.

Marik tilted his head in question, "What's wrong… Oh my Ra."

_"Boy you got me doin' thangs that I would never do, and I can't stop the way I'm feelin' if I wanted to…"_

_"I'm crazy 'bout the way that you can make me say your name…And if I couldn't have you'd, I'd probably go insane…"_

Both Marik and Malik looked up at the platform where their best friends were doing things on that stage that most people wouldn't even think of doing in private. But the audience seemed immensely satisfied and the stage was covered in undergarments, a few of which probably belonged to Ryou and Bakura.

The song went off and everyone roared with applause and calls for an encore echoed from everywhere in the room. Ryou smiled at them, shyly and looked down where he saw Malik, eyes as large as saucers.

"Oh! Hallo, Malik! Hold on, I'm coming!" He grabbed his yami's hand and jumped off stage, running over to them. "I missed you, Malik, but you missed most of our performance!"

"B-But… Um… W-We thought you were in trouble!" Malik pouted, rather confused, "I felt really bad for leaving you and I come here to find out that you were having a strip-off with Bakura!"

Marik rolled his eyes at Bakura, "I'm just shocked you didn't have a pole."

Bakura grinned, "Who says we didn't?"

"…"

"Alright, everyone! Give another big round of applause to Hootie and the Blowfish! Aren't they just the greatest?" A Spike Patroller had taken the stage once again and the crowd gave another hardy round of applause. The black lights and music had dimmed and now the florescent lighting was back on, illuminating the Great Hall. He grinned, "And now, the moment you've all been waiting for… the very reason for tonight's gathering! The _Execution_!"

Suddenly, the stage began to change shapes all around the man. The sides folded down to the floor, making larger stairs and the top came off, revealing more stage lights and a single noose that came hanging down, dangling from the top. It was suspended to hang right next to the man's shoulder and he then motioned towards the stairwell to the left.

"And _here's_ the Executionee now!"

Coming up was a Spike Patroller who was holding a kicking and screaming body that was draped in a dark sheet, but out of a slit in the back of the sheet was a tuft of reddish, brownish hair. It took a bit of force, but the Patroller managed to get her on stage.

While the audience was 'ooh'ing and 'ah'ing, Cody's eyes were now wide as he watched them put the wiggling figure in the noose.

"T-That's… Heidi! HEIDI!"

Ryou's hands flew up to his mouth, "They… they aren't going to…"

Marik nodded, "Yeah, they are."

"Well we have to do something!" Malik cried out, pointing towards her, "We can't let them do this, we can't!"

Bakura put his hands above his eyes to better his view, "I haven't seen a lynching in a long time! You mean to tell me _Yami _came up with this?"

Cody ran forward, "HEY! LISTEN TO MEH, YA CAN'T DO THIS!"

The guards ignored him and the first Spike Patroller read off of a scroll he had in his hands, "Heidi D'Angelo. For all the disappointment and worry you've cause our Pharaohs, for all the mistakes you've made whilst working for the Spike Empire, for that bag of Pharaoh Yugi's Cheetoes you ate two weeks ago… Never again will you see the light of day or the stars of night…"

Unintelligible sobs were now coming from the tied up figure.

"HEIDIKINS!"

"Forever." The guard finished and used his pocketknife to slice the rope on the floor of the stage, letting the floorboards drop from underneath her. The noose dropped, so did she and a strangled cry followed. But all was quiet as the body hung there, barely moving from side to side from the force of the drop.

"N-No…"

"So!" Said the guard cheerfully, "Whose up for some more Yugi Cookies?"

"YAY!"


	35. I Was A Mambo Dancer For The FBI

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 35:

As Mokuba braced himself to be attacked again, his opponent surprised him by taking a defensive stance of his own. They stood about fifty feet away from each other, each monster trying to stare the other down but neither made a move to attack. In all honesty, Mokuba was afraid to, not only for the fear of getting himself hurt but part of him thought that Flyswatter's subconscious was still alive and could feel all the assaults on his body. Mokuba didn't want to cause him anymore pain.

"Oh, what am I gonna do…?" He whispered to himself, not taking his eyes off of Godzilla, "If I go on and attack, this guy's gonna take a butt-load of damage and it'll be all my fault…! But then… this stupid lizard won't just let me stroll to the Palace! So I _gotta_ take him out!"

He moved his left foot foreword slightly and before he could do anything, his eyes shifted downwards to the townspeople at his feet that, from this distance, looked like little ants. They ran around in circles around his and Godzilla's feet and once again, Mokuba was overcome with guilt. It was his fault that their homes and loved ones were being destroyed. If only they didn't have to fight…

Mokuba frowned, and stood up straight. What he was about to try, he thought, would never work in a million years but he'd never forgive himself for not trying. He cleared his throat, "G-Godz…" His voice cracked and he tried again, louder this time, "Godzilla! Listen to me, okay! I-I don't want to fight anymore! People are getting hurt! I… I don't want to hurt you or anything, I never did!"

Godzilla blinked, and then snorted, "_Sure_. If you didn't want anything to do with me, you wouldn't be in some giant robo-suit and you wouldn't be terrorizing Tokyo."

At first, Mokuba was at a loss for words. Who knew giant lizards could speak English so fluently? I mean, everyone knows lizards speak French, but English? Come on. He shook his head lightly, "Uh, first of all, this isn't Tokyo, it's Domino."

"… This isn't Tokyo?"

"No."

The monster looked stunned for a moment before wearing a skeptical look and turned around quickly, taking out a map from a fanny-pack attached to his tail. He flipped it around a moment, muttering to himself then slowly lowered it, "Dearie me… I-It _is_ Domino."

"Duh."

"W-Well, I'm… I'm just so embarrassed!" Godzilla blushed an even darker shade of green and tucked the map back into his fanny-pack. He twiddled his claws, "I don't know what to say… I was doing some yoga in my little cottage on Monster Island and then I got this tingly feeling in my foot and whenever that happens, I know Tokyo needs me… But I was just so flustered; I guess I went the wrong way."

Mokuba put his hands on his hips, "So… _this_ is why you were attacking me?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. It's just…" He made a motion towards Flyswatter's body, "You look like some of the regulars I fight everyday… It was so easy to mistake you as a threat. Oh, by the way, your name is?"

"Ah… Mokuba. Mokuba Kaiba."

"Mokuba. What a cute name. Well, Mokuba, I'm very sorry… And… even though I have attacked you… and probably caused you an fair amount of pain… I-I need a favor…"

His body and muscles finally relaxed after hearing that everything _kinda _made sense. But now he tilted his head at this new development, "A favor? Um… alright, what is it?"

"It seems that I've exhausted myself… You really are very good at this sort of thing and it took a lot out of me, so… I'm afraid I haven't the strength to go back to my cottage…"

"Oh. Okay, well, what can I do about it?"

Suddenly, Godzilla came walking across the fifty feet of asphalt that separated them. Mokuba took a step back, wondering what he was going to do, but when he was standing next to Flyswatter's body, seemingly meaning no harm, Mokuba immediately relaxed and listened to the lizard's request.

He pointed out towards Domino Bay, "If you could just throw me part of the way, I'm sure I can make it the rest of the way."

"… Throw… you?"

Godzilla nodded and Mokuba was about to protest, but then thought better of it. He sighed and, with both hands, grabbed a hold of the lizard's thick tail. The rest of Godzilla's body thumped to the ground as Mokuba started turning around and around, desperately trying not to let go of the monster just yet. Slowly, he lifted from the ground, and when the twelve-year-old thought that he was high enough, he let him go.

Unfortunately, when he did let go, Mokuba didn't know his or Flyswatter's own strength and thrown Godzilla so far over the bay that he looked like a star, falling across the moon. And as Mokuba thought he'd just done something horrible, a distant shout reached him.

"Thank you, Mokuba Kaiba…!"

"Ah…" He blinked, "Y-You're welcome…?"

* * *

"Shut the door!"

Yami called as he and Yugi were presently running into the safety of their Palace through the back doors. As they had let the Shadow Gates open and let loose all the monsters, and they started oozing out, already set to wreak havoc upon the world and its citizens, Yami was so absorbed in his evil laughter that he failed to notice some of the monsters were heading straight for _him _as well. Yugi had to shake Yami out of his evil trance so that they could run away before it was too late.

Now as they ran for the closing doors, a pack of large and screeching Shadow monsters behind them, Yami and Yugi zipped in through the doors and they closed behind them, all the monsters flying into the large entrance and landing on the door, trying to pound it open.

Both Pharaohs had their backs against the doors, panting like crazy.

"Y-Yami, you almost got us killed!" Yugi shouted, his breath returning.

Yami folded his arms, smugly, "But we're _alive_. And that's all that matters."

"Well, I don't think-"

"Pharaoh Yami! Pharaoh Yugi!"

They stopped their conversation when a Spike Patroller came running up to them from down the hallway, waving happily. When he reached them, he wiped the sweat from his brow, "My Pharaohs, ex-general Heidi is swinging in the gallows, as per your orders!"

Yami grinned, "Wonderful. We'll be there in a second."

"Yes, sir."

"Oh. And what about what I asked for?" Yugi put his hand on his hip and held out his other hand to the Patroller, "You guys didn't forget, did you?"

At first, the Patroller was confused but then remembered and smiled knowingly, "Oh, sure! We didn't forget. The guard who brought her to the noose delivered these himself." He said while digging in his pocket and then bringing out two blue shell earrings, shaped like tulips and dropping them in Yugi's hand.

Yugi held them tightly, squealing with delight, "Eek!"

His other quirked an eyebrow at him, "Yugi… what are those?"

"Heh heh! These are… _were_ Heidi's earrings. Gosh, ever since I met her, I've just been in LOVE with these earrings! They're gorgeous aren't they, Yami?" He hurriedly put them on, and turned to his other, smiling brightly, "Well? What do you think? Cute?"

"… I _think_… I should start sleeping with one eye open."

"Why, Yami?"

"No reason… Let's go." Yami shook his head lightly as he and the Spike Patroller went ahead down the hallway, towards the Great Hall and Yugi skipped after them, humming in celebration of his new found jewelry.

They came to their desired place, heading through the side door of the Great Hall that lead straight up to the stage in the center of the room. From behind the black curtain, hiding the Pharaohs and Patrollers from view of the public, they could hear they excited chatter of Domino's citizens.

Yami nodded towards the curtain, "I take it that those sounds of joy are results of Heidi's death?"

"Yes, sir. We dropped her about four minutes ago; she's still swingin' a little, if you wanna go take a look." The guard who had been emceeing the entire party was using his mic to motion out of the drapes.

"We-"

"Oh, yeah, _I_ wanna go see!" Yugi jumped up and then raced for the curtains, pushing them out of the way and emerging on the other side. Immediately, everyone in the Great Hall stopped their jabbering and took notice of the young king who has just pounced out of nowhere.

They knelt down and bowed before greeting him all at once. "HELLO, PHARAOH YUGI."

"Hi."

A second later, Yami came out onto the stage, quickly surveying the party-attendees before his eyes wandered to center stage where a body draped in black velvet was strung up by a noose that came down from one of the stage's support beams. His features slowly transformed into a wide grin as he made his way over to the body, circling it once.

Yugi came over, looking at it for a hot second before childishly kicking the corpse. It swung backwards and knocked Yami over.

"… Oops."

"Yugi, that was uncalled for!"

"Sorry!"

"You are not sorry! Wait till I teach you what sorry means!" He called, getting up and chasing his light around and around the body, his arms and nails outstretched and Yugi flapping his arms and shrieking.

Meanwhile, not even ten feet away from the stage and the two fighting Pharaohs, there was a small group of boys who were currently attempting to comfort a man who was beyond comfort. He was on the floor, surrounded by a puddle of his own tears and the two kinder of the boys were rubbing his back, soothingly.

"Waaahhhh…! S-She was s-so young…!"

"It's okay, Cody… You let it all out…" Ryou nodded, patting Cody's hair.

"That's right." Malik nodded, laying a firm hand on his shoulder as he banged his fists and feet into the floor, continuing to fountain tears of sorrow.

Bakura, on the other hand, had been watching the man for about four minutes now, impatiently tapping his foot on the floor and suddenly bursting out, "Okay, that's enough! You two have been babysitting him ever since that girl was killed and it's getting on my nerves!"

Ryou frowned, "Oh, 'Kura, how could you say such a thing! The love of his life was just _murdered_." He whispered the last bit so as to not upset Cody further.

"So what? People die everyday."

Malik turned sharply to his yami and cried out over Cody's bawling, "Marik! Make Bakura stop saying those terrible things!"

Marik blinked and looked over at Bakura, who looked back. He shrugged, "He's a grown yami, Malik, there's nothing I can do."

Malik stood up, starting to get huffy, "Then what are you good for!"

"I'm good for smacking you sideways if you keep up that tone!"

"I'm not afraid of you! Nya nya!"

"…"

Just as Marik was strangling his hikari, Cody stood up shakily from his pool of tears. Both Ryou and Bakura blinked at the man's new found stability and Ryou asked, gently, "C-Cody? Are you okay?"

"Nopies…" He said between choked sobs, reaching down into his back pocket. "I-I can't believe I let 'em do it… It ain't fair… B-But Heidikins disserve to die… (sniff) with all her parts…!"

Marik and Malik stopped trying to kill each other as they watched with growing curiosity as Cody had found the thing he was looking for in his pocket. He finally pulled out a sort of bent and dirty finger; the bottom was smeared with blood and part of the fingernail seemed chipped off.

Ryou's hands flew up to his mouth as he spun around and clutched at his yami's shirt weakly, "B-Bakura… I-I think I might faint."

Bakura squinted, "Is that a crouton?"

"It's a finger!" Marik shouted.

"… Ooh, yum."

Malik shuddered, "Y-You need help…"

Boldly, Cody pushed past the ten feet of people in front of him and strutted up the right stairwell, holding the finger like a candle out in front of him. A guard whom he made his way past, called out to him, "H-Hey! You can't be up here, this is…" But it was too late and Cody was alright on the center of the stage.

He again walked right by two more people, but these two happened to be the two that owned the stage he was on as well as the rest of the world. They had been preoccupied recently, Yami beating up his young hikari for hitting him upside the head with the corpse of a dead general. He was currently on top of Yugi, straddling his hips and beating him over the head with a large deli meat.

Cody walked right past them and Yami immediately stopped his meaty assault on Yugi's head and gaped at the man standing next to the velvet-covered body.

"Cody?"

"What the hell is he doing here?" Yugi asked, holding up his bleeding head.

"H-Here ya go, Heidikins." He sobbed, ignoring the two and grabbed the left arm of the corpse, lifting it to replace the finger. But, to everyone's surprise, the hand was fully-fingered. Cody blinked, confused, and then lifted the other arm. That one had all the fingers too. "What the…?" Before really thinking about it, Cody pulled off the sheet to reveal… some guy.

Malik blinked, "And who the hell is that?"

"That's a dead guy!" Bakura pointed at the stage.

Everyone groaned.

Ryou shook his head, sadly, "My poor yami…"

"What? What'd I do?"

"Nothing, Bakura, forget it…"

On the stage, Yami's eyes were as big as flying saucers as he stood, starring at the man who was hanging from the noose, his reddish-brownish bangs brushing against his forehead lightly.

Cody gasped, "This ain't Heidi!"

"What was your first clue?" Marik called out from the audience.

Yugi looked at the man for a minute before realizing that he wore a Spike Patroller uniform. He pointed this out to his other half and Yami's eyes began scanning the room, seemingly searching for something. Suddenly, his gaze settled at the back of the Great Hall at a Patroller who was quietly cleaning up some of the mess on the ground.

Yami turned to the guard behind him, "That one over there. Is he the one who delivered 'Heidi' to the stage?"

"Uh. Yeah, I think that's him."

He motioned across the room for the guard to come over and he noticed, seeming rather glum and wandered through the crowded space until he was on stage, the episode being watched by thousands, eagerly awaiting what would happen next.

"Y-Yes, my Pharaoh?" He asked, meekly, taking a great interest in the floor.

Yami's voice took on a dangerous tone, "Where the hell is Heidi and who is this?"

"Uh… well, uh… You see-"

"Wait a minute, isn't that your partner?" Yugi piped up, "Yeah, he is! What kind of sicko are you?"

"A-Alright! I admit it! I'm sorry, but he was just _so annoying_…! He wouldn't shut up and furthermore he smelled like fish! So, yeah, I swapped him out for the general, what's the big deal? Knowing you two, he'd have been dead in a week anyway." The guard shouted, shaking his fist over at the corpse.

Both Pharaohs blinked then shrugged, "Yeah, he's probably right."

"Where's Heidi?" Cody asked.

"Eh, dunno. The little witch kicked me and ran away. I didn't go after her cause Alf was on."

There was a bit of silence before Cody nodded and jumped off the stage, running and maneuvering through the confused crowd of people. Ryou looked over, calling after him, "Where are you going?"

"I have no idea!" Cody called back happily, exiting the Great Hall, "But Heidi be alive! She be alive!"

"… Well, that was odd."

Unbeknown to the rest of the group, Marik's anger had been secretly boiling for some time now. He had been sulking while everyone was so wrapped up that some girl who they didn't even know was alive. Well, finally he just couldn't take it anymore. There was one thing that mattered and one thing only.

"YES! OKAY! THE FINGERLESS GIRL HAS RUN OFF AND THOUGH SHE'S PROBABLY BEING BRUTALLY ATTACKED BY RABID HOWLER MONKIES AS WE SPEAK, YOU'RE ALL SO HAPPY!" Marik shouted at the top of his lungs, scarring everyone in the room except Malik who was used to such childish behavior from his darker side, "But _I'm_ not happy! Wanna know why? Because that stupid, ugly Pharaoh has my millennium rod and I'm ready to rip off his hikari's legs and bash his head in with them!"

Yugi squeaked, hiding his legs.

Yami shouted back, "Just who are you calling ugly?"

"YOU!"

"Pheh! Fine, Marik! Want some? Get some!"

"My pleasure!" He growled before knocking a few people out of the way and climbing onto the stage. He was now about five feet away from Yami and there was a moment of tense silence where nothing but tension filled the air. In a second, the silence was broken by two shrill screams and both Marik and Yami went running to each other, meeting the other with girly slaps and hisses.

Everyone blinked.

As their sissy-fight continued, Malik had made his way onto the stage and he was currently standing next to Yugi as they watched their yamis in the fiercest battle of their lives.

Marik had been pulling viciously on Yami's hair, yanking his head down with it. Yami scratched at Marik's hands, crying out, "Ow, ow! Marik, you fat cow, I just conditioned!"

"Shut up!" He only pulled harder, causing some of Yami's hair to fall out. Realizing his precious locks were in danger, the Pharaoh kicked Marik in the groin and his grip on Yami's hair lessened as he sank to the floor, doubled over in pain and holding his goodies. "Agh… T-That hurt…"

"You should've worn a cup." Malik nodded, wisely.

"Don't make me hurt you, Malik!"

"… Nya nya."

"GAH!" He lunged at his hikari and they began their senseless fighting, _again_, whilst Yami and Yugi laughed themselves silly.

Ryou sighed rather annoyed and called out to them, "Malik! Marik! Maybe now is not the best time to be fighting one another!"

Bakura shook his head, "And they think _I'm_ stupid."

* * *

Wandering by the Palace's back door was Heidi. What had happened with that guard was really just a big blur to her now and she only remembered being led to the back of that stage and saw a noose hanging from the top. She began shaking, paralyzed with fear and looked around frantically for some way out of that predicament. But, luckily for her, the guard on her left let her go and tackled the guard on her right with a large black sheet. They began to fight and struggle and although it seemed one of the guards didn't want to hurt her, she thought of nothing else but running away.

And so this is where she ended up.

"Hmm…" She turned around, facing the door and suddenly smiled, feeling a lot better, "This is it! This is my ticket out of this loony-bin! I-I'm free!"

Taking in a deep breath of relief, she walked straight up to it and was about to turn the handle… but not having any fingers made this difficult. She growled in frustration and tried to use the two she had left, but that didn't work. So she lifted her leg and pushed down on the handle with her foot. Finally it did open up and Heidi popped out of the castle, now standing on the grass, starring out into the still night.

Intending to enjoy her first few minutes outside the Palace walls in almost two weeks, Heidi looked around rather cautiously and then got moving, not running afraid to set off any alarm, but she sure as hell wasn't going to sit around like they did in the movies and wait for something bad to happen. She was much too smart for that.

Suddenly, from up above, a large brick fell on top of her head, causing the girl severe bleeding. The brick was then followed by two pots, a television and a rather large oyster.

"Oh, what the hell!" She cried out, rubbing her head and looked up from where she had been attacked.

A lady was bending out of a palace window and called down, "Sorry!"

"Grr…" Just as Heidi was leaving the scene of random objects, she tripped over something and fell down, bashing her head into a stone and marble-covered water fountain. "Oh my god!" She exclaimed, holding her bloodied head yet again and looking along the ground, trying to see what she had tripped on.

Right next to her foot was a golden rod, the Egyptian eye imprinted on the top and a soft glow emitting from it, barely noticeable, but in the darkness of the night, it shown. And, as she looked over, even more gold-drenched items appeared; seemingly forming a circle and the light that they cast together was brilliant.

"Ah… The millennium items? W-What are they doing out here? The Pharaohs would never leave them in the gardens, unguarded like this… Unless… someone's stolen them…" She blinked and looked around, seeing no one and then called out, "Hello? Is anybody there? … HELLO?"

Answering her call, rustling amongst the trees and bushes broke out and low growls coming from everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. And out of the blue, quick globs of darkness appeared, crawling from out of the shrubbery and from around the Palace's walls.

Heidi shrieked, now harshly chiding herself under her breath for being so stupid as to call 'HELLO' out into the darkness when there was obviously Shadow magic being put to use. Deciding not to stay to find out exactly _what kind_ of Shadow magic, Heidi backed up slowly from the advancing forms and began to go faster but stopped and whirled around when she felt even more of them behind her. They were now on all sides and closing in fats, their grins being the only thing visible and now their open mouths, teeth glistening.

'Oh great… S-So this is how it ends, huh?' Just as she closed her eyes, bracing herself for the worst, another sound made itself known. A low rumble and then an ear-shattering scream and thud that rocked the ground and sent Heidi flying backwards until her head met the castle wall with full force. "OH MY FREAKING GOD! WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?"

When she looked up, though it was hard to see from the heavy rushes of blood coming from her head, she blinked and gaped at seeing a twenty-foot thick ankle accompanied by a large and somewhat meaty foot standing not five feet in front of her. Apparently, the force of the foot (now joined by the other) when landing on the earth, scarred all the Shadow monsters and they had hidden or gone away, for now.

Heidi looked up, still gapping now at seeing a giant, naked fat man that she knew all too well.

"Uh… Gained a little weight there, Flyswatter?"

He didn't answer, but to her surprise, part of his forehead began to separate from the rest of his head and soon it slid open, revealing a young boy with jet-black hair down to his waist. He looked down and a small smile could be seen gracing his features. Without warning, he jumped off of the ledge of the cell and fell down about a hundred feet, then landing on the large, cushy toes and sliding of toenails under he was standing before Heidi.

"…" She blinked and started to thank him, "I… Well… you, um, saved me from those things. Thanks… But, why were you inside Flyswatter's head?"

"Flyswatter? So _that's_ his name!" He smiled cutely and turned around, waving at the empty vessel, "Thanks for the ride, Flyswatter, you're the greatest!"

No response.

He shrugged and looked back at Heidi, though his gaze was redirected towards her fingers… or lack thereof. At first, he pursed his lips and his eye twitched but then they became large and he looked up at her, "Heidi!"

"Hah? Oh. Yeah, that's me."

"I'm Mokuba!" He laughed, "I'm so glad I found you! See, see? _Told_ you that you'd get out with your life! And look! You still have two of your fingers left!"

"… Joy."

Mokuba smiled again, seemingly unaware of the girl's sarcasm. He looked down and once again his eyes came in contact with something familiar. "The millennium items? What are they doing out here?"

"I dunno. I just tripped over them before those monsters came… Speaking of which, we should get out of here. Those things won't stay gone for long and I doubt Flyswatter will scare them off again…" She said, scanning the area quickly, "I hate to say this, but the safest place would be inside the Palace. C'mon."

She began to walk back and was expecting him to follow suit but he busied himself gathering all the golden items into his shirt and pants. He found it strange that when he took away the rods, the glowing ring that formed around the items vanished but he paid no heed to it and soon was running after Heidi, pants and shirt full up with gold.

They both entered the way that Heidi had come out and she, once again, opened the door with her foot. And though they seemed to be back to the place of security, Heidi shuddered to herself, momentarily wishing she was back outside.

"So, Heidi," Mokuba began, waddling behind the teenager and juggling all of his treasures, "Have you seen any of the others around here lately? Um… Marik and Malik, for example?"

"… No, I haven't. I haven't seen them since Happy Chicken. But… I did see the Pharaohs earlier today. They tried to hang me about thirty minutes ago… I got away by myself," She said proudly, tilting her head to the side, "And haven't seen much of _anyone_ since then, really. But it would make sense that those two might be here; after all, all of Domino is in the Great Hall."

"Really? Why?"

"Yami and Yugi are hosting a party."

"… I think I'm confused."

"So am I."

Suddenly, a blue and white flash appeared in front of Mokuba's eyes and it knocked Heidi over. The small boy blinked and looked down, now even more puzzled at the sight of seeing her on the floor being somewhat attacked by a white-haired man.

"Get off of me! Get OFF!"

"Heidikins, Heidikins, Heidikins!" Cody chanted in a happy tone, hugging the girl tight and against her will, "I'm so happy, I found meh Heidikins! Ah, yup yup!"

Heidi growled in frustration.

"Should I do something?" Mokuba asked lightly, holding out a can of pepper spray.

"No, no… He's just a lonely old geezer, that's all."

"Oh."

Cody smiled.

"Now get off!" Heidi stood up and brushed herself off. She frowned at Cody who did nothing but grin and so she sighed, turning back to Mokuba, "C'mon, Mokuba, we're leaving. I won't stay another second while getting molested!"

Cody was instantly at her side, "Molested, molested…!" He chanted.

"Stop that!"

"Um… wait a minute, Heidi!" Mokuba called out nervously, causing both Cody and Heidi to stop their bickering and look at him. He held out one of the rods, "I can't go. You said Marik and Malik might be at that party, I need to give them these, they might be useful."

"What? You can't be serious! That's nothing but a room full of murderers!"

"I have to." He said, the finality apparent in his voice.

Heidi groaned.

Cody blinked then smiled, "Aw, I just came from there! Ah, yup yup! I can take yas, sure thing, Kiddo!"

"Thanks! … Don't call me 'kiddo', though."

"Sure thing, Kiddo!"

Mokuba shook his head, frowning, "N-No, _don't_ call me that. Anyway… Heidi, you're coming right? You don't want to be all alone in this castle, it isn't safe."

"Um… But… Ugh, fine. Let's go then, but if anything else happens to me, it's on both your heads." Heidi nodded and began to walk away with Mokuba and Cody following, Cody singing 'The I Love Heidi Song', the remixed version.

* * *

"Hmm… Okay, okay, I got one. I spy, with my sexy eye, something that is… blue."

"Aw, that's an easy one! Kaiba's eyes!"

"…"

"Leave me out of your stupid games!"

Both Otogi and Tristan looked at each other then back at Kaiba, who was leaning on the other wall, seemingly pissed that people kept 'spying' him. Otogi had just finished his turn and it was guessed rather easily by Tristan. They ignored Kaiba's darkening mood and continued with their game.

Joey raised his hand, "My turn, my turn!"

"Alright."

"'Kay… I spy, with my sexy eye, something that is…fruity."

"Kaiba."

"Wait, do-overs! Um… I spy something that is pale."

"Kaiba."

"I spy something that is undesirable!"

"Kaiba."

"WILL YOU THREE KINDLY SHUT UP!" The morbidly embarrassed brunette pushed himself of the wall and glared daggers at each one of them. They did shut up, but not out of fear, out of boredom. They had been sitting there ever since they had to shut the door before those monsters came. Once again they were trapped and I Spy was the first suggestion to pass the time, but it was apparent that Kaiba was sick of it.

"Well, what do you expect us to do, Kaiba?" Tristan asked, "We obviously can't go outside, those things are out there."

Otogi nodded, scooting a little closer to Tristan, "I can still here them pounding on the walls and doors…"

"… I got an idea!" Joey stood up from his spot on the floor, posing and looking heroic, "We'll go out there and fight those things!"

It was quiet for a moment.

"Okay, Joey." Kaiba said gently, and motioned towards the door, "You go out there. Give me about five minutes, so I can get my armor on, but you take a head start."

The blonde look overly excited, "Y-Ya mean it, Kaiba?"

"No. No, I don't."

It was quiet for another minute.

"… I say we go party!" Otogi folded his arms, and broke the silence with his announcement.

"Is that all you honestly think about?"

"Yeah, is there a problem?"

Joey blinked before thinking a bit and then nodding, "Y'know, he's got a point. Like a wise man once said: When all else fails, party till ya poop."

"… Who said _that_?"

"I just did, didn't ya hear me?"

"…"

"You know what? Partying is fine with me. Hell, we could all become mambo dancers for the FBI, I wouldn't care. I don't care about anything anymore, life has no meaning." Kaiba declared, biting the tips of his fingernails.

They all looked at each other before jumping up in the air and shouting, "Hooray for life having no meaning!" And took off down the hall.

"… Yeah."

* * *

Inside the Great Hall, all hell had broken loose on the stage and from afar it looked like some sort of weird steel-cage match. First it was Marik and Yami who were fighting rather insanely and then Marik began fighting with his hikari, and then they both attacked Yami which caused Yugi to jump in but then he and his yami began to fight so they were assaulting each other and then Ryou and Bakura thought it was only too cool, but didn't want to get their clothes dirty so they got on stage and played commentators.

"Wow, 'Kura, this is one bloody mess." Ryou spoke into the microphone and watched as Malik head bashed Yugi.

Bakura grinned, "Ooh, that's _gotta_ hurt. And it looks like Yugi's giving up! He's waving a white fla… Oops, no, that was Marik's underwear. Are those cute, little duckies I see?"

"They're evil duckies!" Marik called out from underneath Yami, trying to defend his undergarments. "_Evil_ duckies!"

"… I'm officially weirded out, Ryou."

"These are strange times, 'Kura."

"Give 'em the chair!" Someone from the audience called out. "The chair!"

And Yami used their suggestion, taking a metal chair from the side of the stage and banging it over what he thought would be Malik's head, but at the last second, Malik used Yugi as a shield and Yami banged him in the face with it, using all of his strength.

Everyone gasped as Yugi fell backwards onto the stage, his nose bloody and his eyes were rolling around in his head.

"Oh, poor Yugi!" Ryou said, "I think he's down for the count!"

"Anyone would be after something like that." Bakura looked on as Yugi's form was unmoving for a second, but then he began to budge, "Dear Ra… What's this? Yugi Motou's getting up! He's getting up, ladies and gentlemen! He's _standing_! And he looks ready for some more good old fashioned butt-kicking, this is extraordinary!"

"I've never seen anything quite like it, 'Kura! Yugi Motou is now beating the living crap out of his darker half!"

"It's amazing!"

"It's astounding!"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?" Everyone, including the boys on the stage, looked blatantly at the two, more than a bit annoyed for their overzealous observations.

They both pouted, thinking themselves to be doing a rather good job.

As the fight now raged on, no one really noticed two groups of people that came in from the back door of the Great Hall almost at the exact same time. The first group, which consisted of Cody and Heidi, followed by Mokuba, came in and all stood there for a second before moving forward towards the large crowds who were bunched and huddled against the stage.

"Wow." Heidi nodded, "So these are what the Pharaohs parties are like. I've never been to one."

Mokuba stood on his tip-toes but couldn't see over the masses, "I can't see anything!"

"Eh? Alrighty, alrighty…" Without being asked to, Cody picked Mokuba up and put him on his shoulders so he'd have a better view.

"T-Thanks, Cody!"

"No problem, Kiddo!"

"…" Mokuba decided to ignore that and looked on. Over the heads of all these people, he spotted the stage with Marik, Yami, Yugi and Malik wrestling and practically killing each other with Ryou and Bakura on the side, holding microphones. "Ah… There they are! I see them! We have to get them their rods, right now! We-"

"_Mokuba_!"

The boy stopped and looked back from where he heard his name being called. To his surprise, his brother along with Joey, Tristan and Otogi were coming through the doorway they had just entered and, apparently, he was the first thing they saw.

Mokuba immediately jumped off of Cody's shoulders and went running over to his big brother, who wasn't even the one who called his name, but whatever. He loved him. "Seto, Seto! I'm glad you're okay, I thought you were going to die! I rode here inside Flyswatter just to get to you!"

"… You rode in a flyswatter?"

"Not _a_ flyswatter! _Flyswatter_! The giant, fat man who I fought Godzilla with!"

Kaiba looked up and then back down at Mokuba, petting his hair. Kaiba whispered to Tristan, "Kid's gone crazy."

He nodded.

"No, it's true!" Mokuba whined.

"Hey, what ya got there, Mokuba?" Joey asked, taking one of the millennium rods from out of the boy's shirt. He grinned, "Hey! Doesn't this thing belong to Marik or somethin'? Where'd you get it?"

"Joey! Give it back! I have to give it to Marik!"

A grin formed on Joey's face and he threw the rod to Tristan, who caught it and noticed Joey's little game. He grinned back and threw it back to Joey.

"You guys!" Mokuba reached for but as it was thrown back to Tristan, he realized he was too short to do anything, "Please, give it back!"

Joey caught it again and Mokuba was about to snatch it, but he threw it at the last minute. Unfortunately, he threw it too far, and it went sailing over Tristan's head along with everyone else's.

"… Oops."

"Oh, way to go, Joey!"

Over on the stage, the battle between the two hikari and yami pairs was going strong and no winner was apparent. It seemed too close to call and everyone watched, some people betting that the Ishtars would kick butt and some betting that the Pharaohs would reign supreme. But what no one was expecting was a golden, stick-like thing to come flying out of nowhere and knock Pharaoh Yami right in the back of the head.

"Ack!" He shouted, then falling to the ground. Not making another move.

Yugi blinked, "Um… Yami?"

Marik looked at the thing that had just beaned his rival, "My rod! Ha ha! I knew it'd come back to me! Take this, you midget!" Without another word, Marik twirled it in his fingers and bashed Yugi in the back of the head with it. His eyes rolled back in his head as he fell to his knees and then the ground, out cold.

"…" Malik walked up next to his other, "Don't you think that was a little cruel?"

"You're next if you don't stop questioning my methods."

"Huh?"

Suddenly, a guard ran on stage from out in the hallway, panting and gasping for breath. He stopped right in front of Marik and Malik and looked down at the spiky-haired boys who were in a clump on the floor.

"P-Please, awaken our Pharaohs! Something terrible has happened!"

"Eh, they're sleeping." Marik said idly, "Leave a message at the sound of the beep and they'll get back to you."

"Beeeep…" Malik added in monotone.

The guard looked at them strangely but then nodded, "Um, my Pharaohs… I-It's me, Henry, sorry to call when you're asleep, but I just thought you should know, the Shadow monsters you let loose… T-They've broken down the east entry door and are now in the Palace! Um, call me back at 673-7162. B-Bye."

They all looked at each other for a moment before it sunk in.

"… WHAT?"


	36. The Meaning Of Sarcasm

A Tale of Two Idiots

Chapter 36:

"I _said_… the Shadow monsters are in the castle as we speak…!"

"Yeah, you see, I _heard _what you _said_. I just don't intend to listen to it, nope, not me." Marik folded his arms and turned away.

Malik shot him a dirty look, "Will you stop being such a child? Why can't you grow up?"

"The same reason you can't shut up."

Malik's eyes widened, "Why you little…!"

"Listen, Malik, if we acknowledge what this guy is telling us then you know what'll happen. It'll become our problem and we'll be forced to fix it!"

Ryou shook his head at the sight of Marik's back, "But don't you want to fix it?"

"Tch. No. I got what I came for, see?" He jiggled the rod in his hand, "And so whatever happens after this point is none of my concern. I'm going home."

"Ah, hello? Newsflash for Marik, we can't exactly go outside. If those monsters have gotten inside the building then there's probably thousands outside as well."

"… Damn." Bakura frowned, looking around the room, "So we're stuck in here? For, like, ever?"

"No, we're going to be EATEN by Shadow monsters!" Malik shouted, gaining the attention of everyone in the room. The people, who had previously been talking amongst each other and not really paying attention to anything happening on stage, were now wide-eyed at the thought of being eaten. The room was deathly quiet, everyone's eyes as big as saucers.

"Dammit, Malik…" Marik whispered to his light, "See what you did? Now these people are going to panic!"

"What are we going to do?"

Ryou shushed them, "Okay, okay… we'll just have to tell them the truth. But we have to make sure to tell them in an unalarmed, calm manner or else things will go from not-good to _really_ not-good."

"Fine then, I'll take care of it."

"_No_, Bakura, I really don't think-"

The yami ignored his hikari's and Malik's pleas for him to stay put and he walked to the front of the stage, looking out at the people before him. He took a deep breath, "… RUN! EVERYBODY, RUN! AN UNSPEAKABLE HORROR IS ON ITS WAY TO KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! DEATH HAS SLITHERED INTO THE CASTLE AND IS HERE TO REAP YOUR MORTAL SOUL! _DOOM_!"

"AAAAHHHHH!"

"_DOOM_!"

"AAAAHHHHH!"

"_DOOM_!"

"AAAAHHHHH!"

"DO-"

"Will you cut that out?" Marik grabbed him by the sleeve of his shirt and Bakura stopped, grinning from ear to ear. "What in hell's name is wrong with you?"

"Should I make a list?"

"AAAAHHHHH!" The terrified screams of the inhabitants of Domino gained the boys' attention as they looked out at the sea of vibrating bodies. It seemed that Bakura's way of telling them in an 'unalarmed, calm manner' didn't work too well because the people were literally trampling on and killing each other to get out of the Great Hall.

After about a minute of hearing nothing but screams and seeing nothing but chaos, it soon ended when most of the masses were out of the room and were now running and trying to escape down one of the other hallways. The few that were left were either dead due to malicious crushing or they were on the floor in a fetal position, now truly traumatized.

Malik rolled his eyes, "Oh, _that_ was a big help!"

Bakura frowned, "Is this that new thing called sarcasm?"

"_Yes_!"

"Ooohhh… my _head_…" Came a voice from the center of the room. The boys on the stage looked over and saw a little ball of black hair and, surrounding him, were small objects that glinted gold in the florescent lighting.

The boy sat up and while rubbing the back of his head, he looked up at the stage, "Huh…? Oh… Oh, hey, you guys! Marik, Malik!" He jumped up, momentarily forgetting his pain and anguish and stumbled to pick up the other millennium items as he went hoping over the dead bodies to get to the stage. When he arrived, Ryou helped him up and he wiped some sweat from his cheek.

"I-I almost died down there! What buffoon scarred all those people like that?"

"The buffoon standing next to me." Marik said, looking blatantly at Bakura.

"Enough with the sarcasm!"

"That wasn't sarcasm!"

Mokuba shook his head, "Alright, whatever… Um… I don't see my brother in here… Or Tristan, Joey or Otogi. I, heh, think they left with the others. C-Can I stay with you guys…?"

Bakura shrugged, "Why? We're going to die, too."

"BAKURA!"

"What?"

Malik chose to ignore the albino idiot and, upon noticing what Mokuba carried in his arms, he squealed and snatched the other millennium rod, "Ah! My rod, finally! Mokuba, what were you doing with it?"

"Oh, I found all the millennium items outside on the lawn! I thought that was weird and so I picked them up. Oh, Ryou, Bakura, here are your rings." When he'd given them back their items, he turned asked, "So, what are you going to do about the Shadow monsters?"

"Why does it have to be us?"

"Because!"

"… Well, maybe this hasn't dawned on anyone yet, but I'm not the one who let those monsters loose, Yami and Yugi did!" Marik pointed accusingly to the two who were knocked out on the floor, "So ask them to do something about it!"

Ryou looked at Marik, then at Mokuba and sighed, walking over and kneeling beside the two on the floor, "Um… Yami? Yugi? A-Are you two okay…?"

Marik groaned, "You've gotta be more forceful than that, Ryou. Look," He shooed the little Brit out of the way and then viciously kicked the boys in the face.

Ryou and Malik gasped, "That won't help!"

"Well, how else am I supposed to wake them?"

"You hit 'em pretty hard, Marik. Maybe they _can't_ wake up?" Bakura eyed his friend who blinked in return.

"… Oh. Never thought of that."

"So, what do we do? Since those people ran away and the Shadows are in the building, they're probably dying as we speak." Mokuba made a gesture towards the entrance and they all stopped for a second, hearing a few screams and snarls in the distance, down the hallway. "Oh, I hope Seto's okay!"

"Well, if we're going to do anything to help them out, it's gotta be now, so what the hell are we waiting for?" Marik jumped off of the stage and landed on his feet, he was then followed by his hikari and then Bakura and Ryou.

Mokuba was dragging Yami and Yugi by their shirt collars since they were unable to move themselves and when he jumped off the platform, both boys' heads hit the linoleum floor full on at the bleeding started again.

"Oops. That was an accident."

"Why are you dragging those idiots?"

"I'm not leaving them to die. Eventually those monsters will come through here and when they do, they'll just kill them!" Mokuba scrunched up his face, "And too many people have died already. … Oh, c'mon, here's a way out. We can exit through there, I think."

The teens looked at the bleeding Yami and Yugi in disgust, but followed Mokuba's instructions and went out the side door of the Great Hall; Mokuba behind them, and Pharaohs' bleeding heads were leaving a trail of crimson on that nicely polished floor.

They had come into a long hallway and at the end of it was the real door that led to the outside, but before they were even half way there, that odd noise started up again.

"Dammit, Bakura, stop it with your howling! I have a headache."

"It's not me! I haven't howled in…" He checked his watch, "About ten minutes!"

Marik stopped and so did his hikari and Ryou. They all turned to Bakura with odd looks on their faces and Malik asked, "Well… If that wasn't you, then…?"

Ryou blinked, "Wait a moment, where's Mokuba?"

"RUN!"

A distant shouted echoed through the hallway as all four teens looked behind them to see a young boy running and dragging behind him, two older boys and as he stumbled over his own two feet, Mokuba kept running until he had caught up with the boys and then passed them, a trail of dust left behind.

"…" Malik tilted his head, "Hey, Mokuba, where're you off to?"

"RUN! MONSTER-CHASE-ME-YOU-_RUN_!"

Marik shook his head, "Man, Bush is right. America's youth _is_ getting dumber! Mokuba can't even form a full sentence!"

"I think," Ryou tapped his chin, "He was trying to tell us that those monsters are close by and that we should run for our lives."

"… Really? Imagine that."

Suddenly, a glass-shattering screech reached their ears and as they turned abruptly to the left, their faces dropped and they began to do as Mokuba instructed and 'ran for their lives'. As they raced down the hall, a pack of thirty or forty Shadows monsters pursued them fast, streams of darkness and muck following their every move towards the door and the boys they were after.

As the distance between the Shadow creatures and their prey closed, Malik was the first of four to come slamming into the door at the end of the hallway and kick it open. He and his friends slid out of the half-opened entrance and shut it behind them as the monsters thumbed into it on the other side.

"Hold it or they'll get out!" Ryou cried and put his back against the door with the others helping. The force kept getting stronger and stronger as darkness oozed out of the sides of the door and the boys pushed harder against it.

"They're going to get out here, what do we do?"

"Hey, guys!" Mokuba was waving to them from around the corner of a large bush, "Guys, come over here I want to show you something, quick!"

"W-We're kinda busy right now, Mokuba!" Malik growled through clenched teeth, "What is it?"

He pointed backwards, "This is where Heidi and I found the millennium items in that circle!"

Marik shoved back against the door again, "Malik, this may be our only chance to get these things back into the Shadow Realm! If we c-can open the gate again, maybe the monsters will go _back_!"

"Are you forgetting that we don't know HOW?"

"Aw, c'mon! It's just a little Shadow magic, how difficult can it be?"

"You're kidding right!"

Marik snarled and pushed himself off the door and grabbed Malik by the wrist, whirling around he called back to Bakura and Ryou, "Try and hold the door you guys, we'll be back!"

"MARIK! You're not serious!" They shouted back at him, now having to dig their heels into the ground to keep the door from swinging wide open.

"Oh, I'm dead serious! One false more and you guys are toast! Later!" Was the last thing he said before grabbing the albinos' millennium rings and disappearing after Mokuba behind the bushes, his hikari still screaming at him to let go of his hand.

When they had apparently reached where Mokuba was trying to take them, Malik ripped his arm away from his other's grasp, "Marik! I can't believe what you just did to poor Ryou! … Oh, and Bakura too, I guess."

"Eh, Ryou's a tough old broad, he can handle it. It's Bakura I'm worried about, he just got a manicure."

"… I should really think about committing you."

Mokuba's voice brought them both back to reality and he pointed urgently to the ground where there was an imprint in the grass of each of the millennium items. "I don't know what happened, but I remember that when I picked up one of the rods, the light that was shining stopped. I still don't know what it means."

Marik shook his head, growling, "We do. Those idiots told us when we found them out here conjuring evil! They opened the damned Shadow gates using all the items!"

"EXCUSE US, BUT COULD YOU PLEASE MAKE HASTE?"

"That's Ryou! We need to hurry; they may not be able-"

Just as Malik was finishing his sentence, more Shadows come into view from all around. Not just the rather small ones like they'd been seeing but large as well, just about the size of the Palace doors and from up out of the open windows, they oozed out and came slithering down the walls.

"Perfect! You know, life just couldn't get any better!" Malik shouted in disbelief, scooting backwards and forwards all at the same time.

"We need to get open the gate!"

"We don't know _how_!" Malik reminded, "We might as well mark our own graves!"

Mokuba squeaked fearfully and ran over to the two Pharaohs on the grass, shaking and kicking them vigorously, "WAKE UP! PLEASE, WAKE UP!"

Suddenly, two screams sounded out nearby and the sound of a bang. All three boys stopped and looked to the side, seeing both Ryou and Bakura sprinting around the corner followed by hundreds of Shadow creatures, clawing and scraping after them. When the two boys reached the others, panting and gasping for breath, they turned and saw that all of the monsters crowded in at once, making a jump for the fresh pile of meat before them.

And just when everyone was watching their lives flash before their eyes, they heard low bellows and angry growls and something odd… like jingling.

They all opened one of their eyes at the same thing and almost fell over at the sight of seeing Cody right in front of them, warding off those awful ghouls from hell with a can of pennies that he shook furiously while shouting at them, "Boom-shaka-laka! Boom-shaka-laka, boom-shaka, boom-shaka, boom-shaka-laka-laka!"

"… I am so at a loss for words." Mokuba and Bakura echoed while the others just nodded astounded.

"Oh, 'ey guys!" Cody waved back with his free hand whilst he continued shaking it at the beasts with the other, "Guess I come right on time, ah yup yup? I heard yer girly screams so I tied Heidi to a rock sos she couldn't go no wheres and I came to rescue yas!"

Ryou shook his head, "Poor girl."

"Um… What the hell is that, Cody?" Bakura asked.

"Ohuh? This be me lucky pennies! Ain't nothing they can't do, but this here wont work forever so get on outta here!"

Marik threw down his and Malik's millennium rods, "We can't, we've gotta shut the Shadow gate or else we'll never be rid of these things!" He turned to the two albinos and then to Mokuba, "Put your items around the rods, you guys, make it so it's in a circle!"

They did as they were told and arranged the golden pieces so they were in a perfect ring in the grass, each item where it had once been earlier that night. Cody backed up a few steps as the monsters were getting braver and braver, not as afraid of the penny can as they once were and Cody gulped, loudly, "'Ey guys…? Ya might wanna get on with whatever you're doin!"

"We're trying, we're trying! Keep your hair on!" Bakura shouted back, "Isn't there something you're supposed to say to open the Shadow Realm? I don't know what it is though!"

Mokuba sighed, frustrated, and turned away from Yami and Yugi who were still out cold, "They're still not waking up, what should we do?"

Malik shrugged to his yami, "Should we wing it?"

"How the hell do you wing something like that?"

"I don't know; I was trying to be constructive!"

"Now isn't the time!" Ryou not-so-politely reminded them.

"WHAT THE 'ELL YOU FIVE DOIN'?" Cody screamed, abandoning his post and running towards them, eyes wide and questioning.

"We're trying to save the world from certain destruction and open the gate to the Shadow Realm, but we don't know the chant and _Marik _is being a butt-head!"

"Who're you callin' a butt-head, you butt-head?"

Cody blinked rather oddly and as the monsters came forward, scarring the boys into backing up, Cody waved and grinned, leaning over the millennium circle, "Aw, that's all? I can do that! See?"

Ryou called out, "Cody…! Be careful, they're right behind to! Look out!"

He simply spread his hands out in front of himself, palms facing down towards the items. Closing his eyes, a chant flowed from his lips, and it went a little something like this: "Boom-shaka-laka! Boom-shaka-laka, boom-shaka, boom-shaka, boom-shaka-laka-laka!"

Everyone tilted their heads to the side simultaneously and looked on, uneasily as all the items glowed, dimly and then brightly. And, just as they had not two hours ago, the items let out a blinding ray of radiance then two more and soon all were beaming and a yellowish-golden circle formed in the middle, opening up into a bottomless pit.

Suddenly, the pit expanded about a foot and then a swift wind followed, seemingly coming from inside the ring, however the teens and Cody nearby were not affected; in fact, the only ones who were affected were the Shadow beings that were surrounding the people on all sides. Not only them, but all over the world, in Australia and Canada, in the Netherlands and New York, all the monsters who had traveled far beyond a normal man's reach was sucked into the void.

The whole process lasted about five minutes as blob after blob of darkness was vacuumed into the hole and when it was through, when there were no more Shadows in the light world, the portal slowly closed, getting smaller and smaller until the light stopped glowing and the millennium items went back to their normal color.

Cody looked up at them, "Is that what you guys was wantin'?"

After a second of silence, Ryou almost collapsed to his knees, "I… just can't believe it…"

"That was really stupid." Bakura affirmed.

Marik shook his head and looked at Malik as they said in unison, "How'd you do that?"

"I went ta school and got me some learnin back in the day!" He said, proudly, "We did all these magic tricks and stuffs!"

"_Riiight_…" Marik blinked once and then shrugged, "Oh well, that takes care of our job. Good on ya, Cody."

Mokuba starred at them all strangely, and thought, 'I really need to hang out with people my own age…' Before his eyes wandered over to the left and he saw Yami and Yugi on the ground, still and lying down until Yami's head twitched to the side. Mokuba blinked and then Yami opened his eyes, Yugi's eyelids fluttering open right after his yami's.

Marik looked back and so did Ryou, Malik and Bakura as the two sat up, looking around.

"Oh, fabulous! NOW you get up!"

**Two Days Later…**

In the year 2004, the earth's population was about six billion. But after that month of suffering under Pharaoh Yami and Yugi's rule in early 2005, it decreased to two point three billion.

Not only was their way of slaughtering the people to be blamed but the Shadow monsters that they released to _kill_ everyone didn't do anyone any favors. Those things traveled the world over, making sure to kill everything in its path and when they were sucked back into the Shadows, they'd already done some pretty heavy damage.

But, luckily, when asked what they would do about this horrid dilemma, Marik simply answered, "Now we finally have a use for teenage pregnancy! The population will be back up in no time, so shut up and get me something to drink."

Charming, isn't he?

Though, despite the fact that the world's population was down, the most important thing was if it would go down again, thanks to another strange personality change from the Kings of Games. After the monsters were gone, the boys made sure they wouldn't harm them and when they seemed back to their goody-two-shoes selves, this caused even more confusion, but two days later it was all cleared up…

"So you mean to say that it was a baseball?" Ryou asked, tilting his head to the side. He, his yami, Marik and Malik were all currently in the living room of the Game Shop, sitting across from Grandpa on a couch as he held an ice bag to his head.

The old man nodded, "That's right, it must've been because the last thing that happened was that rouge baseball hitting them both and when I woke them up, they kicked me and ran down the street killing people!"

Marik asked, "Well, do you know who threw it?"

"Nope. It just came out of the sky."

After shifting in his seat, thinking for a second, Bakura turned to Grandpa, "Here's a question… Why didn't anything happen to you? You weren't captured, weren't killed… how'd you escape it all?"

"Simple!" He smiled brightly, "I hid under a rock!"

"…"

"… Yeah…" Malik coughed, "Alrighty, then."

"T-Thank you for being so understanding! And again, we're SO sorry!" Came a distant call from the front door and Yami and Yugi came back into the living room, bowing their heads sorrowfully as they walked in. They had been speaking with the last of the people who had been affected in Domino. They had let all the prisoners go immediately and they made sure each of them knew that they were not acting on their own but that they had been bonked in the head.

Most people accepted the apology, mostly because they were forgiving and some just walked off, looking foreword to starting a new life under the sea. But most of everyone in Domino went back to their old lives as mush as possible. As for the Kaiba brothers, Seto wanted to move to Las Vegas where nothing as strange as this ever happened. But Mokuba talked him into staying and his large, puppy-like eyes also managed to get Seto to let him keep Flyswatter as a pet. After all, they had been through so much…

"Was that the last of them, Yugi?" His grandfather asked as the door shut behind the boys.

"Yes, Grandpa, it was." He nodded. "I… I feel so… so awful. Knowing what I did to all those people…"

Yami swallowed, "And the funny thing is… is that I don't remember any part of it, it was all a huge blank spot! I don't know how awful I was, but…" He twiddled his thumbs, "I just hope I didn't do anything _unforgivable_…"

"UNFORGIVABLE? I'LL GIVE YA UNFORGIVABLE, YAMI!"

Suddenly, everyone in the house stopped what they were doing and turned to see the door fly open and a girl with reddish, brownish hair and an awful grimace tearing up her face. She was followed by Cody who had been tagging along behind her for the past two days.

Heidi frowned and strutted up to the ex-pharaoh, and held up her hands, "Do you see these fingers? Well, do you?"

Yami vigorously shook his head, "N-No…"

"That's because I don't have any! You ordered them all chopped off! I only have two left, and what in the world am I supposed to do with two fingers, huh? Tell me!" She probably would've shaken him, if only she had something to grasp onto him with.

Marik whispered to his companions on the couch, "She's still mad about that? That girl needs to get a life."

Yugi got in front of his yami, shouting, "We're sorry! Um, whoever you are, we're very sorry for what happened to you! If there's anything we can do you help you, we will…!"

"WHAT can you do? Huh? WHAT?"

Yami had been frowning and feeling lower than dirt since the girl walked in, but now he smiled and grasped her palms, "I've got an idea."

And before she knew it, Heidi was sitting down on the couch with Yami holding her hands and super-gluing the fingers that were left on the dungeon's floor back onto her hands. When she was all done, her hands still looked mutilated and creepy and it wasn't like she could actually move the fingers, but she thought it would have to do. But there was something wrong. The ring finger on Heidi's right hand was no where to be found.

Yami shrugged, "Well, I can't glue it back on if I don't have it."

"Wasn't it supposed to be on the ground with the others?"

"Yeah, it was! Where could it be?"

And, all at once, everyone in the room looked over to the corner by the television set at the fifty-year-old man who was grinning from ear to ear and waving a finger around tauntingly.

Heidi stood up, "CODY! Dammit, give me my finger!"

"Ha ha ha ha!" He started out the door, "Ya gotta catch me first, Heidikins! Ha ha ha!"

"_CODY_!" She growled and chased after him, once around the living room and when he ran outside she was about to go after him, but stopped in front of Yugi and snatched the two blue shell earrings out of his ear holes, "And I'm takin' my earrings, too, you midget!"

With that, she ran out of the door, letting it slam behind her.

Malik sighed, "Well, that was odd." He got up from the couch, "Um, well, we'd better be going. I… I really need a nap."

"Yeah, us too." Ryou got up, taking Bakura's hand in his, though he pouted about it, "Uh… Well, Yugi… Yami, I certainly can say it's been interesting… But I do hope our next meeting will be a tad less… life-threatening, shall we say?"

Yugi blushed, "We're really sorry about that…"

Grandpa got to his feet and opened the front door for the boys as they began to walk away. "Well, boys I sure hoped you learned something from this mess! Every story has a moral, you know."

"Yeah," Marik nodded to himself and the others while walking out, "The nicer they are, the meaner they get when hit with a piece of sports equipment."

"I don't think that's what he meant, Marik." His hikari muttered.

"HEY, SERENITY, GO LONG!"

They turned around, suddenly, out to the front lawn only to see Joey throwing a football out to his sister, who failed to catch it and the ball went sailing until it met Ryou's forehead and the poor Brit fell to the ground.

Bakura's eyes went wide as he, Malik and Yugi helped him up, "Ryou? Are you okay?"

He lifted Ryou's chin with his fist and looked into the boy's cloudy eyes as he blinked, straining to see. Yugi tilted his head when Ryou said nothing and his usually happy expression was ripped in half by a wicked smirk. He threw his head back and laughed viciously, "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"…"

They all looked at each other.

And ran.

**THE END…**

* * *

Her Sweetness: Well, well. Seems I've finished. I'm so happy too. I'm free now! Well, I won't ramble; let's get to what you've been waiting for, okay? Yes! The _First Annual Reviewer Awards_! Let's get down to business, shall we?

First category. The Passion Award. This award is for the person/reviewer who has given the most emotion in his or her review. And the winner is… The Long Name Ending In Cookie! Yes, huzzah! –hands her a trophy shaped like me-

Second category. The Humor Award. This award goes to the reviewer who made me laugh the most during his or her review. And the winner is… Riku's Gurl! Congrats! –hands her a trophy shaped like me-

Third category! The Kawaii Award. This one goes to the reviewer who was so sweet and cute in their reviews I just couldn't help but go 'Aw!'. And the winner is… Princess Mika of the Shadows! Hurray! –hands her a trophy shaped like me-

Fourth category. The Praise Award. This one goes to the reviewer who continually showered me with praise throughout the entire fic and made me blush! The winner is… Ryua Malfoy! You did it! –hands trophy shaped like me-

And the FINAL category is the Inspiration Award. This particular award comes with a prize and it's for the person who I got inspiration from while she reviewed! Thank you to… Computerfreak101! Wee! –hands trophy shaped like me-

And that about it! But, to the reviewers who DIDN'T win, I'd just like to tell you THANKYOU for reviewing because without you, I wouldn't reach my goal and I wouldn't keep writing. And here's a prize for all of you to share! –holds up trophy shaped like me- And it isn't REAL gold. It's foil! You peal it off and there's chocolate! Don't fight!

Heh. And as for Compfreak, your prize is one one-shot. You tell me what to do and I'll do it! (Tell me in your review or an e-mail.) And, last, a huge shout out to **_HEIDI_** for being such a good sport! Yay!

Heh. Goodbye and Goodluck everyone.


End file.
